


Waiting

by SeaNymph



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, this is my first time posting on ao3 idk how this works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-25 17:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 89,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12041043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeaNymph/pseuds/SeaNymph
Summary: JR and Minhyun have been friends for eight years, and lovers for three. They had been absolutely inseparable… until the end of Produce 101 Season 2. As JR continued his activities as a part of NU’EST, Minhyun had to walk a different path as part of Wanna One. As the two began to grow apart because of busy schedules and lack of communication, new passions began to stir, and their once-unbreakable bond began to falter.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This will involve both NU'EST and Wanna One members. Lots of drama. Lots of romance. Nothing explicit, but maybe some mature themes. idk, we'll see! :)  
> idk how often I will update this, but hopefully at least once a fortnight!  
> Thanks for the support, I hope you enjoy~
> 
> to follow my progress with this fic and and for excuses about why updates take so long, follow my fanfic twitter account @NuNeenFic :)

"Fourteenth place. Pledis trainee, Kim Jonghyun," Boa announced. Her words were tinged with regret that she was not allowed to disclose as a supposedly impartial announcer. 

 The announcement sent a wave of dismay among the audience. In that moment, the entire nation was in shock. The fans were crying; the trainers eyed one another with gaping mouths; the audience collectively let out a sound of shock, regret and sadness. 

 But of all the people which the shocking announcement had upset, no one was sadder than Hwang Minhyun. Sitting in his ninth-place chair, Minhyun felt like his heart was about to burst. 

 This can't be real. No, it's not real. Something is wrong. They're reading the wrong list. Maybe they just did it for dramatic effect? Maybe they're gonna pull a Steve Harvey?? Minhyun's denial kept him calm and collected, kept the tears which were beginning to collect in his tear ducts from falling. 

 But 11th place was called, another trainee walked down the stage to

take his rightful place. At this point, Minhyun could no longer hold it in. 

 "Don't cry," Yoon Jisung, who was sitting beside him, said. 

 Minhyun didn't want to cry. He was usually good at hiding his discontent behind a smile and a dorky laugh, but this time the discontent was so overwhelming that he couldn't hold it in. On national television, hundreds of cameras capturing his every move, Minhyun cried. 

 He tried to stop. He could already imagine the hate comments he would receive because of his tears. He was supposed to be happy for the other ten members who made it; crying made him seem ungrateful and greedy, and NU'EST didn't need the bad publicity. Not now. 

 It felt cruel and unusual to be in that position. All of South Korea was watching and judging him in his most vulnerable moment, taking his pain as some kind of entertainment. He wished the cameras would stop rolling. He wished for just five minutes of privacy to clear his thoughts and get himself together so that he could smile for the cameras and pretend to be happy with the outcome. 

 But no. He was forced to remain onstage until the end. After the victorious trainees descended from the platform of chairs, Minhyun confined himself to a corner behind the podium, where the cameras would less likely find him. He had to turn his back to the audience and look at the ceiling and hope he would stop crying soon. 

 The eliminated trainees came onto the stage to congratulate the winners, which Minhyun dreaded. He had to hug and talk to people, and they will all see him crying and feel sorry for him. 

 Many came to him. Hugged him. Congratulated him. When they noticed that he was crying, they didn't know how to act and just awkwardly whittled away. 

 But it was then that the person Minhyun dreaded seeing most presented himself. Seeing him made Minhyun's lips tremble

and heart hurt immensely. Through the crowd of people forming around him, Minhyun reached his trembling hand to the person in question and pulled him closer to his chest and hugged him. 

 The amount of times that JR had seen Minhyun cry could probably be counted on his fingers. Minhyun was not a crier; he was optimistic and found the bright side in the worst of scenarios. Like that one time when they saw that Love Paint had charted at number 474 on the first day: JR and Ren cried, Baekho and Aron drowned their sorrows in beer, but Minhyun bought pizza with 474 written on it with peperoni and told them it's a good thing they didn't get number one, because that would mean less peperoni on the pizza. It was a lame joke that made them laugh even in the midst of that difficult day. 

 But it seemed like Minhyun had no bright side to see in all this. He had no peperoni pizza to share with his members to lift up the mood. He was crying in a way that JR had never seen from him. 

 JR also wanted to cry when he saw Minhyun like this, but he was able to hold it inside through the entire night. He congratulated all the winners with bright encouragement and happiness, well aware of the cameras capturing his every move. There was a lot of pain in his chest, but he had the strength to keep it subdued for hours. 

 He left Minhyun alone, knowing that Minhyun preferred to be alone when he cried. Baekho and Ren also followed suit, leaving Minhyun in that corner. 

 JR would keep glancing in Minhyun's direction to see if he was alright. He wasn't alone; little Seonho was clinging onto him as usual, and Minhyun let him, as usual. JR knew that Minhyun had asked Seonho to leave him alone, and he also knew that Seonho did not listen. That little chick never does. 

 JR was glad Minhyun had someone to keep him company, even if Minhyun thought he didn't want it. JR knew more than anyone that Hwang Minhyun was a person who drowned when he was alone. 

 - 

 Hours later, Minhyun was still crying. The trainees had dispersed, and the company vice president had invited NU'EST and their staff to a night of barbecue and soju. 

 Minhyun wouldn't even talk to his members or the staff. When they were at the restaurant, Minhyun took a seat on a separate table and cried on his own. Eventually, their manager forced him to sit with the group. When Minhyun lifted his head to look at JR, he apologized. 

 He apologized to his members and the staff. He apologized that only he succeeded. He apologized that he would temporarily have to abandon NU'EST. He apologized for crying on public television therefore probably showing a bad image of himself. Most of all, he apologized for what this meant for NU'EST. 

 They had all thought that if two of them had made it, it would give NU'EST enough exposure to keep the group relevant for longer. One is not enough though, Minhyun thought. The case of Chayeon and DIA illustrated that. DIA is not making it in the industry, at least not making it in a way that would pay off all the debt that NU'EST had culminated for the company. For NU'EST to stay alive, they needed to be doing a lot better than DIA was doing. 

 NU'EST had thought that the prospect of disbandment was out of the picture, as they had thought it was clear that at least two of them would make the top 11. But now that only one of them made it, that prospect loomed over them like an unwelcome ghost. 

 Would NU'EST ever be able to repay the debt now? 

 They five members kept ordering drinks. Even Minhyun, who hated drinking, needed something to help him alleviate the distress he was feeling. 

 Suddenly, a few minutes after 3 AM, phones started to ring with messages from others. It was the stylist who checked her phone first. 

 "YOUR BOYS DID IT!!!!!" was the message from her friend. The stylist couldn't believe her eyes when she saw the attached pictures. It was NU'EST. On MelOn. Charting. For the first time in over four years, NU'EST had entered the digital charts. 

 No. No. It can't be, she thought. This friend was known to be a prankster. It can't be true. She quickly opened the MelOn app herself to check the charts. She cried. 

 Fellow employees around her asked her what was wrong. She quickly handed the phone to them to show them. 

 It was like, suddenly, their world was bright again. Minhyun's tears of pain were now tears of joy. JR, who had been holding in so much inside of him for the sake of Minhyun, finally burst and cried too. Ren kept refreshing the page, tears falling from his face in streams. Aron smiled and Baekho trembled; it was all so unreal. 

 The five members put their arms around one another. They did it. They finally charted. The next hour was even more cause for joy, for more of their songs entered the charts. and they rose. They kept rising that entire night. 

 And they rose to first place on Genie, third on MelOn. It was like a dream. 

 And it was crazy. Finally, there was concrete proof that they were being recognized. 

 Finally. 

 - 

 It was morning when the five members were back in the dorm after an emotional night of both pain and joy. 

 Minhyun had asked the JR sleep beside him that night. Clean-freak Minhyun rarely let him do so for fear of his once-a-week cleaned and ironed bedsheets getting soiled. Minhyun only let him sleep in his room if he was going to do laundry the next day. But this time, the bedsheets were new. 

 It was probably because he wasn't going to be sleeping on this bed for a long time, JR reasoned in his head. That reasoning made him sad. It suddenly hit him once again that Minhyun was not going to be around for much longer, and there was a painful feeling in his heart. 

 When Minhyun closed the door to the bedroom, JR quickly cleared his now choked-up throat. "Congratulations, Minhyunnie," JR said for the hundredth time with a wide smile. "You made it." 

 Minhyun hated when JR did that. Why was he acting like getting into Wanna One was the greatest possible achievement, when it was the same night in which NU'EST had charted for the first time in so long? 

 "I've been working to get into Wanna One for three months, but I've been working to make NU'EST succeed for over eight years. Why are you congratulating me about Wanna One when NU'EST charting is actually my biggest achievement tonight?" Minhyun asked, flustering JR greatly. Minhyun always had a way with words... 

 JR nodded his head in humble acceptance. 

 "So congratulations to you for leading us to this success," Minhyun told him before taking his arm and pulling him closer to his chest. 

 They wrapped their arms around one another in a long, intimate embrace. This was different than the hug they shared in front of all the cameras though. The one in front of the cameras was a regulated, held-back hug of camaraderie that they shared as friends. This was one of passion that they shared as lovers. 

 JR and Minhyun had been dating for three years now. It took many years of being together to realize that there was a special spark between the two of them, and when it was all out on the table, they embraced their romantic relationship with caution and hesitation. 

 But alas, three years had passed in which they were happy together. They understood one another so well that miscommunication was rare, and their fights never amounted to anything more than a grumble. They were a couple that fit together like perfectly aligned puzzle pieces. It came to the point that neither could ever even imagine being without the other. It was such that when the prospect of disbandment had been on their minds, they both knew that they would still be living together. 

 “I love you, Hwang Minhyun,” JR said to Minhyun as they pulled away from the embrace. Those were words that JR did not often say because of shyness, but in that moment the feeling was too overbearing to silence. 

 Minhyun smiled. “I love you too, Jonghyunnie,” he replied. 


	2. Two

Everyone loved Ong Seongwoo. He was one of those people who no one could ever hold grudges against. He was impassioned and persistent about his dreams, but even though everyone recognized that competitive spark in his eyes, no one could ever hate him. He was too funny to hate.

He was like the clown of Produce 101 Season 2. All the boys loved having him around, loved hanging out with him; he just made everybody laugh with his mere presence.

Ong was mature yet hilarious, and Minhyun immediately took a liking to him from the moment they first talked after filming episode one. Especially among the masses of young boys who were competitors on this show, Minhyun found it nice to have someone around the same age, who was obviously smart but fun at the same time.

It was for this reason that Minhyun chose him for his so-called “Justice League” group in the second episode. Minhyun simply liked the guy and wanted to get closer to him; plus, it was dead obvious that he had both skills and wit. He was a unique character, and Minhyun caught on to that immediately.

As for the other members of his team, Minhyun chose Jaehwan and Daniel because of their skills. Hyunbin was just a friend that seemed to expect Minhyun to choose him. As for Jonghyun… well, Minhyun simply couldn’t imagine doing _anything_ without him.

Of course, Minhyun also wanted Minki and Dongho to be in his group too, but he made all necessary calculations ahead of time: if NU’EST members huddled together all the time, the other contestants would not be able grow close to them and they would not be liked and Minhyun knew very well that if was going to succeed on this show, he _had to be liked_. And to be liked, he had to reach out to others, appear friendly and build strong relations. He had to branch out of the comfort zone of his NU’EST members and truly stand out as an individual.

He was not the only one who made such calculations. Ong, too, took the same line of reasoning. He was funny not for the sake of being funny, but for the sake of being appealing. He was a clown not because it was in his nature, but because he knew the clown would be a national favorite. He knew what to say to get his screentime, to make people like him, to lull the trainees into the false impression that he did not see them as competition.

But Ong came in seeing _everyone_ as competition. Everyone there was a threat to his success, and so his goal had always been to defeat every single one of them. When he first heard that NU’EST would participate on Produce 101, he was actually _very angry_. It was unfair, he thought; they had an unfair advantage. He cursed at them a lot in his head and tried to think up strategies to subtly sabotage them. And when they were assessed and given low grades in the first episode, he was actually very happy. _Serves them right,_ he thought.

If the national producers knew about the thoughts that were in his head, he would have probably been the most hated trainee on the program…

He came in with the intention to _win_. He had the greed for first place, and that greed made him averse to making friends with his competition. Friendship is weakness. If he came to like the trainees on this show, it would make him less determined to prevail over them.

But at the same time, he had to be liked– so all he had to do was pretend. Pretend to be friendly. Pretend to be funny. Pretend to love them all and befriend them all. He planned to pretend to befriend the popular ones especially, because the popular ones would get him more screentime.

NU’EST was probably the most popular. Them and that long-haired rapper, Moon-book or whatever.

It’s for that reason that Ong had made sure to talk to NU’EST, pretend to be all friendly, telling them how much he loved their music, and that Minhyun guy had fallen for it.

It turned out that this was the best move Ong had made that day, because being friendly with NU’EST put him on Minhyun’s good side, and led Minhyun to choose him for the legendary Justice League.

As the time with his Justice League members passed, however, Ong realized that he was starting to become _weak_ ; he realized that he actually _liked_ his Sorry Sorry Team 2 members.

At first it was hard for him to accept, and he tried to talk himself out of it. _Stop it, Seongwoo,_ Ong told himself _, these are all competition. They’re enemies. STOP LIKING THEM._

But he couldn’t help it. Daniel was like a puppy. Jaehwan was hilarious. Hyunbin was lazy but impossible to hate. Jonghyun was like the nicest person on the planet. And Minhyun… well… Minhyun was something else to Ong altogether.

After growing close during their time in Sorry Sorry Team 2, Minhyun and Ong grew close. It just happened that Ong stopped viewing him as competition and started viewing him as a friend. But it didn’t end there; Ong Seongwoo eventually realized that he had a _massive crush_ on Hwang Minhyun.

From resenting him and wanting to sabotage him, to feeling soft and enamored whenever he saw him, Ong Seongwoo’s feelings for Hwang Minhyun had transformed completely.

Suddenly, Ong’s goal on the show changed from getting first place, to getting into the top 11 _with Minhyun_.

Ong hated it. He hated that his crush on Minhyun was dulling his determination, and he also hated how smitten it was making him. It was like suddenly, the whole world revolved around that tall, elegant, princely NU’EST guy with the dorky laugh.

Ong couldn’t help but feel jealous of Minhyun closeness with Jonghyun and the rest of his members. He could tell that the four of them shared a special bond that Ong would probably never have with him, and it frustrated him a lot.

Minhyun was just so… _perfect_. In every way. He was smart, and he was kind, and he was talented… not to mention god-damn attractive.

It came to the point where Ong didn’t even vote for himself. He was safe, he thought. But Minhyun wasn’t. And so Ong voted for Minhyun in the last week of Produce 101. He asked his family and friends to vote for Minhyun too. He just _really_ wanted to debut with Minhyun.

And he was happier the moment he heard “Pledis Hwang Minhyun” being called up onto the final 11 stage than he was when he heard his own name…

Ong Seongwoo got to debut with Hwang Minhyun, and he couldn’t be happier.


	3. Three

The day Minhyun left the dorm was one of heartache and tears. He thought that he had expended all his tears the previous night, but they came pouring out of him again like unwelcome downpour on a sunny day.

And it had indeed been a sunny day, literally in terms of the weather, and also figuratively in terms of the happiness of his members seeing their songs still rank so high on the charts.

Minhyun had tried _really_ hard to keep himself together and not cry; he didn’t want to put a damper on the happy atmosphere. He also knew that JR would be more heartbroken than he already was if Minhyun cried again, and he didn’t want to do that to that to his already-upset lover. He felt like he needed to stay strong and leave with a happy smile and high hopes, but he couldn’t hold back the overflow of emotion when he realized that the four of them would have to carry on the legacy of NU’EST without him. It was a legacy that he’d dedicated many years of his life towards, and he hated the fact he would have to be away from it for so long.

He was alone in his room packing when the tears began to flow. JR had been helping him, but left for a few minutes to find Minhyun’s favorite shirt in Aron’s room. He had left Minhun alone to his own thoughts, and the result of that was the tears that Minhyun now desperately wanted to hide from the rest of his members.

He closed the door and locked it, trying to get himself together before JR came back. He tried to think happy thoughts. He checked the charts again and saw their songs still holding their ground, but even that somehow made him sadder. Just when NU’EST was having their reversal, Minhyun had to leave them. He was not going to be part of the rise of NU’EST, and it perturbed him greatly.

He could not stop crying when JR came back. When JR turned the knob and found it locked, he felt concerned; Minhyun rarely locked the door.

“Minhyun?” JR called out softly as he knocked.

Minhyun cleared his throat, trying to hide the sniffle in his voice as he said: “I’m okay. Just changing.” Minhyun thought he succeeded in hiding the evidence of his crying in his voice, but nothing could get past JR.

“You’re crying,” JR stated.

Minhyun let out a small sigh, feeling guilty for worrying him.

“Open the door, Minhyun,” JR probed.

Minhyun knew that not opening the door would just worry JR more, and so he opened the door and let JR see the aftermath of his emotional outburst.

“Oh Minhyun,” JR said as he stepped forward and wiped Minhyun’s face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Please, there’s nothing to cry about…”

“What do you mean there’s nothing to cry about? There’s so much to cry about…”

JR took Minhyun’s arm and sat him down on the bed and quickly planned out how he was going to try and get Minhyun to see the bright side of all of this.

“Look Minhyun, you’re going to be a star. You’re going to join a group with unprecedented popularity. Millions of people are going to hear your voice and recognize you. You’re going to earn a lot of money a name for yourself that will secure your future as a singer for the rest of your life…”

“…but what’s the point if it’s not with you guys,” he mumbled as the tears kept pouring.

“Please don’t think like that. You won’t be alone; you have ten other great guys with you, and I’m sure you’ll grow just as close to them as you are to us. And at the end of the day, you’ll come back to us, and we’ll have your popularity to ride off of,” he joked.

Minhyun couldn’t find it in himself to laugh, especially since Ren, Aron and Baekho had heard Minhyun’s soft sobs and trickled in with concerned looks on their faces. Seeing them just hurt him even more.

“But NU’EST,” he muffled through his raspy, crying voice. “I want to be with you guys in this time. I want to have a comeback as NU’EST with you. I want to experience NU’EST’s first win with you. I want to be with you guys when NU’EST rises, and I just can’t imagine the four of you carrying on NU’EST without me.”

JR had not considered that side of things. On the spot, he tried to think of something to say to ease the broken Minhyun, and so he made a promise: “okay. We won’t carry on NU’EST without you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Minhyun muttered as he wiped his eyes. “What are you going to do for one and a half years?”

“Wait for you,” JR answered.

“Stop making silly promises.”

“It’s a good idea actually,” Ren agreed. “We won’t promote as NU’EST. We’ll promote as solo artists or sub-units, and NU’EST can be on hiatus until 2019...”

“I can’t have that over my head. You four have to ride on the hype _now_ ; waiting isn’t going to do any good.”

“Then we’ll form a subunit. NU’EST Waiting. How does that sound?”

“No, it should be one letter,” Aron interjected. “NU’EST W.”

“But that’s more syllables than NU’EST Waiting,” Baekho noted flippantly, chuckling softly.

That made Minhyun smile, even as the tears still poured.

“You smiled!” JR noted, also smiling. “NU’EST W it is then!”

“You guys are idiots,” he told them, that soft smile still shining through. They were idiots, but he loved them. He truly, seriously, sincerely loved them.

He stopped crying eventually. The pep talk by Jonghyun helped. The whole NU’EST W thing helped, even though Minhyun knew that it wasn’t actually going to be implemented in the end. But just the fact his member thought of it made Minhyun happy.

-

Minhyun managed to keep himself together through the goodbyes. No more tears, just tight hugs that lasted a very long time.

“Why are you saying goodbye as if you won’t see us for years?” Baekho asked laughing as Minhyun refused to let go of him.

It was true. Minhyun was saying goodbye as if he won’t see them again for years, which is far from true. The Wanna One dorm will only be about a 20-minute bus-ride away, and they’re sure to have free time in which they’ll see each other again. Still, for Minhyun, it felt like he wasn’t really saying goodbye to them, rather to his membership to this team. That really would be lost for 1.5 years…

After Aron, Baekho and Ren were finally released from his arms, he turned to his lover.

Seeing him just made his nose tinge with that itchy feeling telling him he wanted to cry, but he gulped it in.

They hadn’t talked about it, but it was on both of their minds as they locked eyes in the moment they were about to say goodbye. What was going to happen to their relationship now that they won’t be together 24/7 like before? Will they grow apart? When Minhyun comes back in 2019, will it still be the same?

Minhyun wrapped his arms around JR, his right hand on the back of his head pulling him closer. He inhaled the scent of JR’s hair and tried to snapshot the moment in his head. He was going to miss this. He was going to miss being in JR’s arms and having his small body against his chest. He was going to miss all of the wise advice, all of the encouragement and comfort, even the late-night rambles about the new anime JR was watching. He was going to miss being led by JR, being guided and counselled by JR. He was going to miss JR’s voice, JR’s scent, JR’s smile, and JR’s twinkly eyes.

“We’ll allow you to kiss in front of us just this once,” Baekho said. “But no tongues.”

JR’s cheeks turned a bright shade of pink, and Minhyun let out a hearty but embarrassed laugh.

Minhyun and JR had never been a kissy couple. Their displays of affection mostly amounted to hugs and cuddles, and they only kissed because it was what couples are _supposed_ to do, not because they got any significant satisfaction from it. It’s not that it was uncomfortable to kiss, but somehow, it felt so much more intimate simply embracing one another.

And most of the time they spent together, they were also with staff and the other members, and kissing was just too awkward for everyone. Actually, when Minhyun and JR first came clean about their relationship to the members, they immediately came up with a rule saying that Minhyun and JR were _not_ allowed to kiss when they were around.

Minhyun and JR followed that rule, and since they were in front of their members most of the time, it naturally meant they got used to not kissing very often. Even when they were alone, kissing simply did not feel right.

But now, Baekho giving them permission to kiss pressured them to do so. It made sense as well; they were lovers that were moving away from one another for an extended period of time; it’s only right that they seal it with a kiss. It was what lovers are expected to do…

And so Minhyun closed the distance between them and softly brushed his lips against JR’s, JR leaning into the kiss and closing his eyes. When they pulled away, and held eye contact, they immediately hugged again and did not pull away until the manager who was dropping Minhyun off rushed them, saying that they were late.

JR held Minhyun’s hand until when they broke apart from their embrace. Minhyun said goodbye to everyone one last time, squeezing JR’s hand before pulling it away and walking out the door.

Seconds after the front door closed, Minhyun lost it and began to cry again.

-

When he arrived at YMC’s building, he was still crying although he tried very hard to stop. He arrived about 20 minutes later than he was supposed to, and the rest of his Wanna One members were already there waiting for him in order to get the contract-signing underway.

The new manager from YMC, named Jo Jungwoo, was pretty angry that Hwang Minhyun was so late. He had been planning to go off at him to set an example to the rest of the kids about punctuality and how important it was to be on time in such a fast-paced industry. But when he saw that Minhyun was in tears, Jungwoo decided to let him off just this once.

The rest of the Wanna One members also greeted him with sympathetic smiles and reassuring pats on the back. None of them actually understood why Minhyun was so upset, because the rest of them were happier than they had ever been their entire lives. They were going to sign a contract that will launch them into the world of fame and fortune. They were going to be loved by millions of people around the world, and they will make massive amounts of money. Why would anyone come to this crying like Minhyun was? They really didn’t understand.

As the rest of the Wanna One members skipped giddily through the YMC halls with happy smiles plastered across their faces, Minhyun lagged behind, trying to reuse his already moist tissue to wipe his leaking eyes and dripping nose.

Ong Seongwoo slowed down to walk alongside Minhyun. From his pocket, he took out a clean, dry tissue and handed it to Minhyun. The taller took it, bowing his head in gratitude.

Seongwoo actually had at least four more tissues stuffed into his pockets. He had made the calculations before Minhyun arrived: Minhyun was actually a very dutiful person. If he was late, then there must have been some difficult circumstance keeping him from abiding by his characteristic penchant for punctuality. He remembered the previous night when Minhyun cried his eyes out because none of his members made it in with him.

Ong guessed that Minhyun was late because he was finding it difficult to part with them, and that he would come to sign the contract in low spirits and tearful eyes. Thus, Ong prepared for that possibility by stuffing tissues in his pockets.

Before last night, Ong’s goal had been to get into Wanna One with Minhyun. He achieved that goal. Now, he needed a new goal to strive for, and to use all his shrewd insight to achieve. That new goal had nothing to do with success or prevailing over the rest of his Wanna One members; that new goal was to grow as close as he possibly could to Hwang Minhyun.

Stuffing tissues in his pockets was only the beginning.


	4. Four

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, Minhyun thought in the first night he spent with his members. Jisung had everyone sit around in a circle that night, and for a long time, the eleven members just talked.

Jisung was a good leader. He seemed to just naturally fill the position that JR left, taking care of all his members like any good older brother should. He was simply a sweet person that members naturally relied on.

He was nothing like JR of course, Minhyun thought. There was no one in the world like JR.

Although Minhyun knew he could depend on and trust Jisung as a leader, Minhyun couldn’t help but feel bitterness in his heart at how Jisung seemed to naturally fill the position left empty by JR. For Minhyun, that position was forbidden territory, and no one was allowed to take it now. It was JR’s place and no one else’s.

But Minhyun was being unreasonable and he knew it. He tried to stop being bitter; Jisung didn’t deserve it. But every time Jisung makes a decision as a leader, there was always this small, petty voice in Minhyun’s head saying that JR would have done it so much better.

But even he couldn’t deny that Jisung did well. Gathering the members that night, Jisung accurately told them that they would be spending a lot of time together, and they needed to bond together as a team and trust one another if they’re going to enjoy the next one and a half years.

He told everyone to talk about their fears, and so Jihoon talked about how nervous he was about the high expectations for Wanna One; Guanlin expressed his concern over not being able to communicate well in Korean; Sungwoon talked about his height, which he was so self-conscious about, making everyone laugh, even Minhyun who had been silently sitting and listening the entire time.

Eventually, Minhyun eased into the conversation and began sharing his concerns.

“Please don’t misunderstand,” he told them. “I know crying was very inappropriate, but it’s not that I’m unhappy to debut with you all. I just… miss them,” he told his new members with a shrug.

And they were so supportive. “Don’t worry about it,” they told him. “It’s okay to cry.” “We’re here for you.” “If you want to cry, then don’t hold back. We won’t judge.”

If Minhyun _had_ to debut with another group of guys that were not his NU’EST members, he was _very_ glad that it was this group. There was not a single member that Minhyun disliked here, not a single member that he didn’t like being with. It was a group filled with positive energy and determination.

Maybe being with them for so long would not be so bad after all. Maybe he’ll like it. Maybe he’ll grow just as close to them as he was to NU’EST.

The conversation naturally led to another topic of discussion, leading Jisung to ask if there was anyone in a relationship.

Jinyoung was the first to confess, telling them about a trainee girl in his company that he was “in love with.” From the way that he spoke about her, Minhyun could tell that he was serious.

Jaehwan also admitted with embarrassment that he was in a relationship, but not a very serious one. It was a girl he met shortly before Produce 101 who had nice breasts and a butt. She was kind of a one-night-stand that turned into a relationship. But now that Jaehwan had made it into the nation’s boy group, she seemed to want something a lot more serious than Jaehwan initially planned for.

Sungwoon then raised his hand and talked about the girl from his hometown that he had been dating for four years now. He was also very serious about her.

“Anyone else?” Jisung asked, looking around the rest of the members.

Minhyun didn’t raise his hand. Didn’t even consider it. As much as he liked his members and trusted them, he couldn’t tell them about his relationship with Jonghyun. And he didn’t plan to.

-

Unfortunately, Minhyun didn’t have his phone with him anymore. Their new manager had taken away all their phones, and they were only allowed to have it back every once in a while, with the manager’s permission.

It seemed like YMC wanted to regulate their lives, Minhyun began to realize. It was not like that under Pledis. Frustrating as Pledis was, at least they were not so imposing on their artist’s personal lives. YMC seemed very keen on making sure that, if the members had any relationships, that those relationships are kept on the extreme down-low; as Im Youngmin’s case so clearly showed: having a girlfriend diminishes a male idol’s market value by a _long_ way.

Sungwoon and Jinyoung complained of course. Their phones were their only connection they had to their girlfriends, especially since they obviously won’t be seeing her very often. Minhyun felt sorry for them until he realized that he was in the exact same boat.

He had a lover too.

-

When Baekho’s scandal erupted just a few days after the finale, Minhyun didn’t have his phone, and so he didn’t know what his friend was going through.

That day, Wanna One was very busy with schedules, filming commercials and doing photoshoots, and so Minhyun couldn’t find out about the scandal until about a whole 24 hours later from Daehwi, who heard about it from his mom.

“Minhyun-hyung,” Daehwi had called out to him. “It’s not true, right?”

“What’s not true?”

“The scandal…”

“What scandal?”

“Dongho-hyung’s…”

Minhyun narrowed his eyes and asked Daehwi to explain, and so Daehwi told him what he knew. Immediately after finding out about it, Minhyun went to the manager and asked for his phone.

“Why?” the manager, Jo Jungwoo, asked. He had a frown on his face and an unkind look in his eye. Minhyun could tell that the Jungwoo was not keen on giving him back his phone.

“I have to talk to someone,” Minhyun replied politely.

“I’m sorry, but no. You can’t talk to your NU’EST members,” Jungwoo told him. “They are associated with a very serious scandal, and we cannot have you stay in contact with him.”

Minhyun liked his Wanna One members, but he really, really didn’t like his manager. He wasn’t the type to complain, and so he didn’t. He accepted the verdict with a polite nod, and asked, at least, to be able to speak with his mother, for which the manager granted him permission.

He called Baekho’s mother instead. He had her number because Baekho often forgot to charge his phone and used Minhyun’s phone to talk to her. Also, Minhyun called Baekho’s mom “mom” as well, and so he knew he could trick the manager, who was standing over his head, into thinking that he was actually talking to his own mother.

She picked up and Minhyun greeted her, calling her “mom.”

“Minhyunnie,” Baekho’s mother said softly. She sounded sad and stressed out. “How are you, my dear?”

“I’m not important right now. How are you? How is Baekho? What happened?”

“We are not well at all… his dad is sick and this scandal broke loose and our family is in so much stress. Please Minhyunnie, please check on Dongho for me. I want to go to him, but I can’t leave his father. Our Dongho is so far away right now and going through such a difficult time, and my heart is breaking. You always knew how to take care of him when he’s stressed, Minhyunnie. So please, look after him and make sure he’s eating well.” Minhyun could tell that she was crying, and he felt his heart break. He wanted to ask for information about the scandal, but he didn’t want to stress Mrs. Kang more than she already was.

“Don’t worry,” Minhyun told her trying to sound positive and reassuring. “I’ll check on him and I’ll make sure he’s happy. Please, take care of yourself and your husband; and leave Dongho to me, okay?”

“Thank you, son,” she told him with a sniffle.

“I hope Mr. Kang recovers quickly,” he told her politely.

“I hope so too, son.”

Minhyun heard the sound of a grown man gagging, and he guessed it was Baekho’s dad. Minhyun felt concerned: that was not the sound of someone with a simple fever. He couldn’t imagine the stress she would be going through right now, and suddenly felt like he was obliged to help her, at least with making sure that Baekho was okay.

“Baekho is a strong man,” Minhyun reassured her. “He never let hate comments bother him before, and I’m sure this is no different. So don’t worry about him and focus on your mental health and Mr. Kang’s physical health. Everything will be okay in the end, I promise.”

“You always know the right things to say, Minhyunnie,” Baekho’s mom said. “Thank you. Now if you would excuse me, I have to go.”

“Of course. Go ahead. I’ll call you later, okay?” Minhyun said as positively as he could manage.

“Yes my dear. Goodbye,” she said before closing the line.

As soon as Minhyun removed the phone from his ear, manager Jungwoo startled him saying: “you _lied_ to me.”

“I’m sorry?” Minhyun raised an eyebrow.

“You said you were going to talk to your mom. That wasn’t your mom.”

Minhyun groaned internally; he had forgotten that this man would be listening in on the conversation with the belief that his mom was on the other end of the line.

“She is my mom,” he tried with a polite smile.

“That’s Kang Dongho’s mother.”

“I call her mom too.”

“Stop playing games with me, kid,” Jungwoo said, snatching the phone from Minhyun’s hand. “You deliberately disobeyed me, and for that, you are not allowed to have your phone for another 24 hours.”

Minhyun wanted to complain, but he figured it was useless. He bowed politely and said, “as you wish.”

Minhyun knew he was going to _hate_ this man. And he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise to Baekho’s mother; he won’t be able to take care of Baekho.

For crying out loud, he wasn’t even allowed to speak to him.

-

Ong noticed that Minhyun was quieter than usual, and figured it had to do with Dongho. There were whispers among the Wanna One members about it, and so Ong knew the story and understood how bad it was.

“But did he actually do it?” he heard Woojin ask Daehwi with wide eyes.

“I don’t know,” Daehwi replied. “When I asked Minhyun, he didn’t give a definite answer. But the evidence is there, I mean…”

Ong heard Sungwoon, Jihoon, and Jinyoung also whisper about it as if Dongho was actually guilty of the crime. None of them said anything in front of Minhyun about it, but Minhyun was a lot smarter than they gave him credit for. Of course, Minhyun noticed that everyone was starting to have doubts about Baekho, and of course, Minhyun hated it. That’s why Minhyun wasn’t talking to anyone, Ong reasoned. Not only was he stressed about the future of his group, but he also felt upset that his Wanna One members doubted the character of one of his closest friends.

Ong didn’t know if Dongho did it or not. And to be frank, he did even care. All he cared about at this point was Minhyun and how to use this to his advantage, and so he began to strategize.

First thing’s first– he tricked the manager into giving him his phone for a bit. (“I need to talk to my doctor! I also need to keep my phone on me in case he needs to talk to me. It’s an emergency!”)

Second, he delved deep into the NU’EST fandom discourse about this entire scandal; he knew that Dongho’s fans would find ways to defend him no matter what, and boy would they be the best at it. With that, he picked out the best arguments in defense of Dongho and noted them in his head.

And that night, when Wanna One was in their dorm that night, Jisung called for a group meeting, just like Ong had predicted. He asked everyone to talk about their concerns and their fears, and everyone seemed to be looking at Minhyun and expecting him to say something.

“I have a fear,” Ong said, raising his hand and diverting attention away from Minhyun (he figured that earned him some brownie points).

“Please share,” Jisung gestured.

“I’m afraid that some bitch is going lie and accuse me of sexual assault and post it publicly on Pann so that I can get dragged in the mud,” Ong said blatantly, startling everyone, especially Minhyun.

“I didn’t know Dongho all that well to be honest,” Ong continued, “but that bitch who accused him is _such a fucking liar_.”

Everyone was so surprised to see Ong use curse words unhumorously and talk with such conviction; he had never been the serious type. And because he was talking so differently than he was before, his words suddenly carried more weight. If Ong Seongwoo, the person who didn’t let anything faze him before, is angry, then there must be good reason to be angry.

“There are inconsistencies in her story,” he began… and then started recounting his research. All of the stuff that the NU’EST fans had found out about her story, all of the inconsistencies, all of the rumors about her reputation, all of the lies she told about him from which Jeju residents defended him– he put it all out on the table for the members to consume. Needless to say, all of them came out of the group meeting with renewed trust in Baekho’s character, as well as the fear that maybe some crazy bitch with a grudge is going to do it to them.

Ong watched Minhyun’s expression carefully as he made his soliloquy. Minhyun had stars in his eyes, and it looked like he was on the verge to crying.

“Let Dongho’s story be a lesson to all of you,” Jisung concluded. “Be careful who you talk to and what you text to people and what you say on the phone. Who knows if your words will be taken out of context to ruin your career. Anyways, let’s all support him when we see him next time during the concert practice, okay? Don’t be awkward around him and make it harder for him than it already is.”

Shortly after, Jisung dismissed the meeting.

And as Ong predicted, as everyone retreated to do their own thing, Minhyun came to find him.

“Thank you _so much_ ,” Minhyun told Seongwoo. “Really, Seongwoo. Thank you.”

Seongwoo smiled and slung his arm around Minhyun’s shoulder. “No problem buddy.” He then leaned in towards Minhyun’s ears and whispered, “in the bathroom, in the cupboard behind the toilet paper, there’s my phone. Passcode is 6969. I’ll tell the manager you’re taking a long shower.” He then pulled away and pushed Minhyun playfully, “Minhyun ew, you smell like antelope pee, go take a three-hour shower,” Seongwoo said out loud.

“Seongwoo, you’re the best,” Minhyun said putting his hands together in gratitude. “I love you.” With that, he turned and eagerly went to take his “shower.”

Ong smiled. He was getting off to a great start.

-

Minhyun sat on the bathroom floor, Ong’s phone in his hand. Ong only had JR’s number, and so that’s only person Minhyun could text.

_“Jonghyun, it’s Minhyun on Seongwoo’s phone_.” Minhyun prayed JR would answer.

_“Minhyunnie?”_ came the response, and Minhyun sighed in relief.

_“Yes, it’s me. Manager banned me from my phone today. Long story. How’s baekho???”_

_“can I call you?”_

_“no, no. can’t talk. In the bathroom and if our evil manager hears me talking, idk what he’ll do.”_

_“ok. Why did it take you so long to check up though? It’s been two days…”_

_“I couldn’t check up, they took my phone. I was so worried the entire time though. What the hell is happening? He didn’t do it, right? It’s all lies, right?”_

_“i don’t want to tell you like this on another person’s phone.”_

Minhyun froze. Just how serious was this that JR didn’t even want to text about it on Seongwoo’s phone? Why couldn’t JR just say no, Baekho didn’t do it? _Did Baekho do it?_ Minhyun was suddenly worried again. Just when Seongwoo had eased his anxiety about the whole situation just a little bit, this just made him so much more uneasy.

Of course, Minhyun wished that Baekho didn’t do it, but only because that meant it would be more likely that Baekho’s name is cleared and people would continue to love him. If he did do it, the public would hate him, and that prospect frightened Minhyun immensely. For Minhyun personally, eight years of knowing Baekho isn’t going to go down the drain because of something shitty he did when he was 12.

Minhyun really just wanted people to love Baekho. Baekho, who had struggled with him for years, who was more passionate about music than anyone else that Minhyun knew, who did more for NU’EST than anyone else in the company, who sacrificed his life and his pride to save his group. Baekho _deserved to be loved,_ regardless of whether or not he actually did what the girl was accusing him of.

Minhyun was so afraid of Baekho being outcasted from the group by NU’EST fans. He was afraid of Baekho getting the image of sexual predator even though that image is so far from what Baekho is.

He wanted people to love NU’EST, _all of NU’EST_ , because it’s _all_ of NU’EST that makes NU’EST special. He wanted all of his members to get the same love and devotion from the public. If one member is excluded from that, then they wouldn’t be loving the same NU’EST that Minhyun really wanted them to love.

With trembling fingers, Minhyun replied to JR: _“fine. Don’t talk about the case. But tell me, is he ok?”_

_“honestly, no. wish you were here. He needs you. We all do.”_

Minhyun felt so guilty. He wished he could be there with them too; he really did. He wanted to be there for Baekho like he promised his mom. He wanted to help Jonghyun with the burden of carrying NU’EST’s fate. He wanted to understand what the hell was going on from Baekho himself and not from the stupid internet rumors.

He felt so excluded from NU’EST in that moment.

Somehow it felt like the scandal was his own scandal, like he was the one being accused of sexual assault. When he went online to read the comments and public’s reaction, every hate comment somehow felt like it was targeted toward him personally. It was draining.

He went back to his phone, opened the chat with JR and wrote: “ _Jonghyunnie please tell baekho I love him no matter what.”_

JR replied shortly after with: “ _ok, I will. But now I’m jealous.”_

Minhyun knew that the lighthearted comment was JR’s attempt at making Minhyun smile and feel better. It worked. _“I love you so much more, jju-ya_ _♥_ _”_

_“hehe.”_

Minhyun was still smiling when he read that. He can almost hear that shy laugh in his head, and it made him feel warm after all the mean comments he was reading online. But Minhyun knew that although JR was laughing through text, he was not actually laughing out loud.

“ _I hope you’re ok,”_ Minhyun typed, even though Minhyun was aware that JR was so far from okay. If even Minhyun felt hurt by all the mean comments that Baekho was getting, he couldn’t imagine the hurt that JR himself would be feeling. JR always shouldered the blame for anything that ever happened to NU’EST, and so this whole scandal must really be taking a toll on him.

“ _Don’t worry,”_ JR replied. “ _Everything will be okay.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to update this. TT
> 
> And yes, I’m going to try to follow real events that actually happened to nu’est in this story, so i’m trying to imagine how Minhyun would react to baekho’s scandal and stuff. P.S. baekho’s case isn’t over. We don’t know what’s true and not true. But for the sake of this fic, I’m going to make some assumptions which could very well be wrong.
> 
> Also I promise I wont take as long to updates next time.


	5. Five

_“I love you so much more, jju-ya_ _♥”_

Ong narrowed his eyes as he stared at the message sent to Jonghyun from his phone. _Wow, they were affectionate_ , thought Seongwoo. Way more affectionate through text than they had ever been in front of him.

He kept rereading that message, and he came up with a couple of possible conclusions: one, there was some inside joke happening in those text messages that he was unaware of; two, they’re just nauseatingly affectionate when they text one another; three, they’re actually in love.

A part of him wished it were the third option because Seongwoo liked the thought of Minhyun being open to relationships with the same gender. But at the same time, he was deathly afraid that it was the third option.

Jonghyun? _How could he possibly compete with the Nation’s Leader???_

Seongwoo shook the thought away. It seemed highly unlikely that they were in love. He thought back to the time he was with them in Sorry Sorry Team 2 and Never Team. He spent _a lot_ of time with the two of them, and they could not possibly be anything more than friends. There was _no_ chemistry between them, at least not that kind of chemistry.

Seongwoo had an eye for these things; he really did. He knew that if they had actually been a couple, there would have been a special spark between them. Usually lovers have to be alone sometimes, but Minhyun and Jonghyun never excluded themselves from the group to be alone. Lovers usually can’t keep their hands off of one another, but Minhyun and Jonghyun’s skinship never really amounted to anything more than what they did with everyone else.

They were just friends, he concluded after making all the necessary calculations.

But there was something else that he gleaned from the conversation between Minhyun and Jonghyun; it was that Kang Dongho was guilty. Or at least partly so. It was dead obvious from the way that Jonghyun dodged Minhyun’s question about it because it was on “someone else’s phone.”

If Kang Dongho was actually innocent, then Jonghyun would have answered Minhyun’s question (“ _he didn’t actually do it, right?_ ”) with a resounding “of course not.”

Ong did not really know what to do with that information, but he kept it in mind. Maybe it would be useful later.

-

From the moment they first decided to appear on Produce 101 and during the first few weeks of the show, JR had seen a side of Baekho that he had never seen before in the whole seven years that he had known him. Baekho had been stressed, anxious and all-out depressed, and it was so unlike him. Baekho was characteristically cheerful, and he usually didn’t care about what people thought of him, but that changed completely during Produce 101.

It was because Baekho was forced into a position where he had to throw away years of hard work and start from the very beginning. He had to degrade himself to the status of a trainee and that was hard on his pride. The fact he was in D class dragged him down even harder, and he couldn’t even concentrate on doing choreography. He was in a very vulnerable position, and it really took a toll on him.

JR remembered feeling awful after seeing Baekho struggle in the first few weeks. He had felt responsible for Baekho’s slump; it was his leadership that had put him in that position, his leadership that couldn’t unleash Baekho’s potential to the public.

JR cried a lot those first few days, especially for Baekho, because it was Baekho that was most affected by this show. It really hurt his friend in so many ways.

But thankfully, the show progressed and Baekho regained his confidence again. His smile came back. The cheers for him grew louder than ever before, and it rejuvenated him out of his slump and back to the cheerful, happy-go-lucky teddy bear that JR knew.

But now, with the scandal, Baekho was back in that slump. Baekho was stressed and anxious about the entire thing, and so very uneasy.

JR was with him when Baekho read the post that the girl had written about him. JR saw the happiness fade from Baekho’s face and the life get sucked out of him.

JR was also with him when Baekho met with the CEO to explain the truth.

“Did you do it?” the CEO asked, arms crossed and frowning.

Baekho hesitated, but eventually answered, embarrassed and ashamed: “Not how she explained it. She made it much worse than how it actually was.”

Baekho had to explain what happened– he did not go near the sensitive areas that she claimed he had touched, but he did touch her chest, meaning it as a joke. He explained that he was scolded by his parents and hers, but after he apologized, their families remained friends, and the issue was long over.

Why she had brought it up now, he did not know.

After hearing Baekho’s side of the story, the CEO concluded that her story was exaggerated and clearly meant as defamation, and so decided to deny it completely and sue her. They would win the case, because her story was obviously skewed and untrue, even if Baekho was slightly guilty.

But Baekho was unsure about the company’s decision– he was unsure that it was right to make it seem like the company was denying the accusation completely. He was also afraid for his family and how this would affect their relationship within the community. The girl that was accusing him was from a poor family, so even winning the lawsuit would drag the family through the mud and put them in so much debt, and Baekho didn’t want that. But the company didn’t care about that dimension. They only cared about Baekho’s image as an idol and their reputation as a company.

He had to remain silent. He couldn’t do or say anything to the public. Couldn’t apologize or make a statement. The company made all of the decisions for him, and Baekho silently stood behind them, uncertain and stressed for his family and hers. He was also very stressed for the future of NU’EST.

Just when they had started to gain momentum, just when their eight years of hard work was finally amounting to something– this breaks loose and ruins everything. Their songs were already falling off the charts. Their fancafe numbers were decreasing. Fansites were closing down. They were being pushed back towards nugudom after having progressed so far. And Baekho felt like it was all on his shoulders.

He drank a lot. Bumzu brought soju to their dorm and Baekho drowned his sorrows and drank right from the bottle. JR tried to comfort him, but JR was not the best at doing that.

Minhyun had always been the best at comforting him, but sadly, Minhyun was not around.

Baekho left his phone with the company in case the girl tried to call again, so he didn’t even have a phone through which he can talk to his friends and get some kind of emotional support. For now, his support system consisted of Bumzu and his incomplete members.

He used Ren’s phone to talk to his mother and his father, both of whom were also distressed about the whole thing. They were asked by the company not to speak to the other family at all, and not to talk about the scandal to anyone. The stress made his father’s health condition even worse, which made Baekho feel worse.

Not only was his father getting sicker, but his mother was very much influenced by the ordeal. She suddenly had a reputation in the community as the mother of a sexual predator, whose evil son was using a powerful company to sue a poor, reputable family in the community. She told Baekho that she wouldn’t answer any phone calls from anyone or even open the door if someone knocked, because she was afraid of what they would say about him.

“My dear son, I can handle people insulting me, but my heart would break seeing people insult you,” she told him. Needless to say, she was not reading any of the online comments.

His father became more ill because of him. His mother was heartbroken because of him. And his members…

Seeing Ren, Aron and JR’s faces really brought him down. Compared to the previous day, when they were smiling happily, excited about their upcoming comeback and their songs still charting very high– now, the smiles were gone and replaced with fear and apprehension for their career.

And it was all his fault. His stupid, hormonal, 12-year-old self that ruined _everything._

-

It was a very busy day for Wanna One. From photoshoots to recordings to advertorials, their schedule that day was never-ending.

It was torture for Minhyun, who was still anxious about Baekho.

Of course, Seongwoo noticed this.

Seongwoo lied and told the manager that he needed to use the step-counter app on his phone to tell his doctor how many average steps per day he was walking, and the manager fell for it. Seongwoo therefore got to keep his phone, and he let Minhyun use it secretly in the back of the van as they were going to their next schedule.

Sadly for Minhyun, though, Jonghyun was not texting back.

“You’ll see them tomorrow. We have the rehearsal for the concert,” Ong reminded him when he saw how upset Minhyun looked when JR didn’t reply to his messages.

Minhyun nodded. If there was one thing that got him through that hellish day, it’s the fact that he would be reunited with his most of his members tomorrow.

“You’re right,” Minhyun said with a nod.

“You should sleep,” Ong told him. “I know you didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“How did you know _that_?” Minhyun asked him, genuinely curious.

“I just guessed,” Ong replied.

“Guessed?”

“I understood how Dongho’s situation would make you feel, so I guessed you wouldn’t be able to sleep properly because of it.”

“You guessed right,” Minhyun said with a slight nod, which was followed by a yawn.

“We still have half an hour until we get to our next venue. You should rest. My shoulder is yours,” Seongwoo offered, making Minhyun smile. He accepted the offer and nestled against Seongwoo’s shoulder.

“I’m happy I got to debut with you, Seongwoo,” Minhyun hummed tiredly. “I’m happy I met you.”

Seongwoo smiled.

Within minutes, Minhyun was asleep.

Seongwoo took his phone and checked the messages that Minhyun had sent to Jonghyun.

_Jonghyunnie? Are you there?_

_Guess not._

_I miss you._

_I love you._

Seongwoo read those messages with a pout on his face. They were _really_ affectionate, he thought. And it bothered him. A lot.

 _“Minhyun, are you still here?”_ Jonghyun replied suddenly.

Ong felt the devil whisper in his ear, telling him to reply pretending to be Minhyun and try to get some answers, but he decided against it when he considered that he wouldn’t know how to explain that to Minhyun later.

Instead, he went for the truth. “ _nah, it’s Ong now. Minhyun’s asleep, sorry.”_

_“I see.”_

_“you two are very affectionate with each other aren’t you lol.”_

Jonghyun replied with a nervous emoji and, “ _yeah I guess you can say that haha.”_

“ _it’s cute. Anyways im gonna stop texting now. Minhyun’s on my shoulder asleep and I’m afraid I’ll wake him.”_

_“okay. See you tomorrow!_ _”_

There was something strange here, thought Seongwoo as he pondered on the text exchange for a long time. Why is there something so special about Jonghyun compared to the rest of his members? Why isn’t Minhyun texting them? Why isn’t Minhyun telling them that he loved them? Why just Jonghyun?

The uncertainty drove him mad, and so Ong Seongwoo decided to pay extra attention to two of them tomorrow during the concert practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> important disclaimer: baekho's case is still unresolved and everything that i wrote in this chapter is mere assumptions that are purely fictitious and based on my own imagination


	6. Chapter Six

Wanna One were the last to arrive at the practice venue for the Produce 101 concert. As they trickled in to greet their friends for the first time since the finale, Ong watched Minhyun carefully. As soon as he entered, Minhyun’s eyes scanned the parameters. Dongho was with Jung Sewoon at his right side, but Jonghyun was with Youngmin and Donghyun on the left. Minki was with Samuel, right in front of him. But Minhyun walked past both Minki and Dongho, immediately making his way towards Jonghyun.

_Weird_.

Jonghyun looked happy to see him; he had a warm smile on his face. They didn’t hug or anything though, it seemed they were just greeting each other with their eyes.

A little later, Jonghyun and Minhyun made their way away from the crowd of trainees. It was pretty clear that they wanted to be alone.

If Seongwoo did not suspect that the two were in love, he would have thought they wanted to be alone to talk about Dongho’s case or something. Now, however, he suspected that they wanted to be alone to make out or something.

The thought of Minhyun making out with Jonghyun made his blood boil with jealousy.

Minhyun and Jonghyun came back many minutes later. Seongwoo tried to pay attention to the two of them: maybe they had messed up sex hair or hickeys or something, _anything_ that could validate Seongwoo’s theory.

But no.

As soon as they joined the crowd of trainees, Minhyun left Jonghyun’s side and approached Dongho, who was still seated in a corner and speaking with Sewoon. Minhyun sat on the ground beside him and put his hand over Dongho’s, who seemed to have held back a small smile in response.

From that, Ong guessed that Jonghyun was alone with Minhyun to tell him the truth about the scandal, and so Minhyun was now expressing his support to his friend. So maybe Jonghyun and Minhyun weren’t making out like he thought, Ong reckoned, a little relieved.

But he changed his mind when he noticed Minhyun’s eyes always wandering back towars Jonghyun, even as Sewoon and Dongho were conversing right beside him. Minhyun was not even subtle about this: he was _staring_ at Jonghyun. Sometimes Jonghyun would look back at him and smile.

At this point, Seongwoo was going crazy. He hated being uncertain about things. Seongwoo was intelligent and observant; he was supposed to _know_ everything, but the relationship between Minhyun and Jonghyun was so maddeningly ambiguous to him.

He remembered their time in teams Never and Sorry Sorry. He never suspected they were in love for a second, because they never showed it. They were not physical with one another. They were closer to each other than they were to the rest of the team, but they weren’t _exclusive_ about that closeness the way lovers should be. But why were they ogling each other now?

Eventually, Seongwoo had had it with not knowing. He _had to_ find out immediately, and so he decided to put Minhyun on the spot and ask him.

In the middle of going through the choreography for Sorry Sorry, Ong turned to Minhyun and said: “Minhyun can I have a minute alone, please?”

He didn’t even wait for an answer, he just grabbed Minhyun’s arm and pulled him out of the practice room and into the bathroom where no one would hear them.

“Seongwoo, what’s up?” Minhyun asked, confused as to why Seongwoo so dramatically dragged him out.

“You love Jonghyun, right?” Ong asked, and watched Minhyun’s reaction carefully.

If there’s one thing that Minhyun sucked at, it was lying.

Flustered, Minhyun narrowed his eyes at him and seemed at a loss for words. “W… what?” he managed.

“Don’t play dumb. You love him, don’t you?” Ong asked again.

“Well, he’s one of my closest friends…” Minhyun began to say, but his fluttering eyes gave him away. Minhyun’s always blinked like that when he lied.

“ _I knew it_ ,” Seongwoo groaned.

“Knew what?” Minhyun asked nervously.

“I knew there was something going on between you two!”

Minhyun looked defeated at this point. He sighed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking down at the floor uncertainly. “Nothing ever escapes Ong Seongwoo, does it?” Minhyun mumbled embarrassedly.

This was the first time that someone outside Minhyun’s circle of members and Pledis staff knew about his relationship with Jonghyun, and that made Minhyun very, very nervous. Before, that taboo relationship was contained within a tight-knit group of dependable people, but now it has seeped outside of that confine, and someone else had the secret in his hands.

As much as Minhyun trusted Seongwoo, he was still afraid.

Minhyun observed Seongwoo to understand his reaction to this. Ong didn’t seem disgusted, which was a good sign. He just seemed… confused.

“How did you find out?” Minhyun asked.

“The way you look at him,” Seongwoo answered.

“Was I that obvious?”

“Yeah, you kinda were.”

There was an awkward silence between the two of them as Seongwoo just peered at a very self-conscious Minhyun. Minhyun finally broke the silence by saying: “well, are you going to say something?”

“Sorry, I’m just trying to process this,” Seongwoo answered, still wide-eyed as he took in this new information. “You guys are really _together?_ As in _boyfriends_?”

“Yes, we’re together,” Minhyun answered.

“For how long?”

“Three years and counting.”

“Wow. So you guys kiss and make love and stuff?” Seongwoo asked him with narrowed eyes.

Minhyun was startled by how upfront Seongwoo was about this. He laughed it off awkwardly and answered: “We’re lovers, Seongwoo. That’s all I can tell you.”

“I can’t imagine you two making love. Or even making out for that matter,” Seongwoo noted with a wince.

Minhyun bit his lower lip and shrugged. “So… are you the type that doesn’t like this?” Minhyun asked, disappointed.

Oh, Seongwoo most definitely did _not_ like “this,” whatever “this” even was. He didn’t like that Minhyun and Jonghyun were lovers _at all_. Jealousy might have something to do with it, but it was also something else. It was also that it really, really, really made absolutely no sense to Seongwoo. No sense at all.

There was _no_ spark between them. Their relationship seemed as platonic as any relationship could ever be. They barely hugged for crying out loud. Ong saw more of that romantic chemistry between Minhyun and Hyunbin then he ever saw between Minhyun and Jonghyun. It just _didn’t make sense_.

Seongwoo saw the disappointment and unease in Minhyun’s expression. Minhyun was afraid that Seongwoo was a homophobe that would now hate them because of their relationship. Minhyun was probably afraid that Seongwoo would not keep it a secret from everyone else and instead shame them and let the secret spread.

Feeling bad, Seongwoo decided to put Minhyun’s heart at ease.

“I’m no homophobe, Minhyun,” he reassured. “And I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’m only reacting like this because I’m surprised. I’ve known you guys for months, and it never crossed my mind that you two were _dating_. I’m usually good with telling this stuff, but for you two, I didn’t get it until now!”

Minhyun was relieved to hear that. “Promise me you won’t say anything to _anyone_ ,” Minhyun entreated.

“I promise,” Seongwoo assured.

“Even Jonghyun. Don’t tell him that you know about us. It’ll just stress him out if he knows that you know, and he’ll get worried about every little thing.”

“Okay,” Seongwoo nodded.

Minhyun took a deep breath and did that thing where he ran his fingers through his hair. He always did that when he’s out of energy or stressed. Ong felt bad all of the sudden, and he realized that maybe he didn’t handle this in the best way that he could have.

“You can trust me,” Seongwoo assured him again, reaching out and rubbing Minhyun’s arm in reassurance.

Minhyun relaxed at that. He smiled and patted Seongwoo’s back, “I know I can.”

Minhyun really did think that he could trust Seongwoo. Although Minhyun had only really known the guy for a few months, something about Seongwoo was so accommodating. Seongwoo was a dear friend, and if there was anyone in Wanna One that Minhyun would have trusted with this secret, it would have been him.

Minhyun wasn’t worried anymore. Although he was very anxious at first, he was quick to get over it and was now relaxed about the situation. Actually, he was a little relieved that Seongwoo knew.

Jonghyun represented a very sensitive part of Minhyun’s heart that Minhyun had to contain the past week since he didn’t have much contact with his members. He had felt suffocated and depressed, with no avenue through which he can talk about Jonghyun to anyone. But now that Seongwoo knew, there was someone who would understand. Someone he could talk to, and someone to help him cope with the fact that he would be away from Jonghyun for so long.

It was then that the bathroom door opened, and Jonghyun peered inside.

“Guys… we’re waiting for you to start practice,” he said gently, as was characteristic of Nation’s Leader. “Do you need more time or…”

“We’re coming,” Seongwoo said to Jonghyun. “Sorry, I just needed Minhyun to help me scratch my back. I had an itch that was _killing me_.”

Seongwoo was such an effortless liar, Minhyun thought with fascination. Minhyun almost envied how Seongwoo could up with such a convincing lie right on the spot like that.

At least, Minhyun thought it was convincing…

A little after practice for Sorry Sorry ended, JR asked Minhyun: “so what did Seongwoo _really_ want from you back there?”

“Uh… he really just wanted me to scratch his back,” Minhyun lied.

If there’s one thing that Minhyun sucked at, it was lying. His fluttering eyes gave him away. Minhyun’s always blinked like that when he lied.

JR didn’t know what to make of the fact that Minhyun was lying to him, but he didn’t think too much on it. It was a little disappointing, but Minhyun must have his reasons, right? Minhyun had never lied to him before after all.

-

That night, Seongwoo thought a lot about what he was going to do. What was his next course of action? His next plan? Should he just give up? He felt like he could never compete with Jonghyun for Minhyun, and not only because Jonghyun was leagues superior to him in personality and kindness, but also because Seongwoo actually really liked Jonghyun and didn’t want to do anything that would potentially upset that frustrating angel of a person.

After careful consideration, he decided that he was just going to try something. _One_ thing. If it worked, it worked. If it didn’t, he would gracefully step down and accept that Minhyun could never be his.

And the one thing he was going to try was not even that wicked, he told himself. Seongwoo would just gently try to push Minhyun to reconsider his relationship with Jonghyun.

If Seongwoo’s deductions about Minhyun and Jonghyun’s relationship were accurate, this might actually work in his favor.

-

Minhyun felt so much closer to Seongwoo all of the sudden.

In the days that followed, Minhyun felt happy, so much happier than he was before when he was missing his members and thinking about how he was going to live away from JR for so long. Now, he felt like he could deal with the distance, because he had someone with him who would help him cope with it.

Seongwoo did help him a lot, mostly through sharing his phone with him so that Minhyun could text JR whenever he wanted. Seongwoo also tried to help by telling him about the supply closet in the concert venue that Minhyun should drag JR into to “have some fun.”

“I checked, there are no cameras. And I’ll guard it for you if you want,” Seongwoo offered. “You can take as much time as you need in there.”

In response, Minhyun just laughed shyly and shook his head. Seongwoo was very upfront about these things, a lot more upfront than Minhyun could ever have the confidence for.

“No need,” Minhyun replied when it looked like Seongwoo expected a reply to the offer.

“Come on. Wanna One is going to be insanely busy the next few weeks, and you won’t have enough time for sexy times with your boyfriend. Now’s your last chance!” Seongwoo joked.

Flustered, Minhyun just shook his head. “We don’t… we’re not that kind of couple,” he explained embarrassedly.

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“We don’t… you know...”

“You don’t… have sex in public places?” Ong asked with a raised eyebrow.

Minhyun gave up on propriety and answered him: “No Seongwoo. We don’t have sex. Period.”

Bingo. It was exactly what Seongwoo had suspected; they were a platonic couple.

“Really?” Seongwoo asked carefully. He wanted to know more, but he was afraid Minhyun was not comfortable talking about it and would shut him down. “Have you guys ever tried or…”

“Why are we talking about this?” Minhyun asked, laughing awkwardly.

“Come on, tell me. I don’t judge,” Seongwoo encouraged, hoping Minhyun would break out of his refined shell and talk without inhibition.

“I don’t even tell my other NU’EST members these things…”

“Well, I wouldn’t tell my brothers about my sex life either. But I would tell my friends,” Seongwoo responded, and Minhyun thought that that was such a witty response.

It was so witty, that Minhyun caved and agreed to tell him. Biting his lower lip and looking away in embarrassment, he confessed: “We tried once, and it was the most awkward experience of our lives. So from then on, we decided to not ruin what we had with sex.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Just a couple of months after we started dating so over two years ago. We just thought that this was what couples do, so we had to do it or we weren’t a real couple. But after that we came to the decision that sex wasn’t for us.”

“Is one of you guys asexual or something?”

“Oh no, ot’s not that,” Minhyun answered with a shrug. “It’s just we’re always together, and we’re like... brothers. It’s weird to be that physically intimate with someone you’ve been like a brother to, you know?”

_Bingo_.

“Okay but here’s a question: why are you _dating_ your _brother_?” Seongwoo asked and crossed his arms. This conversation was going exactly where Seongwoo had planned it would go.

The question took Minhyun by surprise, and he seemed to hesitate coming up with an answer. “Well, he’s more than just a brother,” Minhyun replied.

Aare you _attracted_ to him?” Seongwoo asked.

He waited for the answer. If Minhyun said ‘yes,’ then that was it. Seongwoo would not interfere anymore; he would give up on Minhyun and move on. But if Minhyun’s answer was anything less than a ‘yes,’ then Seongwoo knew that there was a chance.

Minhyun’s answer came after a second of hesitation: “I think so.”

That was definitely less than a ‘yes.’

“I see,” Seongwoo said, eying Minhyun with intrigue.

“What?”

“This is why it took so long for me to notice that you were a couple,” Seongwoo told Minhyun. “That attraction between couples isn’t really there between you two. But it’s okay. Being a platonic couple is fine too, I guess.”

_A platonic couple?_

-

Seongwoo’s words rang through Minhyun’s head that night. He never thought of his relationship with JR as “platonic,” but that’s exactly what it was now that he thought about it. And it wasn’t just about their lack of a sex life. They rarely even kissed for crying out loud.

Was something _wrong with them?_

But Minhyun really loved JR. Truly. Just because they didn’t necessarily enjoy kissing or making love doesn’t mean that they loved one another less…

Right?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the seed has been planted~


	7. Seven

Minhyun had been acting very strange. JR thought it might just be a natural consequence of adjusting to new people and so he tried not think too much into it.

Still, sometimes it felt like something completely shifted in Minhyun. The Minhyun who never lied to JR before had suddenly began to do so on multiple occasions. The Minhyun who never hid anything from him suddenly seemed to have secrets.

And Minhyun was getting closer to his new bandmates, especially Seongwoo. Minhyun was quick to get over the sadness of leaving NU’EST, JR thought. And it bothered JR just a little bit, because somehow, it felt like Minhyun was now more closed off from them.

JR scolded himself for thinking like that. Minhyun was no longer active as NU’EST; it was only natural that he would get a little distant, and it was only natural he would get close to his current members. JR should be happy for Minhyun. He should be glad that Seongwoo and Minhyun seemed to be hitting it off so well.

And although JR understood that Minhyun was very busy and couldn’t really talk to them very often, it still upset him that Minhyun so rarely reached out, especially in a time when Baekho really needed comfort. But the only time Minhyun ever spoke to him was during the Produce 101 concert rehearsals. Other than that, it was just quick texts from Seongwoo’s phone.

It was probably going to be like this for over a year, JR thought sadly. It was tough already in the first week; he couldn’t imagine how hard it would be later.

“What are you thinking about?” Ren asked, sitting next to JR.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. You’re thinking about Minhyun,” Ren remarked.

JR shrugged.

“I noticed that he changed too, by the way,” Ren told him. “And even _I_ feel a little possessive over him, so I can’t imagine how _you_ feel.”

_Possessive._ The word knocked some sense into JR and made him realize that this was exactly what he was feeling towards Minhyun, and it was _wrong_. He was at fault for how he was feeling, not Minhyun. He needed to stop expecting so much from his lover now. He needed to stop feeling like it’s a bad thing that Minhyun was integrating so well with his new members.

Minhyun was no commodity that belonged to anyone, and JR needed to stop feeling like he was.

-

The day of the concert finally came. Minhyun realized that it would probably be the last time he would see his members in a very long time. The last time he would see JR in a very long time.

There were still voices in his head doubting the legitimacy of his relationship with Jonghyun, ever since Seongwoo called them a “platonic couple.” What does it even mean to be a “platonic couple,” and what differentiated what he had with Jonghyun to what he had with his other members?

But there _was_ something different about Jonghyun. Even if it doesn’t manifest in physical affection, it was still there in his heart somehow.

That little voice in his head replied, _if it’s there in your heart, why isn’t showing on the outside? Why don’t you enjoy kissing? Why don’t you make love?_

The voice was bothering him so much, because it had a point. But Minhyun knew that he loved JR, and he was determined to prove it to himself.

“Seongwoo,” Minhyun called out to him as they were climbing onto the van to get to the concert venue.

“Yeah?” Seongwoo asked.

“You know how you offered to guard the supply closet? May I still take you up on that?” Minhyun asked, slightly embarrassed. Minhyun admitted to Seongwoo that he wanted to try awaken the physical attraction between them, and he wanted to do it now, before they part for a long time.

Of course, Seongwoo agreed. It’s not like he could say no in that situation, even if he wanted to. Although, Ong would have much rather _not_ guard a supply closet in which the person he liked was making love with another man, but there was no way he could say that to Minhyun, or he would ruin everything that her had tried so hard to build with him.

-

Minhyun was probably the most relaxed person in NU’EST. He never freaked out, and rarely ever felt nervous. Back in 2012, during their debut stage, while Ren, Baekho, JR and Aron were doing breathing exercises to calm their raging nerves, Minhyun just laughed at them. Even during the first Produce 101 performance, while Ren, Baekho and JR were having mental breakdowns, Minhyun remained calm and positive all throughout.

That’s not to say he wasn’t nervous. He was nervous, but he was good at hiding those nerves and brushing them off to look at the positive side of things.

But now was one of those very, very rare times where he was nervous and it showed. The concert finished, everyone was just celebrating the successful night backstage, and Seongwoo was ready to guard the supply closet.

“Are you sure you want to do this? You look tense,” Seongwoo noticed.

Minhyun let out a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

“Look, you shouldn’t do this if you’re not comfortable. It feels like you’re only doing to prove something to yourself, and that’s stupid.”

“No, no! I really want this,” Minhyun insisted, and Seongwoo could not convince him otherwise.

Minhyun took Jonghyun’s hand and pulled him, beckoning him to follow. JR didn’t ask any questions and followed.

Minhyun got to the supply closet, opened it, and pulled JR inside.

“What are we doing here, Minhyun?” JR asked.

Minhyun didn’t say anything, he took a deep breath and lightly pushed his lover against the door before closing the distance between their lips.

Kissing Minhyun was not unfamiliar to him, but the Minhyun that would kiss him in a supply closet was quite unfamiliar. Still, JR didn’t ask questions and played along.

Meanwhile, Minhyun was trying so hard to feel something as he took JR’s lips and deepened the kiss. He tried to make it feel like more than just a pair of wet lips moving against one another in awkward motion. He tried to make his heart react the way it was supposed to, but the awkwardness would not wear off, no matter how hard Minhyun tried.

JR didn’t understand why Minhyun kept kissing him, even though kissing was just not right. But Minhyun must have his reasons for doing this, JR thought.

But when Minhyun’s hand began to feel the bare skin around his abdomen, JR pulled Minhyun’s hand away and cut Minhyun’s kiss short. This was so strange, and so _not_ Minhyun.

“What’s going on?” JR asked his lover, more concerned than anything else.

“You don’t want to… um… continue?” Minhyun muttered. He looked embarrassed.

“Do _you_ want to?” JR asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yes, I do,” Minhyun said. “I really do.”

Maybe Minhyun was having a hormonal spike now, thought JR as he tried to reason Minhyun’s strange behavior. Maybe he recently watched an adult video that set him off. Or maybe being away from JR made Minhyun feel like he wants more than he actually did. Something _had_ to have influenced him to do this.

“If you want us to do things like this, we have to talk about it first,” JR said. “And we are not going to do _anything_ here."

“Then let’s talk about it. And I want to do it here and now.”

“Anyone could walk in.”

“No, no. I told Seongwoo to guard the…”

“Wait. Seongwoo?” JR asked with raised eyebrows. “He knows?”

Minhyun hesitated but eventually he nodded. “Yes, he does.”

JR finally began to understand what… rather _who_ influenced Minhyun to do this.

“What exactly does he know?” JR asked Minhyun, feeling anxious.

“A lot of things. But you don’t have to worry. He’s a reliable friend,” Minhyun quickly reassured him.

JR took a moment to process that their secret relationship was now known to someone outside their tight-knit group. JR liked Seongwoo, and the two were close enough, but he didn’t know if he was comfortable that he knew.

“Why didn’t you tell me before that he found out?” JR asked Minhyun.

“I was afraid you’d get stressed. You’re already stressed enough as it is with everything happening to Baekho. I didn’t want to burden you with this too.”

“If you trusted him enough to tell him, then I’m not worried,” JR said with a reassuring nod. “But there is something that worries me, Minhyun. Something is very strange with you these days. Tell me the truth: what is all of this about?” JR asked, pointing to their situation in supply closet right now.

Minhyun was ready to come out with the truth: “When I told him about our sex experience, Seongwoo said…”

“You told him about _that_?” JR cut him off, surprised and deeply disappointed.

“Well, yes,” Minhyun admitted.

“Minhyun, that’s personal,” JR grumbled. “It’s supposed to be between me and you only.”

“It’s no big deal,” Minhyun tried to reassure JR. “Seongwoo’s cool.”

“That’s not the point,” JR said, trying to sound firm but not angry. “If you wanted to tell someone these things, you should have at least asked me before you did.”

“See? This is why I didn’t want to tell you that Seongwoo knew,” Minhyun replied defensively. “You’ll get worried for no reason. You always worry, Jonghyun! For once in your life, just let yourself loose a little.”

JR felt silenced. It was at this point that JR realized that the two of them were fighting. It’s not like it didn’t happen before, but it was so rare that it took a while for JR to understand when it happened.

And when it did happen, JR felt lousy and suffocated, and of course, he often blamed himself for whatever it was they were fighting about. Maybe Minhyun was right. Maybe he shouldn’t be so worked up about Seongwoo knowing about the most personal (and embarrassing) encounter he had ever had with another person. He should trust Minhyun’s decision to tell him, even if JR was never included in the process of deciding.

“I’m sorry,” JR apologized to Minhyun. He couldn’t stay in that claustrophobic supply closet for much longer, and he didn’t want to stay in front of Minhyun. He opened the door and scampered out, running into Seongwoo but not daring to catch his eye.

Jonghyun looked upset, Seongwoo noticed as JR left the supply closet, eyes fixated on the ground and dashing away without lifting his head once. Seongwoo also noticed that JR’s shirt was just partly tugged out of his trousers, and so Seongwoo reasoned that they began something but stopped for whatever reason. Judging by JR’s expression, and by Minhyun’s when he left the supply closet with a downcast face, the two seemed to have gotten into some kind of disagreement.

Seongwoo approached Minhyun and asked what was wrong.

“Nothing,” Minhyun said, forcing a smile on his face. “It’s nothing, really. Let’s go back before people notice we’re missing.”

Seongwoo didn’t push for details; he could tell that Minhyun did not want tell him anything. Maybe later, Seongwoo would try to get more information out of him.

As the two walked back to where the other trainees were celebrating, Seongwoo started to feel a sense of triumph well up inside of him. Minhyun and Jonghyun seemed to be _arguing_. There was something wrong between them. And now that they probably won’t see each other for a long time, that ridge between them can only expand.

Maybe, in the end, Seongwoo will have a chance with Minhyun after all.


	8. Eight

_I’m sorry,_ Minhyun texted Jonghyun that night from his own phone (the manager finally caved and let him have it for the night).

Jonghyun saw it but didn’t reply.

_I was wrong to tell Seongwoo about our personal confrontations without asking you first. I’m really sorry. This is my fault._

The truth was that Minhyun felt lousy because he snapped at JR for no reason and made him blame himself, as JR often did whenever anything bad happened.

JR replied shortly after with: _no, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have trusted you_

Minhyun groaned when he saw that message: _stop it. This is 100% my fault; don’t you dare take the blame._

JR replied: _I understand that it’s important for you to have someone to talk to about these things in your new group. I’m glad you have Seongwoo. You can tell him anything you want, okay?_

Minhyun was always surprised at how JR was easily able to put himself in Minhyun’s shoes and understand his point of view so clearly. It’s one of the things that had made him such a good leader; he understood why people acted the way that they did and was able to identify what they’re feeling and feel empathy for them. Although Minhyun was the one at fault in this falling out between them, JR always had a way of making people feel validated for the wrong things that they’ve done. He never guilted people; he would much rather guilt himself.

_Thank you,_ Minhyun typed.

_Okay, maybe not tell him ANYTHING. Please don’t tell him about the mole on my butt. Or about my hentai manga collection!_ JR joked, lightening the mood immediately.

Minhyun smiled and sent him a laughing face emoji. _Okay, I’ll just tell him about the interesting maid café you visited in Japan- the one that made you feel so guilty, you cried because you thought it meant you cheated on me :P_

JR replied with a load of nervous emojis.

_In all honesty though,_ Minhyun said, _I’ll be more considerate of your feelings when I talk to him. I promise._

_Thank you,_ JR replied. _And Minhyun, next time we have time with one another, we can get a hotel room or something. We can try doing stuff again if that’s what you want._

_We can talk about it later. It’s not important now._

_Okay. But we have to talk about it!_

_We will. But I won’t see you in a long time. Wanna One’s schedule is crazy_ _L_

_Fighting! You can do it!_

_I love you, Jonghyunnie. I don’t ever want to upset you again._

_I know <3_

And with that, JR and Minhyun had made up almost immediately after their supposed fight. It was always like this when they argued; it never lasted long, and both would sooner admit being at fault over losing anything of what they had together.

-

Seongwoo didn’t push Minhyun to talk about what happened in that supply closet, but based on his observations, Seongwoo got the general gist. Minhyun began to do something, Jonghyun didn’t like it, they began to talk and had an argument. And judging by how much more secretive Minhyun became since that supply closet encounter, Seongwoo had a sneaking feeling that he himself had something to do with the argument.

It made sense. Minhyun might have admitted that Seongwoo knew about their relationship, and Jonghyun might have been upset because he didn’t want anyone to know. Jonghyun was a lot more private than Minhyun was, and this was an attribute through which the two of them would certainly clash.

And so when Minhyun did finally decided to open up to Ong about what happened, Seongwoo was not surprised at all.

“I guessed it all before you told me,” Seongwoo snorted after Minhyun explained what happened.

“Really?”

“Yes. I’m a lot more observant than you give me credit for.”

Minhyun smiled at that. “You really are amazing, Seongwoo.”

At the same time that Minhyun and Seongwoo were having this conversation, many miles away, Baekho was getting a call from his mother. After hearing what she had to say, he dropped the phone and felt the entire world collapse around him.

-

Minhyun didn’t know until more than 24 hours later. He didn’t have his phone on him all day as Wanna One was so busy with schedules. The manager had found out from articles, but made an active effort to stop Minhyun from knowing for as long as possible. Minhyun needed to get through his schedules with a happy face and a stable voice. There was a lot to do, and news like those about Baekho’s father would only distress Minhyun for no reason.

Guanlin had heard the news from one of the staff members, and so it was him who relayed the information to Minhyun. Had it not been for Guanlin, Minhyun would have remained oblivious.

Minhyun’s first reaction was shock, then denial, and then overwhelming sorrow that took over his every limb.

Death. It was funny how people forget the prospect of death and get lost in the reverie of their own life. In the past months, Minhyun had only been concerned about his friends and his career, but all those concerns pale in the face of what had happened to Baekho’s father.

Minhyun wanted to call Baekho to check up on him, but the guy didn’t have his phone on him since the scandal. He tried calling Jonghyun, Minki, Aron, Bumzu and even Mrs. Kang, but all of them wouldn’t answer. It was only Pledis CEO that answered in the end.

The CEO told him that everyone was in Jeju and preparing for the funeral already, and no one would have their phones on them. Minhyun felt so much guilt in his heart that he found out so late, and would not even be able to make it to support one of his best friends through the hardest thing that Baekho had probably ever had to endure.

-

_Where was Minhyun?_ Ren thought. Why didn’t Minhyun call? Why didn’t Minhyun say anything? Why didn’t he even try to come to the funeral?

Not contacting them after that scandal was forgivable, but not contacting them after _this_ … Ren just didn’t understand what excuse Minhyun possibly had to give.  Ren was _mad_.

It was more than a day after the announcement that Ren saw Minhyun’s missed call, but at that point Ren was too mad and upset to call him back.

Ren could see that JR was also at breaking point. JR had always been sensitive regarding anything that had to do with NU’EST. Seeing Baekho fall apart right in front of him could not have been easy on their leader’s gentle heart. Ren knew that JR was probably suffering on the inside just like Baekho was, and Ren really wanted to help. Usually, it was Minhyun who heard JR out in these moments, but Minhyun was not there anymore. On the contrary, it felt like Minhyun was part of the reason everything was so horrible.

Baekho was grieving on his own, in need of comfort. Minhyun was the one who understood Baekho the best, but he wasn’t there for him. JR was stressing on his own, also in dire need of emotional support, but Minhyun was also not there for him. And Ren felt so mad, because now, he felt like he had to try and fill the gap that Minhyun left, to help console both Baekho and JR.

Ren didn’t know what to say to help Baekho through this. He couldn’t even open his mouth when he faced Baekho’s shocked and sorrow-filled face that day in the funeral. Minhyun would have known what to say though. Minhyun would have been able to use his saccharine words to make even the most traumatizing experience more bearable.

“Minhyun called me,” Ren announced in their hotel room at Jeju.

“Yeah, he called me too,” JR replied. “I tried calling him back, but I got no answer.”

“Oh, bet he’s too busy with his newfound fame,” Ren replied more bitterly than he would have liked.

“Come on, you can’t _possibly_ be mad at him for not showing up, right?” JR replied calmly.

“You’re not?” Ren asked.

“No. Minhyun’s busy. His schedule is packed to the brim, and it’s only the second week of Wanna One. He has a new company who probably won’t allow him to visit his friend’s father’s funeral even if he begged to, and Minhyun wouldn’t complain. We shouldn’t put so much expectations on him.”

“Expectations? Jonghyun, this is Baekho’s father’s _funeral_. A time of bereavement for his _best_ friend. Is it too much to expect that he shows up? Or at least make a proper effort to contact Baekho,” Ren grunted.

JR sighed. He hated when a member was holding a grudge against another member. And the worst part about it was that JR, as much as he tried not to, agreed with that grudge.

_You’re supposed to be here, Minhyun,_ JR thought. _Why does it feel like you’re slipping away?_

-

Minhyun fell into a slump, which was unusual. Seongwoo had never seen the ever-so-positive Minhyun in a “slump” before, even at the beginning of Produce when his group was hanging on a thread, and a minor scandal erupted about his so-called “bike theft.”

Minhyun was in mourning, guilt-ridden, and worried all at the same time, all the while being forced by YMC to still attend schedules and smile for the camera. Seongwoo simply couldn’t relate to what he was going through, but he wanted to be supportive.

He _honestly_ did not intend to take advantage of the situation. He just wanted to be there for his friend, and so he curled up next to Minhyun as the rest of the members were finding a space to sleep in the waiting room of their next CF venue.

Minhyun immediately began to cry when Seongwoo nestled beside him.

“Gosh, this is so embarrassing,” Minhyun whispered as he wiped his eyes with back of his hand.

“Don’t,” Seongwoo said. “It’s okay to cry.”

“I don’t want the younger ones to see me like this,” Minhyun told Seongwoo hiding his face from the others, turning it towards the corner.

“Come on then,” Seongwoo took Minhyun’s arm and pulled him up. “Let’s find a place where you can comfortably cry in peace.”

Minhyun followed Seongwoo, who just took him outside of the waiting room, pulling him into the entrance of an emergency staircase. They sat down on the stairs and Minhyun continued to cry.

“If you want, I can also call Seonho to comfort you,” Seongwoo offered, half-jokingly.

“Oh please don’t do that,” Minhyun replied, laughing at the memory of the clingy little chick.

Seongwoo smiled, proud that he was able to make Minhyun laugh in that state. He was also happy that Minhyun was freely crying in front of him, no inhibition or embarrassment. Ong knew that Minhyun was the kind of person who preferred to be alone when he cried, and so the fact that Ong seemed to be a general exception to the rule made him happy.

“Seriously, Minhyunnie. If you want to talk, I’m all ears,” Seongwoo told him, taking his hand.

“Thank you,” Minhyun said with a sniffle. “That means a lot.”

Minhyun was silent after that, which told Seongwoo that he didn’t want to talk. He just sat back on the staircase and stared at the wall for a long time. He stopped crying eventually, leaving him with only with his glistening eyes and his blank expression.

Although Minhyun was silent, there was actually a lot he wanted to say, a lot he wanted to express. Usually, when Minhyun was feeling like this, he would sit with JR and vent out all of his frustrations in one sitting. JR would listen for as long as it took, and would then offer level-headed solutions to the problems that had been unsolvable in Minhyun’s head. Being with JR always helped him cool down when he felt like he wanted to explode, always helped him maintain that calm, cool and collected image that most people associated with him. Now, however, JR wasn’t there to hear him out, especially now when so many things seemed to be going wrong.

Now, he had Seongwoo.

Minhyun eventually turned to his friend, and began to express his heart: “it feels like everything is changing too quickly,” Minhyun said, speaking to Seongwoo as if he were Jonghyun. “I feel like everything is moving too fast, and I can’t keep up. From making it into Wanna One, to NU’EST’s chart reversal, to Baekho’s scandal, to the fight with Jonghyun, and now Baekho’s father passing away. All of these things are changing what I’m used to. Who knows if Baekho will ever be the same after this? Who knows if me and Jonghyun will ever be the same? Will NU’EST ever be the same now that I’ve been separated from them for so long? It’s only been a few weeks, and already there’s a change. I can’t imagine how it’s going to be after more than _a_ _year_. It’s just really hard, Seongwoo,” Minhyun expressed another tear falling from his eyes that he quickly wiped away.

Ong listened carefully to Minhyun’s words, and quickly worked the gears of his mind to come up with a response that would palliate Minhyun’s fears and his worries.

“It might seem like Dongho will never recover from this, but everyone recovers with time. And yes, it might seem like you’re growing apart from them, but on the flip side, you’re growing closer to me, and to the rest of your Wanna One members. Things seem like they’re going to shit now, but it will all even out in the end. Minhyun, you are a very methodical and organized person. You like having things under control, but you have to realize that not everything can be controlled. Things are going to happen to you, and you just have to sit back and take them. I understand that it’s frustrating to be unable to regulate your destiny, but the more you expect to, the unhappier you’ll be.”

Minhyun nodded and turned to Seongwoo with a smile on his face. His eyes were still glistening with potential tears, and his nose was still a light shade of pink, but he looked generally happier than before. “Thank you, Seongwoo. That really helped.”

“Good,” Seongwoo said putting an arm around Minhyun’s shoulder and nestling against it.

“I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you,” Minhyun said, putting a grateful hand on Seongwoo’s knee.

-

The manager asked Jisung to collect his sleeping members. It was time to start recording. Of all the tasks he had to do a leader, the task Jisung hated most of all was waking up his sleeping members.

The poor boys were exhausted, and it literally pained him to break their peaceful respite and tell them they had to go work again.

Jisung always woke his members up oldest to youngest, just so that the youngsters could get in that extra minute or so of rest. After nudging Sungwoon up, Jisung looked around to find Minhyun and Ong.

They weren’t in the waiting room, and so Jisung searched in the bathroom and the halls and didn’t find them. As he was making his way back to the waiting room, he saw that the door to the emergency staircase was slightly open. Quietly, he opened it, and found the two of them cuddled up in one another’s arms, asleep on the stairs.

Jisung took a long, hard look at them. Ong was nuzzled in Minhyun’s chest, and Minhyun’s nose was buried in Seongwoo’s bushy hair, his arms around him protectively. It was cute, Jisung thought, but he was more concerned about the sight then he was charmed by it.

Jisung kind of guessed that both Seongwoo and Minhyun were not very interested in women. Neither of them ever looked at women or even talked about girls the way the other members did. Jisung had a sneaking suspicion that the two were, well, _gay_.

That suspicion grew as he began to notice how the two were naturally drawn to one another. They often spoke to one another privately, and the two _obviously_ kept secrets from the rest of the members.

Jisung didn’t know if they were together per se, but he wouldn’t be surprised if they were. As a leader, he didn’t know what he should do about this. Should he confront them about it? Should he let them be? Having a couple in the group could never be good, especially in a group as heavily surveilled as Wanna One.

Jisung sighed. He decided that he wouldn’t interfere. Minhyun and Ong were both careful and smart; if they were actually a couple, they wouldn’t do anything stupid enough to compromise the group.

If the two became more obvious, Jisung resolved that he would have a small talk with them about it.


	9. Chapter Nine

These days, it was difficult for Minhyun to talk with his NU’EST members. He didn’t have his phone with him most of the time, and he also simply didn’t have _time_. To talk to his members would be to sacrifice much-needed sleep, risk his mother getting angry because he chose to use his phone time to talk to his friends and not his family, and to trigger his stupid manager who seemed to be a lowkey NU’EST anti.

Naturally, Minhyun stopped talking to them much. He only texted them every once in a while in the NU’EST group chat, and they occasionally replied but were mostly unresponsive. Minhyun guessed it was because they were also getting busy. Aron is doing his song with Raina, JR and Ren were endorsing Labiotte, and Baekho was still healing in Jeju with his family.

It was very easy to stop talking to people, Minhyun realized. No matter how tight you are with them, no matter how much you love them, no matter how much you tell yourself that you are going to talk to them everyday– if you aren’t forced to be with them every day, it’s only natural that you’ll stop interacting.

And so, as time went by, the once-active NU’EST group chat became idle, buried under new conversations that now took up the top spots of his Kakao chat list: the Wanna One group chat. The Hyung-line Wanna One group chat. The private chat with Seongwoo. The chat with all Wanna One members except Jisung (they loved playing pranks on the poor leader), the chat with Wanna One Justice League members (also the members he happened to be closest to).

All the while, Seongwoo and Minhyun grew closer, and Jonghyun ceased to become their main object of conversation anymore. Instead, in between schedules and in commutes to their venues, the two opened up to one another and became almost inseparable.

Seongwoo had always been a lone wolf, and he had liked it that way. It was the reason he had wanted to become an actor rather than an idol; he preferred to be solo, to work on his own. When the chance to appear on Produce 101 appeared, he had taken it, thinking he could make his way through it all on his own. And so he auditioned as the only male idol trainee from his company, intending to get in and achieve massive popularity as a part of this temporary idol group.

He didn’t expect to care for let alone actually _like_ any member that would debut with him, but he did. And not just one. Actually, Ong cared for every single one of them.

And he eventually stopped feeling like he was alone. He stopped feeling like he had to deal with things on his own. Eventually, he opened up. He trusted the others, and so made himself vulnerable by letting them into his heart.

It was mostly Daniel, Minhyun and Jaehwan that Ong opened up to. He told them that he was not attracted to females. He told them about his family problems. He told them about his mindset coming into Produce 101, how bitter and selfish he was, but how he completely changed somewhere along the line.

There was only one secret that he kept buried in his heart, thought, and that was that he had fallen _in love_ with Hwang Minhyun.

_In love_. Seongwoo couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he thought to characterize his feelings for Minhyun in that way. His attraction to Minhyun simply could not be tamed. Living with Minhyun and spending almost all of his time with him only further strengthened what Seongwoo started to feel during Produce 101. Minhyun was just _everything_.

-

Wanna One was finally granted the afternoon off (only because one of their tenants cancelled on them last minute). Most members decided to use that afternoon to catch up on lost sleep, but Minhyun decided to go to the NU’EST dorm and catch up with his members. He also planned to revitalize what he had with JR.

“Are you planning to get physical with him?” Seongwoo asked when Minhyun told him his plan to visit the NU’EST dorm.

Minhyun nodded. “I feel like the two of us are drifting apart, and I’m hoping something like this might help our relationship. I really do love him, Seongwoo, and I want him to feel that. I want to make him feel that.”

Seongwoo nodded as he felt a knot in his heart tighten with jealousy. He really wanted to be the one who Minhyun loved.

“Hey Seongwoo, you’ve had relations with men before, right?” Minhyun asked hesitantly.

“Yes, plenty,” Seongwoo answered. “Do you need advice?”

“Yes, actually,” Minhyun admitted with embarassement. “It’s just that last time I tried to get physical with JR in the supply closet, it didn’t work. It was weird, and I don’t what to do to make things less awkward.”

For a second, Seongwoo debated with himself as to whether or not he should really try to help Minhyun with this dilemma– it’s not normal to give advice to the person you love about how said person can get it on with someone else. But after glancing at Minhyun’s inquisitive eyes, which seemed eager for an answer, Seongwoo couldn’t find it in himself to mislead him.

“The trick is to go straight for jackpot,” Seongwoo told him. “Make his body want it before his mind has the chance to process that it doesn’t. Carnal desires always trump people’s sense of what’s awkward and what’s not, so all you have to do it awaken those desires.”

Minhyun nodded along to the advice, but he still seemed unconfident.

“Okay, I’m Minhyun, you’re Jonghyun,” Seongwoo continued, trying to ease Minhyun’s uncertainties with more clarification. “‘JJu-ya! I love you so much!!!” Ong said in a comically high-pitched voice, making Minhyun laugh.

“I do _not_ talk like that!” Minhyun claimed.

“Jju-ya!” Seongwoo continued teasing with that high-pitched voice, pulling a creepily overplayed aegyo face, making Minhyun roll his eyes.

“You do an awful impression of me,” Minhyun laughed.

Suddenly, Seongwoo’s voice went back to normal: “I love you, Jonghyun-ah,” Seongwoo performed, making sure to hold piercing eye contact with Minhyun.

Minhyun froze. Those words were laced with the sincerity of a lover or of an actor who played the role of a lover _very well_. And Ong sure knew how to make people drown in his eyes with the way he looked at them.

Just as Minhyun was about to compliment him on his phenomenal acting skills, Seongwoo drew closer to him. Eventually, Minhyun felt the need to take a few steps back to maintain his personal space, but Seongwoo wouldn’t allow it. Already against the wall, Minhyun began to feel Seongwoo’s breath mingle with his own, all the while, unable to break the eye contact.

Seongwoo didn’t stop like Minhyun expected him to. Instead, Ong leaned in and kissed him at the edge of his lips. This was too much, thought Minhyun as he felt his body go numb. Just as he was about to lightly push Seongwoo away, he felt the other lift his knee and rub it against his thigh, and all Minhyun could feel were goosebumps. He stood motionless, eyes wide with surprise and at a complete loss for words.

It was then that Seongwoo released him, stepping back to give Minhyun his personal space. That sharp, sensual expression on his face softened back to the soft, clown-face that Minhyun was more familiar with.

“Of course, your lips need to be smack on top of his mouth,” Seongwoo continued as if instructing him. “Use your tongue and everything. And also your knees: they need to be just a little over where I put mine. Obviously, I couldn’t demonstrate it on you fully because, well, that would be cheating!” Seongwoo had a wide innocent smile on his face, as if he didn’t just give Minhyun the greatest chill he had ever experienced.

“Sorry,” Ong apologized when Minhyun stood there still frozen. “Was that too much? I didn’t mean to, I just wanted to demonstrate. I didn’t kiss you or stimulate you or–”

“It was a little much,” Minhyun cut him off quickly, “but it’s okay. Just never do it again, okay?” Minhyun gulped.

Ong nodded with a guilty expression on his face, and Minhyun rushed past him and locked himself in the bathroom.

He washed his face and tried to tell himself that what just happened was okay. It wasn’t cheating. Their lips didn’t touch, and Seongwoo’s knees only briefly rubbed his thigh in a very _platonic_ way.

Minhyun took a deep breath– he didn’t want to lie to himself. What just happened was cheating, and not because of what Seongwoo did. It was cheating because of the way that it made Minhyun _feel_.

How is it that this brief encounter with Seongwoo thrilled Minhyun more than anything he had ever done with Jonghyun?

 


	10. Chapter 10

It was Ren who opened the door when Minhyun came to visit the NU’EST dorm that night.

“Surprise!” Minhyun said with a bright smile on his face, happy to see him again.

“Oh! He remembers my name!” Ren replied sarcastically, opening the door wider to let him in. Minhyun gave him a quick hug before making his way inside the dorm. It was very messy, as expected, but Minhyun decided not to comment. He didn’t want this visit to be a lecture. He truly just wanted to sit with the Ren, Aron and JR and talk with them until he was too tired to open his eyes.

“I finally got free time, so I came to visit,” Minhyun told Ren. “Where is everyone else?”

“Aron's hanging out with friends; JR’s in his room watching anime; Baekho’s in the studio with Bumzu…”

“Wait, I didn’t know Baekho was back in Seoul,” Minhyun said, surprised. He had thought that Baekho was still healing in Jeju.

“Of course you didn’t,” Ren replied, rolling his eyes. Minhyun sensed that Ren’s remark was a little snide. Ren always got like that when he was irritated, and Minhyun learned that the best way to deal with it is to not acknowledge it.

“When did he come back?” Minhyun asked. “And I why didn’t you guys tell me?”

“Three days ago. And why and when would we tell you? Not like you have time to talk to any of us anyways,” Ren scoffed.

Ren’s snarky comments were beginning to sting a little. Minhyun hadn’t realized that Ren was that upset at Minhyun’s lack of communication with the team, so he made a mental note to try and talk with Ren more later.

It was then Jonghyun came out of his room, his headphones around his neck and iPad still in his hand.

Seeing Jonghyun brought back that feeling of guilt for what happened with Ong just a few hours ago, but Minhyun didn’t want to let that bother him again. He had already decided that he was going to confess to what happened to JR because only by confessing could he move on from it.

“Minhyun!” JR beamed with brightly when he saw him. “I thought I heard you!” He quickly took off his headphones and threw his iPad to the side, rushing to embrace his long-absent lover.

Minhyun felt his heart stir as he took JR in his arms. He really loved JR. He couldn’t explain it, but he loved him with all of his heart. There was _no one_ like JR, least of all Ong Seongwoo. He couldn’t even compare the two– they were just on entirely different planes, and there was no way that Seongwoo could even come close to JR.

“I need to talk to you alone,” Minhyun said as they broke apart.”

“I get it. I’m leaving,” Ren told them rolling his eyes and heading to the door.

“Ren, no. That’s not what I mean,” Minhyun said quickly, not wanting to offend the maknae even more than he already seemed to be.

“Have fun, lovebirds,” Ren said. “Come to the studio when you’re done whatever you’re doing. Baekho would love to see big head again.” With that, Ren left.

“Is Ren mad at me?” Minhyun asked JR, still surprised by Ren’s behavior.

“A little bit,” JR answered. “You know Ren. He’ll get over it soon.”

“But why?”

“Just that he expected you at the funeral. And he expected you to talk to us a bit more. He’s just going through a lot.”

“I want to talk to you guys more, I really do,” Minhyun defended himself. “I just don’t have the time.”

“I get it. And he gets it too,” JR said. “Don’t be so upset, please?”

Minhyun nodded, but he was a little upset. He made a note to himself to apologize to Minki later and explain himself. But right now, he had other things he wanted to do.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Minhyun said, getting right to to it: “Today, Seongwoo was trying to show me how to approach you, and he kinda… got too close.”

JR narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“He kissed me here,” Minhyun pointed to the edge of his lip, “and rubbed my thigh with his knee.” Full disclosure. JR deserved that much at least.

“Weird,” JR said, but thankfully, he didn’t seem hurt or anything. “Do you think he likes you or something?”

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that,” Minhyun replied quickly. “He was trying to show me what to do with _you_. I just felt bad about it, so I wanted to tell you. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” JR laughed. “You didn’t kiss him back or anything, did you?”

“Of course not.”

“Then it’s nothing. Don’t worry yourself over nothing,” JR said. “But thank you for being honest.”

Minhyun sighed. Even if JR didn’t hold him accountable for that, Minhyun still felt guilty. Regardless of whether or not his actions responded to Ong’s physical advances, his heart still did. Minhyun still felt something after that, and that’s what made the whole thing so… wrong.

Minhyun couldn’t bring himself to say that to JR. He couldn’t tell him he felt a spark with Seongwoo, a spark that was sadly absent when the two of them tried to be physically intimate.

_No. No,_ Minhyun refused to believe that. JR was so much more to him that Seongwoo could ever be.

“I love you, jju-ya,” Minhyun said. Now was the time to do what Seongwoo taught him. Now was the time to prove to himself that they were more than a “platonic couple.”

Minhyun locked eyes with JR and inched closer to him the same way that Seongwoo did. JR was against the sofa’s backrest when Minhyun took his lips and kissed him.

JR responded and kissed him back like any boyfriend should, but it still didn’t feel right. JR wished that Minhyun would stop trying to force it, stop seeking advice from Seongwoo about how to approach it. Seongwoo didn’t know anything about their relationship, what made Minhyun think that the guy would have anything valuable to say about it?

This was so forced and unnatural.

Jonghyun then felt Minhyun’s knee between his legs, and that was a whole new level of awkward that JR couldn’t bear for longer than a few seconds.

JR stopped returning the kiss. Instead, he shrunk away and shriveled up in a ball to lightly push Minhyun away from him. JR really wasn’t prepared for something like that now. “Can we please do this later? When we have more time?” he requested

“We have all night though,” Minhyun replied.

“No, we don’t. Don’t you want to go see Baekho tonight?” JR asked him. Both of them knew that he was just using Baekho as an excuse right now.

Minhyun looked defeated and a little hurt by the rejection, which made JR feel lousy. “I get it,” Minhyun said with a sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry, Minhyun. But… I don’t… I don’t want this for us,” JR said honestly. “I thought maybe we could try one more time, but now I don’t think we should. It doesn’t feel right, and you know it.”

“But isn’t it supposed to feel right?”

“Who told you that? Seongwoo?”

“This has nothing to do with Seongwoo,” Minhyun groaned. “We need to figure this out between us.”

“I thought we figured it out ages ago, though,” JR replied calmly. “I thought we agreed that we weren’t that kind of couple...”

“But I want to be!”

“And I don’t,” JR replied honestly. “Minhyun, you are very important to me, and doing these things with you does not represent what I feel about you.”

“So you’re not attracted to me?”

“Not like that.”

“I see,” Minhyun said with a deep breath. “So be it.”

Was that hurt that JR sensed in Minhyun’s voice? Hurting Minhyun was the last thing that he ever wanted to do; he was just being honest. He was just trying to shut this down before is spiraled out of control and affected their relationship negatively.

They decided to go to the studio to see Baekho like they planned, but there was now a heavy atmosphere between them that didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon.

“If I were a girl, do you think things would have been different?” Minhyun asked as they were walking to the main street to hail a taxi.

“Of course,” JR replied. “If you were a girl I would have never met you because you would have never been part of NU’EST.” He said it in a joking way, trying to lighten the mood.

Minhyun smiled a little, but continued prying: “I mean, say I was part of After School, and we fell in love and we’ve been dating for three years. Do you think our relationship would be different?”

“Maybe,” JR replied with a shrug.

“Are we lovers or are we brothers?” Minhyun asked, turning to JR with a serious expression on his face.

“My brothers are Aron, Ren and Baekho,” JR replied. “My lover is you.”

Minhyun smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

“You accept that answer?”

“I do,” Minhyun said.

-

It was great to see Minhyun again. Seeing him brought back a sense of normalcy that Baekho had been lacking for the past few weeks as he recovered from his father’s death. Minhyun was still the same old big head. Talkative, whiny, hella annoying, but comforting all at the same.

And it was nice that Minhyun didn’t talk about his father. Baekho didn’t like to be reminded that his old man had moved on, but lately it was all his friends seemed to want to talk about with him. But Minhyun knew him well. Instead of talking about how unfortunate it was that his dad left him, and how sorry he was, Minhyun complained about Guanlin’s loud snores and Baejin’s affinity for skinship and Sungwoon’s messy habits. The stories that Minhyun told gave Baekho a good laugh. It was nice that the big head adjusted to his new group so well.

But Baekho did eventually notice that something was off with Minhyun, and it had to do with JR and Ren. Ren didn’t really say a single word since Minhyun came, and JR was also just watching Minhyun with… what was it? Regret? Longing? There was a new kind of tension between the two lovebirds that wasn’t there before. Maybe they got into a fight, Baekho thought.

His chance to ask came when Minhyun had to step out to talk to his YMC manager, and Ren was playing with Seventeen in the practice room.

“Hey, JR. What’s up with you and Minhyun? Everything okay with you two?”

The look on JR’s face after Baekho asked him told Baekho that things were not okay at all.

“What’s up?”

“It’s kind of… private,” JR answered uncertainly.

“You two are keeping secrets?” Baekho scoffed.

“It’s not like that…”

“Then tell me,” Baekho pressed. The truth was that he really wanted JR to tell him, because for once, he didn’t want to be the member with the problem. For once, he wanted to not be the member that the others had to provide with emotional support. For once, he wanted to be one to provide comfort and support.

JR hesitated. Was it okay to tell others about the very private couple issue they were having? _Well, Minhyun is telling Seongwoo,_ said a voice in JR’s head. Why was that okay? Why was Minhyun the only one who got to open up about personal issues to someone else?

And so JR told him, partly out of jealousy of Minhyun. It was awkward to tell another member about their awkward sex life, but it didn’t look like Baekho was particularly repulsed by it. He listened intently and without judgement until the end.

“What do you think I should do?” JR asked him.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Baekho shrugged. “But it sounds like Ong is planting some poisonous seeds in Minhyun’s big head. You guys never had this problem before, right?”

“No, we didn’t,” JR agreed.

“Then the problem isn’t with either of you.”

JR didn’t like putting the blame on others, so he didn’t really agree with Baekho. No, it wasn’t Seongwoo’s fault; Seongwoo always meant well, and it’s obvious that Minhyun needed his support.

“No. I think it’s my own fault,” said JR. “I didn’t know how to properly deal with this issue.”

Baekho sighed. He was used to JR blaming himself for anything bad that ever happened; he should have known that JR wouldn’t accept Baekho’s diagnosis.

Oh well. If JR didn’t want to confront that Ong guy, then Baekho would.

-

“I heard you and JR were having problems,” Baekho told Minhyun later that night as he was working on a new song, Minhyun next to him, just like old times.

“Who told you _that_?” Minhyun asked awkwardly.

“A little bird.”

“Well, it’s not a big deal,” Minhyun replied.

“You rarely ever fought like this before, and it seems to be bothering you especially.”

“We’ve sorted it out.”

“Look, I know it’s not very comfortable talking about it with me. I get it. But I wish you’d feel that way about Ong Seongwoo too.”

At this point, Minhyun knew that Baekho’s concern was coming from more than just his intuition and his sense of the tension between them. Someone must have told him something.

“Did JR tell you?” Minhyun asked Baekho.

“Who else?” Baekho replied with a scoff. “But listen here, you’re stressing the poor guy out and he’s blaming himself for whatever awkward shit went down between you two. But it’s not his fault, and it’s not yours either. Just stop letting an outsider influence you, alright?”

“I appreciate that advice,” Minhyun said, “but I think for myself. I’m not blindly following some ‘outsider.’ And I know you’re not very close to Seongwoo, but I am, and I don’t appreciate how you’re making him the bad guy in all of this.”

“Suit yourself,” Baekho replied, not wanting to make this more of an argument than it already was.

Minhyun was disappointed in the whole conversation with Baekho, and in JR for telling him about the “awkward encounters” that Minhyun would have rather kept between them. And the worst part about it was how Seongwoo was suddenly the one to blame.

Minhyun was most hurt by how Baekho called Seongwoo an “outsider.” If Seongwoo was an outsider, then what did that make Minhyun himself? To Minhyun, Ong was not an outsider- Ong was in his group and his closest friend and greatest support at the moment. If Ong was such an outsider, then maybe that’s what Minhyun himself was too.

It didn’t help that Ren was also making him feel like that as well. Every now and again, the maknae would make a comment that would hurt him slightly, and it didn’t stop. (“You’ve changed a lot since you joined that group.” “You didn’t know that Bumzu released a new song? Why am I not surprised?” etc.)

Aron finally joined them after many hours. At this point it was 2 AM and Minhyun had to go back to the dorm to catch three hours of sleep before the next schedule.

“You have to leave already?” Aron whined. “But we _never_ see you. It’s like you’re not even with us anymore.”

That stung, even if Aron didn’t mean it to.

Minhyun left quickly after. He didn’t even properly say goodbye to any of them. The whole meeting had left him feeling lonelier than ever. He managed to distance himself from JR when he wanted to finally fix things. He managed to leave on bitter terms with both Baekho and Ren. He didn’t even properly get to see Aron.

His NU’EST members were supposed to be his family. They were supposed to make him feel at home. This meeting with them was supposed to be comforting, but it ended being anything but that.

He wished he didn’t come. He wished he used his free time to sleep or watch a movie with Baejin or something.

-

The very next day, the 2017 version of Hello was suddenly released, and Minhyun couldn’t even listen to it. He felt so replaced and excluded. Why did they have to remake Hello without him? Why did they have to get rid of his voice in _their_ song? It felt like they were kicking him out of the group with this.

“The 2017 version of Hello wasn’t all that great anyway,” Seongwoo said as he slumped down next to him the waiting room. “It’s missing a very important voice.”

Minhyun smiled at Seongwoo’s attempts to make him feel better. “So you gave that catastrophic remix views?” Minhyun replied with a pretend frown of disapproval.

“Only one view!” Seongwoo defended himself quickly. “And a thumbs down too! And I also wrote a mean comment.”

Minhyun laughed. Seongwoo always knew how to joke to make him feel better.

He then sighed and turned to Seongwoo. “I’m wrong to be upset by this, right? Be honest with me.”

“To be honest, yes. You’re acting like a petty ex watching your girlfriend do the same fun stuff with her new boyfriend that you used to do. Just let your ex go, for crying out,” Seongwoo urged.

“Good analogy,” Minhyun said, laughing. “And you’re right. I need to let go of her for now.”

“Good. Because you have a super hot new girlfriend named Wanna One that needs your full and undivided attention right now,” Seongwoo told him. “And she’s terminally ill and is going to die in 2019 so you best make the best of your time with her!”

Minhyun laughed and nodded. “I will.”

Seongwoo loved watching Minhyun laugh at his jokes. He gazed at that emperor’s face for as long as it took that amused smile to fade away into his just-as-enchanting poker face.

“Minhyun, I have something important to tell you,” Seongwoo said after a brief moment of consideration.

“Yes?” Minhyun turned to give him his attention.

“I like you,” he confessed.

“Huh?”

“I _like like_ you,” Ong clarified lifting his head and holding eye contact with Minhyun.

Minhyun was surprised by the sudden confession. Usually he was good with letting his love confessors down easy, but now, for some reason, Minhyun was to stunned to think of the proper way to react to or reject it. “Seongwoo, I…”

“I know,” Ong cut him off. “You’re with Jonghyun, and you can’t accept my feelings. I expected that. I just needed to let you know.” With that, Seongwoo stood up and went to get his make-up done, leaving Minhyun with jumbled thought and a lot to dwell on.


	11. Chapter 11

Things were going exactly according to plan.

Seongwoo had thought this through; he would get intimate with Minhyun (not so intimate that it would be considered cheating on Jonghyun, but just intimate enough to make Minhyun’s heart beat). In that moment, Seongwoo thought he could test the waters with Minhyun, see if there was some kind of attraction, and boy did he feel that attraction.

Minhyun felt the spark, Seongwoo  _knew_ he felt it. He could tell by how flustered the guy appeared after Seongwoo pulled away from him. The Emperor Hwang Minhyun, who was always so cool and calm– was flustered? It was so unlike him, and so Ong reasoned that Minhyun must have felt something unusual.

Now that the possibility of an attraction to Seongwoo was planted in Minhyun’s head, Seongwoo thought he would strike when the iron was still hot and make it known to Minhyun that that potential attraction was mutual.

And it worked even better in his favor since Minhyun came back from visiting his NU’EST members that night. Seongwoo noticed Minhyun’s distress. Whatever sexual advances Minhyun tried on JR most certainly did not work.

Minhyun later told him that he felt this bad energy with his NU’EST members that he never felt before. As demonic as it was for Seongwoo to feel happy about this, Seongwoo thought it was almost a perfect opportunity. Before the memory of that spark between them faded, before Jonghyun and Minhyun had the chance to properly make up, Seongwoo confessed.

And the confession seemed to throw Minhyun into all sorts of disarray. Minhyun probably got love confessions at least once a month, and given that he had been with Jonghyun all these years, Minhyun must have been skilled with letting people down easy, rejecting confessions with kindness and class. But as for Seongwoo’s confession, Minhyun did not take it with very much class at all.

Minhyun avoided Seongwoo at all costs. He couldn’t even meet Seongwoo’s eyes or talk to him.

Minhyun was  _confused_ , and Seongwoo couldn’t be happier.

-

JR never imagined that it would be easy to get so far from Minhyun in such a short amount of time. Before, they had always been in sync, on the same page. They always understood one another so well, and that’s what made them such a good couple. But now, for the first time ever, JR didn’t feel like they were on the same page at all.

He hoped that it was just a temporary rift that would pass with time. He already accepted that the two of them were not going to be same for the next year and a half. But maybe when 2019 comes, they would get back in sync again, he hoped.

It really took a toll on him though, and no one noticed it better than Baekho.

Baekho did not really want to be involved in his members’ love lives (especially when it pertained to their sex lives, yuck), but JR was so helpless that Baekho felt obliged, as a fellow member, to try and support him through this difficult obstruction in their relationship.

“A grand romantic gesture would help,” Baekho suggested.

It was then JR remembered that conversation he and Minhyun had in the beginning. Minhyun was upset that he couldn’t promote with them and continue the legacy of NU’EST, and JR said that they wouldn’t. Hence the idea of a sub-unit came about, an idea that none of them really considered that seriously.

And so JR went to the CEO, and told him the idea.

“NU’EST… W?” the CEO asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, NU’EST Waiting.”

CEO narrowed his eyes as he considered this idea. It wasn’t a good idea to change a group’s name when the group was getting so much attention already. A comeback as “NU’EST” would be a lot more powerful than a comeback as a sub-unit of NU’EST. But at the same time, the name change would make headlines… a lot of headlines.

‘NU’EST members to promote as NU’EST W, meaning that they are waiting for their member who unfortunately is unable to promote with them.’ Netizens would love it! They would think: oh, how sweet of them; how considerate must the NU’EST members be. Plus, it is good marketing off of Minhyun, who was extremely popular.

“Fine,” the CEO agreed. “NU’EST W it is.”

-

It was such a surprise for Minhyun.

It was Daniel who showed him the press release that morning.

“Hyung! Look at this!!!” he said excitedly, giving Minhyun his phone. “That’s so sweet!”

Minhyun read it. “NU’EST members to promote as NU’EST W in Hwang Minhyun’s absence” because “NU’EST is not complete” and they will wait until the five of them are back together again to use “NU’EST” again.

_They did it. They actually did it_. NU’EST W. The 5-syllable mess of a subunit name that Minhyun did not ever think would ever be realized, was actually happening. And Minhyun was touched beyond belief.

He asked, no  _begged_ , his manager for his phone back. He needed to express his appreciation for them. He needed to tell how much it meant to him that they were putting NU’EST on hold just for him.

_I love you guys so much_ , Minhyun wrote in the long-idle NU’EST group-chat.  _Thank you._

_It was your boyfriend’s idea,_  Baekho wrote, along with a smirking emoji.

_I love you, my boyfriend. Seriously, I love you so much jju-ya._

JR just replied with a heart emoji. He didn’t have any other words, but he was glad to see that Minhyun was so touched by the gesture.

Wanna One were now shooting for another endorsement, and Minhyun managed to excuse himself to go the bathroom and immediately call JR.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Minhyun immediately yelled into the phone when JR picked up. “How did you get CEO to agree?”

JR laughed. “Not important,” he said. “I’m so happy you liked the surprise.”

“It’s the best gift I could ever ask for. I feel so much happier right now. Really, thank you. Thank you  _so_ much. I love you. More than anything. Really, I just love you.”

Hearing those words, JR felt content.

Maybe things haven’t changed after all.

-

With the new headlines, Seongwoo’s plans were ruined. Now, this sweet gesture from NU’EST distracted Minhyun from Seongwoo’s confession and now all Minhyun seemed to care about were his members and how much he loved them. He was starry-eyed all day, happy all day, and to make it worse, he didn’t stop avoiding Seongwoo. And boy was Seongwoo bitter.

“So… is there something you want to tell me?” asked a voice suddenly, making Seongwoo jump a little.

Seongwoo turned to find Jisung, arms crossed with an intent expression on his face.

“No,” Seongwoo answered.

“You and Minhyun seem a little bit strange today. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Seongwoo lied.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” Jisung said. “But if whatever is happening between gets out of hand and affects group dynamics, I’m going to step in. So solve the problem, whatever it is, because it’s starting to become obvious and the little ones are beginning to notice.” With that, Jisung left, and Ong began to realize that the guy was a lot more perceptive than he let on.

-

But the problem was not solved. Days passed, and Seongwoo and Minhyun barely talked about anything besides schedules. Even then, Minhyun always avoided Seongwoo’s gaze, and it was dead obvious to Jisung.

“Hyung, is it just me, or is there something weird about Minhyun and Ong,” Woojin asked Jisung one day. “They used to talk all the time, now they’re not even looking at each other. Yesterday, Seongwoo sat next to Minhyun to eat, and Minhyun stopped eating, said he was full, and left. It was weird.”

At this point, Jisung knew it was time to interfere.

One night, after schedules, Jisung told Minhyun to wait in his room because he needed to talk to him, and Minhyun happily obliged.

He then went to Seongwoo, who had just finished showering and was getting ready for bed. Jihoon and Guanlin were also in the room preparing to sleep,

“I need to talk to you alone. In my room, please,” Jisung requested, and of course, Guanlin and Jihoon piqued their ears with enthusiasm. Jisung talking to another member alone? This must be juicy, they thought.

Seongwoo knew what this is about though; it was about that stupid gorgeous tall guy that had been avoiding him. Ong groaned, wishing that Jisung didn’t feel the need to solve the stupid problem, because it’s not a problem that Seongwoo wanted to tell him about. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, but he just didn’t want people to feel sorry for him for being rejected.

“If this is about what I think it is, then…”

“Ong Seongwoo, you are coming to my room now!” Jisung insisted with sternness that was not characteristic of him at all. This made Guanlin and Jihoon freeze. Happy-go-lucky Jisung acting  _stern?_  This must be  _very_ serious, whatever it was.

With some hesitation, Seongwoo headed towards Jisung’s room. He did it mostly because he didn’t want Jihoon and Guanlin to get more curious about this, and he was afraid that Jisung would make more of spectacle of it

Jisung followed him, arms crossed and waiting for him to go into the room. When Ong entered, he froze when he saw Minhyun already sitting there waiting. The door then slammed behind him and was locked from the outside.

_“You have got to be kidding me!”_  Seongwoo muttered when he realized what Jisung was doing.

“This door will be locked until tomorrow morning,” Jisung announced through the door. “Get over whatever it is that’s going on between you! Bye!”

“Well I could think of at least 100 better ways to handle this situation,” Seongwoo mumbled as Minhyun, who was just as surprised as Seongwoo was, strode to the door to try and make sure it was indeed locked.

Minhyun sighed and took a seat on Jisung’s bed.

“What? Are you still going to give me the silent treatment?” Seongwoo asked.

“No,” Minhyun answered. “I apologize for how I’ve been acting. I just… I don’t know what to say to you.”

“Just say you don’t feel the same way and move on,” Seongwoo laughed, trying to lighten the heavy tension between them. “I’m a big boy; I can take it.”

Minhyun smiled a little and finally looked at Seongwoo with a sorry expression on his face.

“Finally, eye contact!” Seongwoo commented, making Minhyun laugh.

When his laughter died out, that sorry expression returned. “I apologize, Seongwoo. For being so…  _awkward…_  about this.”

“And here I thought you’d be used to love confessions. I mean,  _look at you_ ,” Ong joked.

“I’ve had my fair share of those,” Minhyun answered with an amused grin. “But it never came from someone this close to me.”

“Really? What about Jonghyun?” Seongwoo asked, naturally veering the conversation towards something else.

Minhyun smiled to himself when he remembered JR and the how they became a couple. There had been no love confessions or anything like that. Now that Minhyun thought about it, it had been a very unconventional beginning to a very unconventional relationship.

One night, way back in 2014, Ren, Baekho, Aron and the staff decided to have tacos in a Mexican restaurant beside their hotel in Japan. Minhyun, however, had never been very fond of foreign food, and so JR offered to go uptown with him to a Korean restaurant.

But JR liked tacos; he only went uptown for Minhyun’s sake. It was a long bus ride to get there, and Minhyun remembered feeling bad because it had eaten up from JR’s anime time. And so when they finished eating, Minhyun repaid him for the gesture by taking him to one of those arcades and play the games with him. It made JR so stupidly happy.

They called it a date. Perhaps neither of them really meant that this was an  _actual_  date at the time, but it naturally became the vocabulary they used to describe that outing, which became more and more frequent as time went by: JR accompanied Minhyun for dinner someplace that served Korean cuisine, and Minhyun accompanied JR to some arcade or manga shop or whatever Japanese entertainment that JR took such interest in.

They both enjoyed those outings, no, those  _dates_ , very much. It was nice to get away from the staff and the other members, and just spend time with each other. It was nice to try new things and explore the country together.

Minhyun remembered that one conversation that the two of them had about these dates with so much clarity. How simple it was. How easily it completely transformed the status of their relationship–

“We go on so many dates, it feels like we’re a couple,” JR had said with a bemused grin.

“I guess we are a couple,” Minhyun had replied.

“Yeah. I guess we are.”

And lo and behold. That was the beginning. That one, brief, momentary realization was like a flap of a butterfly’s wings that changed their lives forever. They eventually found themselves doing more romantic things on their dates, like holding hands and walking in the parks. They eventually found themselves cuddling into one another’s arms. They eventually found themselves kissing. They eventually found themselves falling in love.

There had never been a  _confession_  from either of them. The two just naturally fell together in this weird way that Minhyun had found so natural and pure. There didn’t need to be a grand love pronouncement; they knew they loved one another without even saying it.

Seongwoo listened to this story with piqued interest. What a strange couple those two were. What a strange couple indeed.

“What?” Minhyun asked as he watched Seongwoo’s dubious reaction.

“It’s a cute story,” Seongwoo said with a shrug. “And it explains a lot too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you two didn’t come together like most other couples. It’s probably why you’re so different from regular couples too.”

“Maybe. But I like the way we are,” Minhyun added, making eye contact with Seongwoo to relay his sincerity about that.

_Ouch_. It was a little painful to hear Minhyun say that, because it felt like Minhyun’s form of a rejection, however subtle and unassuming. But Ong decided not to take it as such. Up until now, Minhyun  _still_  hadn’t properly responded to his confession yet; he still didn’t say anything like ‘no, sorry, I can’t accept your feelings.’ He may have implied it, but Seongwoo would not make anything out of those implications. He deserved a proper rejection, not just apologetic looks and statements about his current boyfriend.

“Can I… just say something?” Seongwoo asked, uncertain if it was wise to say it. Usually, he would think through these things before blurting them out loud, but now, he didn’t feel like thinking about it and making all the necessary calculations. He just really wanted Minhyun to see the problem. He just really wanted Minhyun to reconsider.

“Of course, anything,” Minhyun encouraged.

“Before I do, can you just forget about my feelings for you for a second? I swear they have nothing to do with what I’m about to tell you. I don’t want you to mistake my motives.”

“I won’t,” Minhyun said.

“Do you want to stay celibate all your life? Think about it, Minhyun. If you really are with Jonghyun long term, that is what’s going to be expected of you. If you can’t have sex three years after dating and seven years after knowing each other, you certainly won’t be able to do it in the future. But I don’t think either of you can remain without having a sexual partner, and so you guys  _will_  break up eventually. Let’s face it, you and I both know that JR is attracted to women; look at the boobs on the women in all the manga he reads for crying out loud. He will also one day want to break out of a sexless relationship to explore his sexuality, and you’ll want to do the same.”

Minhyun fell quiet as Seongwoo’s word rung in his ears like an unwelcome wake-up call. The longevity of his romantic association with JR had definitely popped up in head a few times, but was subconsciously suppressed because he didn’t want to think about it, because it always seemed to allude to the end and that upset Minhyun immensely.

And Seongwoo was right. JR was attracted to women, and it was not just the anime girls with big boobs that told Minhyun that. It was also the way he looked at some girls, the way he would ogle them without even realizing it, and the way he listened whenever Baekho, Ren and Aron were talking about women’s bodies. Minhyun still couldn’t forget the way that JR looked at and danced with Kim Hyuna when they both appeared on Knowing Bros; it was much different than the way that JR had ever looked at him.

“I swear I’m not saying this because I want you two to break up,” Seongwoo quickly added. “I’m saying this because I want you to think about this, Minhyun, for your own sake.”

“Okay,” Minhyun conceded. “What we have might end in the future. But right now, I don’t want to think about that. I just want to enjoy what I have with him while it lasts.”

“As you wish,” Seongwoo told him. “But maybe it’s better to break up when you’re not promoting in the same group than when you are– I’m just saying.”

Minhyun narrowed his eyes at Seongwoo. “Seongwoo, I’m starting to think that you’re not trying to help me here.”

_Ah shit_ , Seongwoo cursed in his head. Maybe that came out wrong. Maybe he should have thought more about what he said. Was it that obvious that he was pushing for a break-up?  _Stupid, stupid, stupid_   _Seongwoo_.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Seongwoo apologized quickly. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

“Then I’ll just forget you said it then,” Minhyun told him.

But Minhyun did not forget, of course. Ong’s words had more of an effect on him than Minhyun would have liked to admit, and even the prospect of breaking up suddenly emerged in his mind like a dark looming shadow. _It’s better to break up when you’re not promoting in the same group than when you are._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel most of the readers of this fic are such passionate 2hyun shippers so im sorry for the angst this is putting you guys through lol  
> i added the onghwang for those that asked me to since i guess there is a little bit of onghwang that people didn't seem to expect ^^"
> 
> p.s. it might take a bit longer to update this than usual because im going out of the country soon! Just a head's up ^^


	12. Twelve

Things had changed a lot for JR since he got popular. Suddenly, more people took an interest in him. Suddenly, more people were contacting him.

Suddenly, girls began to notice him.

JR was a shy person. He never interacted much with the opposite gender, and he was so reserved that girls never really noticed him. But after Produce 101, girls suddenly adored him. Female idols were coming to talk to him.

And today, one of them even confessed her love to him.

He was flustered and unsure of what to say to her. JR was not used to dealing with love confessions, not sure of how to properly respond to them while still being kind and not breaking the confessor’s heart. Of course, he had to reject the confessor because of Minhyun, and saying ‘sorry, I’m seeing someone else,’ was not really something an idol could say for fear of dating scandals and whatnot.

“I’m honored,” was what he told her. “You’re very beautiful, but my company won’t let me date at this time. But I would like to get your number, if you would give it to me.”

It was a white lie, but JR would rather lie than make someone feel like something was wrong with them.

And JR got her number, and he stashed it in his wallet. He knew he would never actually use it and contact her, but he couldn’t find it in himself to throw it away.

JR told Minhyun what happened with her, thinking that Minhyun would like to hear about the interesting things that had transpired with him. But for some reason, when JR told him about her, Minhyun snapped.

“Who was it?” Minhyun asked.

“Why do you want to know that?” JR replied. JR had consciously hidden her identity, aware that she probably would have liked to remain anonymous.

“Just tell me!” Minhyun sputtered.

“Jooeun… from DIA,” JR answered hesitantly, only because he didn’t want to upset Minhyun.

“She’s… pretty,” Minhyun noted.

“Yes, she is.”

-

Jooeun from DIA was gorgeous. Minhyun concluded that after doing plenty of research on her. She had great proportions. She was very funny in variety shows, had a great voice, and her fancams were amazing. And she was literally only one day older than JR. How cute would they be as a couple celebrating their birthdays together?

And JR also kept her number.

JR probably wanted her.

It wasn’t long before Jooeun from DIA began haunting Minhyun in his dreams, even though he had never met the girl. She was always on Minhyun’s mind as the embodiment of JR’s desires. Seongwoo’s voice also often resounded in the background of Jooeun’s pictures in Minhyun’s mind. “Jonghyun likes girls,” Seongwoo would narrate. “Jonghyun will leave you eventually. He wants to explore his sexuality.” “Better to break up when you’re not in the same group than when you are.”

Yes, it was better to break up now than any other time, Minhyun thought.

Better to break up when they aren’t seeing much of one another, so that with time, the heartbreak and the bitter feelings and the awkwardness would fade in time before they had to face the cameras together. Better to break up now, when they didn’t have to be with each other every single day so that they had enough time to heal. Better to break up now, when they were forced to be apart, then later, when they’re forced to be together.

Minhyun thought of his fans, of NU’EST, of his members, of JR. Maybe Seongwoo was right. It’s better for everyone to break up sooner rather than later. Better for his fans who wouldn’t have to catch the tension that would most certainly ensue from a breakup like that. Better for JR who would be free to explore a love life with someone other than him. And better for Minhyun himself, who wouldn’t have to deal with such a hard breakup later in his life.

“ _I think I want to break up with JR,”_ Minhyun wrote to Baekho one night.

Baekho frowned when he saw the text message. This had Ong Seongwoo written all over it.

“ _What the fuck,”_ was Baekho’s response. “ _Why?”_

“ _Because it’s better to break up when we’re not in the same group than when we are.”_

_“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard."_

_“He likes girls.”_

_“He likes you, dumbass.”_

_“Then why doesn’t he act like it?”_

_“Okay is this about your lack of a sex life?”_

_“Maybe.”_

Baekho groaned. What pulled him into this awkward feud? Still, he felt somehow responsible for salvaging this crumbling relationship that stupid Ong Seongwoo was destroying. With that in mind, he took a moment to think of a proper response to Minhyun’s worries, a response that will knock some sense into that big head. _“Sex is important,”_ he wrote. _“I get it. You want to go down that lane eventually, and I’m sure JR does too. But JR is shy and reserved, and you’re prim and proper. Both your personalities don’t make it easy. You two just haven’t found the comfort with one another yet to get intimate like that, and that’s okay. It could take years, but it will happen if you guys are meant for each other, and I think you are. You losers have been in love since God knows when. You’re closer than 99% of the couples that I know, and some of them fuck on a daily basis. So get your head out of your ass and stop saying stupid things.”_

Baekho nervously waited to see how Minhyun would take the long and motivational monologue. The three dots indicating that Minhyun was typing dragged on forever, and in that time Baekho prayed that Minhyun got some sense knocked into him.

“ _Thank you,”_ was Minhyun’s reply.

“ _So did I talk you out of it?”_

“ _Yes, you did. We never had this conversation.”_

_“I can live with that.”_

-

Jisung was frustrated. It felt like Seongwoo and Minhyun were still on bad terms. Since trapping them in that room last night, the two still barely looked at one another.

It was hard to be a leader, thought Jisung. He didn’t know how to deal with the problem, and he didn’t know to what extent he should interfere. Should he try to solve the problem, or should he just let the two be?

It was just that all members of Wanna One noticed the bad energy between the two, and it was even starting to be obvious to some fans. Something had to be done about this, and as a leader, Jisung felt like it was his responsibility to try.

But he was new to this whole leader business; he didn’t know what to do, and wanted advice as to how to go about this.

Who better to ask for advice than the Nation’s Leader himself?

_“Heyyy,”_ Jisung wrote to Jonghyun when he got his phone back for the night. “ _Can I ask for some leaderly advice?”_

_“Of course,”_ was Jonghyun’s response. Always so kind.

“ _Two members of my group seem to be avoiding each other. They aren’t telling me what’s wrong. So what do I do to fix it?”_

_“Depends on the members’ personalities. I can be of more help if I know who they are.”_

Jisung felt troubled. He had wanted to keep it anonymous, because he didn’t want Jonghyun to worry and he also didn’t want to put Minhyun and Seongwoo in an awkward situation in case Jonghyun decided to confront them.

After some consideration, Jisung decided to tell him. Jonghyun knew Minhyun better than anyone else, and he was sure that Jonghyun’s advice would lead to some progress.

“ _Fine. Seongwoo and Minhyun.”_

“ _Minhyun? Really?”_

“ _Yeah…”_

_“I thought Seongwoo and Minhyun were close though.”_

_“They were. But suddenly they just stopped talking. I think maybe they broke up or something?”_

_“???? What???”_

Oh shit. Jisung just assumed that Jonghyun was aware of his member’s inclinations, but apparently not. _“Maybe I got it wrong though,”_ Jisung quickly added. “ _It’s just that both of them were very touchy feely at first and seemed to really click, but now they’re acting like butthurt boyfriends, so I just made some assumptions.”_

“ _You got it wrong,”_ JR wrote. _“Trust me, I would know._

“ _Maybe. But they still are on bad terms, so what do I do?”_ Jisung

_“Minhyun doesn’t like to hold grudges,”_ Jonghyun explained. _“You don’t have to worry about him. Just give it a few more days, and he’ll fix the problem himself. It’s better if you don’t interfere. Minhyun likes feeling in control.”_

_“Got it. Thanks man,”_ Jisung answered.

That was the end of that trail of messages, but it triggered a never-ending trail of thought on Jonghyun’s end.

Seongwoo and Minhyun. Together. JR had never really considered that until Jisung brought it up.

The two of them suited one another well, thought JR unhappily. Both very attractive. Both shrewd and determined. And Seongwoo was obviously very important to Minhyun, and they both seemed to trust one another a lot.

Yes, it was painful to think about. Minhyun and Ong. Minhyun and someone that was not him.

It hurt so much.

-

The next time Minhyun and JR talked, it was many days later on Guanlin’s phone (the manager was still being a douche and not letting him have his phone very often, and so he resorted to bribing the little ones every once in a while).

“What’s going on between you and Ong? Word on the street is that you two are fighting?” JR said.

Minhyun groaned a little from the other end of the line. How did the news get to Jonghyun? Minhyun put his money on Jaehwan; that idiot couldn’t keep his gossiping mouth shut for the life of him.

Yes, it had been very tense lately between Ong and Minhyun. Ever since Ong confessed, it had been weird. Actually, no, the weirdness had started before that, when Ong “demonstrated” on him what to do with Jonghyun. Minhyun had been so cautious of his friend ever since. And then Ong planted that seed in his head about breaking up with JR, and it was something that Minhyun had not stopped thinking about, even with Baekho’s reassurance.

Minhyun, understandably, did not want to tell JR about all of that, _especially_ the part where Seongwoo talked about breaking up.

“Well, do you want to tell me?” JR asked with concern.

Minhyun sighed. He wanted to be honest with his lover, and so he decided to tell him a part of the truth.

“Seongwoo confessed romantic feelings for me,” Minhyun admitted to JR hesitantly. “And I don’t know how to deal with it.”

Somehow, JR wasn’t even surprised to hear that. He had subconsciously suspected it; it was inevitable that someone from his new group would eventually fall in love with his Minhyun.

His charming, sweet, polite, kind Minhyun with soft eyes and a saccharine tongue. It was only a matter of time before someone else would want him, someone far more qualified than JR was.

“W…what did you say to him?” JR managed to mask the internal heartache and ask the question.

“There was no need to say anything. He knows I’m with you,” Minhyun replied softly.

“How long ago was this?” JR managed.

“A couple of weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” JR wondered.

That was a good question, thought Minhyun as he pondered an answer. It was unusual that Minhyun didn’t tell him, because usually, Minhyun would tell about anything that ever happened to him, especially if it was this significant. JR told Minhyun about Jooeun without any problem, but it was not the same for Minhyun. It was just that Minhyun felt _ashamed_ for some reason; a part of him felt like he himself was at fault in this. No matter how much he tried to reason with himself that he did nothing wrong, he simply couldn’t bring himself to tell JR about Seongwoo’s confession.

It was because, hard as Minhyun tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t brush it off and act normal with Seongwoo again like he was supposed to. He couldn’t reject it with class like he did with all the confessions he got. This confession was _harder_ to reject, _harder_ to understand, and harder for Minhyun to get over.

“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you,” Minhyun responded after a brief pause.

Both fell silent, and for a good number of seconds, neither said anything to the other.

“Please do whatever makes you happy,” JR finally said, successfully not letting his voice crack the way it really wanted to. “I don’t want to tie you down.”

“What??? What are you saying?” Minhyun managed, stammering a little at what he was implying.

“Just… please… make up with Seongwoo,” JR quickly said to divert the conversation away from where it had been going. JR felt like he would have cried if they lingered around that painful implication any longer. “Having a good relationship with your teammates is very important,” JR continued. “If you keep avoiding each other, the problem will grow bigger and it will affect the whole group, not just you two.”

“You’re right,” Minhyun said, heeding JR’s always-wise advice.

“I know Seongwoo’s important to you,” JR continued, “so don’t let this come between you please. I would hate to think that you lost the person that has made you feel at home in Wanna One.”

“I’ll talk to him tonight,” Minhyun promised.

“Good,” JR said.

The conversation was cut short by Guanlin wanting his phone back, and to be honest, Minhyun was a little relieved. That whole phone call was uncomfortable.

-

JR was visibly upset after speaking to Minhyun on the phone. Baekho could tell from the way JR stopped smiling that there was something wrong. For a moment, he worried that Minhyun did what Baekho told him _not_ to do, but that didn’t seem like the case. JR was upset, but not _that_ upset.

“What’s wrong,” Baekho asked him.

“Nothing,” JR claimed and smiled, but Baekho knew JR all too well to fall for that smile. It was a fake smile, the smile he pulled when he was trying to hide severe pain. It was the same exact smile he wore when he won 14th place and Minhyun won 9th. His lips were smiling, but his eyes with lifeless and dull, as if strained from the pressure of trying to push back his tears.

Baekho gave him a look which told JR that Baekho saw right through him.

“Someone confessed their feelings to Minhyun,” JR admitted. “And I can’t help feeling troubled. It’s stupid though; I shouldn’t feel like that.”

Baekho narrowed his eyes, and it suddenly all clicked. Why Seongwoo was being so intrusive. Why Minhyun suddenly felt like he had to be physically intimate with JR for their relationship to have any durable value, and why Seongwoo made him believe that. That little shit was in love with Minhyun.

He was definitely manipulative and calculating. And very smart too. Confessing to Minhyun in the opportune moment when JR and Minhyun were having some internal conflicts. That little shit.

-

It only took one bad move for everything to blow over. The trust that Seongwoo had tried so hard to build with Minhyun all collapsed in a matter of seconds, when Seongwoo stupidly suggested that JR and Minhyun break up.

Seongwoo should have known that this would hit a sensitive chord, but he was impassioned and desperate in that moment, desperate for Minhyun to at least _consider_ a different turnout for the two of them. And the suggestion to break up just came out without going through Seongwoo’s usual mental filtration process. And it ruined Seongwoo’s chances. And what’s worse, it seemed to hurt Minhyun deeply.

He couldn’t bear the thought of Minhyun being hurt. It didn’t matter if Minhyun chose to stay with Jonghyun or didn’t, as long as he wasn’t hurt. As long as he was happy and content. That’s all that mattered in the end. He was all that mattered.

A part of Seongwoo hated what he was becoming. He was such a mush for Minhyun that he lost sight of he wanted. Love does that to you, thought Seongwoo. It makes you rethink your convictions and makes you do things you never thought you would ever do. In this case, it made Seongwoo want to give up on Minhyun. Let him be happy with his very nice, very caring boyfriend. Seongwoo didn’t want to hurt Minhyun anymore.

It was in that moment, the moment he decided to back off, that he received a text message from an unknown number.

_“Back off, asshole,”_ the text read.

Seongwoo opened the text and saw the icon of the person who sent it.

Kang Dongho.

“ _Excuse you??”_ Seongwoo replied.

“ _Leave Minhyun and Jonghyun alone and let them be happy for fuck’s sake.”_

_“None of your business?”_ Seongwoo replied, annoyed and offended by Dongho rudely cursing him like that.

“ _These are my members you’re messing with. It is my business.”_

_“Actually one of the aforementioned members is mine now, thank you very much,”_ Seongwoo snapped back.

_“Look, asshole, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but quit trying because it won’t work. I already talked to Minhyun. Your whole ‘trick Minhyun into thinking his relationship isn’t real’ plan won’t work anymore.”_

“ _Rude much?”_ Seongwoo replied.

“ _I’m only rude to rude people.”_

Seongwoo scoffed at that. Okay. If Baekho was going to be snarky, then Ong Seongwoo would double down on that snark- and Seongwoo had no boundaries. _“In that case, I wonder how rude that girl you harassed was.”_ Ong responded.

“ _Fuck off. THAT is NONE of your business, so don’t you dare fucking talk about it.”_

_“You curse too much,”_ Seongwoo replied with a triumphant smile, feeling like he had Dongho in the palm of his hand now. “ _Not helping your ‘I’m innocent’ case here.”_

_“I swear to god, you say one more thing about this, I will screenshot this and send it to Minhyun. Let him see the kind of person you are.”_

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes. He could handle being cursed. He could handle being called names. He could handle being accused of doing something he didn’t do. But he could _not_ handle being threatened, especially if his relationship with Minhyun was at stake.

The threat triggered Seongwoo. A lot. And When Seongwoo is triggered, Seongwoo was ruthless. With a frown on his face, and tense fingers, he replied: _“Don’t test me. I know the truth about the case. I know you aren’t as innocent as your powerful company made you out to be. And I have the screenshots to prove it too. But because I’m nice I didn’t do anything about it. Maybe I’ll change my mind though. Maybe I’ll post it on Pann.”_

The truth was that Seongwoo already had a folder of images in his phone named ‘could be useful later,’ and in that folder, a screenshot of the text exchange that Minhyun and Jonghyun had when the scandal first broke loose were saved. The messages showed that Jonghyun avoided answering Minhyun when Minhyun asked if Dongho was innocent, which showed that he was not.

Seongwoo fished through his phone and found the screenshot in question. He sent it to Baekho to show him the leverage.

“ _Wow. You really are devious little fuck, aren’t you?”_ But Seongwoo knew that Baekho was now a lot more restless than he was letting on. His entire career was being threatened now.

_“I take that as a compliment,”_ Seongwoo replied.

“ _I can screenshot this conversation right here and post it on Pann. Blackmailing me can’t be good for your career either,”_ Dongho responded, and from that, Seongwoo deduced that Dongho was not dumb at all.

_“Blackmail. Sexual Assault. I wonder which the public will hate more,”_ Seongwoo responded. _“Not to mention how guilty you’ll make poor Jonghyun feel. He’ll hate himself if he ever found out that something he wrote destroyed your career. And the public will start hating on Jonghyun too, calling him stupid and careless for typing this kind of information to someone else’s phone. You don’t want that for your precious Bugi, do you?”_

_“What the fuck do you want from me?”_

_“Nothing,”_ Seongwoo answered. “ _I don’t want anything from you. I’m devious, but not evil. This was just a fair warning to you, Dongho. Know your place with me.”_

Dongho didn’t reply, and so that was the end of that conversation.

It took a few minutes for Seongwoo to get over how angry Dongho had made him before he realized that he got a little carried away.

_Ah, I shouldn’t have said that,_ thought Seongwoo as he read the messages again. He felt guilty for exerting that kind of pressure onto Dongho, even if Seongwoo didn’t like him at all.

And the guilt didn’t fade away after that. It actually got worse and began to eat him up inside. And it wasn’t just because of Dongho. For someone who had earlier vowed never to hurt Minhyun again, Seongwoo was sure doing a lot of things that would hurt him.

Seongwoo knew that he would never really reveal the screenshot, and not because of any commitment to moral uprightness on his part. Seongwoo simply did not want to destroy NU’EST’s career, because at the end of the day, Minhyun was in NU’EST, and Minhyun cared about and loved this Dongho that Seongwoo stupidly blackmailed.

From pushing him to breaking up with Jonghyun to blackmailing Dongho, Seongwoo was really not putting himself in a good place.

“ _I’m sorry,”_ Seongwoo quickly apologized to Dongho. “ _I was wrong to do that. I’m sorry.”_

It was just then that Minhyun suddenly appeared, startling Seongwoo and making him drop his phone.

“Hey,” Minhyun said softly. “Can we talk?”

Seongwoo only nodded, too startled that Minhyun was actually _talking_ to him to actually do anything. Ever since that night being locked up in the room with him, Minhyun had avoided him.

“Who are you texting?” Minhyun asked in obvious attempt to create small talk.

“Uh…” Seongwoo hesitated to answer, but eventually decided to tell the truth. “Dongho, actually.”

“Really?” Minhyun seemed surprised to hear it. “I didn’t realize you two were even friends.”

“We’re not,” Seongwoo said. He handed Minhyun his phone to show him the exchange between them, realizing that Baekho might eventually relay what happened to Minhyun. Seongwoo would rather the conversation be shown on his own terms. Yes, it might make Minhyun hate him, but Minhyun would hate him so much more if Baekho was the one who told him about it.

Minhyun took the phone and began reading the exchange.

“He just suddenly came at me, insulted me, and accused me of trying to sabotage your relationship with Jonghyun, and I got angry and snapped,” Ong narrated as Minhyun read the messages. “And I’m sorry.”

Minhyun finished reading it and returned the phone to Seongwoo. He had a blank expression on his face as he did so.

“I would never post it, Minhyun. I swear, I’m not that kind of person.”

“Delete the screenshot, please,” Minhyun requested. “And delete all of the messages.”

Seongwoo obliged. In front of Minhyun, he deleted the screenshot, emptied the ‘Deleted’ folder, then went on to delete the screenshotted messages too.

“I forgive you,” Minhyun said after Seongwoo was done.

Seongwoo was so relieved to hear that. His hand on his heart, he let out a heavy sigh of relief and gave Minhyun a look of sincere gratitude.

“Don’t ever target the people I love like that again, okay?” Minhyun added.

Seongwoo nodded, eyes on the floor in shame. “I can only wish to belong to that category of people one day.”

Minhyun narrowed his eyes and turned to him. “But you already do, Seongwoo.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” Minhyun said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You are one of my members now, and I love all my members. Whether they belong to NU’EST or to Wanna One.”

Seongwoo nodded, feeling content with that answer. “Unfortunately, you don’t love us all equally though,” Seongwoo noted, making a reference to his feelings for Jonghyun.

“You’re right about that. I seem to love Ong Seongwoo at little more than I love the other nine,” Minhyun replied with a small grin on his lips.

In response to that, Seongwoo actually _blushed_. It was a cringe-worthy and cheesy statement from Minhyun that Seongwoo would have usually made fun of and laughed at if it had come from any other person, but coming from Minhyun, Seongwoo could only act like a love-struck teenager with a crush. His cheeks a rosy shade of pink, it made Minhyun burst out laughing.

“Did I really just make _the_ Ong Seongwoo blush?” Minhyun asked with a triumphant grin.

“You did,” he admitted.

_Finally_ they were on laughing terms again. _Finally_ Ong didn’t feel like Minhyun hated him. _Finally_ it felt like they were friends again. Desperate to keep the positive energy between them alive, he began to articulate a proper apology: “I’m sorry that I ever I wanted to get between you and Jonghyun. Right now, I just want you to be happy, and I understand that Jonghyun does make you happy, and I don’t want to threaten that anymore. So please stop avoiding me from now on, and I promise to sweep my feelings under a rug and move on.”

“I would like that,” Minhyun told Seongwoo with a small smile.

“Great,” Seongwoo replied. “So now that we’re back on friend terms, can I just ask you why you always sing _so loudly_ in the shower? Some of us would rather sleep than listen to you sing ‘Marry Me’ for the millionth time.”

Minhyun laughed.

_I could live with this,_ thought Seongwoo as he admired Minhyun’s happy face. _I could live with only being the person that makes him laugh._

“I’m sorry, but anyone who lives with me will have to deal with my singing. It’s the price of all the laundry I do for you.”

“Fair enough,” Seongwoo replied.

“I have a question for you now,” Minhyun said with a curious look in his eyes.

“Yes?”

“What else do you have in that ‘could be useful later’ folder?”

Ah yes. The folder. The folder that the blackmail screenshot came from, the folder that Minhyun saw when he watched Seongwoo delete said screenshot. There were a lot of things in there. A lot of things that ‘could be useful later.’

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes. Tell me.”

Seongwoo opened his phone and went to that folder, and handed the phone to him for his free perusal.

Minhyun opened the file began scrolling through the images, and saw that the majority of them were just screenshots of links that someone had sent him.

“What are these links?” Minhyun asked.

“Porn,” Seongwoo confessed shamelessly. “Gay porn.”

“Oh,” Minhyun said, amused (and a little relieved that it wasn’t more blackmail material like he feared).

“My friend sends me the good ones, so I just save them in screenshots and put it in that folder. I also have some screenshots of recipes I want to try in there!”

Minhyun handed Seongwoo back his phone, feeling guilty for expecting the worse of him. “Got it. Send me those links though, would you?”

“To the recipes?”

“No, to the porn,” Minhyun asked with a little grin. For some reason, he wasn’t even embarrassed to ask.

Seongwoo’s eyes widened at the request. Hwang Minhyun asking for porn links? Emperor Hwang? The Nation’s Husband? Watching porn? GAY porn? “Who are you and what have you done with Minhyun?” Seongwoo joked, making Minhyun laugh again.

Seongwoo could listen to that laugh forever.

“I can enjoy porn,” Minhyun claimed.

“To be honest, I imagine you’d only yell about how unsanitary everything is,” Seongwoo shrugged, and Minhyun laughed again.

“I probably will,” Minhyun said, “but I won’t know until I try, right?”

The truth was that lately, Minhyun had lately started to feel strikingly aware of his dormant sex life. Before, his sexuality had been something that he suppressed and ignored, thinking it was just not the right time, or he was too young, or this was too dirty and improper. He was always a stickler for societal standards of decency, and for that reason, sex had just naturally escaped him.

But lately, since all that had happened with Jonghyun, Minhyun had thought a lot about it, and became more and more curious. He thought that maybe watching the videos that Seongwoo had would unlock part of that curiosity.

Just because Minhyun was in a sexless relationship didn’t mean he couldn’t explore.

-

Naturally, as Seongwoo was sending Minhyun the links, he found himself watching them. And naturally, as he was watching them, he put a pillow on his lap for fear of a member walking in the room and seeing embarrassing manifestations that Seongwoo would rather not explain.

A dorm with 11 boys in it is a dorm with no privacy whatsoever. There were only bathrooms where he could catch some alone time, but even then, Seongwoo couldn’t hog that for as long as he needed, because only three bathrooms for 11, sweaty boys in need of showers didn’t warrant long bathroom breaks.

He already had a game plan if a member walked in the room: pause the video; turn on the side toward the wall; pretend to be texting mom.

And a member did walk in, as Seongwoo expected and prepared for. But unexpectedly, Seongwoo’s dumb fingers couldn’t find the pause button in time.

The loud moans were heard by said member, who smirked at Seongwoo knowingly.

“Show me!” Kang Daniel said, sitting down beside him and cuddling against his side.

“Can’t you see I’m having some alone time,” Seongwoo groaned at the puppy that was now clinging to his arm with eager eyes glued to the screen of his phone.

Daniel didn’t listen; he insisted that Seongwoo play the video, and so Seongwoo did.

Before long, both were hot and bothered.

It was not like they hadn’t kissed before; they have. Twice actually. Both times, they were too drunk to take what they were doing seriously. This time, however, the only thing that intoxicated them was their uncontainable sexual longing, longing that made them crave bodily contact. Eventually Daniel disentangled himself from Seongwoo’s arms and quickly went to move around some furniture and place it in front of the door.

Seongwoo helped.

-

_Weird,_ Jisung thought when he tried to open the door. He could have sworn that the manager had taken all the keys and said that no one was allowed to lock any door ever again, but it appeared this door was locked? He tried opening it again and realized that it wasn’t locked, rather it was blocked from opening.

He put his ears against the door to listen to who it was inside. He only heard heavy breathing, and then realized exactly what was happening.

_I guess Seongwoo and Minhyun made up_ , he reasoned happily after hearing the sounds. He guessed that Jonghyun had probably spoken to Minhyun and/or Seongwoo and helped them sort out their issues.

He took out his phone to text Jonghyun and thank him for whatever he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s so late but you do not understand how hard this chapter was to write omg. The writer’s block was so severe and it took soooo long to finally finish lol.


	13. Thirteen

This was just fantastic. After just Ong got over the awkwardness with one member, things just got _severely_ awkward with another.

Daniel and Seongwoo couldn’t even look at one another after what had transpired between them. Those damn hormones, thought Seongwoo.

“Look, hyung,” Daniel said to Seongwoo the day after. “Don’t tell _anyone_ about what happened, please?”

“I’m not the one with the big mouth,” Seongwoo said. “ _You_ don’t tell anyone.”

Besides agreeing to keep what happened that night a buried secret never to be brought up again, Daniel and Seongwoo have practically avoided one another at all costs. Just glancing at one another triggered embarrassing memories that made them both cringe.

Did _that_ really happen?

-

_“Whatever you did, thanks. It worked, the two are back together again!”_

JR read that text message once. Twice. Three times. _The two are back together again_?

He considered texting back asking Jisung to clarify. Maybe Jisung meant back together as close friends? Or maybe Jisung just misread the situation, which seemed highly likely; he was not really the most perceptive of people. It wasn’t a very good quality to have as a leader, and JR thought it was worth it to warn Jisung about it.

 _“Hyung, it’s important that you don’t make assumptions and create misunderstandings_ ,” JR replied to Jisung. “ _I’m sure you’ve misread.”_

_“No, I’m sure I really haven’t ;)”_

A winking face? What did that mean? JR suddenly felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach. _What did that mean???_

Too curious, JR pressed for more information: “ _What makes you sure?”_

_“Why don’t you ask them yourself?”_

_“Please?”_ JR pressed. He really didn’t want to confront Minhyun about what JR was still 99.9% sure was a misunderstanding on Jisung’s part, but a part of him still worried that maybe Jisung had been on to something. _“Please?”_

It was hard to say no to Jonghyunnie, i.e. the nicest person in the world according to Jisung. Although Jisung was hesitant to talk about what he heard, he felt like Jonghyun was trustworthy and wouldn’t spread gossip or do anything _bad_ with the information. Plus, this was another thing that Jisung had wanted advice about: how to deal with a couple in the group, and Jonghyun had to be aware of the couple to give that advice.

_“I heard them from inside the bedroom. They were definitely doing the do.”_

Doing the… _what_?

-

Baekho was trying to reach Minhyun all day, but it appeared like that jerk of a manager wasn’t giving Minhyun his phone back.

When Minhyun would finally get the messages, he would see screenshots of the conversation between Baekho and Seong-asshole. Maybe Minhyun can use his charm to make that guy back down. Baekho even considered getting the company involved, but realized that escalating it would just make it worse.

The truth was that Baekho was _very_ scared of Seongwoo and the blackmail material the Seongwoo had. It was stressing him out, and he couldn’t even work on his music because of it.

He thought of telling JR, but held back when he realized that JR would just get stressed and apologetic, and the poor leader didn’t need to be burdened any more than he already was. He just hoped that Minhyun would have some influence over that Seong-asshole.

-

JR told himself repeatedly that there was a major miscalculation on Jisung’s part. Maybe the noises that Jisung heard were coming from some adult movies that Woojin snuck into the dorm. Yes, yes, that’s what it was.

Sure, Minhyun seemed to be going through some hormonal spike in this period, but that had no connection whatsoever to what Jisung was saying. Right?

Minhyun wouldn’t. He absolutely wouldn’t.

But why was the thought still tormenting him?

JR felt guilty for being so riled up about it, for even considering the possibility that Minhyun actually did do what Jisung assumed. He should trust his lover more than this.

_But what if it was true?_

JR took a moment to reflect on how it would feel if it were true. He would be heartbroken for sure, but did he really have the right to be heartbroken? JR was the one who didn’t want to go all the way with Minhyun after all. What right did he have to hold Minhyun back and be heartbroken over some intimate association with someone else? Maybe Minhyun needed it, and maybe JR should be okay with it.

JR still loved Minhyun, but he didn’t want to hold Minhyun back. If Minhyun wanted to find physical satisfaction with some other person, then JR reasoned that it was only fair that JR let him. Sure, it would hurt _a lot_ , but it would hurt even more if Minhyun left him for good on account of their lack of a sex life.

He grappled with the thought for a while. What he was thinking about was an _open_ relationship. Maybe that was the course that their relationship should be taking. As much as his heart hurt to consider it, maybe this was the missing formula.

If Jisung was right about Seongwoo and Minhyun, then JR decided that he would be okay with it, and he wanted Minhyun to know that.

-

Today, Guanlin cried because he remembered Wanna One’s impending disbandment. This led to seven more members crying, but Minhyun wasn’t one of them.

Minhyun hated that he couldn’t cry with them. Why wasn’t he crying, he wondered? Was he less sad about the impending disbandment than the others? He really loved all of his members, and loved the time he spent with them, but somehow, he wasn’t sad over the fact they will disband soon. He wasn’t necessarily happy about it either, but it just didn’t make him cry like it should.

After that emotional outbreak among Wanna One members, Minhyun had started to feel this guilty pit in his stomach, because he realized that he didn’t treasure the time that he had with his Wanna One members like the others did, and he wanted to. He really, really wanted to.

-

Wanna One had been so busy preparing for their album, and that, along with crazy hectic schedules, had not given Minhyun much time to be on his phone. Now, Wanna One was in the recording room, and Minhyun found time in between the other members’ turns to record to make a phone call.

He had wanted to stay disconnected for a while longer until album preparations end, but it was his sister’s birthday. Minhyun was planning to just wish her a happy birthday and get back to work, but was distracted by the mass of messages he had received.

The first was from Baekho, who seemed to be freaking out about the text exchange between him and Seongwoo. Minhyun had almost forgotten about confrontation until he read Baekho’s panicked messages. He had meant to call Baekho out for approaching Seongwoo like that and cursing at him. Baekho was just trying to help, but Minhyun thought that it was wrong to confront Seongwoo like that.

 _“Don’t worry, he deleted the screenshots and is sorry,”_ Minhyun wrote to Baekho. _You should also apologize to him. how you cussed him out was very rude to be honest. And if there’s anyone to blame for the distance between me and Jonghyun, it’s me and Jonghyun, not Seongwoo.”_

He then went on to answer other text messages. One of the messages was from JR: _“How would you feel if we were in an open relationship?”_

Minhyun felt his heart crumble at that question.

This was about Jooeun from DIA, wasn’t it? Jonghyun wanted an open relationship because he wanted the freedom to be with her, right??? It appeared that Seongwoo was absolutely right: JR would eventually want to explore his sexuality, and that time seemed to have come a lot sooner than Minhyun had expected.

 _“Do you want that?”_ Minhyun typed back with trembling fingers.

JR shortly replied with: “ _I want what you want.”_

 _“I want you,”_ was Minhyun’s answer.

It took a moment for JR to reply: “ _And I am always yours, Minhyunnie. I always want to be yours, even if you decide to do things with others.”_

“ _I don’t understand. Where is this coming from???”_ Minhyun asked. If they had been speaking to one another directly and not texting, then Minhyun was sure he would have been an emotional wreck. Already, he felt like he wanted to cry.

But JR didn’t sense Minhyun’s distress through the text message. Instead, he wondered if the question was an admission of guilt on Minhyun’s part. JR didn’t want to be elusive anymore; he wanted to be dead honest with Minhyun, and so he told Minhyun, very honestly, where this was coming from: “ _Jisung seems to think you and Ong are a thing. I don’t know if he’s right, but I decided to accept it, even if he was right. I just want you to be happy.”_

 _“???????”_ was all that Minhyun could type in response to that. He had no words to express how he felt. All he knew was that for the first time for as long as Minhyun could remember, JR was hurting him.

“ _What?”_ JR replied to all of Minhyun’s text message, unsure of what it was that made Minhyun so quizzical.

“ _You don’t know if Jisung was right? Do you really not know, Jonghyun? Do you really think I would do that to you?”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

“ _I have a feeling this open relationship thing isn’t about me though. If you want to date a girl, then go for it,”_ Minhyun replied. “ _Let’s have this ‘open relationship’ or whatever you want to call it.”_

Minhyun’s phone buzzed with another message. This time, it was from Baekho: “ _Wait, are you actually defending that asshole? Why are you even still talking to him if you know what he did?????”_

Minhyun was really in no mood to argue with Baekho right now, because he was so upset with what JR was saying. He saw the message and decided to ignore it.

He got another message from Jonghyun: _“Can we please talk about this in person?”_

 _“No, I’d rather not,”_ Minhyun replied. He was already so busy with all his schedules along with album preparations; he did _not_ need to add an emotional heart-to-heart boyfriend talk to the mix.

Baekho then sent another message: “ _Minhyun, stop ignoring me. I’ve been stressed all week because of this waiting for you to see your damned messages, and I end up with you defending him???? What the hell is going on between you two anyways?”_

At this point, Minhyun was done. He was done with JR, done with Baekho, and done with trying to defend himself in front of both of them. Done with trying to prove that he was on their side.

He needed a break.

Lately the relationship with JR and his members had given him more stress than it did pleasure. And with this whole ‘open relationship’ bullshit, Minhyun felt like it was the right time to withdraw. He didn’t need this shadow lingering over him while he was promoting with Wanna One.

Lately, he had grown so attached to all of his Wanna One members. Despite that, he still didn’t feel sad about the disbandment, and now, Minhyun began to see why. The shadow of his original group, and especially the romantic association he had with JR, had been distracting him, and it made him lose the precious time that he had with Wanna One. He didn’t want that anymore. He wanted to live in the moment, and for that reason, he had to cut ties.

For as long as he was a member of Wanna One, Minhyun wanted the experience of growing closer to his members, playing with them, guiding them, making memories with them. He no longer wanted to waste that time trying to save a relationship and worrying about his NU’EST members. The time for that will come in 2019.

Right now, he was through with it all.

 _“Let’s take a break,”_ wrote Minhyun to JR.

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _I love you, Jonghyun. I love you so much, but I can’t afford to be thinking about us all the time. I need space from this. So let’s take a break.”_

_“So does that mean we’re broken up?”_

_“Don’t say it like that. We’re on a break.”_

One whole minute passed, but JR didn’t reply. Minhyun waited anxiously for at least the notification that JR was typing, but nothing. A second minute passed, still no response, and Minhyun felt his heartbeat accelerate Was JR hurt? Was he crying? Did Minhyun do something wrong?

JR was indeed crying. He couldn’t even bring himself to type a reply. He wanted to send Minhyun at least an emoji to show him that he acknowledged the message, but his fingers were stiff so couldn’t even move them to touch his screen.

“ _I love you, jju-ya,”_ Minhyun wrote to him. Minhyun hoped for another message from JR. An ‘I love you too’ or just a heart emoji would suffice, but nothing.

In Minhyun’s wait for a response from JR, the manager came and asked for Minhyun’s phone back, telling him he’s needed in the recording room immediately.

Begrudgingly, Minhyun typed: “ _I really have to go now. I’ll talk to you later?”_

Minhyun was only afforded a few seconds of time to see if JR would reply before his phone was snatched away from him and stored in the manager’s bag.

It was like the entire world suddenly changed. As Minhyun made his way to the recording room, it suddenly dawned on him that he and JR were not together anymore. After over three years of being in perfect harmony, they finally hit a bump on the road.

Did Minhyun make a mistake?

When Minhyun stood in front of the microphone ready to record his part, he felt so empty. His face was blank and his thoughts were in shambles, and when the music played, Minhyun missed his cue to sing.

“Focus, Minhyun! Focus!” yelled the musical director, and the music started playing again.

Minhyun held the sheet with the lyrics printed on it and tried to focus. He noticed from the way the paper was moving in his hands that his fingers were trembling. Again, he missed his cue.

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” asked Guanlin with concern, noticing the odd state that Minhyun was in.

At this point, Minhyun had lost his composure and began to cry.

Guanlin approached Minhyun, face filled with worry. Jihoon and Jinyoung followed suit, asking their hyung why he was crying. Before long there were ten boys huddled around him, hugging him, comforting him, giving him words of encouragement, asking him what was upsetting him.

Minhyun wiped the tears from his eyes and faced his members. He owed them an explanation: “I just… I just remembered that Wanna One is doomed to disband soon,” he said. “I’m going to miss this so much.”

It was a white lie, but Minhyun still meant those words. He was going to miss this; he was going to miss them. As his Wanna One members gathered to console him, Minhyun began to feel so much more confident and reassured about his decision. He owed Wanna One his unfettered allegiance and devotion; it was right to take a break from Jonghyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry? ^^"


	14. Fourteen

The first few days after the break-up were very hard, for both of them. But as the days went by, they got over it. Both of them were too busy to think about it, and they found that their hectic schedules had actually made it easy to cope.

Seongwoo figured it out; he saw right through Minhyun in the days following the break-up. After confronting Minhyun and asking him what was wrong, Minhyun admitted the truth. “We’re taking a break,” Minhyun had told him.

From Seongwoo’s experience, ‘taking a break’ was just a euphemism for breaking up. Seongwoo should have felt happy about that, but somehow, he wasn’t. Instead, he was worried about Minhyun, aware of how long the two had been together and how hard it must be on him to finally separate after such a long run.

“Are you okay?” Seongwoo asked, genuinely concerned.

“I’ll survive,” Minhyun replied.

“If you ever need to talk, I’m here,” Seongwoo offered.

Minhyun nodded, “I know. Thank you.”

While Minhyun had Seongwoo for emotional support through this tough period, JR had Baekho, Aron and Ren. Although JR didn’t tell them, the three of them knew. No words were needed; just seeing JR cry already told them all they needed to know.

Baekho especially felt guilty, realizing that Minhyun broke up with JR around the same time that he angrily berated Minhyun for ‘defending’ Seongwoo. Maybe he was part of the reason that Minhyun felt compelled to do it.

 _Stupid, stupid big-head_ , thought Baekho in frustration. Baekho was regretful, but also angry at Minhyun’s rash decision that left their leader brokenhearted. Why couldn’t the idiot just _talk_ to them more to resolve this? It was miscommunication that caused this conflict in the first place after all.

Baekho tried to reach Minhyun again to try and talk him out of it, but Minhyun remained unreachable for a long time. Eventually, Baekho called Guanlin and asked to talk to Minhyun, but Minhyun just told Baekho he was busy and hung up.

Minhyun wanted to stay disconnected from NU’EST for a while after the break-up, and so he was. The NU’EST members got the message too, and so, for two weeks, Minhyun and his members cut contact.

After the two weeks were over, both Minhyun and JR had felt much better, and Minhyun eased into talking with them again. When he did, he got a scolding from Baekho and Ren, but Minhyun took the time to explain his decision and make them understand it. Eventually, and they stopped pestering him about it and accepted that it was over.

It took a while for Jonghyun to start speaking to Minhyun normally again. It started with brief text exchanges, but later things fell together again. It was not like before, of course, but Minhyun would say that they were doing quite well, far better than most broken up couples.

Minhyun didn’t regret it. Although it hurt sometimes, he was glad that it was over and out of his head. It was actually liberating to not feel chained to Jonghyun, to not feel like they had to talk every single day to be a real couple, to not feel like he was holding JR from dating a girl he liked. It was like a burden fell off Minhyun’s shoulders, and he would not have it any other way.

Something else that happened as a consequence of Minhyun’s distance with JR is that he grew so much closer to his Wanna One members.

Minhyun had never been able to play a hyung role before, as he was the youngest in his family, and the second youngest in NU’EST. He never got to be a mentor and guide like he was now to most of the Wanna One members. He found that he liked that role; it suited him. He liked having younger siblings to look after and protect.

He never imagined that he would grow so attached to them. In Produce 101, he had liked them, but the competitive spirit had prevented them from growing as close they could have been. Now, there was no competition. They were a team, and they all tried to make the most of the little time that they had together.

-

Seongwoo did not make any more plans to get to Minhyun; he had already decided to back off. Even if Minhyun was technically single, Seongwoo made a conscious decision to stop pushing something that Minhyun didn’t seem to want. Minhyun was already aware of Seongwoo’s feelings; if he wanted something to happen, then Minhyun would have done something about it by now.

It was hard on Seongwoo, who, despite everything, was still hopelessly in love with him, knowing full well that Minhyun didn’t feel the same way.

Even if Minhyun had distanced himself from Jonghyun, and even if they broke up, Seongwoo could tell from the way Minhyun’s eyes twinkled whenever anyone talked about Jonghyun, that Minhyun was definitely still in love. It was the sad reality that Seongwoo had come to terms with, the reality that made Seongwoo feel hopeless and doomed to feel unrequited love for God knows how long.

One night, however, Seongwoo lost control of himself and made a move.

Minhyun and Seongwoo ended up being hotel roommates in Singapore, and the company that brought them there covered all room service expenses. Seongwoo therefore took the liberty to order expensive drinks.

He drank a little too much that night, so much that Minhyun had to wrestle the bottle from his hands to stop him from drinking anymore.

“Enough, Ong,” Minhyun scolded him. “You’re going to have a hangover in the morning if you drink anymore.”

“You’re right,” Seongwoo slurred, quite drunk. “I should go to sleep, shouldn’t I?”

“Yes, you should.”

Seongwoo stood up, but stumbled as he made his way to the bed. Minhyun rolled his eyes and helped the disoriented Ong walk to his bed.

“You smell nice, Emperor,” Seongwoo told him and he leaned his nose into Minhyun’s chest.

Minhyun scoffed, amused. “You’re calling me Emperor? Really?”

“Don’t act surprised! You know I love you,” Seongwoo blurted.

“You _love_ me?” Minhyun asked.

“No, I’m _in love_ with you.”

“Okay, enough. You’re drunk,” Minhyun muttered, helping Seongwoo into his bed.

Seongwoo pulled Minhyun onto the bed with him, forcing him to sit beside him. Minhyun complied and sat there without protest.

“Can I kiss you, Emperor?” Seongwoo asked him, turning to face him.

Minhyun had a blank expression on his face. He didn’t respond to Seongwoo’s question. He just looked in the other’s direction, and Seongwoo took that as his cue to kiss him.

And so he did. Leaning forward, Seongwoo indulged in his Emperor’s lips for the first time, and the Emperor didn’t stop him.

-

The second time, it was Minhyun who initiated. And neither of them were drunk.

It was during a truth and dare game that the members were playing. Jaehwan dared Minhyun to kiss a member of his choice on the lips, and Minhyun chose Seongwoo.

Grabbing Seongwoo’s collar, Minhyun brought Seongwoo closer and kissed his lips.

The members all laughed and pointed at them, ohing and ahing at the embarrassing interaction. When Minhyun pulled away from him, Seongwoo was more flustered than he had ever been his entire life, which also caused the other members to roar with laughter. _The_ Ong Seongwoo was flustered? Hwang Minhyun did that!

Seongwoo had a stupid smile on his face all throughout the rest of the game. When it was his turn, Sungwoon asked him: “did you enjoy Minhyun’s kiss?”

“I loved it,” Seongwoo answered honestly.

“Ohhhhhh!” the members all guffawed and pointed between the two of them.

Minhyun only smiled, bit his lower lip and looked away. Meanwhile, Seongwoo stared at him with amazement. Was this really happening? Was this perhaps Minhyun opening the door to some possibility between them? It was too good to be true, he thought.

The next time Seongwoo got Minhyun alone that night, he asked the question he was dying to ask: “what was that about back there?”

To be honest, Minhyun also wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t sure why he boldly kissed Seongwoo in front of all the members, and he also wasn’t sure why he enjoyed it. Yes, he enjoyed it and chose not to deny it. He enjoyed it the first time when Seongwoo was drunk, and he enjoyed it now, when Seongwoo wasn’t.

It was only long after the kiss, when Minhyun had time to actually dwell on it and what it made him feel, that Minhyun felt lousy about it, especially because Jonghyun came to his mind.

He couldn’t help but compare. Kissing Jonghyun had always been sloppy and rushed and awkward, but with Seongwoo, it was a different feeling. It was one of excitement, and a physical rushing feeling in his abdomen that made him want to kiss Seongwoo more and more and more.

With Ong, there was definitely physical attraction and a spark; with Jonghyun there was only a very deep and intimate emotional attachment.

It was for that reason that Minhyun answered Seongwoo’s question like this: “it was just for the game, Seongwoo. Don’t misunderstand.”

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes. _Just for the game? Yeah right._ He was actually offended that Minhyun would think he was that dumb. It definitely was more than a game for Minhyun– Seongwoo knew it from the way that Minhyun kissed him. It wasn’t just a smack of lips against lips, there was a kind of longing indulgence on Minhyun’s part that made the kiss feel like anything but a game.

“I would love to play this ‘game’ with you again then,” Seongwoo offered.

-

They played that ‘game’ again the next time they were alone together many weeks later. The funny thing was neither of them was sure who _initiated_ said game; they just ended with their lips together making out in the music show waiting room.

“Is it _still_ just a game?” Seongwoo asked when they finally parted to catch their breaths.

“Yes,” Minhyun answered before leaning in to kiss him again.

And Minhyun told himself that it really was just a game. He only kissed Seongwoo because he craved the adrenaline rush. It was not that he was in love with Seongwoo or anything.

 _Jonghyunnie…_ Jonghyun was the person he was in love with.

When Minhyun kissed Seongwoo, he suppressed the memory of Jonghyun and what they had still had together, but it could not help but resurface many minutes later. When it did, Minhyun did feel a looming sense of guilt, but tried to justify himself.

They were broken up. They weren’t together. And even if they were together, it was under ‘open relationship’ conditions, which allowed for these kinds of things to happen.

This was okay.

_But Jonghyunnie…_

-

Since Minhyun broke up with him, five other girls had confessed to him, three of them were idols. JR let them all down the same way, with a lovely smile on his face saying: “I’m sorry, my company doesn’t let me date in this time, but I would love to have your number.” He kept all the numbers he ever received, but never actually contacted them.

He also never told Minhyun about these confessions.

Still, he never stopped missing Minhyun, but it did get easier over time, when NU’EST W finally made their comeback and the bliss of their success quickly healed the heartbreak that JR thought he would sulk in for a longer than he did.

He was strangely happy, and eventually, he decided that he would stop thinking about Minhyun, stop reveling in the past, and start enjoying what he now had while he had it.

The next time that Wanna One and NU’EST W had the same schedule, JR was prepared to see Minhyun again. He thought his heart could take it that he would be fine, but that was much, much easier said than done.

It was hard to see his lovely Minhyun again, standing tall and elegant with a bright smile on his face. His heart stirred at the sight of him, and he realized just how much he missed him, how much he wanted to be with him.

“Jonghyunnie, I missed you,” Minhyun told him as JR peered at him with a heavy heart.

It had been over a month since they’d decided to go on a “break.” Seeing each other face to face suddenly brought back the heartache that JR thought he was long over.

JR tried to be normal with Minhyun; he really did, but he found that he was just fishing for small talk, and there was this tension in the air that he couldn’t get over.

“Minhyun, I think it’s better if we just don’t talk,” JR eventually said. “It’s too hard for me.”

Minhyun’s face visibly fell when he heard that. He nodded in understanding, and stopped talking.

-

“What are you doing?” Seongwoo nudged Minhyun shortly after NU’EST W finished their performance, and a new group was preparing for their stage.

“Watching performances, what else?” Minhyun replied, staring blankly at the stage ahead of him.

“Your mates are backstage now. Aren’t you going to go congratulate them?”

“No. Jonghyun doesn’t want to talk to me,” Minhyun answered with a regretful look on his face.

Of course, Seongwoo was aware of that. It didn’t really take any sharp observation skills to notice that Minhyun and Jonghyun weren’t interacting as much as usual, and that both of them had tired and forlorn expressions on their faces. The two were clearly brokenhearted and avoiding one another.

Seongwoo just scoffed, and Minhyun turned to look at him with narrowed eyes.

“What was that about?” Minhyun asked.

Ong leaned in closer so that just Minhyun could hear: “you’re clearly hung up over him. Need I remind you that _you_ broke up with him? But now you’re moping around because he won’t talk to you? Why are you letting him get farther away from you if you still have feelings for him? Get your act together and go talk to him and sort out your issues.”

Seongwoo’s words always had such an effect on Minhyun. Always. This here was no exception. Seongwoo was right; there was something awfully wrong about the distance between him and Jonghyun, and there was something especially wrong about the fact they weren’t even talking right now.

But what Seongwoo had to gain from pushing him to this realization, Minhyun wasn’t sure…

Still, Minhyun wanted to make it right, and so he gave a Seongwoo a curt bow of gratitude and went to find his NU’EST members backstage to congratulate them on a stage well done. After that, Minhyun was determined to do _something_ about Jonghyun. Maybe get back together with him. Thinking about it, Minhyun would have liked that very, very much.

He rushed through the backstage waiting rooms to find his members, and stopped dead in his tracks when he finally saw JR.

JR didn’t notice him; he was too busy talking with someone else, someone who Minhyun recognized instantly.

Jooeun from DIA, in all her pretty glory.

JR had never been great with girls. Ever. He was awkward and shy, and he could never hold a conversation with any girl for more than a minute, even with the girls at his company who he saw very often. Eyes always lowered and with that stuttering high-pitched voice of his, he had never felt comfortable enough with a girl to become a friend to her.

Somehow, JR was different now as he talked with Jooeun. Minhyun watched from afar as the two of them talked. JR’s head was not lowered and his voice was not high-pitched; he was smiling and casual as the two conversed.

Minhyun felt his heart churn inside his chest as he watched them. This was the kind of relationship that Jonghyun wanted, right? This was the kind of person that Jonghyun should be with.

It hurt a lot, and Minhyun found that he couldn’t even look at them anymore for fear he’ll cry and ruin his eye make-up. He walked back to his seat, slowly, thoughtfully.

It was really over, wasn’t it? JR was growing closer to girls, and Minhyun was… well… being more than friendly with Seongwoo.

He sat back down on the table beside Seongwoo and sighed.

“What happened?” Seongwoo asked with a genuinely concerned expression on his face.

Minhyun appreciated Seongwoo’s concern. He really, _really_ did. Seongwoo, who was in love with him. Seongwoo, who selflessly encouraged him to set things right with JR despite that love. Seongwoo, who only ever wanted Minhyun to be happy. Seongwoo, who had been one of Minhyun’s closest friends in the time he had as Wanna One. Seongwoo was a precious friend and a worthy person for Minhyun to consider more than a friend.

From under the table, Minhyun reached out and held Seongwoo’s hand and squeezed it. “Thank you for caring, Seongwoo. Thank you so much.”

Seongwoo only nodded, subsumed with guilt.

The truth was that Seongwoo had gone backstage earlier to use the bathroom, and he saw JR and that Jooeun girl from DIA talking. Seongwoo also remembered that Minhyun had researched that girl a lot at one point, and he realized that she was someone that JR was potentially interested in. All Seongwoo needed to do was encourage Minhyun to go backstage so that he could witness JR with her. Maybe then, Minhyun would let go of JR and move on.

From the crushed expression on Minhyun’s face, Seongwoo knew that his scheme had succeeded. But Minhyun was hurt, and Seongwoo felt like it wasn’t actually worth it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry. again...


	15. Fifteen

It was never the same with Daniel since he and Seongwoo did things friends and bandmates were not really supposed to do. Over time, it got easier to look each other in the eyes, end eventually they went back to acting normally again, but it was still never the same. Still, there was the memory of that time lingering in the back of their minds whenever they were together, and it did impact the way they acted with and viewed one another.

Firstly, Daniel could _never_ be alone with Seongwoo again. It wasn’t very hard to avoid being alone with him, as they were in a group of 11 boys and six staff members and managers. When they were choosing roommates for hotels, Daniel was the first to jump and choose a roommate _other than Seongwoo_ , and when one day, the manager paired them together, Daniel bribed Woojin to switch with him so he could avoid it.

Secondly, they stopped hugging. Hugging was too intimate and brought back the memory of that scandalous night much too vividly.

Thirdly, it felt like their friendship was limited to their group activities on camera, or in front of the other members as to not worry them. Their friendship became like a business, as if they were forced to be friends, but otherwise would have preferred to just not look at one another again. Daniel felt it from how staged everything with Seongwoo suddenly became. Nothing was genuine anymore, although it looked like it was to the other members and to the general public. Daniel wouldn’t be surprised if, when Wanna One disbands, the two never talk again.

It was a sad situation, but it couldn’t be helped. What happened between them was kind of gross, and Daniel simply didn’t think it was possible for things to be completely back to when they were genuinely close friends.

-

Two weeks after seeing Jonghyun again and realizing it was over, Minhyun decided that he wanted to play the game with Seongwoo again.

They were in Hong Kong, and each of them was afforded their own hotel room, and so Minhyun saw a rare opportunity for them to play their game again, alone. Without worrying about any other member seeing them.

And so, Minhyun came to visit Seongwoo’s room. As soon as he was let inside, Minhyun pushed him against the wall and began to kiss him.

This game was a lot more intense and a lot hungrier than their usual games. This game involved more tongue, more touch, and heavier breaths. The kiss ended with them entangled on Seongwoo’s bed, ready to go further, ready to finally give into the sexual tension that had been building between them for so long.

As Seongwoo was indulging in Minhyun’s lips and body, the thought came to him that after this happens, it can no longer be just a game. Before they, they had only kissed, and kissing was forgettable. They could ignore it and pretend it never happened, but this… once they surpass that threshold, they were either lovers or friends with benefits. Otherwise, their relationship would be forever ruined like Seongwoo’s relationship with Daniel.

Seongwoo really, really didn’t want that.

He turned his head away and so Minhyun’s lips ended up on Seongwoo’s cheek.

Minhyun pulled back slightly to see what was wrong.

“Is it still just a game, Minhyun?” Seongwoo asked him in between heavy breaths.

Minhyun seemed to waver, but after a moment’s hesitation, he finally gave Seongwoo an answer: “Yes, it is.”

“Then you’re being very unfair right now,” Seongwoo told him. “Both to me, and to Jonghyun.”

_Jonghyun_. That name gave sent shivers up and down Minhyun’s spine. As the image of his former lover’s smiling face formed in his head, Minhyun got up from the bed immediately.

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo,” Minhyun mumbled under his breath as he paced back and forth. “When I go to Korea, I’m going to make this right,” he said, more to himself than to anyone else. “Right now… I’m just… I’m sorry.” With that, he treaded out of the room, leaving Seongwoo breathless on the bed.

-

When Minhyun first landed back in Korea, he immediately went to NU’EST’s dorm. He didn’t care that it was nearly midnight and he was missing out on much-needed sleep, but he wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyways if he didn’t resolve this immediately.

It wasn’t just a game with Seongwoo, and he knew it. For that reason, he needed to make sure that it was 100% over between him and Jonghyun, that it wasn’t just a “break,” but a “break- _up_.” He couldn’t start anything more than a game with Seongwoo if that wasn’t clear to JR.

When he knocked on the door, it was JR who opened it.

JR was in boxers and an undershirt, headphones around his head and an iPad in his hand. Minhyun felt a bittersweet pinch in his heart seeing him like that. This was the same old, anime-obsessed JR that Minhyun used to love. And still loved.

Minhyun really wanted to hug JR in that moment, but instead, he just froze, feeling so sad that things had to end.

“Minhyunnie,” JR mouthed as he took off his headphones. “What are you doing here?”

“I… I need to talk… to you,” Minhyun managed to say in a stutter.

Minhyun usually spoke with eloquence and conviction, and JR knew from the tone of Minhyun’s voice that something was very wrong with him

“What’s wrong?” JR asked him, voice laced concern.

“Can I come in?” Minhyun asked him carefully, half expecting that JR would say no.

“Why are you asking that? This is your home,” JR said, and Minhyun smiled sadly, stepping inside with hesitation.

No, it wasn’t his home anymore, Minhyun thought. It didn’t feel like his home; he hadn’t been in this place for months. There was a new TV, a new refrigerator, and so many other new things scattered around that Minhyun had never seen before. The space was so unfamiliar to him now, and it made him feel like an outsider.

“Sorry the place is a mess,” JR said. “I would have tidied up a bit if I knew you were coming but…”

“Please don’t apologize,” Minhyun cut him off. The messy dorm was the least of his worries now. “Where are the others?” he asked.

“Baekho’s spending the night at Bumzu’s. Minki and Aron are asleep in their rooms,” JR told him.

Typical Jonghyunnie, Minhyun thought with fondness; while everyone’s catching up on sleep, JR was catching up on anime instead. Minhyun really, really loved JR.

Minhyun took a seat on the sofa, and JR sat down beside him.

“Minhyun, what’s wrong?” JR asked, that concern still plastered across his face as he waited for Minhyun to say what he wanted to say.

“I saw you with Jooeun during the concert,” Minhyun began “You seem to be growing closer her.” Minhyun tried to appear happy and supportive, but if he could hear himself, he actually sounded quite broken.

“Ah,” JR hesitated a little, “I’ve been seeing her a lot since NU’EST W promoted at the same time as DIA. She’s a good friend.”

“Friend? She confessed to you. She wants to be more than your friend,” Minhyun stated matter-of-factly.

“Minhyunnie, you really don’t have to worry about her…”

“No, no!” Minhyun quickly cut JR off, shaking his head. “That’s not what I meant! Please, if you want to date her, then go for it, by all means…”

JR’s eyes twinkled a little when Minhyun said that. He seemed to understand the implication of Minhyun’s words loud and clear: “so it’s fully over between us, right?” JR asked, just to make sure. He maintained a calm and contained demeanor as he said it. “Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

Minhyun couldn’t bring himself to say “yes.” He couldn’t even bring himself to nod or show any response to JR’s question. To affirm it would be to end things once and for all, and for Minhyun, that was so hard to do. He didn’t want to do it. He wanted it to last for just a few seconds more.

“I get it,” JR said quickly, and then he smiled.

It was that dreadful smile of his. That smile that he put on when he was carrying so much pain.

Minhyun would much rather watch JR cry than watch him smile like that.

“This is torture,” muttered Minhyun. His heart was aching so much.

“Minhyunnie, don’t cry,” JR said as he rubbed his arms comfortingly. It was only when JR said it that Minhyun realized he was indeed crying.

It was like the Produce 101 finale all over again. JR was the one who was in the unfavorable situation, but it was Minhyun who was crying and JR the one smiling and comforting him.

“I’m sorry, JRie,” Minhyun managed through his sniffles. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” JR told him, still smiling and rubbing Minhyun’s shoulder. “Sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted from a lover, and I really hope that someone else does. And this isn’t the end of anything, Minhyunnie. We’re still members of the same group. We’ll still be best friends, and we’ll be exactly the same as before, okay? And I’m not hurt. Really, I’m not. Actually, I’m a little relieved. I didn’t like it when the status of our relationship was not clear, and now it is. I’m very glad about that.”

Not hurt? Yeah right. JR could not fool him.

“I’ll be happy, Minhyun,” JR reassured him. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Please, please date someone,” Minhyun suddenly implored. He couldn’t bear the guilt if he was the only one to move on from the break-up and be with someone else. If JR also dated, at least Minhyun wouldn’t feel as ashamed about taking the next step with Seongwoo.

“I’m not sure I’m ready for dating right away. But if I do decide to do it, may I tell the girl about what happened with us?”

“But… why would you want to tell?” Minhyun asked, not sure if he was comfortable with a stranger knowing that they were together.

“It’s only fair that I tell the person I’m dating that I’m still in love with someone else,” JR said. Still smiling. As if he didn’t just painfully pierce Minhyun’s heart. As if he didn’t just make Minhyun feel like he just made a terrible mistake.

“Jonghyun…” he trailed off.

“Is that a yes?”

“I love you too,” Minhyun said. It only felt right to say it.

“I know you do. Now can we stop being sentimental please?” JR asked, laughing awkwardly.

Minhyun nodded, wiping away the last of his tears.

It was then Minhyun’s phone rang; it was his manager.

Minhyun answered, knowing full well that ignoring that call would get him in trouble. As if by habit, he kept the phone a good distance away from his ears as the manager began to scream.

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU WENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION? DON’T YOU KNOW YOU HAVE SCHEDULE EARLY IN THE MORNING? AND YOU MISSED THE TEAM BRIEFING! I SWEAR IF YOU ARE NOT BACK IN THE DORM IN 20 MINUTES, NO PHONE FOR THREE WEEKS…”

“I’m on my way,” Minhyun mumbled after the manager was done with his rant. He then closed the line, not wanting to hear any more of it.

“You should go,” JR said.

Minhyun nodded.

“Goodbye, Minhyunnie,” JR told him. “I hope things work out with Seongwoo.”

JR knew him too well. With guilty eyes, Minhyun apologized to JR.

“What? It’s okay,” JR laughed. “Really, I’m happy for you. Both of you.”

It hurt to hear JR talk about this as if it were okay. As if JR was actually happy about it, and not heartbroken like he was inside. He stood up and began to head out, not wanting to prolong a conversation about Seongwoo more than was necessary.

JR walked him to the door, still smiling that painful smile that Minhyun wished would just go away.

“When I walk out this door, you’re going to start crying, aren’t you?” Minhyun asked, eyes lingering on JR’s smile.

“Why would I cry?” JR asked. “I’m happy.”

“No, you’re not,” Minhyun stated, “You keep a strong front for other people, because you don’t want them to see you in pain. You want them to think that you’re okay so that they don’t feel guilty. Well, that trick doesn’t work on me Jonghyun. I’ve been with you for over eight years, and I know you better than anyone.”

JR’s lips began to tremble, but somehow, he still held his smile. Minhyun leaned in and softy brushed his lips against JR’s trembling ones.

“You shouldn’t do that anymore,” JR managed to say when Minhyun pulled away.

“I guess it’s the last time,” Minhyun said before walking through the door and closing it behind him.

Minhyun was right. As soon as the door closed, JR’s smile faded, and he began to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY I JUST LOVE ANGST OK.


	16. Chapter 16

When Minhyun arrived back at the dorm, the manager screamed and yelled at him, and Minhyun just accepted the scolding with polite apologies.

In reality, the manager’s words went straight over Minhyun’s head, as his heart felt numb from what had just taken place with JR. His precious Jonghyunnie. That’s all he could think of, even as the manager spewed various insults in his direction.

When the manager finally stopped yelling, Daniel and Jisung came to him in well-meaning attempts to make him feel better, but Minhyun just wanted to be alone, so he went to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Minhyun sat against the bathroom door, face in his hands. He was dead tired, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

Minutes later he heard a soft knock on the door.

“Minhyun,” came Seongwoo’s voice, “are you in there?”

Ever since that encounter in Seongwoo’s hotel room, the two haven’t spoken. Seongwoo had understandably been angry with Minhyun for leaving him hanging like that and humiliating him, and he had been planning on giving Minhyun the silent treatment for a while, but he dropped that plan when Jisung told him that Minhyun looked miserable.

“Talk to him,” Jisung asked Seongwoo. “I know you two are close, so make sure he’s alright. Manager was too harsh with him.”

The thought of Minhyun being hurt and upset enough to lock himself in the bathroom was all the incentive that Seongwoo needed to forget his anger.

“Minhyunnie, let me in,” Seongwoo bade softly.

Minhyun eventually caved at Seongwoo’s soft calls and opened the door.

One look at Minhyun told Seongwoo that there was something wrong with him, and it had nothing to do with the manager.

“It’s now completely over between me and Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun said, eyes downcast. “I told you I’d make it right.”

Seongwoo didn’t know what to say or feel. Minhyun was saying that he ‘made it right,’ but there was something very wrong about the way Minhyun looked right now: pale, pursed lips, and wet eyes as if Minhyun was about to burst into tears.

“I… I’m sorry,” Seongwoo told him, and he opened his arms to embrace his friend. Minhyun immediately buried his face in Seongwoo’s shoulders.

-

Aron sighed. He hated what was happening. Ren and Baekho were angry at Minhyun, JR was heartbroken, and Aron was the only one who was neutral enough to reach out to Minhyun in the following days after the official “break-up.”

Aron couldn’t be angry at Minhyun for ending things like Ren and Baekho were. He trusted Minhyun to make the right decision for himself, whatever it was. Yes, it sucked that their leader’s heart was broken, but Aron thought that this was a good chance for both JR and Minhyun to finally explore other possibilities.

Minhyun never dated anyone besides JR, and JR had not dated anyone but Minhyun in seven years. The only experience either one of them had with a serious relationship had been with each other, and Aron felt that they both needed to break out of their shell.

Aron really wanted JR to try dating a girl. He encouraged JR to ask out Jooeun of DIA, but JR was obviously reluctant about going out in the field again. However, Aron knew that it was not only JR.

“ _So is that Ong fellow your boyfriend now?”_ Aron asked Minhyun.

“ _I… I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it_ , _”_ Minhyun answered.

“ _Are you going to talk about it?”_

_“I don’t know. Not sure I even want to. It feels strange to move on. I don’t want to move on.”_

After talking to him more, Aron learned that Minhyun was still contemplating whether or not it was a mistake to end things with JR.

“ _Please do one thing for me_ ,” Minhyun added. “ _Please encourage JR to date someone else. I think I would feel so much better if he does._ ”

-

It didn’t help JR that Wanna One was literally everywhere in Korea. Going into a store, you hear Wanna One songs. Turn on the TV, you see Wanna One in a reality show. Walk around in the streets, you see life-size Wanna One cutouts.

Especially when he saw Seongwoo, JR’s heart would feel crushed.

Why couldn’t have Minhyun just agreed to the open relationship arrangement? It would have saved JR this heartache. It would have been so much easier to deal with the fact that Minhyun had someone else in his life.

“Go ask her out. Now,” Aron demanded when NU’EST W and DIA had the same schedule again. “You’ll never be able to get over Minhyun if you don’t at least try, JR. And you like her; I know you do.”

“Hyung, I’m not ready for that.”

“Then when will you be ready? It’s been two weeks since you guys broke up, and months since you two were on a ‘break.’”

“But I…”

“… You still love Minhyun; I get it. All the more reason you need to open your heart to other possibilities.”

“I don’t know,” JR mumbled, still unconvinced.

“Do it for Minhyun,” Aron said in a final attempt to convince him. “Minhyun wants you to date so that he can comfortably move on too. He told me that he’ll feel so much better if you start dating too.”

“Oh,” JR drawled. “In that case…”

-

 _“JR’s going on a date next week,”_ Minhyun read the message from Aron.

As much as Minhyun had told himself that he was happy for JR, deep in his heart, he knew he wasn’t. The thought of JR with someone else made Minhyun feel numb and useless, jealous and frustrated.

“ _Really? That’s a relief,”_ Minhyun replied, but that was a lie. It was anything but a relief.

“ _So… is Ong your boyfriend now?”_ Aron asked and supplemented the message with a smirking emoji.

“ _No. Not yet,”_ Minhyun replied. And it was true: since that night in fiery make-out session in Hong Kong, they had stopped playing games and kept a distance from one another.

Minhyun wasn’t planning for it stay that way. He really did like Seongwoo, but he didn’t want to rush into anything. To be fair to Seongwoo, Minhyun needed to make sure that his heart was completely open, and right now, it wasn’t. Right now, Minhyun was still hung up on his Jonghyunnie with the sweet smile and glistening eyes.

-

The following week, Minhyun found another message from Aron: “ _JR just got back from his date! He had that cute shy smile on his face, and he told me he had fun, and he’s taking her out tomorrow too!”_

Aron probably thought that he was making Minhyun feel better, but in reality, Minhyun felt like he was suffocating. JR having that “cute shy smile” for a girl… the image drove him crazy.

“ _I’m so glad!”_ Minhyun replied. It was a lie, of course.

“ _So, is Ong your boyfriend NOW?”_ Aron asked

_“Soon.”_

-

“ _JR’s happy with this girl. They’re very compatible. Turns out she loves anime too!”_

Minhyun had never liked anime. As much as JR had begged to watch just one show with him when they were together, Minhyun always laughed and said he wouldn’t waste any time watching cartoons. But this girl loved anime. This girl would sit in his arms and watch it with him.

Right now, there was nothing that Minhyun would rather do.

Minhyun was tempted to mute Aron when he read that message. He didn’t want to know all of this; he didn’t want to know how happy JR was with that girl, and how perfect she was for him.

Minhyun considered asking Aron not to send him any more updates about JR’s shining love life, but he didn’t want to appear petty.

“ _JR has moved on. What about you? Is Ong your boyfriend yet, or is he still ‘pending’?”_

When Aron said it like that, Minhyun felt bad. He was being unfair to Seongwoo, who was waiting for him to be ready, while Minhyun was still hurting over JR’s new girlfriend. Minhyun needed to get a grip and accept that it was the end. He needed to move on.

 _“I think he will be tonight,”_ Minhyun answered.

-

Minhyun chickened out that night and the night after that.  He told himself it was because it was hard to get Seongwoo alone or because their schedules were too packed, but he subconsciously knew it was because he was afraid of moving on. If he moved on, it would be final. That’s it– no more Jonghyun. No going back after this.

It was only four days later when the opportunity opened itself, and Seongwoo and Minhyun were alone in the living room with the others in their rooms. Seongwoo was on his phone texting friends while Minhyun was tidying up.

There was no excuse; it was now or never.

“Seongwoo, can we talk?” Minhyun asked, hesitantly setting himself on the sofa beside him.

Seongwoo put his phone to the side, giving his full, undivided attention to Minhyun.

“I… I like you, and I’m very attracted to you. I think I’m ready to make this more than just a game,” he managed.

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes at Minhyun. He did not expect this. Since that night in Hong Kong, Seongwoo had decided to give up on Minhyun, because even after breaking up with Jonghyun, Minhyun was clearly hung up on him and wanted him back, and Seongwoo wanted Minhyun to stop pretending that he didn’t.

“You don’t seem very sure about that offer,” Seongwoo managed.

“I am sure.”

“No, you’re not,” Seongwoo said. “I’m not stupid, Minhyun. I know you think about him every day, and I know I’m just a side character in this story. I don’t want to be just a side character that you dump to be with the person you really want to be with.”

“Seongwoo…”

“And I didn’t tell you this, because I don’t like admitting when I’m hurt, but that night in Hong Kong, when you left after kissing me like that, I was hurt. I don’t want to feel like that again, so unless you’re sure, I’m going to respectfully decline.”

Minhyun was at a loss for words; he hadn’t realized how much he hurt Ong that night. As he struggled to reply, Seongwoo stood up and went to his room.

Seongwoo sighed as he climbed into his bed. The others were sleeping peacefully (except Jaehwan, whose loud snores could be heard from all throughout the dorm), and so no one heard him groan as he buried his face in his pillow.

Falling in love with Minhyun had changed Seongwoo so much. It made him mushy, soft, and stupid. It also made him weak, made him feel hurt when he rarely ever felt hurt before. Seongwoo was a strong-hearted person, but not when it came to Minhyun.

Rejecting Minhyun was the hardest thing Seongwoo had ever done, but he knew that it was for the better for everyone if Seongwoo put an end to it before it even had the chance to begin.

Shortly after he heard lights footsteps (the sound of which was muffled by Jaehwan’s snores), he felt someone get in the bed with him, and from the height of the shadow, Seongwoo knew it was Minhyun.

He moved to give Minhyun space, and Minhyun made himself comfortable as he lay beside him.

“I am serious about you, Seongwoo,” Minhyun whispered. “I wouldn’t have ended things with Jonghyunnie if I weren’t.”

Seongwoo didn’t reply, not knowing what to say. He couldn’t tell if Minhyun were serious or if he were just saying that; it was too dark to make out the expression on his face.

Minhyun leaned forward to close the distance between their lips, kissing him softly. For the first time, this was not a game. After the brief kiss, Minhyun leaned in to kiss him again, and Seongwoo’s initial convictions shattered. He deepened the kiss and indulged in his new lover’s lips.

And so, along the soundtrack of Jaehwan’s snores, Minhyun and Seongwoo became _boyfriends_.

-

The other Wanna One members found out in the next Truth or Dare game, when Minhyun was chosen and Jisung asked him: “what kind of relationship do you have with Seongwoo?”

Minhyun eyed Jisung curiously; that guy was a lot more observant than he let on. But the question didn’t make Minhyun nervous at all. He trusted his other members enough to tell them the actual truth; they were all bound to find out one day anyways.

Minhyun looked at Seongwoo, who just smiled, which Minhyun took as the okay to come out with it: “Me and Seongwoo are more than friends. Recently, we’re actually… _together_.” Minhyun was reluctant to say it, and Seongwoo just rolled his eyes and clarified: “Minhyun, we’re _boyfriends.”_

All the other members (besides Jisung) initially thought it was a joke, and laughed saying that this was a prank and began searching for the cameras.

“You’re right, it’s a joke,” Seongwoo told everyone, but then he hovered over Minhyun, grabbed his chin and kissed him, making everyone widen their eyes as they watched Minhyun and Seongwoo kiss in a way that told them it was definitely _not_ a joke.

It was in that moment that Minhyun felt like it was official. Him and Jonghyun were really over, and him and Seongwoo were really getting started. It was a bittersweet feeling knowing that something that was so precious was replaced, but Minhyun had faith that Seongwoo would become just as precious with time.

As the other Wanna One members laughed, and smiled and congratulated them on their newfound relationship, Minhyun felt so happy for all the support. He felt like this was the right decision, and this was the right way to go.

But it was only eight members who were celebrating the new revelation today. Daniel could not find it in himself to celebrate, so he just sat in place and processed.

-

“ _JR and his new girlfriend are so cute together! They had their first kiss yesterday!”_ Aron wrote to Minhyun.

“ _Good for him!”_ was Minhyun’s reply.

“ _So… about Ong?”_ Aron asked.

“ _Yes, hyung. Seongwoo is now my boyfriend_.”

Aron replied with a bunch of happy and celebratory emojis, but in reality, he was very upset by that message. JR would not be happy if he found out.

He hesitated about whether or not he should tell JR, but he had promised the leader that he would if Minhyun told him, and so he did.

When JR found out, he just nodded, concealing his pain with a smile. “I’m glad.”

“Are you?” Aron asked uncertainly.

“Of course,” JR affirmed, and then quickly changed the subject. “Thank you for helping me.”

“I still think we shouldn’t have lied,” Aron mumbled guiltily. “It’ll come back to bite us in the end, you know? What if Minhyun finds out that you and her never actually went out?”

“Then we’ll tell him the truth,” JR said. “But for now, let him believe that I’ve moved on, so that he can move on comfortably too.”

JR had never actually gone on a date like Aron had claimed; he just made Aron lie for him to give Minhyun the illusion that JR was happy with someone else. According to JR, only then could Minhyun feel confident enough to give in to his desires with Seongwoo, as JR really wanted him to.

But the actual truth was that JR did not and could not move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides from the tomatoes that all the 2hyun shippers are preparing to throw at me*


	17. Seventeen

“Did you tell Minhyun?” Daniel asked Seongwoo the next time that Daniel managed to catch him alone.

“Tell Minhyun what?” Seongwoo asked with narrowed eyes. Of course, Seongwoo knew exactly what Daniel was referring to, but was still in the mindset of pretending it never happened.

“When we… you know…”

“Daniel, I thought we agreed to never talk about it again,” Seongwoo groaned, cringing at the memory.

“Well, circumstances have changed,” Daniel asserted, crossing his arms. “And now, I think Minhyun needs to know.”

“But why?” he grumbled; coming clean about this dirty event was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Because you’re dating him, _duh_! You are now ethically obliged to tell him everything about you. And Minhyun’s _my_ friend too, and I can’t bear to keep this secret from him. So we have to tell him.”

Maybe Daniel was right, Seongwoo thought. This was the kind of thing that boyfriends should know about. No matter how humiliating it was for Seongwoo to bring it up again, Minhyun had the right to know.

-

“Minhyun, I have to tell you something,” Seongwoo said when they went on their first official date. They had the night off and decided to go eat dinner at a fancy uptown restaurant where they had their own little room. It was Seongwoo’s idea, because he knew they would be recognized anywhere else they go, and Seongwoo wanted this be private.

“Okay, out with it,” Minhyun encouraged.

“This is like my biggest secret, but I feel like you should know.”

Minhyun looked intrigued. “Please don’t tell me you have STDs,” he joked, earning a kick under the table from Seongwoo.

“Actually, maybe I do,” Seongwoo said. “Who knows if Daniel transferred some to me…”

It took a while for Minhyun to catch on and when he did, his widened, “wait, what?”

“That’s my secret,” Seongwoo said. “Me and Daniel went too far once. Only once.”

“I see,” Minhyun mumbled. He didn’t look too surprised or upset or anything.

“So that’s it?” Seongwoo didn’t know what he expected from Minhyun with this revelation, but something more than a mumble for sure.

“What do you want me to say?” Minhyun shrugged, laughing.

“Are you angry?”

“Why would I be? It was before we became a thing, right? I’m not angry at all.” Minhyun replied. However, there was something inside Minhyun that made him think: even if it happened just this morning, Minhyun would not have been angry.

And Seongwoo sensed it too, of course. Minhyun’s indifference to this fact made Seongwoo feel like Minhyun didn’t care at all. Seongwoo _wanted_ Minhyun to get at least a little upset, but no. Nothing at all.

The atmosphere between them became heavy all of the sudden, with Seongwoo trying to come up with a way to mask how hurt Minhyun’s indifference made him, and with Minhyun trying to dwell what it meant that he simply did not _care_ who Seongwoo slept with.

“You told me your secret,” Minhyun said, “now I have a secret I want to share with you.”

Seongwoo liked that the subject was changing. He didn’t think he could bear the tense atmosphere between them any longer. He hoped that Minhyun’s so-called secret would help Seongwoo crack some jokes and tease Minhyun, so they can laugh off that shadow that was suddenly cast over their date.

“I think it’s something you definitely should know about me,” Minhyun continued.

“Yes?”

“I’m still in love with Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun told him with a somber expression.

Seongwoo just smiled. “No kidding.”

Minhyun shot him a guilty smile. “Of course Ong Seongwoo would know that.”

“Of course,” Seongwoo scoffed. “You don’t just fall out of love with someone you’ve loved for three years. And certainly not someone like Jonghyun who even _I’m_ in love with!”

“Hey!” Minhyun said, still smiling.

“Look Minhyun, I want to ask you from now: are you willing to try and get over Jonghyun or not? Because if not, we can end things right now before any of us gets hurt later.”

“Of course I am,” Minhyun asserted, and the strength of that assertion gave Seongwoo so much peace of mind.

“Good,” Seongwoo said. “Then I have a chance to capture Emperor’s heart,” he added jokingly.

Minhyun eyed him guiltily. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’re right. You deserve someone better than me. Like Jonghyun. But you dumped him, so you’re left with me. Too late to go back now,” Seongwoo continued joking, and Minhyun just laughed, genuinely amused, genuinely happy. Seongwoo just loved hearing him laugh.

“Full disclosure,” Minhyun continued, “but sometimes I worry that I won’t ever get over him. It wouldn’t be fair to you…”

“You can’t help what you feel,” Seongwoo quickly interrupted before Minhyun had the chance to say anything. “Like I can’t help being in love with you either, but guess what: I am. Do you think I _want_ to be so obsessed with a big-headed loser who’s in love with another guy? Of course not, but I am.”

_In love with you_. The words made Minhyun shudder a little bit. “I never heard you say it like that,” he thought out loud, feeling a little lousy.

“Well, I am,” Seongwoo said with a shrug. “And it sucks because _I know_ you don’t feel the same about me, but at least I’m your boyfriend now, right? At least I have a chance, you know?”

That did not sound like the Seongwoo that Minhyun knew. The Seongwoo who did not show any weakness, but was now putting himself in the most vulnerable position he could possibly put himself in. Minhyun was now endowed with the power to trample on his heart and break him, and it made Minhyun nervous. Minhyun did not want that power. Minhyun did not want the burden of Seongwoo’s heart, because Minhyun honestly couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t break it.

Seongwoo watched as Minhyun became more and more restless after the confession. He knew exactly why Minhyun was acting like that.

“I expect to have my heart broken in the end,” Seongwoo told him knowingly. “It just somehow feels like you and Jonghyun are soulmates who will be together at the end of this, so I have little hope in this ending well. But at least there _is_ hope.”

“Seongwoo…”

“Let’s make a deal?” Seongwoo offered. “If we’re still together by then, and on December 31, 2018, you aren’t in love with me, then we’ll end things.”

“Isn’t ‘love’ a little…”

“I won’t take anything less than that,” Seongwoo declared. “If you aren’t in love with me by the time you’ll have to go back and promote with Jonghyun, then I don’t want this anymore.”

“I don’t like this deal.”

“Either that, or I’m out from now.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“I’m trying to save myself,” Seongwoo answered, “and this is the only way I can do it. I’ll end it before it has the chance to combust into flames when Jonghyunnie’s back in your life. It would hurt much less that way.”

Minhyun pursed his lips, guiltily, knowing very well that this hurt that Seongwoo was talking about would be because of him.

“Deal?” Seongwoo asked reaching out to shake Minhyun’s hand.

Minhyun hesitated.

“If you don’t shake my head and accept these conditions, we’re breaking up this instant.”

Minhyun felt the gravity of the threat, and so, with a deep breath, he took Seongwoo’s hand. “Deal.”

One year. That’s about the amount of time that Seongwoo had to make Minhyun fall in love with him.

When he started Produce 101, Seongwoo’s goal was to win first place in the competition. By the end of the show, Seongwoo’s goal was to get in the top 11 with Minhyun. When he started Wanna One, Seongwoo’s goal was get closer and closer to Minhyun. Now, Seongwoo’s one goal was to get Minhyun to fall in love with him.

This was a goal that he was desperate to achieve, and one he didn’t know how he would achieve. Falling in love wasn’t something Seongwoo could plan to the last detail. Cleverness was not going to help Seongwoo in this at all.

Seongwoo wasn’t sure he would succeed. He didn’t expect to. All he knew was that he was going to try and give Minhyun the most memorable year of his life.

-

When Minhyun and JR started talking again, JR, for the first time since as long as he can remember, felt like a stranger to him.

It took a while to not be strangers anymore, to get over the awkward pauses and not knowing what to say to one another. Eventually, they were on friendly terms again, but of course, it was not the same.

JR kept lying. He kept telling him that he was seeing the girl, and Minhyun seemed to believe it.

“So… how is she _?”_ Minhyun would ask him awkwardly in passing moments when they had schedules together.

“She’s fine,” JR would reply. “How is _he_?”

The “he” in question would always be around, but that “he” often avoided JR, which was understandable.

“He’s fine,” Minhyun would answer.

“Are you happy?” JR would ask.

“I’m happy,” Minhyun would answer. And it was the truth. “Are _you_ happy?”

“I’m happy that you’re happy,” JR would answer. And that was also the truth.

JR could handle the thought of Minhyun with Seongwoo. He’d come to terms with it and learned to accept it.  He could now handle seeing Seongwoo, talking about Seongwoo, and he could even handle seeing them interact on TV, knowing full well that the affectionate smiles that Minhyun would give Seongwoo were genuine smiles and not crafted just for television.

But there a few things that JR could not handle.

One time, Woojin caught the two of them making out on the sofa, very, very intimately, and he recorded it, because he thought it was funny. Woojin then sent the video to JR, because he thought JR would think it was funny too.

Needless to say, JR did not find it very funny.

He watched the video, ignoring Woojin’s soft snickers in the background and focusing on the way that two of them kissed. It was like perfect harmony between their lips, no awkward pauses or clumsy nose bumps. He watched how Seongwoo knew exactly what to do with his arms, rubbing his hand against Minhyun’s thighs and waist. He was how Minhyun was so comfortable with Seongwoo’s touches, how he seemed they both seemed to melt in one another’s arms.

JR had never kissed Minhyun like that. He tried, but it never amounted to anything more than awkward lips moving against another pair of awkward lips. He wished he knew how to kiss. Maybe if his kisses were better, Minhyun wouldn’t have left him.

The video would abruptly end when Woojin’s snickers became too loud and Seongwoo and Minhyun heard him, immediately pulling away from one another in embarrassment.

JR kept that video saved. He watched it again and again and again, feeling worse every time he watched.

One time, Ren found him watching it.

“I don’t get it, JR. Do you _like_ pain?” Ren asked him. “Delete the video _now_.”

JR only averted his eyes, not deleting the video.

“Give me your phone _now_ ,” Ren demanded, reaching out to get it from him.

JR shook his head. “I don’t want to delete it,” he mumbled.

Ren sighed, looking at his leader with concern. Ren knew that JR was hurting over Minhyun, even though he tried very hard to make it seem like he was over it. No one believed him but Minhyun of course, who was very convinced that JR was dating that girl from DIA. But Minhyun wasn’t here to witness the mess that JR was these days, unable to keep a straight face whenever Minhyun was brought up, which was a lot. He couldn’t even go on the fancafe for long because even fans always talked about Minhyun.

Ren was against lying to Minhyun, but JR practically begged him to, and so both Ren and Baekho begrudgingly agreed, for him.

“Do you think you’ll ever get over him?” Ren asked JR with a sad expression on his face. It has been months now since the break-up, and JR still couldn’t mask his sadness whenever Minhyun came up.

“I’ll have to eventually,” JR shrugged.

“No, JR. You have to get over him before 2019, because if you still have these kinds of feelings for him in 2019 when you have to see him every single day, you’ll be miserable.”

“How do I do that though?” JR asked Ren.

Ren did have experience getting over heartbreaks. He’s dated twice, and both times it ended quite painfully, but he was resilient and was able to stand back up again quite fast.

“First thing’s first, delete that video,” Ren said.

After some hesitation, JR obliged. “Now what?” JR asked, willing 100% to follow Ren’s advice.

“Remove him from your life,” Ren said. “For as long as you can. There’s like 10 months left, right? Delete his number. Don’t listen to our old songs, or Wanna One’s songs. If he comes, tell him you have to be somewhere else. If you meet him in schedule, pretend that you’re too busy to talk to him. Don’t read fan talk or fan comments. Just completely push him away. The heart has a natural way of adjusting so that people that are no longer around you don’t affect you. You’ll naturally get over him.”

JR nodded, determined to carry this all out. Ren was right about this; if JR didn’t get over Minhyun before 2019, it’s going to hurt so much more than it does now. Without further ado, JR muted Minhyun’s number, changed the background photo of the two of them together, removed all Wanna One and NU’EST songs from his playlist, took down all the NU’EST posters hanging on their wall. He was going to try his best to stop making his life revolve around Minhyun.

-

Seongwoo and Minhyun were totally in love, thought Daniel as he watched them in the back of the van whispering to one another with stars in their eyes. Daniel didn’t know why it bothered it him, but it did.

It bothered him that even though Daniel had shared intimate moments with Seongwoo, what ended up happening was the two became distant and not even friends anymore. Meanwhile, Minhyun and Seongwoo were having the time of their life sharing intimate moments with one another.

Daniel was jealous. He wanted a lover. Man or woman, it didn’t matter. But sadly, a significant other was so hard to come by for him.

He laughed at the irony. He was Korea’s number one star at the moment, with millions of fangirls (and plenty of fanboys, too), all of whom would jump at an opportunity to date him, but he was still so lonely.

Fans were off limits to date. It was like the unspoken rule of the kpop industry; dating fans never ended well, and so that relationship should never exceed the fan-idol boundary. But for Daniel, it sucked, because _everyone_ was his fan. Even the stylist noonas and the make-up artists. Even the production team. Even their jerk-ass manager who was mean to every Wanna One member but him. This left Daniel doomed to loneliness.

But there was something else about Seongwoo and Minhyun’s relationship that made him jealous. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it though.

-

JR was ignoring Minhyun’s messages. They all come out as unread, even through Minhyun _knew_ JR was online because he talked to Daniel and Jaehwan.

And it was even more strange when Minhyun went to visit the NU’EST dorm one night, JR was supposedly ‘hanging out with friends’ according to Ren. JR didn’t even have friends, at least not friends that JR would leave his comfort zone to hang out with.

“His friends or his girlfriend?” Minhyun asked.

“Friends,” Ren answered.

“Which friends?”

“How should I know? Just stop asking questions!” Ren snapped, waving his arms to shut Minhyun down from talking anymore. From that, Minhyun knew something was off.

Minhyun didn’t know what was going on, but he was determined to find out.

Using Jaehwan’s phone, he called JR.

“Kim Jonghyun don’t you dare hang up on me!” Minhyun yelled in the phone when JR picked up.

“ _Ah… Minhyunnie_.”

“You’ve been ignoring me for weeks,” Minhyun said. “What’s going on?”

JR took a moment before he answered: “ _To be honest,_ ” JR answered, “ _I just need time away from you.”_

“Why?” Minhyun asked, not understanding. Did it have anything to do with their breakup? And if so, _why now_?

“ _I_ …” JR hesitated. “ _Because it’s getting serious with her… with_ _Jooeun. And I don’t want to think about you.”_

“I see,” Minhyun answered. “Well… I would have appreciated if you told me this beforehand. Before shutting me out and ignoring me and making me feel like I did something wrong,” Minhyun knew that there was anger in his voice as he talked to Jonghyun, but he couldn’t help it. He was angry, so angry he felt like he wanted to cry.

“ _I… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you would feel like that_ ,” JR replied, sounding equally choked up. And then Minhyun really felt like he wanted to cry, because he knew that the tone of Minhyun’s voice had probably made JR feel guilty.

Minhyun quickly controlled his voice and said, “no, no. It’s okay. I get it. Congratulations on… uh… getting serious with her.” Minhyun managed to say in as calm a tone as he could manage.

“ _Thanks_ ,” JR replied. “ _Minhyun I have to g…”_

“Please don’t hang up!” Minhyun quickly interrupted. “Please, just a little more. I want to hear your voice. I miss you.”

JR seemed to hesitate for a bit. “ _Okay. Just a little more.”_

There was an awkward silence lingering between them for a long time, and Minhyun didn’t know what to say to fill it. How did it come to this? There had _never_ been awkwardness between them before. Before, they had so much to say to one another that they talked over one another and there was never a moment of silence. Now, their silences hung in the air like the plague.

“Can I meet her please?” Minhyun managed to say. “If you’re getting serious with her, I want to meet her.”

“ _I… I don’t think I would be comfortable with that,”_ JR replied.

“Did the others meet her? Ren, Baekho, and Aron?” Minhyun asked curiously.

“ _Well… yes,”_ JR answered, reticently. Talking about her seemed to make him so uncomfortable, Minhyun noted. And he understood why. It’s hard to talk about your current lover to your ex. Minhyun couldn’t talk about Seongwoo _at all_ to Jonghyun. Just mentioning Seongwoo’s name in front of JR was hard.

“Please, please let me meet her. I feel like I have to be introduced to someone that important in your life,” Minhyun pushed.

“ _Look Minhyunnie, there’s something that… there’s… I”_ JR hesitated. The words he wanted to say did come out of his mouth. Suddenly, Ren was on the phone.

“Ren? Where’s JR?”

“ _Listen Minhyun. Don’t talk to JR about his girlfriend. And don’t ask to meet her either, okay? It makes our JR restless. For obvious reasons._ ”

Minhyun felt like he wanted to cry again. He was just so far-removed from his NU’EST members now, and this just made it all the clearer. The fact that such an important part of JR’s life, Minhyun knew practically _nothing_ about, never met her, or talked to her, it just made Minhyun feel distant. Like he wasn’t even part of NU’EST anymore.

“I get it,” Minhyun managed. “I’ll just hang up now. And I’ll cut contact with Jonghyun, if that’s what he wants.” With that Minhyun hung up, angry and frustrated and on the verge of tears. If this were his own phone and not Jaehwan’s Minhyun would have probably thrown it against the wall.

Seongwoo, who had been listening to the entire conversation, approached Minhyun and wrapped his arms around him.

Minhyun leaned into the embrace and took a deep breath. “He’s getting serious with her, Seongwoo,” Minhyun stressed through half-gritted teeth. “And I haven’t even met her.”

“You haven’t met her? Is that _really_ what’s bothering you?” Seongwoo asked knowingly.

No, that wasn’t what was bothering Minhyun. What was bothering Minhyun was the fact he was getting serious with her. _Wasn’t it all too fast?_ Minhyun thought. It’s only been months since the break-up, and he’s already _getting serious_?

It appeared that JR moved on very quickly.

“I’m sorry, Seongwoo. This is so unfair to you,” Minhyun muttered.

“Yeah…” Seongwoo agreed. “It does kinda suck to watch your boyfriend still love his ex. But it’s what I signed up for,” he shrugged, taking it lightheartedly.

“You can drop out any time,” Minhyun said guiltily. “I wouldn’t blame you if you do.”

“And lose access to all your… um…   _facilities_?” Ong looked down, making Minhyun blush and laugh. “I don’t think so. I like your facilities too much, and I want to enjoy them while I can.”

Minhyun smiled and reached out to take Seongwoo’s hand. “You always know how to make me laugh, Seongwoo. Even when I’m on the verge of tears.”

Seongwoo lifted Minhyun’s hand to his lips and kissed it, and Minhyun felt so much affection for Seongwoo in that moment. So much affection, that everything suddenly felt okay. It was okay that JR was moving on. It was okay that JR was getting serious with her. It’s okay that things have ended between him and JR, because that end opened the door to a new beginning with someone that Minhyun was slowly but surely starting to fall for.

-

JR could not stop thinking about Minhyun. He tried so hard to heed Ren’s advice and just erase Minhyun from his thoughts, but ever since that phone call, JR couldn’t get him out of his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about hurt Minhyun seemed when JR said he didn’t want him to meet his “girlfriend.” He couldn’t stop feeling guilty about lying to Minhyun and letting the lie grow this big.

He had no intention of coming clean to Minhyun, because he was afraid of ruining everything with the truth. He was afraid that Minhyun would hate him, or worst yet, that Minhyun would feel guilty for moving on with Seongwoo. He didn’t want to do anything that would make him unhappy.

He knew that Minhyun was unhappy after that phone call because JR was pushing him away. And he didn’t want Minhyun to be unhappy, and so JR decided that he wanted Minhyun to meet her.

He took out the number from his wallet and added her. With a deep breath, he finally texted.

“ _Hey… it’s Kim Jonghyun,”_ was his first message to her.

She replied shortly after with: “ _Hi!”_

“ _I have a favor to ask you.”_


	18. Chapter 18

JR met her for the first time in a little coffee shop in Gangnam. He had made it clear to her that it was not a date, and that he only wanted to ask her a favor. She told him that she understood, agreeing to meet him anyways for whatever he wanted to brief her on.

He told her that, for undisclosed reasons, he lied to Hwang Minhyun and told him that he was dating her.

She narrowed her eyes. “Really?”

“I’m sorry,” JR bowed to her, feeling ashamed of himself. He knew it was wrong to use her name like that, and he never intended to. But as the lie got bigger, she was naturally implicated into this mess.

She laughed and shook her head, and JR couldn’t quite understand what she was thinking.

“What?” he asked.

“It’s just that you’re Kim Jonghyun, you know? You have this very pure and honest image in Korea. I never thought you’d be someone to lie,” she said. “It just makes you think about how true-to-life a kpop idol’s image is, you know?”

Guiltily, he nodded. “Sadly, I’m not pure or honest,” he admitted. “I’m very flawed, and I understand if you hate me for this.”

“Ah, now that’s the self-deprecating Jonghyun I saw on Produce 101!” she said with a smile. “I could never hate you, Jonghyun. If you lied to Hwang Minhyun, there must be a good reason for it. I won’t pry,” she added, and JR was thankful for that. “So, what do you want me to do?”

-

The meeting was arranged about three weeks later, when DIA, Wanna One, and NU’EST’s W’s schedules finally found overlapping free time one night.

Jooeun did not find out the truth about the relationship between Minhyun and Jonghyun. All she was told was that he wanted her to pretend to be JR’s girlfriend, and that Minhyun wanted to meet her as such.

“Thank you so much for doing this,” he told her before the meeting.

“Don’t mention it. I’m actually kind of happy to do it. According to 100% of the fanfiction I’ve read, me pretending to be your girlfriend means you’re going to end up falling in love with me anyways,” she joked.

JR smiled shyly at that. “Fanfiction?”

“Oh, I love fanfics,” she readily admitted. “I read a lot of NU’EST ones especially.”

“Oh, so you’re a fan?” he asked her.

“If I weren’t an idol, I’d probably be a Kim Jonghyun fansite master,” she teased. “So really, I’m glad to lie for you. And if you want me to kiss you too, I’ll happily oblige!” she shamelessly joked, making him blush again.

“Oh no, there will be no need for that,” he managed to say through flushed cheeks.

-

To avoid paparazzi and all the potential dating scandals, Minhyun and JR reserved a table at a restaurant with private rooms.

Minhyun was already waiting at the table when JR and Jooeun walked in.

She looked very, very pretty, Minhyun noted as she came in. She wore a short skirt and tight-fit top, her long hair up in a high ponytail. JR had his hands in his pockets as the two approached the table together, side by side.

Seeing them together like that stung Minhyun so much.

“Ah, Hwang Minhyun, nice to finally meet you,” she told him as she bowed. She had such a sweet voice, Minhyun thought.

They sat down and talked. JR was mostly quiet, but Jooeun had a lot to say. Minhyun asked her general questions about herself which she answered with grace and sophistication. Small wonder that JR fell for her, Minhyun thought.

At one point in the middle of the conversation, Minhyun’s phone rang. It was his manager, and so Minhyun decided to get up from the table to answer it in private; Minhyun didn’t want JR and Jooeun hearing the manager’s yells and feeling sorry for him.

“Excuse me,” Minhyun said, standing up and leaving to take the phone call.

Jooeun turned her attention to Jonghyun, who had been mostly sitting silent the entire time.

“Maybe reading slash fanfiction has distorted my perception of reality, but am I right in sensing something kind of… special… between you two?”

JR couldn’t find it in himself to lie to her. “You’re very perceptive,” was his answer.

“Oh my God, he loves you, doesn’t he? I knew he was staring daggers into me! He hates me for being your girlfriend, doesn’t he?”

“It’s a long story,” JR told her. “And I promise to tell you everything but…”

“You love him too, right?” Jooeun interrupted.

“I…” he trailed off.

“You shouldn’t lie to someone you love,” Jooeun told him. “That like the worst thing you can do.”

JR nodded. She was right, and he knew it, and it made him so guilty to know that a stranger like her saw it before JR himself did.

“You’re right,” he said. “But it’s hard to tell him the truth now.”

“The more you wait, the bigger the lie will grow and the harder it will be for Minhyun to forgive you if he ever finds out the truth. So my advice is to tell him now.”

And just like that, JR decided to heed her advice. “Okay,” he announced. “When he comes back, I’ll tell him.”

“In that case, my work here is done,” Jooeun said, standing up from the chair and taking her bag.

“You’re leaving?” he asked.

“I don’t want to get in the way of you two. You guys seem like you have a lot to talk about without me here, so I’ll go. But you have my number. If you ever want to go on an actual date, I’m ready,” she winked, gave a curt bow, and left without another word.

Minhyun came back a minute later.

“I saw Jooeun walk out. Is everything okay?” Minhyun asked.

JR took a deep breath and looked in Minhyun’s eyes directly.

“I can’t do this anymore, Minhyunnie,” JR managed.

“Do what?”

“Minhyun, I love you,” JR stressed, and at that moment, all of his inhibitions were shattered. For once, JR wanted to do something selfish. For once, he wanted to stop thinking about who he was hurting with his. For once, he wanted to do something for himself.

“JR, what are you saying?” Minhyun’s voice wavered as he asked the question. He didn’t like where this conversation was going. He didn’t like it at all.

“I never dated Jooeun,” JR confessed. “I just told you that I did, because I wanted you to feel comfortable enough to do what I know you wanted to do with Seongwoo.”

Minhyun fell silent.

“But now I regret everything. I should have fought for you back then. I should have done everything I can to keep us together, because I love you, Minhyunnie,” JR confessed.

“Please stop saying these things,” Minhyun managed in a stutter.

“I want you back,” JR plead earnestly.

Minhyun shook his head, but he had no words. JR was being so… selfish right now. JR was being so unfair, and Minhyun was angry but too overwhelmed to say anything. He was angry at JR for lying to him and angry at him for thinking it was okay to just spring this on him on the spot. He was angry at himself for how it made him feel and how a part of him was so prepared to let go of everything that he had built with Seongwoo in one fell swoop.

“But why not?” JR would not give in so easily.

“JR please…”

“If this is about sex, then we’ll have sex. And I’ll kiss you the way Seongwoo kisses you too. I’ll do anything to win you back, Minhyun. Anything…”

“JR, stop!” Minhyun yelled; he had had enough.

It was at this point, that JR decided to give up.

“If you had told me you wanted me back the moment I broke up with you, or even anytime with a month of our break-up, I would have run back to you without a second thought. But it’s too late now, Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun managed. “I… can’t go back now. I have someone else in my life. I can’t leave him. I don’t want to leave him.”

JR could only nod.

“And… I’m so disappointed in you,” Minhyun managed to say. “This is not the Jonghyun that I know.” With that, Minhyun stood up and left.

JR sat on the table all by himself, three half-finished plates of food in front of him, feeling worse than he had ever felt his entire life. His heart felt more broken than it did when Minhyun first broke up with him, and he felt so much more shattered.

He heard the door creak open and someone walk in. JR thought it was a waiter, and he was too embarrassed to lift his head. Instead he felt someone sit on the seat beside him, and from the bottom of this person’s body, JR knew it was Jooeun.

“If you want me to leave, just stay quiet and I’ll leave,” she said. “If you want me to say, give me a sign, and I’ll stay.”

JR naturally let out a cough. He didn’t mean to, but it came out.

“I’m taking that as sign to stay,” she said. “Which is good, because someone has to finish all this food.” She began to eat the leftovers on their plates, and she ordered a drink for JR too. JR didn’t complain, and he took the glass and began to drink while she ate.

By the end of it, Jooeun had wiped all three plates clean, and Jonghyun had three glasses of wine and was too tipsy to move.

Jooeun didn’t know what to do with him. Kim Jonghyun going out drunk in public? That was a scandal waiting to erupt that she as his fan did not want him to face. But he needed to get home some way or the other. She wished she knew another NU’EST member’s number, but she had no way to contact them.

“Yah, Jooeun-ah,” JR mumbled drunkenly.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever got your heart broken?”

“Multiple times.”

“How did you handle it?”

“I got drunk,” she answered. “Kind of like you right now.”

“I’m not drunk,” JR slurred.

“You are,” she told him. “But it’s okay, we’ll find a way to get you out of here and not risk your career getting ruined.”

“My heart’s already ruined. Doesn’t matter what happens to my career,” Jonghyun grumbled.

“Don’t be stupid,” she said. “No failed relationship is worth your career.”

“It’s not?”

“Of course not.”

That was the end of that conversation, and in the silence that followed, Jonghyun sat idly while Jooeun called Chayeon, who provided Pristin’s Nayoung’s number. Then Jooeun called Nayoung, who provided Choi Minki’s number. After which Jooeun finally reached a NU'EST member.

After calling Minki and telling him what happened, Minki was at the restaurant within 20 minutes with a large jacket and a face mask to help Jonghyun get out undetected and into a car waiting outside.

Jooeun was thus left alone and forced to pay the large bill for all the food and the drinks ordered that night.

JR would remember this of course, and would her out again to make up for it.

-

The truest test of Minhyun’s commitment to Seongwoo came in the time of Fantiago Entertainment’s crisis, when Seongwoo was facing a lot of stress.

Before, Minhyun had been the one with all the problems, and Seongwoo was the one supporting him through it, but suddenly the roles were reversed, and Seongwoo was the one who was troubled.

The company was going through financial difficulty and recently the staff had gone on strike; this made the future of the company uncertain. Needless to say, this was not something that Seongwoo had factored into his carefully-considered and astutely-planned career scheme.

Seongwoo was visibly different in the time this was happening. He was no longer the funny clown that everyone knew and loved. He was quiet and to himself, not really engaging with anyone unless he had to.

He did not expect anything from Minhyun at all during this difficult time; both seemed to have predetermined roles in their relationship. Minhyun was the damsel in distress, and Seongwoo was the upbeat, funky boyfriend that made everything better. Seongwoo accepted those roles, and didn’t expect Minhyun to be much emotional support.

But Seongwoo was pleasantly surprised at just how much help Minhyun was in this difficult time. Very, very pleasantly surprised.

Minhyun was able to cheer him up and lift his spirits in times when Seongwoo felt utterly and completely hopeless. Minhyun was able to take the wheel and steer him, motivate and encourage him. Seongwoo didn’t think it was possible for Hwang Minhyun to get any more perfect, but this just showed him otherwise.

If Seongwoo had to choose the most memorable thing that Minhyun had ever said to him, it would be what Minhyun had said to cheer Seongwoo up during that ordeal: “Ong, you like having things under control, but you have to realize that sometimes you can’t control everything. Sometimes things will happen to you, and you just have to sit back and take them. I know it’s frustrating to not be able to regulate your destiny, but the more you expect to, the unhappier you’ll be.”

“Minhyun…”

“You remember those words, right?” Minhyun told his boyfriend with a smile. “They’re almost the exact same words you said to me a long time ago, when I was upset at how quickly things were changing. You don’t understand how much you helped me back then. Now it’s my turn to give back to you.”

Seongwoo, for the first time, was at a loss for words. For the first time since becoming boyfriends, Seongwoo felt that this was a relationship of mutual dependence.

It gave hope to Seongwoo that maybe 2019 wouldn’t be the end of them after all.

-

The most awkward moment of both Seongwoo and Jonghyun’s life must have been when the two ran into each other in the bathroom of the MBC building. They were both signing contracts for shows there, and somehow, in a crazy coincidence, they both ended up alone in same bathroom at the same time.

Neither knew how to act with one another. Since Minhyun and Seongwoo were together, both Jonghyun and Seongwoo had made a conscious effort to not talk to one another. And when Wanna One and NU’EST had overlapping schedules, the two avoided one another, and thankfully, Wanna One had enough members for Jonghyun to distract himself with.

But now, there they were, washing their hands in the same bathroom, both unsure of what to say.

“Hi,” Jonghyun began with that nice smile on his face.

“Hello,” Seongwoo replied as he waved his hand under an automatic soap dispenser that wasn’t dispensing any soap.

“That one’s empty,” Jonghyun informed him. “Use the other.”

“Isn’t technology supposed to make things easier,” Seongwoo groaned jokingly as he walked a couple of steps to get to the other dispenser. He hoped his joke would lighten the painfully awkward tension between them, but Jonghyun didn’t laugh or smile of show any signs of amusement, which made it ten times more awkward.

Seongwoo distracted himself by washing his hands. JR was finished washing his hands, but he just stood in front of the sink, feeling like it was rude to just leave.

“I don’t know how to act with you,” Jonghyun suddenly said.

Seongwoo understood how Jonghyun felt completely. He wouldn’t know how to act with a guy who stole his boyfriend either.

But in an effort to keep things friendly, Seongwoo replied: “Act with me the way you would act with someone who is really, really apologetic for all the pain that he caused you and wishes you all the happiness in the world and wants you to know that he loves the person that you love and is doing everything in his power to make that person happy.”

Jonghyun smiled at that and nodded, then reached out his hand to shake Seongwoo’s.

“What is this, a business deal?” Seongwoo laughed reaching out to shake Jonghyun’s hand anyways.

“It’s a truce,” Jonghyun replied.

“You make it sound like we were in combat.”

“Weren’t we? Because I distinctly remember you winning.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” Seongwoo said. “The booty is only mine for now, but the war isn’t over.”

JR burst out laughing. No matter how cold and cynical that joke was, it was hilarious.

“I’ll enjoy the booty while I can,” Seongwoo continued joking.

“You do that,” Jonghyun replied, still smiling. “And thank you for making the… the booty... happy.”

“I hope you find booty of your own one day!” Seongwoo replied.

Jonghyun nodded, and for the first time ever, he felt at peace with Seongwoo, at peace with Minhyun, and at peace with the ways things were right now.

-

It was December of 2018.

Seongwoo and Minhyun had been together for about a year now, and it was a happy relationship with little fights and a lot of fun. With Seongwoo, Minhyun had done things he never even dreamed he would do, things he couldn’t even talk about or he would get in so much trouble.

But Seongwoo’s ultimatum was still hanging over Minhyun’s head. And as 2019 neared, Minhyun became more and more anxious about the expiry date of their relationship.

Minhyun didn’t want it to end with Seongwoo, but he couldn’t honestly say he was in love with him either.

Minhyun was familiar with how being in love felt like, because he had felt it for Jonghyun less than a year ago. Those feelings have faded, but Minhyun still vividly remembered them, how literally everything about Jonghyun was precious and how Minhyun wanted to be with Jonghyun forever and ever and ever.

Those were not the kinds of feelings he had for Seongwoo. At least not yet. One year was a long time, but not long enough for such a deep connection to form. Even for Jonghyun, it took over three years before the feelings became discernable enough for Minhyun to express them as “love.”

Minhyun just hoped that Seongwoo wouldn’t actually carry through with the break-up. Getting over Jonghyun should be enough, right?

And truly, Minhyun had fallen out of love with Jonghyun. Ever since Minhyun found out that JR had lied to him for months, something in Minhyun shifted, and the disappointment in him slowly dulled those once very, very powerful feelings. And just like that, Minhyun stopped thinking about him every single day.

He expressed all of this to Seongwoo, but Minhyun wasn’t sure it was enough to pass their relationship on to the next round. Seongwoo had made it very explicit that he wouldn’t accept anything less than “love.”

“Seongwoo, about 2019…” Minhyun had tried to open the subject with him.

“No!” Seongwoo would yell back and close the subject. “We can talk about 2019 in 2019.”

Eventually, Wanna One wrapped up their final concert. All that was left was the countdown V-Live to the expiration of Wanna One’s contracts.

Minhyun had come to treasure and love every single one of his members, and as happy as he was to finally go back to NU’EST, he knew that that that happiness would not change the sadness of seeing Wanna One disband. It had been the journey of a lifetime, a journey in which he found fame, fortune, friendship, and a boyfriend.

-

2019 was here.

The countdown V-Live ended in a lot of tears and long-lasting hugs. Two minutes into 2019, the cameras were turned off to give the 11 members their privacy.

Seongwoo turned to Minhyun and said: “I guess this is the end of us too, then.” It seemed more of a question than a statement.

“Don’t do this now, Seongwoo,” Minhyun replied, really not feeling up to arguing with Seongwoo about this two minutes into Wanna One’s disbandment. Minhyun still had not wrapped his head around the fact Wanna One was over, and was just mindlessly hugging other crying members as he processed it.

Ong leaned forward and kissed Minhyun’s cheek before saying: “I promised myself that I would do this, so I’m breaking up with you now.”

“Seongwoo, come on. You’re not actually ending what we have, right?” Minhyun wanted to punch a wall at the moment. Did Seongwoo really choose to break up now, minutes into 2019? Minhyun expected to have this conversation soon, but not this soon.

Minhyun’s voice was loud and so all the other members heard, they turned and watched the couple with wonder in their eyes.

“Minhyun, we made a deal,” Seongwoo muttered. “Why are you fighting it?”

“It was a ridiculous deal to begin with!” Minhyun yelled. “I can’t believe you’re actually breaking up!!”

Seongwoo seemed just as hurt as Minhyun, but he didn’t seem prepared to discuss anything. He rushed out of the room, down the emergency stairs of the YMC building until he was in the parking lot. There he set himself between two cars and buried his face in his legs, letting himself cry.

He had failed. Hard as he tried, he could not get Hwang Minhyun to fall in love with him. Now, Minhyun was going to be busy in his own group, with his Jonghyunnie.

It took four minutes of Seongwoo silently crying to himself in between the two cars for Minhyun to find him. When he didn, Minhyun took Seongwoo’s arm, pulled him up from the floor, and pushed him against the parking lot pillar.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you want to break up,” Minhyun demanded in a way that was so uncharacteristic of him. Minhyun never raised his voice like that; Minhyun never had a frown on his face; Minhyun never pushed people.

Seongwoo lifted his head and looked Minhyun in the eye, willing to do just what Minhyun had asked. He really, really, really wanted to break up. He had to break up, because if he didn’t, then Minhyun was going to leave him in the end. Because Jonghyunnie was irresistibly lovable.

But looking Minhyun in the eye made him falter. He wanted to break up, but at the same time, he really, really didn’t.

When Seongwoo hesitated, Minhyun spared no second to capture his lips in his, kissing him like he always did. And as much as Seungwoo wanted to push Minhyun away and insist that they weren’t together anymore, his heart overpowered his brain, and he found himself kissing Minhyun back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: it’s a long chapter to make up for my lateness. And again. so much angst (you should expect this by now!)
> 
> And sorry if it was boring and it seemed like things weren’t moving, but I felt like it was an important chapter. but the next chapter will be a lot more interesting, I think!


	19. Chapter 19

 

A lot had changed in the NU’EST dorm. So many new things scattered around, new posters up on the wall, new albums on display. Minhyun had visited it a few times since moving out, but now that he had moved back in, he really took in how much things had changed since the finale of Produce 101.

One of the biggest changes was that Minhyun’s old room was now occupied by Ren, and Ren had settled in quite comfortably to the point that moving out would be too much work. The other members had decided that Minhyun would randomly get to choose from a hat which room he would share with another member, and so the day he moved back in, the hat with the names was already prepared.

Minhyun prayed he would not end up with two people: the first was Baekho because Baekho’s room was infested at this point; the second was, of course, Jonghyun, because Minhyun didn’t want Seongwoo to worry unnecessarily.

Still, fate was cruel, and he drew Jonghyun’s name.

As the other three members celebrated the fact they’ll keep their own rooms, Minhyun considered telling them that he would prefer drawing again and explaining that his boyfriend might not like this arrangement.

But when he opened his mouth to say something, he held back in fear that maybe those words would hurt JR. Saying ‘I don’t want to be roommates with JR’ would surely sting a bit, and so he bit back and decided to just go along with it. Seongwoo would just have to deal with it.

As Minhyun unpacked and JR cleared some closet space, their interactions were thankfully now awkward at all. It had been a very long time since their break-up, and it was more than enough time for both of them to heal and come to terms with each other as friends and not lovers.

 “So, how are you doing with Jooeun?” Minhyun asked they moved some furniture around to make room for Minhyun’s bed. Last Minhyun had heard was that the two had started going out for real since that incident when she pretended to be his girlfriend.

“Oh, right. You didn’t hear,” JR replied awkwardly. “She broke up with me a couple of weeks back. Sorry I didn’t tell you, but you were a bit busy with Wanna One activities.”

“Are you okay?” Minhyun asked him, concerned.

“It was hard at first, but I’m okay now,” JR answered. “It wasn’t really working out between us anyways.”

“That’s unfortunate. She was nice.”

“She was.”

“Did she say why she broke up?” Minhyun asked curiously.

JR laughed a little and nodded. “She did actually. She said I was too… _prude_. Looks like all my relationships end for that reason. Maybe I should learn to be less prude.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Minhyun quickly replied. “You should just be yourself, and if your partner doesn’t like it, then that’s their problem. Their loss.”

JR just laughed and said, “did you forget that you’re also one of those partners? Or are we pretending that it didn’t happen?”

“Of course not,” Minhyun replied, and he suddenly stopped unpacking to give JR attention. “I’m one of those losers.”

JR then quickly asked Minhyun to help him move the dresser, and Minhyun obliged. JR proceeded to complain about how much clothes Minhyun had and how they needed an extra closet. The truth was that JR was just trying to change the subject; he was afraid that dwelling too much on the past would make him long for it.

He didn’t want to long for it; both of them had moved on, and both of them were on good terms again. JR didn’t want to ruin it by redeveloping those feelings that had been long buried now. And JR knew that the more he thought about it, the more likely they will come back to haunt him.

-

“You’re sharing a room with Jonghyun?!” Seongwoo erupted as soon as he heard it.

“Don’t be so dramatic!” Minhyun groaned. “We barely spend time in our rooms anyway, and when we do, it’s to sleep.”

“No!” Seongwoo replied. “Why can’t you share a room with Aron or something? Why did you choose Jonghyun of all your members?”

“I didn’t choose; I had to draw from a hat,” Minhyun answered him. “It doesn’t matter anyways…”

“It does matter! Please, change roommates!”

“I don’t want to,” Minhyun replied.

“Why not??”

“You tell me, Seongwoo. How would you feel if someone goes up to you and tells that they don’t want to be your roommate because their boyfriend is afraid you’d steal them away? It’s ridiculous, and I don’t want to make JR feel bad.”

“Why do you care so much about him?” Seongwoo snapped.

“Of course I care about him,” Minhyun snapped. “What are you even saying?”

“You shouldn’t!”

“That’s the most ridiculous think you’ve ever said…”

And hence proceeded the first fight they had since Wanna One’s breakup, and it was quite a serious fight ending in Seongwoo storming off in the middle of their date.

They made up that night when Seongwoo apologized for being paranoid through a text message, and Minhyun forgave him immediately, agreeing to meet him that night in a hotel to make up for it.

-

“Where you going?” JR asked, pausing his anime when he noticed Minhyun packing up a duffle back.

“A date,” Minhyun answered.

“Now? It’s like midnight.”

“Yes, I’m spending the night out.”

“It’s too late now. You should sleep. We have recording early morning…”

“I have to go out tonight. Seongwoo and I kind of got in a fight, and I need to see him again to make sure it’s all okay,” Minhyun answered as he packed the duffle bag.  He wasn’t thinking when he opened one of the drawers and took out condoms and lube and threw them in the bag, completely forgetting that JR was watching him.

“I see,” JR said, eyes on the items that were now in the duffle bag. It hit JR then how much Minhyun had changed; Minhyun would now go out in the middle of the night with items that JR could have _never_ imagined seeing in his possession before.

Minhyun, realizing what JR had saw, suddenly became red and closed the duffle bag, as if closing it would help JR unsee it.

JR only laughed. “Have fun, Minhyun,” he told his member and winked, then sunk back into his bed to continue watching his anime.

Minhyun bit his lower lip and scuttled away embarrassedly, duffle bag over his shoulder.

As soon as Minhyun was out the door, JR paused his anime again and sighed a deep, hearty sigh. His heart was hurting him, and JR hated it.

“Stop it, you stupid heart,” JR said out loud to his own chest. “You’re over him, remember?”

-

Baekho felt like he had been putting on a lot of weight lately, and so finally, after much consideration, he decided to invest in a gym membership. If he can’t successfully go on a diet, at least he could successfully develop biceps, right? His fans would like that.

The second day in the gym, he ran into someone he didn’t expect.

“Oh, Daniel!” Baekho called out to him when he saw the other Kang lifting weights.

“Dongho- hyung!” Daniel beamed happily, dropping the weights and heading to greet Baekho.

“Long time, no see,” Baekho said as Daniel hugged him. “You’re a member at this gym too?”

“Yes,” Daniel answered. “I figured I would try and get into shape while my company’s getting it’s shit together.”

“Preparing for your second debut?” Baekho asked curiously.

“Yep,” Daniel said, “but MMO _is the worst_ ,” he sulked. “Apparently, they lost a lot of money in stocks or something, and so we’re just waiting around for them to solve their money issue.”

“That sucks for you. I’m sorry,” Baekho replied, knowing all too well what it feels like to wait around for a company with money issues. “Meanwhile I’m here to lose weight.”

“Why? You’re sexy just the way you are,” Daniel said and Baekho laughed.

“Thanks. But I have to compete with Kang Daniel in the sexy male idol arena so my competition’s no joke! Let’s hope MMO’s money issues last long enough for me to catch up.”

And thus, Kang Daniel and Kang Dongho became gym buddies.

-

Seongwoo had started appearing in the NU’EST dorm very, very often. It was fine for everyone in the beginning; he was Minhyun’s boyfriend after all. Ren and Aron liked Seongwoo and they were fine with it. Baekho didn’t like Seongwoo but he bore it for Minhyun. JR told everyone he was okay with it.

Minhyun eventually even gave Seongwoo the key to the dorm, and so Seongwoo just slipped in whenever he wanted. The guy made himself at home, even going as far as to keep a toothbrush and a change of clothes around. And he spent the night there so often, that the couch had become his bed.

At one point, Baekho started to find it annoying.

When the NU’EST members were alone together, Baekho finally voiced his grievances.

“Your boyfriend is spending too much time in our dorm,” Baekho told him. “Tell him to lay off a little or I will.”

Ren agreed. As much as he liked Seongwoo, the guy was being just a little too intrusive. Aron, too, thought maybe Seongwoo should be in the dorm less often.

And they were right, and Minhyun knew it. As much as Minhyun himself loved having Seongwoo around, he understood that the members were finding it a little uncomfortable. Especially Baekho, who didn’t like Seongwoo very much.

“Fine, I’ll tell him.”

-

Seongwoo did not react very well.

“Is it because of Jonghyun?”

“What? No! Everyone just thinks you’re spending too much time here, so I’m just asking that you spend a little less time…”

“It’s bad enough you’re still roommates with your ex…”

“Don’t talk about JR like that! He’s not my ex; he’s one of my members, okay?”

“Oh? So he’s _not_ your ex?”

“I… I just hate that word,” Minhyun hesitated. “It makes him seem so… so distant, and he’s not.”

“So you love him?”

“Of course, I love him. The same way I love all of my members. Now can you stop being paranoid, for heaven’s sake,” Minhyun replied through gritted teeth.

“I know I’m paranoid,” Seongwoo admitted, “but I can’t help it, Minhyun. I just can’t. Whenever I see him, I feel self-conscious. That’s why I’ve been hanging out in your dorm a lot, because I just don’t want to give you the chance for you heart to skip another beat for him. I think that if I’m around, it would limit that chance.”

Minhyun reached out and took Seongwoo’s hand. “Seongwoo, please just trust me, okay? You would feel so much better if you just trusted me.”

“I do trust you,” Seongwoo replied, “but trust has nothing to do with it. Because your heart is something that you can’t control.”

“Then why don’t _you_ stop trying to control it then,” Minhyun replied. “Because by your logic, if I was to fall for Jonghyun again, then nothing you can do can stop it. So please, please let loose a little bit, okay?”

-

Seongwoo did not let loose. The next fight came soon after, when Seongwoo watched a broadcast in which NU’EST were playing the Pepero Game. Minhyun played with JR, and he was very enthusiastic about winning. As the Pepero stick was placed between their mouths, Minhyun dove in to take as much of the stick as he could. Minhyun’s hands ended up behind JR’s head, pulling him closer, and as their lips came closer and closer together, neither of them did that thing where they retracted their lips so that they didn’t touch. Their lips came together, and none of them pulled away in disgust like the game was supposed to be played. When they parted, JR’s cheeks were red and Minhyun took the little piece of Pepero to show everyone how small it was. He was smiling happily, and Seongwoo wasn’t sure that it was because they did well in the game or because Minhyun had found an excuse to kiss his ex.

“ _It was fanservice_!” Minhyun insisted when Seongwoo confronted him about it over the phone.

“Well, you seemed to have enjoyed the fanservice a lot!”

_“You’re being ridiculous!”_

“Next time, lose the damn game!”

_“Fine, I will_!” Minhyun exclaimed. “ _Now can we please stop fighting about this?_ ”

Seongwoo hung up on him.

For the first time, Minhyun felt that maybe Seongwoo had a point to be mad at this particular instance. It was true that Minhyun enjoyed the “fanservice” a lot. He like the feeling of his Jonghyunnie’s lips against his for the first time in a long while. He liked holding JR close, and he liked seeing the blush on JR’s cheeks when he pulled away.

He didn’t mean to _like it_ ; he just did.

The heart is something that you cannot control.

-

Something had changed, and JR knew it from the feeling of butterflies in his stomach when he and Minhyun played the Pepero game.

It was supposed to be just a game, a game where they both pull apart from one another in revulsion when their lips touched while others around them laughed at their misfortune; but this game was not like that. When JR felt Minhyun’s lips against is, there was no disgust there whatsoever. There was only that funny feeling in his stomach and a wildly beating heart.

That fuzzy feeling stayed with JR throughout the rest of the filming until he was finally out of the clouds and back down to the reality that what he felt after that “kiss” was stupid, because it was never a kiss to begin with.

It just made him feel the way that all of their _real_ kisses from before could not.

-

Revenge was sweet, thought Seongwoo after he had wrapped up a V-Live featuring Daniel where the two played the Pepero game. Seongwoo went all in on that game, the same way that Minhyun went all in with his game with Jonghyun.

“What the hell was that?” asked Daniel when the camera was closed and Daniel was still shocked at the extent he went for this stupid fanservice game. “Did you forget you had a boyfriend?”

“You should ask my boyfriend that question!” Seongwoo replied.

Daniel pouted. “I see,” he mumbled. “So you called me up here to do a V-Live with you to make Minhyun jealous. You used me for revenge. Well, fuck you. To think I thought you actually missed me,” Daniel sputtered and left, immediately heading for the gym.

-

“I HATE ONG SEONGWOO SO MUCH!” Daniel carped to Baekho as the two of them were lifting weights together.

Baekho raised an eyebrow. “You do?”

“Yes,” Daniel insisted.

“Aren’t you two like best friends or something?” Baekho asked, genuinely curious

“Fuck no,” Daniel muttered. “That’s just for the cameras. We’re not best friends, we’re just… I… don’t know how to explain our relationship…” Daniel trailed off.

“Well, I hate him too,” Baekho revealed.

“Wait, what?” Daniel raised an eyebrow. “You _hate_ him. As in legit _hate_ him?”

“Yes,” Baekho answered. And it was true. Baekho was the kind of person who held grudges, and ever since Ong Seongwoo threatened him a year ago, Baekho had held a lot of animosity in his heart for that asshole. He had kept it all inside all for Minhyun, but now that Baekho had to see Seongwoo nearly everyday, he felt like he wanted to explode.

“How can you hate Seongwoo?” Daniel asked.

Baekho laughed, “weren’t you saying that you hated him too?”

“Not like legit hate him!!!” Daniel mewled.

“Then be more specific about your hatred next time!”

“Why do you hate him?” Daniel asked.

“Secret,” Baekho replied.

“Come on!”

“I can’t tell you; sorry.”

“Please!” Daniel begged. “I’m so curious! Tell me!”

“Nope.”

“If I tell you my secret, will you tell me yours?”

“What kind of secret?” Baekho asked, raising an eyebrow.

“A _big_ secret.”

“Tell me, and if it’s not big enough, then I won’t tell you mine,” Baekho warned.

“Fine!” Daniel agreed and went straight to the point. “I fucked Ong Seongwoo once.”

Baekho just burst out laughing at Daniel’s bluntness, a bluntness that Baekho appreciated a lot.

“Why are you laughing?” Daniel pouted. “Is it not big enough for you?”

When Baekho’s laughter died down, he said, “yeah, it’s big. But mine is still bigger.”

“Fine,” Daniel mumbled, “I’ll tell you another one. It’s an even bigger secret, but you have to promise that you won’t tell anyone!”

Baekho eyed Daniel, curious. What can possibly be a bigger secret than fucking Seongwoo? “I promise.”

“I think I have feelings for Ong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a quick update, but im not sure if the next update will be as quick. I’ll need at least another week for various reasons, sorrryyy.
> 
> Anyways hopefully this update was less painful for you all lol


	20. Chapter 20

JR saw articles about Seongwoo’s broadcast with Daniel, and he immediately understood what was happening. Seongwoo did it as revenge, because of that Pepero game that JR played with Minhyun.

He felt so guilty; why did he agree to play that stupid game with Minhyun in the first place? Why didn’t he pull away as soon as their lips touched? Why did he indulge in the feeling of Minhyun’s lips? It was his fault this was happening. Minhyun was going to see these articles and watch the broadcast and feel hurt, and it was all his fault.

Trying to distract Minhyun from looking at his phone and coming across the viral video of “kissing OngNiel,” JR stalled. He succeeded in keeping Minhyun away from his phone throughout the rest of the day, until they were finally back at the dorm. Minhyun, showered and ready to sleep, opened his phone to catch up on the news. JR could not stall any longer.

Her nervously watched as Minhyun looked through his phone. When Minhyun saw the articles about the OngNiel broadcast, he threw his phone across his bed and groaned, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

JR felt his heart sink at the sight. Hwang Minhyun, who usually took everything coolly, had now lost his cool. It meant that Minhyun was hurt.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” JR asked Minhyun hesitantly, nervous that he was making it worse by asking.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Minhyun said to JR. “Seongwoo has been _unbearable_ lately.”

“I’m so sorry,” JR lowered his head in shame, and Minhyun narrowed his eyes.

“Why are _you_ apologizing?”

“I know why he did it,” JR answered. “It’s because… we did something similar…”

“No, we didn’t,” Minhyun cut him off. “We were playing a game. Ong was… he was being an asshole. He was doing it to provoke me, and it worked.”

JR fell silent; he didn’t know what to say. To Minhyun, that Pepero kiss with him might have been a game, but to JR, it was a lot more than that, and that made him feel even guiltier.

There was an awkward silence, the kind of silence that was often followed by advice from JR, advice that Minhyun now seemed to expect. But JR had nothing wise to say this time. When JR didn’t fil the silence, Minhyun did.

“I didn’t tell you this, JR, but Seongwoo broke up with me the minute after Wanna One disbanded. He wanted to end things, but I didn’t let him. Now I think back and wish that I did. Seongwoo warned me that he wouldn’t be able to handle…” Minhyun trailed off, and then shook his head indicating that he didn’t want to continue.

“Handle what?” JR asked curiously.

“He wouldn’t be able to handle when _you_ back into my life,” Minhyun answered.

It all suddenly made sense to JR: the reason Seongwoo was spending too much time in the NU’EST dorm, the reason he stuck to Minhyun like a leech, the reason he went so far with Daniel during that V-Live. JR had truly not been aware of how much it bothered Seongwoo that he was in Minhyun’s life. He somehow just assumed that Seongwoo was cool with him, but that obviously wasn’t the case.

“I… I’m sorry,” JR felt the need to apologize. He felt like he had somehow, unknowingly, come between them; how happy would they have been if it weren’t for him.

“Please, don’t apologize,” Minhyun shook his head. “That’s why I was afraid of telling you; I knew you’d take the blame even if none of this was even remotely your fault.”

“I can’t stand being a burden to your relationship,” JR voiced. “If Seongwoo doesn’t like us being roommates, I can trade places with Aron. Actually, you know what, let Ong have my bed. I can take the sofa outside…”

“JR, stop,” Minhyun interjected. He knew that JR would offer to do something like that; it was such a _JR_ thing to do. “I don’t want you to do _anything_ about this at all, okay? It’s not for you to worry about.”

But, of course, JR, being the self-sacrificing person that he was, could not stop worrying about it.

-

 “Come on!” Daniel whined to Baekho. “I told you my _biggest_ secret, and you won’t tell why you hate Ong so much?”

Baekho chuckled at that. For someone who out-sexied him on Produce 101, Daniel was almost _too_ much like a child.

“Look Daniel, I trust you, I really do. But I _can’t_ tell you this.”

“Why not???”

“Because my company would kill me.”

“Oh… so it’s like… scandalous, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Can you just at least give the gist of it?”

“Fine,” Baekho agreed. He felt bad that Daniel had basically poured out his secrets onto the table only to get nothing from Baekho. And Baekho trusted the guy, he really did. It did not seem possible that someone like Kang Daniel could ever have bad intentions.

Daniel leaned in closer to hear what Baekho would tell him.

“Basically, I hate Seongwoo because he blackmailed me. He had something on me that he threatened to make it public. I hated him ever since.”

“What kind of _something_?” Daniel asked with raised eyebrows.

“That’s the scandalous part.”

“I’m curious!!!” Daniel whined.

“You should be more concerned about the fact the love of your life blackmailed me!” Baekho chuckled.

“Ew. No. He’s not the _love of my life_ ,” Daniel claimed. “I just… I like him, okay?”

“And you don’t care that he’s a blackmailer?”

“Ong says he will do a lot of bad shit, but he never does it,” Daniel claimed confidently. “I don’t think he would have ever released the shit he had on you. He’s not that kind of guy.”

“Well, I still hate him, and I think you should re-evaluate your choice in men!” Baekho nudged him playfully.

“Why don’t you tell Minhyun that?” Daniel scoffed.

“Oh I told him. Multiple times,” Baekho said.

“Do you want them to break up?” Daniel asked.

“Hell yeah,” Baekho answered with no hesitation. “Please, if you can, seduce Ong out of Minhyun’s life, and I would love you forever.”

“Me? Seduce Ong? Over Hwang Gallyang? Not going to happen,” Daniel muttered self-consciously. “Plus, what are we even saying? Isn’t it kind of shitty that we’re talking about sabotaging a happy relationship?”

 _Sabotaging a happy relationship_. Baekho just burst out laughing. Oh, if only Daniel knew.

“What? Why are you laughing?” Daniel looked confused by Baekho’s laughter. “What’s so funny?”

“Just that…” Baekho trailed off. “Forget it.”

“Another secret???”

“Yes.”

“You have too many secrets, Dongho. I’m starting to get scared,” Daniel muttered under his breath.

“Let me just tell you this,” Baekho began. “You said that Seongwoo wouldn’t do any bad shit. Well you’re _very_ wrong about that.”

“Wait, did he… _sabotage a happy relationship_?” Daniel put two and two together, narrowing his eyes toward Baekho curiously.

“Maybe,” Baekho shrugged. He knew he said too much already.

Daniel glared at Baekho and then pointed at him accusingly, “you were Minhyun’s past lover before, weren’t you? That’s the big secret, isn’t it?”

Baekho burst out laughing.

Daniel pouted. “What’s so funny this time?”

“Wrong member, dude,” Baekho told Daniel before leaving the weight-lifting station, not giving Daniel a chance to ask any more questions.

But Daniel didn’t need to ask any more questions. He understood.

-

Seongwoo didn’t think revenge would hurt this much.

He regretted it, of course. Minhyun wouldn’t even talk to him since that time, and Seongwoo knew that he went a little too far. He was sorry. To both Minhyun and to Daniel (who was also angry with him).

He realized how blind jealousy had made him. Seongwoo was usually a smart guy; he usually made articulate calculations before carrying out any revenge plan, but this time, Seongwoo made no calculations, and his plan ended up hurting both Minhyun and Daniel.

But nothing made him feel jerkier than when he received a message from none other than angel Kim Jonghyun.

_Hey. I’m moving into Minki’s room. Also, you don’t have anything to worry about, okay? I’ll keep my distance from him._

Why was Kim Jonghyun so… _nice_? He was annoyingly nice. The kind of nice that made Seongwoo feel like a bad person. Seongwoo couldn’t even reply to the message, because he couldn’t think of anything to say. He couldn’t even make a joke out of it.

It made him want to apologize to Minhyun even more, because he realized how ridiculous this jealousy was.

_Minhyun, I am a jerk that deserves to be burned in a pit. I’m so very really truly genuinely sorry. I love you._

Minhyun only replied the following morning with a simple: _I forgive you._

-

The more time Bakeho spent with Daniel, the more he liked the guy. It was funny, actually; in Produce 101, the two never really had the chance to bond because somehow they saw one another as competition and never let loose in front of the other. But now, as gym buddies, suddenly the two clicked and became very good friends very quickly.

Daniel opened up about a lot of things in his life, mostly about his feelings for his ex-best friend.

“You’re the only one in the world who knows about this by the way,” Daniel told him. “I can’t tell any other Wanna One members because I’m sure they’ll blabber and Ong will know. But I told you, because I know you’d keep a secret.”

“You overestimate me,” Baekho laughed. “I didn’t keep Minhyun’s secret very well, did I?”

Daniel did not inquire further about said secret since Baekho implied it, mostly because Daniel knew it was wrong to be talking about it behind Minhyun’s back, and Daniel didn’t like to pry. But now that Baekho had opened up that can of worms, Daniel took the opportunity to ask some questions.

“For how long were they together?”

“Over three years,” Baekho answered.

“I could have never guessed they were dating. They never showed it.”

“They weren’t a very _touchy_ couple,” Baekho said. “But they were very much in love. And I think they still are.”

“Really?”

“Definitely,” Baekho answered. He was confident of that. No matter how much the two liked to pretend they were only friends, there was something between them that went way beyond friendship.

“What makes you say that?”

“When you live with someone for almost ten years, you kinda notice.”

“I don’t agree. Minhyun seems to be happy with Seongwoo,” Daniel asserted. Minhyun was _clearly_ head over heels for Seongwoo– Minhyun agreed to do things for (and with) Seongwoo that no one would ever imagine that _Hwang Minhyun_ would ever do. If that wasn’t a sign of some special kind of devotion on Minhyun’s part, he didn’t know what was.

Baekho just shrugged, unconvinced.

“Why don’t we test it? Like... maybe I can flirt with Minki and try to see Minhyun’s reaction…”

“Wait… what?” Baekho asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To see if Minhyun still has feelings for Minki…”

Baekho bit his lower lip and eyed Daniel with a mixture of both amusement and disbelief. Maybe he had overestimated the guy’s intelligence. Maybe it was best to leave it at that; no need to correct him.

“Wait… it _is_ Minki, right?” Daniel asked. When Baekho didn’t answer, Daniel raised an eyebrow, confused. “Aron?”

Baekho just burst out laughing again. The poor guy really was clueless.

“It can’t be Jonghyun, though,” Daniel muttered. “That guy likes anime boobs! Plus, he dated that girl from DIA.”

“You got enough out of me,” Baekho raised his arms to indicate that he didn’t want to say anymore.

“Come on!” Daniel whined. “Is it Jonghyun?! Tell me!”

“Not telling,” Baekho mumbled.

“It’s Aron?” Daniel continued to press.

“Maybe.”

“Dude!” Daniel groaned in frustration. “You’re driving me crazy here!”

“Why don’t you come over and have dinner with us one day and observe. Maybe then you’ll figure it out yourself.”

-

Daniel did take Baekho up on that offer. He went out to dinner with the NU’EST members one day, and Seongwoo tagged along just so that it wasn’t awkward.

Minhyun and Seongwoo sat together of course, and seemed as happy as always. Daniel sat beside Dongho, who, took the seat farthest away from Seongwoo.

Daniel watched everyone with a close eye. Minki sat in front of the happy couple, bickering with Aron about some lyrics they had to write. There was nothing weird about the way he talked to Minhyun or the way they interacted.

As for Aron, he was conversing with Seongwoo quite easily. They already sounded like BFFs, bonding over lame puns and old man jokes. If Seongwoo really did “sabotage a happy relationship” between him and Minhyun, then Aron most definitely would not have formed this kind of relationship with his ex’s new lover. It made no sense. It could not be Aron.

It was then that Daniel paid attention to Jonghyun, who was quiet most of the time. This wasn’t unusual: Jonghyun did have his quiet moments, and Daniel knew that all too well since Produce 101. Still, Daniel waited for some kind of interaction between him and Minhyun so that her could see if there was something “special” between them.

There was no interaction. Nothing at all. Eventually, Jonghyun did speak to make fun of Minki’s outfit and to ask news about Daniel’s second debut, and to tell Dongho about an idea for a new MV concept, but to Seongwoo and Minhyun– it was almost like he was avoiding them.

It was in the very lack of interaction between them that Daniel began to realize that it probably had been Jonghyun all along. Still, a part of him was skeptical. Jonghyun was totally straight… it couldn’t be Jonghyun, could it?

“Do you know who it is yet?” Dongho whispered to him.

“I think so…”

“You think so?” Dongho looked unsatisfied.

“Just tell me so I can be sure!” Daniel grumbled.

“Nope,” Dongho said, proceeding to eat another bite of his burger before Daniel could ask any more questions.

Daniel grumbled and continued to watch Jonghyun and Minhyun carefully.

It was only when Seongwoo went to the bathroom that Daniel _finally_ caught an interaction between them.

Minhyun just barely _looked_ in Jonghyun’s direction, and Daniel noticed a very un-Minhyun-like expression, one that the bright and ever-so-positive hyung rarely ever showed. It was sadness– the melancholic type of sadness that you see in movies. JR was too busy picking the tomatoes from his burger to notice that sadness.

When Seongwoo returned, Minhyun stopped looking.

If Daniel had any doubts about who it was before, he certainly did not have any doubts now.

-

Even though Minhyun had asked him not to do anything about Seongwoo, JR couldn’t help it. He _had_ to act on the knowledge that Seongwoo was uncomfortable with the state of Minhyun and JR’s relationship, and so he kept his distance.

First and foremost, he switched beds with Ren. He also started to sit far away from Minhyun when they had to be on camera together. He avoided being alone with Minhyun at all costs. He basically limited his interactions with Minhyun as much he can, especially when Seongwoo was around.

Minhyun had confronted JR about this on more than one occasion, asking him to just act _normally_ again. JR would say that he would, but somehow, he was not able to go back to the way it was before. He couldn’t be normal with Minhyun anymore, because he knew that being normal meant that Seongwoo would feel uncomfortable.

And it was not just about Seongwoo; it was also about himself. JR was aware of his own fragile heart that could easily develop feelings for his Minhyun again, and he didn’t want to. If being distant with Minhyun could help him shut down those feelings before they had the chance to defeat him, then he decided he needed to do it.

Hence, there was suddenly this big brick wall between him and Minhyun that really took a toll on their relationship. For the first time in nine years, it felt like they were in some kind of business/work relationship. It was not even friendship at this point.

But Seongwoo seemed happy. He had actually gone to JR and thanked him for switching rooms and for limiting his dealings with Minhyun. Seongwoo and Minhyun stopped fighting and they two seemed happy together again. That in itself was enough to tell JR that this was a good idea. At least Minhyun was happy in his relationship again. At least JR was not getting in between them.

-

Minhyun really, really liked Seongwoo. Seongwoo was funny. He was smart. He was wild. He was exciting. He was attractive. He was almost perfect.

“Almost” because Seongwoo was also ruining something that Minhyun had held so dear: his friendship with Jonghyun.

Minhyun accepted that he had to break up with Jonghyun to embrace a relationship with Seongwoo. He even accepted having to watch JR’s shattered expression when Minhyun rejected JR’s advances and pleas to get back together. He accepted having to break JR’s heart, even if it was one of the most difficult things he had ever had to do, but he did it, thinking it was worth it in the end.

But now, increasingly, Minhyun was starting to feel like it had not been worth it at all.

Minhyun wished he could have known from the very beginning that things would have ended up like this. He wished he would have known that Seongwoo would break more than just the romance between him and Jonghyun, but also the friendship. If he had known this would happen, Minhyun would have deemed it way too high a price to pay.

Looking back, Minhyun miscalculated a lot when he made the decision to break up with Jonghyun. He miscalculated JR’s interest in women; he had though that JR wanted to experiment with girls, but it seemed like JR was less concerned about that than Minhyun thought. He also miscalculated their ability to bounce back from a break-up and be on close terms again; it was never the same between them since then. But most of all, Minhyun miscalculated how easily his heart would get over Jonghyun; he had thought that the feelings were gone, but every so often, he’d see the guy do something cute and his heart would skip a beat. He’d see JR smile, and Minhyun would drown in a sort of adoration for the other that he should not be feeling. Not anymore. Not when he was dating someone else.

Minhyun tried bury those resurfacing feelings by indulging in Seongwoo in all possible ways, by trying to convince himself that this was the man he had feelings for, and it worked for a while.

But his unnatural fondness for JR continued to torment him, especially as JR continued to avoid him. It was killing Minhyun inside to see his leader treat him like a stranger.

It had come to the point where Minhyun was even jealous of Baekho, Aron and Ren. Seeing JR laugh and play with them, joke with them, push them around, tease them… he wanted that. But instead, all he got from JR were polite smiles, “good mornings,” and small talk.

And as it got worse, the magic of Seongwoo’s kisses began to dwindle. Seongwoo’s touches no longer electrified him the way they did before, and Minhyun’s heart closed off completely. What replaced all those feelings Minhyun had once harbored for his boyfriend was an eager longing to have his other friend back. To have Jonghyunnie back. Just as a friend.

At one point, he had had enough. It was after a dinner with Daniel and Seongwoo, in which Jonghyun didn’t even talk to him. After that dinner, he waited until they were back in the dorm, Seongwoo and Daniel out of sight.

“JR, I’m tired of this,” he said to his leader, in front of the other members. “Until when are we going to keep being like this?”

JR looked caught off guard by the question. “What do you mean? We’re okay, Minhyunnie,” JR said, and JR really believed it. They were okay, because finally Minhyun was able to strike a balance between keeping his boyfriend satisfied and maintaining a working relationship with JR.

“You call this okay? You didn’t even look at me tonight! Just because I was with Seongwoo doesn’t mean you have to act like a stranger!” Minhyun tried not to sound angry or emotional. He tried to keep his cool, but he was seconds away from losing it, and of course, JR noted this.

“I just don’t want to come between you again…”

“God, JR, I’d rather end everything I have with Seongwoo than have to act like a stranger with you!” Minhyun blurted loudly.

That made everyone go silent for a moment. It was a heavy thing, what Minhyun just said, something on which a lot was at stake. No one really knew what to say about Minhyun alluding to the end of his happy relationship.

JR finally stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Minhyun, as if to reassure him that they were not strangers. At first Minhyun was stiff but eased into the embrace, wrapping his arms around JR’s small body.

It had been almost too long since they hugged like this, and Minhyun forgot how much he missed it. He missed the feeling of JR against his chest, fitting so perfectly in his arms like he was always meant to be there.

Minhyun didn’t want to let go; JR had to pry himself out of Minhyun’s arms in order to face him and say: “I’m not treating you like a stranger Minhyun. On the contrary, I’m treating you like this because I care about you.”

“Then please spare me the torment of watching us drift apart,” Minhyun replied, his voice wavering. “Please, let’s go back to the way things were before”

Seeing Minhyun like this made JR’s heart hurt. He really didn’t mean to make Minhyun feel like a stranger, to torment him, or to make him even consider the prospect of ending a happy relationship.

JR gave Minhyun brief nod. “Okay,” he agreed. “I promise I’ll try.”

When JR made that promise, he didn’t realize how difficult it would be, and he had forgotten what “the way things were before” entailed.

That night, JR was in bed, close to drifting into sleep, when he felt someone silently slip in from behind him. JR turned his head to see that it was Minhyun.

“Minhyun, what are you doing?” JR asked, making space for Minhyun.

“I’m going back to the way things were,” Minhyun answered, as he made himself comfortable on JR’s pillow.

Yes, this was the way things were before: when Minhyun was feeling troubled and in need of consolation, he would go to JR’s bed and gain strength from just sleeping beside his leader.

JR remembered the last time that happened: way too long ago actually. It was on June 16, 2017, when Minhyun had made Wanna One and JR did not. How upset Minhyun had been that day. How much he had cried. They spent that night together, talking about the future and promising to always be in contact when they were apart. Neither of them would have ever expected that things would turn out this way.

As Minhyun nestled against his friend’s back, JR wondered if this was really alright. Seongwoo would most definitely not approve, and it was also not a smart thing to do if JR was trying to bury his feelings.

Still, JR could not bring himself to complain. He missed it so much, and found the nostalgia made him so numb he couldn’t evenbring himself to speak up against it, especially as Minhyun’s arms snaked around his waist and brought him closer.

JR felt a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, but it was from unpleasant. On the contrary, it was almost too pleasant.

“Thank you for letting me,” Minhyun hummed softly from beside JR. “I really needed this again.”

“Any time, Minhyunnie,” JR spoke back softly. “Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the writer’s block was almost too painful for this chapter! There are literally 7 pages of deleted scenes from this chapter only >.<  
> Anyways… hopefully it isn’t as boring as I felt that it was. also hella long and still angsty. ^^"


	21. Chapter 21

Minhyun was the first to wake up the following morning. JR in his arms, just like old times. And just like old times, Minhyun was tempted to bury his head in JR’s bushy hair, but he didn’t let himself do that. Circumstances have changed a lot since he was allowed to that.

He took out his phone to see the time. 6:00 am. He had woken up too early, and Minhyun guessed it had to do with how alert he was of the person sleeping beside him again. Even as Minhyun slept, a part of him remained conscious of JR in his arms, which made him sleep quite lightly that night.

Hard as he tried, he could not fall asleep again.

He read a few messages on his phone, including one he received from Seongwoo last night.

 _“I love you_ ,” read the text.

Minhyun always felt uncomfortable whenever Seongwoo said that. He knew all too well the reason Seongwoo that said it– he was nudging him to say it back… but Minhyun never did.

And he felt awful about it. Minhyun was the kind of person who couldn’t even break eye contact with someone for fear of being rude, but this was a sincere love confession that Minhyun almost never acknowledged. It was always brushed under the rug, and Minhyun knew that Seongwoo was hurt every time that it was.

This ‘I love you’ made him feel far worse than any ‘I love you’ before it though, mostly because Minhyun read while he was in a bed with his ex.

This felt like a scene from a drama, when some asshole with a girlfriend or wife was laying beside some girl who was not his girlfriend or his wife. And of course, he felt like the said asshole.

He didn’t think this was cheating. It wasn’t. It was purely platonic friendship that led to this arrangement, he told himself. Maybe the guilt would go away if Seongwoo knew, thought Minhyun. And he so he decided to tell him, but not through text. Minhyun felt like he owed it to Seongwoo to come clean face to face.

_Seongwoo, I end schedules at 7:00 pm tonight, and tomorrow I’m free until noon. Do you want to go for dinner? And then maybe we can get a hotel or something? My treat._

-

JR tried very hard that day to go back to “normal” like Minhyun had asked the previous night, but he quickly realized that what was “normal” then was not normal now.

It was hard mostly because JR was afraid of getting too close and comfortable with him and falling for him all over again. His heart was already starting to fail him, and he often found himself caving to everything Minhyun: tall and slender Minhyun with the pretty fox eyes and the pink lips, with a kind smile and hearty laugh.

It was hard to have such thoughts and still act like a “friend.”

And at the end of their schedules, Aron invited them for dinner, but Minhyun said he had a date with Seongwoo. JR’s heart hurt.

“You still have feelings for him, don’t you?” Baekho said as NU’EST W was having dinner together.

“Don’t be silly,” JR said. It was a half-lie. Or maybe a full lie, JR wasn’t exactly sure at this point. “I’m over him. I dated a whole girl after him, remember?” JR somehow felt he was telling himself that more than he was telling Baekho.

Baekho rolled his eyes, not buying it. “Sure, dude. Sure.”

Ren narrowed his eyes at JR. “You are over him, _right_?” He held direct eye contact with Jonghyun and stared him down. JR could not lie looking straight at someone; Ren had learned that very well over the past eight years with him.

JR tried to hold eye contact, but failed, looking down when he said: “I am.”

It was too easy to tell when JR was lying. Aron sighed. Ren frowned. Baekho shrugged.

“What?” JR muttered, but he knew that all of them had seen right through him. He felt like it was pointless to insist; he needed to stop lying to himself as. He still had feelings for Minhyun, and that made living with him and sharing a career with him very, very difficult.

“How are we gonna solve _this_?” Ren groaned, rubbing his head in frustration as he tried to think of solutions to this dilemma.

“Look, I’ll be okay,” JR told them all. “But _please_ don’t tell Minhyun.”

“Minhyun’s an idiot for not seeing it,” Baekho scoffed.

“He shouldn’t know.”

“But why not?” Baekho challenged. “He needs to know that you still have feelings for him and that it’s hard for you to be ‘normal’ with him again. He needs to understand where you stand, and he needs to make a decision based on that.”

“I don’t want to put him under that kind of pressure–”

“Oh come on, JR,” Baekho rolled his eyes.

“He’s right, you know,” Aron told him. “You have to be honest with him. Last time you weren’t honest with him, it didn’t end too well, remember?”

Of course, JR remembered that awful night­– the night when JR told the truth about Jooeun and it all blew up in his face in the form of a really bad heartbreak and Minhyun’s disappointment in him.

“Tell him, Jonghyun,” Aron advised calmly. “I think Minhyun would appreciate it more if you did.”

JR dwelled on that thought for a while. It was true that Minhyun was a person who valued transparency and honesty. And it was true that keeping things from Minhyun had ended dreadfully last time. Aron was right. Perhaps it would be best if Minhyun knew. It would put a lot of pressure on him, and it might upset him a lot, but he needed to understand why JR could not heed his request to go back to “normal.”

-

Unfortunately, the restaurant that Seongwoo chose did not give them the privacy that Minhyun had hoped for. It was loud and crowded, and everyone could hear everyone’s conversations. Minhyun would also see the women in the corner filming them. He wouldn’t be surprised if their pictures got posted on the Internet tomorrow.

Still, Seongwoo talked to Minhyun about his new dorm and the new trainees in his company that Fantagio was planning to debut him with. He also told Minhyun that there were talks with MMO Entertainment to create a joint group, but Seongwoo was not too keen about that idea. Last time Fantagio debuted a group with another company, it did not end too well (“Pledis,” Seongwoo coughed. “Hello Venus,” Seongwoo coughed twice. Minhyun just laughed).

Even though the restaurant environment wasn’t ideal, the food was good, and Seongwoo was happy, and that made Minhyun happy too.

It had been a long time since they went on a date like this, just the two of them. With Wanna One disbanding and Minhyun’s readjustment to NU’EST, there was barely any time for dates like this. He had forgotten how much Seongwoo made him laugh.

“Hotel?” Minhyun asked as they walked through the streets. He was eager for them to finally be alone so that Minhyun could tell him what was in his heart right now. He needed to get it off his chest soon or it would torment him for longer than it needed.

“Let’s just walk for a bit more,” Seongwoo suggested. “I think there are a few girls after us. Don’t want to end up on the tabloids tomorrow for renting a love suite with Hwang Minhyun!”

Minhyun laughed, and nodded in agreement. They walked silently together for a while turning many corners, hoping to lose the girls that were following them. At one point Seongwoo took Minhyun’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“What if this ends up in the tabloids?” Minhyun asked, happily taking his boyfriend’s hands.

“Breaking! Hwang Minhyun and Ong Seongwoo seen holding hands on the streets!” Seongwoo exaggerated, making Minhyun laugh, again.

Seongwoo _loved_ making Minhyun laugh.

“I love being with you, Seongwoo,” Minhyun told him. “I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Seongwoo replied. “But I don’t want you to love _being with me_. I want you to love _me_.”

And there it was again. The guilt came back and felt heavier in Minhyun’s heart than ever before.

“Sorry,” Seongwoo apologized softly when he saw how Minhyun’s face fell. “Didn’t mean to put a damper on our date…”

“No, no. I needed to hear that. And there’s something you need to hear from me too.”

“Ah, a serious talk. I expected we’d be having one during this date, but I was hoping it would come _after_ the sex. But this is fine too! Let me hear it!”

Minhyun laughed again. “You should lower your voice,” he said. “What if the girls planted recording devices on us or something?”

“Then they should know that Hwang Minhyun has an absolutely _wonderful body_ and they will _never_ get to experience it like I did!” Seongwoo said out loud with a grin on his face.

Minhyun shushed him, and looked around to make sure there was no one who heard that. “Seongwoo, just be quiet until we get to the hotel!”

Seongwoo grinned. Even though it was dark outside, he could see Minhyun’s flushed pink cheeks. He loved making Hwang Minhyun blush, and he was confident that he was the only one in the world who was able to do that.

After making extra sure there was no one following them, Minhyun checked into the hotel. One person at a time, they went up to the room, just to be sure that there were no sasaengs ready to make a scandal out of it.

As Minhyun was going up to the room in the elevator, he realized that he would have never done anything like this before Seongwoo. Never would he have rented a hotel room just for one night, risking a very serious scandal that had the potential to ruin both of their careers. Seongwoo had really brought out the adventurous side of him, and for that, Minhyun was actually very, very thankful.

Minhyun only had to wait a couple of minutes before Seongwoo also came to the room. Minhyun was seated on the bed thinking about what exactly he wanted to tell his boyfriend.

Seongwoo immediately put down his duffle bag on the floor, took Minhyun’s chin and kissed him, ready to deepen it.

Minhyun pulled away before it got too deep and he wouldn’t be able to get out of it.

“Seongwoo, can we talk first. Please?”

Seongwoo let out a hearty sigh but nodded, pulling away from his boyfriend’s lips and sitting down on the bed beside him. “I’m just afraid I won’t be in the mood after we ‘talk.’ You spent a lot of money on this room; I just want you to get your money’s worth!”

“The money will be worth it if I get this message across to you,” Minhyun said.

“I have a feeling I won’t like it. But I’m listening.”

Minhyun hesitated. He realized he hadn’t properly planned what exactly he wanted to say, and how he wanted to say it. He also realized that he was afraid of losing Seongwoo’s trust and love. Maybe it was selfish of him to revel in the love that Seongwoo had for him, even though, hard as Minhyun tried, he couldn’t return it in the same intensity that Seongwoo wanted from him.

The words didn’t come easy, but they came, and Seongwoo listened. “Yesterday, after the dinner with you and Daniel, I confronted Jonghyun. I told him that I couldn’t have him act like a stranger in front of me anymore. I was very emotional, to be honest. A part of me felt like I wanted to cry, and maybe I would have. I don’t want to lose Jonghyun, Seongwoo, and I don’t want to lose the comfortable relationship we had with one another, and I need you to know that. I want you to accept that and–”

“I accept,” Seongwoo cut him off quickly. “I won’t lie: it’s true that a part of me was happy to see you two drift apart, but if it makes you so unhappy, then I accept.”

“I slept beside him last night,” Minhyun finally confessed.

Seongwoo was visibly upset by that. “Is that what having a ‘comfortable relationship’ entails?” was his response.

“It was how things were before.”

“But before, you were more than friends,” Seongwoo reminded him. “Would you randomly slip into Dongho’s bed and sleep beside him when you have your own?”

The answer was no and Minhyun knew it. “I­–”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Seongwoo cut him off. “I just want you to think about it. I know that you’re telling yourself that it was an innocent act of friendship, and maybe it was, but I have a feeling that a lot more than that was involved. And I know you’re not ‘in love’ with him, Minhyun, but I also know that it’s so easy to regain those feelings. And when you do things like sleep beside him, you make it even easier.”

“Seongwoo…”

“Look, if you can say with 100% confidence that doing things like that will not sway your heart back towards him, then by all means, be as ‘friendly’ as you want with him. But if you can’t guarantee that, then please, please don’t do anything like that again. For my sake.”

Minhyun just looked down at the floor, and Seongwoo knew that that meant guilt. It meant that Minhyun could not confidently say that his heart would be loyal, and even though Seongwoo had always know it, it still hurt.

“I’m going to trust you to do the right thing from now on,” Seongwoo added, feeling his lower lip tremble. “Whatever you decide to do, I trust you. And I love you.”

“You should stop saying those words to me. Clearly, I don’t deserve them,” Minhyun mumbled halfheartedly.

“I can’t help it. I wish I didn’t have to be stuck in an unrequited love relationship, but here I am.”

“You know, I now understand why you wanted to break up with me at the beginning of 2019. At first I thought it was a stupid and reckless decision, but you really thought ahead, didn’t you?” Minhyun really had underestimated Seongwoo’s ability to predict outcomes. Seongwoo seemed to have predicted very well that Jonghyun would come into the picture and change the nature of their relationship.

“Of course I thought ahead. And I knew this would happen,” Seongwoo replied. “There’s a reason that exes usually never stay friends after a breakup. It’s because when you end it with someone, you have to end everything with them so that all the feelings go away. But I knew that Jonghyun is not that kind of ex for you. He’s like family to you. He’s your brother and your leader and your friend and your past lover, and you would _have_ to see him every day. He’s a part of your life forever, whether you like it or not. He can’t just be a normal ex-lover. And to make it worse: he’s Kim Jonghyun. It’s like… our relationship was doomed to fail since the start. I always knew that. And it pains me to know that I’ll probably end up being the kind of ex that Jonghyun could never be…”

“Why are you saying it like that?” Minhyun finally lifted his head to face his boyfriend. “That’s not going to happen…”

“Oh please, Minhyun. You and I both know that what we have is not going to last forever,” Seongwoo’s voice cracked when he said that, revealing a vulnerability that Minhyun almost never heard from him. It felt like Seongwoo was about to cry, but he gulped it all in.

Minhyun struggled to find the right thing to say, so he didn’t say anything. Instead he just pulled Seongwoo into his arms and hugged him.

Seongwoo hugged Minhyun back for a few second, but then nudged himself out of Minhyun’s arms by standing up.

“I’m sorry, I know you paid a lot of money for this room, but I don’t think I can spend tonight with you,” he kissed Minhyun’s cheek, grabbed his duffle bag, and left.

Minhyun considered running after him. Grabbing his arm in the middle of the hallway and turning him around to face each other. Telling him that he loved him. And kissing him, just like it would have happened in dramas.

Real life was not like the dramas though.

-

Minhyun was back at the dorm at 1:00 AM that night. The hotel room had gone to waste, but Minhyun had felt that it was pointless to spend the night there alone.

Of course, Jonghyun was catching up on his anime that night.

“Minhyun, you’re back early,” JR said, pausing his anime and taking off his headphones, looking toward Minhyun with concern. “You said you were spending the night out.”

“I was supposed to, but… _things_ … happened,” Minhyun wasn’t sure how to tell Jonghyun what happened, and he wasn’t sure he was even supposed to.

“Do you want to talk about it?” JR asked.

“I just want to say that what happened last night was a mistake. I shouldn’t have slept beside you, and I won’t anymore.”

JR just nodded in understanding.

There was an awkward silence between them as Minhyun sat with a pensive expression on his face. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act with Jonghyun anymore, and he was still trying to figure it out. He didn’t want to betray Seongwoo’s trust.

“Can I tell _you_ something now?” JR asked cutting Minhyun’s trail of thought. He looked nervous all of the sudden, and Minhyun even noticed that his hands began to fumble uncertainly.

“What?” Minhyun asked him.

JR took a deep breath. Whatever it was that he wanted to say, it was obviously taking a lot of courage to come out with it.

“Remember that night you met Jooeun?” JR began. “When you got angry at me because you realized I had been lying to you?”

Of course Minhyun remembered. But Minhyun didn’t remember it as the night he realized that JR lied to him­– rather Minhyun remembered it as the night that JR had revealed that he still loved him and the night that Minhyun had to fight all of his impulses to reject him, even when JR nearly begged him. Minhyun’s heart hurt to remember JR’s face when Minhyun turned him down. It was really the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but Minhyun did it because it was necessary for both of them finally get closure. But now that JR was bringing it up again, Minhyun felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach; that night was in the past, and he was afraid of it coming back to haunt him again. Especially not now.

“I don’t want a repeat of that night,” JR said, “and so I decided that I want to be honest from you from the very start. And the truth is that I can’t be ‘normal’ with you like before, because I can never see you as a friend. Because I still have feelings for you.”

The confession was soft and sincere, with JR’s gentle eyes poring holes into Minhyun’s. Minhyun felt numb when he heard them. He suddenly felt like he was under severe pressure, and he couldn’t deal with it on the spot, so he just froze.

“Unlike last time, I’m not going to plead for you to come back to me, because I already know that will never happen,” JR continued with a sad smile on his face. “But I will ask you to give me space, until I can sort out my own stupid heart and be your friend again, just like before.”

Minhyun broke eye contact and look down in shame. He just felt so _stupid_ now that he knew this. He was stupid for not realizing it earlier, stupid for thinking that JR had moved on from him, stupid for not realizing that JR himself _wanted_ to distance himself, stupid for thinking that Seongwoo was being overly paranoid, and stupid for believing that what he and JR had could just die out and everyone could go back to being happy friends again.

“Do you understand, Minhyun?” JR asked. “Please say something.”

Minhyun couldn’t look at JR, but he was able to reply: “thank you for telling me. I needed to know that. I see things a lot more clearly now. And I’m sorry.” Minhyun didn’t specify what exactly it was that he was sorry for. It was a lot of fragmented things all at once. It was only now that Minhyun had begun to see how hard it probably had been for JR. Now that Minhyun was aware of JR’s heart which never seemed to have moved on from him… everything was clearer.

JR’s feelings for Minhyun had not faded or changed, and that meant that Minhyun had understood everything all wrong. It meant that JR was never as interested in women as Minhyun had thought. It meant that JR loved him a lot more sincerely than Minhyun had thought. It meant that Minhyun had probably caused a lot more pain to his leader than Minhyun had thought.

“I’m so sorry, JRie,” Minhyun repeated this time with more ardor. It was all he could think to say to acknowledge all that JR had suffered because of Minhyun’s oversights. He was just _sorry_ , and there was nothing else he could do but offer that weak apology.

“I’m the one who’s sorry, Minhyun,” JR replied. “When you wanted intimacy, I couldn’t give it to you. And now all you want is friendship, and I still can’t give it to you.”

“You’ve given me everything, Jonghyunnie, and I don’t ever want you to believe otherwise. When we broke up, I want you to know that it wasn’t because of Seongwoo, or because of sex, or because of you. We broke up because I was stupid, and I didn’t appreciate or even realize the love and care you had for me.”

“Then it’s my fault I didn’t communicate it to you well enough,” JR insisted.

“You did…”

“I didn’t, Minhyun,” JR cut him off. “Looking back, I should have kissed you more often; I should have told you ‘I love you’ more often; I shouldn’t have suggested an open relationship; and I shouldn’t have accepted our break-up as easily as I did. I now know that all those things probably made you feel like we were more like brothers than lovers.”

“You always take the blame for things, and you’re the one whose always hurting in the end,” Minhyun told JR. “I really wish you’d love yourself a little more. I wish you’d get angry and hate me…”

“I could never hate you, but I will stop being in love with you. Soon.”

“I would like that,” Minhyun managed to say, but he unintentionally sounded quite hesitant, the words falling from his lips in uneasy fragments.

JR did not read into the tone of Minhyun’s voice though. He accepted that verdict with a nod of his head.

“I’ll give you the space you want,” Minhyun told him. “And I’ll tell Seongwoo to not come to the dorm, and I won’t meet him when you’re around. Is there anything else you want me to do?”

“Yes, actually. Can you tell me something? Honestly.”

“Anything,” Minhyun answered.

“Is there nothing at all left from when we were lovers?” JR nearly mumbled, his eyes on his lap.

“What?”

“No lingering feelings for me?” he clarified. “Have they all really gone away?” JR finally lifted his head to face his former lover.

Minhyun looked directly at him when he answered the question, “of course they haven’t all gone away. I want them to though, and I’m working on it.”

JR was so relieved to hear that. He could almost feel himself sigh in relief. He knew he shouldn’t be happy about this– all it meant was that Minhyun’s heart was being unfaithful, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to Seongwoo that they were even having this conversation. But still, JR decided to be happy about it, even if that happiness was selfish.

“Does Seongwoo know?” Jonghyun asked.

“Why do you think I came home early tonight?” Minhyun asked.

“Oh,” JR muttered, starting to feel bad again.

“But I’ll move on. You and I will move on together.”

“Do we really have to, though?” JR asked the question that was on his mind. It was a selfish question, a desperate scramble to salvage whatever it was that had been lost between them.

Minhyun offered JR a small, sympathetic smile, “it’s not that easy.”

JR nodded and accepted the answer, however vague it was. “It was worth a shot. Sorry if it was selfish to ask.”

“Kim Jonghyun? Being selfish? I think you deserve be as selfish as you want,” Minhyun told him.

JR laughed at that assertion. “ _Really?”_

“I want you to be more selfish actually,” Minhyun declared. “So keep being selfish, Kim Jonghyun. I like this look on you.”

“Okay,” JR said. “If that’s what you want. I am going to do something selfish right now.”

Minhyun didn’t have more than seconds before JR had stood up, took Minhyun’s chin, and closed the distance between their lips. He kissed Minhyun’s lips once, and pulled away for a second to see Minhyun’s startled eyes, and then took Minhyun’s lips in his again, and moved them against Minhyun’s in tender and slow indulgence.

When Minhyun gathered the willpower to stop him, he turn his head so that JR’s lips ended up on his cheek instead.

“Jonghyun… come on…” Minhyun managed to say in a slight stammer, pushing his leader away lightly. “Don’t… don’t do this to me.” Minhyun was a hot mess at this point. JR’s kiss had stirred up his insides, making his heart beat so fast that it left him numb.

JR stood up and pulled away from Minhyun. “Minhyunnie, you’re the only thing that I am ever willing to be selfish about.”

Minhyun still couldn’t talk. His body was still frozen and recovering from the butterflies in his stomach.

“I will take full responsibility for this,” JR promised. “I will come clean and tell Seongwoo I stole a kiss from you. He can beat me up if he wants; I deserve it. Also, I won’t do it again. I’ll keep my distance, and you keep yours. Maybe this kiss will make you hate me enough to not want to speak to me again anyways. So… good night for now.” With that, JR turned and went to his room.

When the shock of JR’s “selfish” deed wore off, Minhyun found himself drowning in confusion, anger, guilt, and self-hatred.

Why did that stupid kiss feel like _that_?

Since when had Kim Jonghyun ever kissed him like that…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really am sorry for how long this update took, but this story has been kinda hard for me to write and it literally terrifies me to update it so I’ve been putting it off ^^;
> 
> thank you for the patience though!


	22. Chapter 22

Baekho looked down at the number on the scale with pride. He really had lost a lot of fat weight from how often he went to the gym. Not to mention his shoulders were broader his biceps were becoming more defined. This was probably his most successful gym membership  _ever_. (To be fair though, his past memberships did not set the standard too high given the embarrassing amount of times he paid for a month’s membership only to go for two days and then never go again).

This time, however, he had been going to the gym nearly every day, and he worked out for  _hours_.

He owed it to his gym buddy, he guessed. Baekho truly enjoyed Daniel’s company, and he looked forward to seeing him every single day. Getting up and going to the gym was no longer a taxing endeavor like it used to be. On the contrary, Baekho found that he anticipated it.

One day, however, it appeared like Daniel was running a little late, but he did come in an hour later than usual.

“Sorry, I was recognized and had to fend off a crowd of fangirls,” Daniel explained. He looked worn out and frustrated.

“Looks like you got your exercise for the day then,” Baekho joked, but Daniel didn’t seem like he was in the mood to laugh, which was very unlike Daniel.

Baekho decided not to pry and left the guy alone with his weights. Clearly Daniel was not in the gossiping mood now, which sucked because Baekho had  _a lot_ of gossip he had been excited to share (JR kissing Minhyun; Minhyun  _definitely_  being affected by it).

The more that Baekho watched the guy, however, the more he began to feel like this was not just a case of a temporary bad mood. Something was seriously bothering the guy.

Baekho eventually confronted him about it.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked as he set himself down on the bench beside him.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Daniel mumbled.

Baekho narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

“I think I want to leave idol life,” Daniel confessed suddenly. “For good.”

Bakheo was surprised and inquired further, and Daniel explained to him the reason for his choice: It sucked to not have privacy. It sucked that his every move was under constant surveillance. It sucked that everyone sucked up to him because he was Kang Daniel, the nation’s most popular star.

It sucked that he was  _alone_  and that his circumstances were making it very hard to find a romantic partner. He really wanted a partner, but everyone around him was either his fangirl… or fake.

It sucked that he couldn’t even do something as simple as walk in the streets without a mask on. Even going out to buy ice cream was an expedition. He was denied so many small joys because of his explosive popularity which was a curse disguised as a blessing.

He had been feeling that way for a long time, but it was only when Wanna One disbanded that the feeling began to eat him up. Suddenly, he didn’t have his friends with him every day anymore. He felt the emptiness left by their absence from his life, and the life of stardom he was living just didn’t feel worth it anymore.

“So are you going to step down from celebrity life?” Baekho asked him.

“Do you think I should?” Daniel asked, looking up to Baekho as if seeking advice.

“You need to make that decision for yourself. Your mental health comes first of course, but there is also a lot more that you need to think about, Daniel. Your fans will be heartbroken. And think about your future too. You’re pretty much guaranteed a life of wealth if you stay on the celebrity path. But if you step down, you won’t have that anymore, and you need to fend for yourself some other way. Also, you’ll always be famous in Korea, Daniel. Even if you’re no longer an active celebrity, you’re still a celebrity.”

Daniel nodded along to what Baekho was saying, considering everything that he was saying with careful thought.

Baekho was right. If he wanted to leave celebrity life for good, he needed to do a lot more than just stop being an idol.

He needed to move out of the country altogether.

-

_“I kissed him. I’m sorry, but I really, really wanted to. You should know that he did push me away though. If you want to hit me, I’ll let you.”_

When Seongwoo read Jonghyun’s message that morning, he felt like his heart was sinking.

After that unsuccessful date where Seongwoo confirmed that Minhyun was still enamored by his ex,  _this_  happened.

He was angry. But more than anything else, he was hurt, as the prospect of losing Minhyun suddenly became so much more pronounced.

_Why are you even going through with this shit_? The rational, logical side of his brain yelled at him. That part of his brain wanted him to break up with Minhyun now and spare himself the upcoming heartbreak when Minhyun finally gives in and goes running back to Jonghyun.

_It’s going to happen sooner or later,_  his brain told him.  _So why are you even holding on?_

If only Seongwoo could act according to that rational voice in his head, the voice that had once been his sole guidance. Now, that voice was often suppressed by that stupid heart of his who was whipped for Minhyun and could not let him go.

And Minhyun did not make it easy for him at all either.

When Minhyun first asked him to be his boyfriend, Seongwoo rationally declined that offer, but Minhyun insisted that he was serious about him, and they became boyfriends.

When 2019 came, and Seongwoo tried to break up, Minhyun didn’t kissed him in the YMC parking lot, and they stayed boyfriends.

And now, when Seongwoo had just started reconsidering breaking up, Minhyun came swooping in to lull him again.

Minhyun came to Fantagio’s practice room after Seongwoo had turned off his phone and resolved to not talk to Jonghyun or Minhyun for at least 24 hours to clear his thoughts and set himself straight and decide what he wanted to do.

And Minhyun had been trying to call Seongwoo all morning since finding out that Jonghyun did indeed text Seongwoo about how he kissed him. Minhyun wanted Seongwoo to know that it changed nothing, but struggled to reach him.

He went into the Fantagio building and found Seongwoo there practicing choreo with other Fantagio trainees.

“Can I talk to you alone, please?” Minhyun requested pleadingly. “ _Please_.”

“I’m kind of busy now,” Seongwoo replied, still determined to meet his goal of not talking to Minhyun until after he’s made up his mind. “We can talk later.”

Minhyun then turned to the other trainees in the room, giving them his graceful polite smile, and kindly asked them to give them privacy. The trainees all bowed and scurried out of the practice room obediently.

“Minhyun, come on,” Seongwoo groaned when the door to the practice room was closed. “Can’t you see that I wanted to be away from you for a while?”

“I couldn’t handle that,” Minhyun replied as he took a few steps closer. Seongwoo let him invade his personal space and didn’t push him back, which gave Minhyun the incentive to keep going. He took Seongwoo’s chin in his hand and softly brushed his lips against his boyfriend’s. Seongwoo wanted to stand his ground and not kiss him back to make a statement, but he failed and ended up responding to the kiss.

Seongwoo only wondered if this kiss made him feel just as good as Jonghyun’s did last night.

When they finally parted, Seongwoo sighed and nudged away from Minhyun.

“Was that supposed to be a kiss of reassurance or something?” Seongwoo asked him.

“Maybe,” Minhyun told him. “I didn’t know how else to communicate to you that what happened last night changes nothing.”

Seongwoo nodded, feeling his resolve weaken and his heart go soft for Hwang Minhyun again. Why does that man make him so weak all the time?

“I’ll take your word for it,” Seongwoo said. “But I do want you to think before you say these things. Because even if it makes me feel happy in the short term, will it blow up in my face in the long term? Because if that’s the case, I want you to stop holding on to what we have and making me feel false hope. I would rather things end sooner than later.”

From the way that Minhyun’s shoulder drooped slightly at Seongwoo’s address, Seongwoo could tell that those words resonated with him.

“I love you,” Seongwoo said, knowing that those three little words would be the final guilting blow. And as usual, Minhyun stiffened when he heard them.

Instead of responding to that with his words, Minhyun stepped forward and embraced his boyfriend. Seongwoo wondered what was going through Minhyun’s head as he snaked his arms around him to hug him back.

There were a lot of things going on in Minhyun’s head at the moment. The truth was that Minhyun had been confused and frustrated since last night, and that he came to Seongwoo, because he felt like it was the right thing to do.

Now, with what Seongwoo was telling him, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

He wasn’t sure if he was being true to himself and therefore fair to Seongwoo. He wasn’t sure if it was right to say that nothing had changed when in fact, he had been feeling very different since Jonghyun’s confession.

Maybe, he was lying to Seongwoo right now, and maybe Seongwoo was right to suggest that this was nothing but short-term satisfaction that is pushing back the immanent hurt, but Minhyun desperately did not want to hurt him.

That was why he was there, actually.

Minhyun was trying to be upright and good to his boyfriend. He was trying to be loyal in heart and soul to his boyfriend. He felt like this was a responsibility on his shoulders, and he was trying so hard to fulfill that, even at the expense of his own feelings.

Perhaps that was why he was trying so hard to forget the butterflies he felt from Jonghyun’s kiss. Trying to suppress the resurfacing feelings. Trying to bury them so they never come back and make him shirk his responsibilities to his actual lover.

Minhyun is a person who cares about rules and social standards– to him, being upright is about how well you adhere to those rules. It’s why he is always so clean and organized. It’s why he is always so polite and smiley. Even if he was having a bad day, or if someone was bothering him, Minhyun always smiled and hid his true emotions to upkeep to social standards of politeness. He wasn’t like Baekho, for example, who was always true to his feelings even at the expense of appearing cold and unfriendly.

Perhaps this was another case of Minhyun concealing himself to be decorous and upright. Perhaps he was treating his relationship with Seongwoo like a social responsibility he was obliged to fulfill, which is why his real feelings were not given time to fester.

Minhyun hated to think that he was being  _dishonest_  right now. And the problem was he didn’t even know if he was anymore.

He was so confused, and Minhyun knew that Seongwoo was aware of that confusion. Seongwoo always saw right through him after all.

-

JR did not regret it at all. He was actually glad to have done it and that Minhyun has pushed him away, because finally he got proper closure about the whole thing. Finally, it was clear that Minhyun was out of reach, and finally, they had established boundaries that would help them grow apart so that they can move on from this slump.

He was happy the following day. He felt okay. Even though it was hard to act like a stranger in front of Minhyun, hard to not look at him, hard to not talk to him, it was all for the best and he knew it. Finally, it felt like this was a step in the right direction.

And the kiss lingered with JR for many days as well. He would never forget it. How he wished that it had felt like that when they were actually together. The adrenaline rush and the tingly skin. The impulse to just keep indulging in  _everything_  about the other. Why hadn’t it been there before?

It took losing Minhyun for JR to realize how much he had wanted him in the first place. It took losing him to awaken that once-dormant attraction that often accompanied love, a love that JR had harbored for his member for a very long time.

It was regrettable that he would never get to satiate that attraction now. He would never get to indulge in Minhyun’s lips with the other fully accepting it. He would never get to fully experience what Minhyun’s warm skin felt against his own, and what it felt to be aroused by him. What it felt to make love to him.

Those thoughts did start pouring into Jonghyun’s head after that kiss, and although it was sad that they would remain unfulfilled fantasies, JR was at peace knowing he at least stopped suppressing them. It felt somehow liberating to accept his own feelings, no matter how selfish and stupid and shallow they were. Accepting them was one step closer to overcoming them after all.

-

“I spent last night looking into universities,” Daniel told Baekho a few days later at the gym. “I think I want to apply to a university in some random state in America.”

“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” Baekho said with slight regret. He had thought that Daniel would forget about it, but the guy seemed determined.

“I really am. I even already contacted a lawyer to look into what it would take to terminate my contract,” Daniel answered. “I can’t wait to be able to walk in the streets without wearing a mask! I can’t wait to go out on the street to buy ice cream without worrying about being mobbed! Maybe I’ll find a girlfriend or boyfriend who likes me for me and not because I’m famous…”

Baekho smiled at him. Daniel seemed so happy just imagining it. “So what are you going to study in university? Dance? Theater? Music?”

“Hell no. I’m going into something basic like accounting. I already experienced an extraordinary life, and now I’m just dreaming of a basic one.”

Baekho nodded along and then asked: “Have you told anyone about this?”

“I’m afraid to tell. Especially Jisung. We’ve been together for so long, and it will be weird to be separated from him.”

“What about Seongwoo?” Baekho asked the question that had been in his head ever since he knew Daniel was planning to move away. “How would it feel to be separated from him?”

Daniel’s face visibly fell at the mention of the man he had feelings for. He then shrugged and said: “I don’t like feeling jealous of my friends. It would be good to get away from him.”

Baekho sighed. “And I was counting on you for a happy ending to this story.”

“What?”

“I thought that when Minhyun and Seongwoo finally break up, you can go be with Seongwoo. That way, at the end, everyone’s happy and there’s no one left with a broken heart and bitter feelings.”

Daniel narrowed his eyes at Baekho: “But I thought you  _hated_  Seongwoo. Why does it matter if he ends up broken-hearted?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be happy at the end of this story with where I’m going…”

“But still…”

“Just admit that you don’t  _hate_  him anymore,” Daniel laughed.

“I do. I just feel sorry for him, that’s all,” Baekho said. “That loser is totally infatuated with a big-headed idiot destined for someone else.”

“Says you. Personally, I think Ong and Minhyunnie will pull through to the end.”

Baekho huffed in amusement. “They’ll be over in one year tops.”

“Wanna bet?” Daniel asked. “If Ong and Minhyun end up staying together for over a year, you have to come visit me in the USA, and your straight ass will have to take  _me_  out. But if they break up and Jonghyun and Minhyun get back together, I’ll introduce you to Jisung’s gorgeous older sister who has a thing for you.”

Baekho burst out laughing at that. “Deal,” he said. “Can’t wait to meet her!”

-

“Thank you…” Seongwoo told Minhyun that night when they went on another date that night (a date for which Minhyun decided to skip practice, thinking that JR had no right to get mad at him for it).

“For what?” Minhyun asked him.

“For pushing him away when he kissed you.”

Minhyun turned toward his boyfriend with a guilt-ridden expression: “That’s not something you should thank me for, Seongwoo. It’s a responsibility, not a favor.”

“In that case, is it also a responsibility of mine to beat him up?” Seongwoo said, only half-joking. “To be honest, I’m very tempted. I think it fits in with my role as your jealous, bitter boyfriend.”

“You wouldn’t,” Minhyun didn’t really take it as a joke.

“If you allow me, maybe I would,” Seongwoo shrugged.

“In that case, don’t even think about it,” Minhyun replied. “Don’t even talk about it!”

That silenced Seongwoo, and he felt stupid for even bringing it up. Of course Minhyun would be very sensitive to the prospect of Jonghyun getting hurt.

“I’m not talking to Jonghyun anymore,” Minhyun said to Seongwoo. “Maybe that would make you feel better.”

It didn’t, really. No matter how much the two kept a distance, they still lived together, worked together, bound to one another for God knows how long.

The only thing that would make Seongwoo feel better was if Jonghyun would just  _disappear_.

-

The months passed, and in those months, a lot of things happened.

NU’EST released a new album, which meant that all five members were too busy to think about anything else but the comeback. It meant that their minds were too occupied with hitting the notes and getting the choreography down to worry about much else.

Minhyun and JR had to work together and communicate through this comeback, even though they had decided to keep a distance. But besides when on in album prep discussion or in front of cameras, both JR and Minhyun did not speak at all. They maintained a “business relationship” of sorts.

Minhyun and Seongwoo also stopped seeing each other, mostly because comeback times were too busy and there was no time for dates and whatnot. But it was also because Minhyun had decided to think carefully about what to do and whether or not it was even right to hold onto Seongwoo.

Lastly, their promotions just happened to overlap with DIA again. This meant that Jonghyun and Jooeun had started to talk again in when they were backstage. Minhyun tried not to let it bother him. He tried to ignore it when he saw it, and he succeeded most of the time. He told himself that they were just talking to one another as friends, which made it easier to handle.

But then one day, Minhyun saw a notification of text message from Jooeun on JR’s phone. He didn’t want to pry, but he couldn’t help but read the message: “ _Come to my home when you’re done with schedules. We can order chicken and watch anime._ ” Later, he saw JR read the message and replied back with a small smile on his face.

He later learned from Aron that the two were back together, but JR didn’t want to tell him for whatever reason.

Minhyun didn’t have the right to feel bad over this. He tried very, very hard to control his feelings by telling himself that this was a good thing: the girl was making him happy. JR was moving on well, which meant he was no longer hurting.

But no matter how much he tried to be positive about this, it still drove him crazy.

He wanted to stop lying to himself.

He was jealous.

-

_My dearest Wanna One members:_

_I don’t know how I’m going to tell you this, but I think I should tell you now before you see it in the tabloids next week._

_I have decided to leave the idol industry. It’s been very hard for me after we disbanded, and I don’t think I can handle this kind of life anymore if it’s not spent with you guys._

_I guess the bigger issue at hand is that I’ve also decided to leave Korea and go somewhere where I can live an ordinary life. I got accepted to the University of Mississippi and I’ll be studying economics there. I know that sounds so random and drastic, but please note that I have thought a lot about this more than you know._

_I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you. But I didn’t know how to do it._

_Anyways, I’ll be moving in a month. There’s still time for us to hang out more before I leave for good._

The news had shocked all his members. Some of them protested and tried to talk Daniel out of it, but it was clear that it was something he was determined to go through with, and so they could not help but offer their support.

Daniel decided to throw a going-away party the night before he travelled for good, where he invited all of his close friends. All Wanna One members were invited to this party, along with some others, including Baekho of course. (The other three NU’EST members, however, were not close enough to Daniel).

The party was nice and fun– very  _Daniel-_  like. People were dancing and drinking and all in all having a good time. Even Minhyun, who rarely ever drank, was drinking.

Baekho felt a bit lonely though. The only attendees to whom he was particularly close were Minhyun and Daniel, both of whom were busy; Minhyun was catching up with his Wanna One members and his boyfriend (who Baekho still did not like, no matter how much time passed); Daniel was greeting his guests and telling them about his plans. Baekho felt a bit excluded.

Baekho awkwardly hovered around, chatting with random people he recognized. He didn’t like drinking alcohol much, but he took a glass just to fill the time and not look awkward. Eventually when he exhausted all possible small talk with random people, he had nothing to do but look at his phone, and he found a message in the NU’EST groupchat that amused him a little bit.

Jonghyun: _guys… Jooeun is with me in our dorm right now. Can I please ask you all to spend the night outside? I already called Bumzu he said you’re all welcome to stay with him tonight. Please??? Don’t come in no matter what!_

Aron and Minki sent him a series of teasing jabs, egg-plant and tongue-sticking-out emojis, and Baekho joined in on the fun. The prude Kim Jonghyun, who had once been too shy to even look at a girl, was finally hitting the jackpot.

Baekho was happy for Jonghyun, but he wondered how Minhyun would feel when he saw the message.

He wanted to know, and so he watched Minhyun for as long as it took for him to finally check the messages on his phone.

Baekho watched Minhyun read the messages, and then briskly putting the phone back in his pocket. Minhyun was definitely unsettled by the messages, as Baekho knew he would be.

The rest of the night, Minhyun was quieter than usual, but everyone was much too drunk to notice. Only Baekho was sober enough to see it.

“Can I talk to you, Minhyun?” Baekho said, pulling Minhyun out from his table with the Wanna One members. Minhyun didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, and he let himself be pulled away outside in the hallways where they could talk without being heard.

“What?” Minhyun asked when Baekho eyed him in disapproval.

“Did Jonghyun’s message bother you that much?” Baekho asked, his arms crossed.

Minhyun couldn’t pretend otherwise even though he wanted to. But Dongho would see right through him. He heaved a heavy sigh and said: “it’s just that… I feel like once he crosses that threshold with her… it’s like… I… I… I have to go back to the dorm.”

“Are you crazy?” Baekho replied.

“I’m sorry… I’m going now,” he began to rush toward the exit, but Baekho grabbed his wrist.

“What are you going to do? Barge into the dorm while they’re naked and confess your love to him? Not the right time!”

“It’s not… I don’t…” Minhyun struggled to find his words. “I’m sorry; I have to go.” He pulled his arm out of Baekho’s and rushed away. Baekho sighed. He wasn’t sure how drunk Minhyun was and if that would cause Minhyun to do something very stupid, but he decided to just hope for the best. Not like he could stop him anyways.

He went back into the party and sat down in a corner table away from everyone else. Seongwoo approached him a minute later, clearly very drunk with a bottle of wine in his hand, and he asked Baekho where Minhyun was.

“He left,” Baekho told him.

“But why?” Seongwoo slurred.

“Ask him yourself,” Baekho answered, not wanting to get involved with what could potentially become a serious quarrel between the two boyfriends. It was Minhyun’s job to tell Seongwoo the painful truth, not his.

But it seemed like Seongwoo already knew why. “He went to find Jonghyun, didn’t he?” he mumbled drunkenly before chugging down more from the bottle in his hand.

“Enough drinking,” Baekho said, prying the bottle from his hand. “You’re going to pass out.”

“Why are you avoiding my question?” he drawled, pouting as the bottle was seized from his hand.

“Because it’s none of my business,” Baekho answered.

Then Seongwoo did something that Baekho had never seen him do before; he began to cry. Baekho blinked twice and stared blankly at the guy, not sure of how to react to the sudden stream falling from his eyes. It wasn’t drunken sob tears that Baekho could have easily laughed at; these were silent, genuine tears that seemed to have come from the heart, and so Baekho couldn’t find it in himself to tease the guy.

Embarrassed, Seongwoo took a seat beside Baekho and buried his face in his hands to hide his falling tears

“Please cover me,” Seongwoo muffled. “I don’t want people to see me like this.”

Baekho sat at an angle to help cover him from the other people at the party. At this point, Seongwoo was wiping his tears with his sleeves and trying to stop himself from crying, but he appeared much too drunk to stop.

“Tell me the truth, Dongho,” Seongwoo mumbled through his sniffles. “Is Minhyun going to break up with me soon?”

Baekho sighed. As much as he hated the guy, he was pitiful now and Baekho felt sorry for him. “Look,” Baekho answered. “I don’t know what goes on in Minhyun’s head. Don’t ask me. And I think you need to leave this party now and get yourself together. If people see you crying, it will ruin your image as the annoying clown.”

“I can’t go anywhere this drunk,” he muffled. “I was counting on Minhyunnie to escort my drunk ass. I wanted to surprise him with a hotel room tonight but…” he trailed off, and then buried his face in hands again, and began to cry harder.

“Damnit, Seongwoo, get yourself together. You’re embarrassing yourself,” Baekho lectured with a frown. “I’ll go get Daniel to help you get a cab home.”

“No!” Seongwoo exclaimed, holding Baekho’s arm tight before he could leave. “I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want anyone to see me like this.  _Please_  don’t let anyone else see me like this.”

Baekho sighed. He didn’t know why he was doing this guy a favor, but he figured he would put aside his hatred for just one night.

-

Minhyun stood in front of the door to their dorm. On the door, there was a sticky note in JR’s handwriting: ‘ _please don’t come in. And if you absolutely have to, call first_.’

Minhyun considered calling, but then held himself.

What was he even doing there? What was he going to say to Jonghyun? What did he want to say?

He knew he was a little bit tipsy and out of his mind, and so he told himself to not do anything at all or he would regret it later, and so he just stood there in front of the door, stranded and unsure of what to do now.

He sat on the staircase and just waited. For what exactly, he was not so sure.

He must have drifted off to sleep, because he was nudged awake by JR, who told him to go inside and sleep. The leader took his arm and helped the tired, barely conscious Minhyun sit up.

Minhyun saw Joouen standing there behind JR, but he didn’t pay much attention to her. He just reveled in JR’s touch, no matter how fleeting it was. He let JR guide him into the dorm, pretending that he did actually need JR’s help.

“Sorry I hogged the dorm,” JR apologized quickly before turning back to the door.

“Where are you going?” Minhyun asked him tiredly.

“I’m going to take Jooeun back home,” JR answered, leaving before Minhyun had time to say anything else.

When JR was gone, Minhyun felt a headache. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol he drank at the party or because of how much this situation hurt him.

He looked at his watch: it was 4am and his back was killing him from the stairs he had been sleeping on. He looked at his phone and saw tons of missed calls from Seongwoo and Baekho.

He felt like he was making a mess of so many things right now. Did he really abandon his boyfriend at a party to go after his ex? Did he really crash a night between his ex and the girlfriend? What the hell was wrong with him?

Right now, he was too tired and sleepy to try and fix things. He would think about this in the morning. He trudged toward his closet for pajamas, and found a box of condoms with the packets sprawled across the floor.

JR must have borrowed one. In a very messy way.

Minhyun tried to suppress his imagination from running wild, but he couldn’t and it drove him crazy. Suddenly, he was no longer sleepy.

By the time JR had come back to the dorm, Minhyun had showered and was now cleaning his room. He found Minhyun picking up the sprawled little packets of condoms and putting them back in the box.

“I… uh… I took one. Sorry,” JR admitted embarrassedly.

Minhyun forced himself to smile. “Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re being safe. You can have them if you want,” he said, putting the box in JR’s hand. Minhyun didn’t think he would ever use them again.

“No, it’s okay,” he said, giving them back to Minhyun, with flushed pink cheeks.

“Was it fun?” Minhyun suddenly asked, aware that they still were on business relationship terms and that the question had gone past that boundary.

JR hesitated, looking away shyly. “Yeah,” he answered faintly, scratching the back of his neck. “It was fun.”

“It must have been better than when we were together,” Minhyun added superfluously, making JR stiffen uncomfortably. Minhyun didn’t know why he brought up that painfully awkward experience of four years ago, when they were young and stupid and didn’t know what they were doing. It was obviously something that neither of them wanted to remember.

JR didn’t reply to that.

Minhyun then asked another question: “Be honest: do you really like her?”

JR nodded. “I do.”

“Good for you,” Minhyun said, again forcing himself to smile as he felt his heart shatter. “Does that mean you’re over me? We can start talking normally again, right?”

“Maybe not yet,” was JR’s answer. “And we should also stop talking now. This conversation isn’t helping me. Good night.”

Minhyun sighed, feeling the headache grow stronger as he watched JR go into his room.

Was Minhyun ever going to get over him? It seemed like trying to distance himself from him was not working. The feelings were just becoming more and more prominent and they were now driving him crazy.

He couldn’t bury them any longer.

He had trusted that they would go away eventually, and that he would finally be able to truly tell Seongwoo that he loved him. Now, he has lost that confidence in himself, and realized that he couldn’t hold onto his boyfriend anymore, not when his heart was so volatile.

As hard as it would be, he knew it was only right to end things with Seongwoo once and for all.

_Seongwoo, I really need to talk to you. Can we meet asap please?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so this chapter was long and hard to write! I’m hoping that from now on I will be able to write this story quicker because I think im over the writer’s block? Or maybe not idk we’ll see when I write the next chapter ^^;


	23. Chapter 23

When Baekho woke up that morning and saw the person in his arms, he yelled, pushed and struggled to get out of the bed. He ended up falling on his butt and hitting his head on the bedside counter.

Seongwoo groaned sleepily from under the covers. “What the fuck, dude?”

Baekho rubbed where he had hit his head and stood up, “why were you so close to me?!” he scolded.

“Me?” Seongwoo mumbled. “ _You’re_ the one who pulled _me_ close.”

Baekho scoffed, but he knew that Seongwoo was probably right. Baekho did have a tendency to hug anyone who slept beside him (or any _thing_ for that matter. Poor Lucky). It was a bad habit, because it led to icky scenarios such as this, in which he hugged a whole jerk named Ong Seongwoo, i.e. someone who had once _threatened to ruin his career_. Baekho would never let that one go.

“You should have pushed me away,” Baekho responded, not willing to accept the blame.

“I didn’t have the energy,” Seongwoo mumbled tiredly, sounding quite dispirited.

Apart from that cringeworthily awakening, Baekho really did have a fantastic sleep last night. The mattress was comfortable and the pillows were so fluffy and smelled like lavender. Everything was nice and clean and warm and pleasant. It had been too long since Baekho slept in such a fancy hotel.

The previous night had been crazy: Baekho was somehow stuck with a very drunk Seongwoo and had to bear the responsibility of taking him home, because Seongwoo insisted that he did not want anyone else seeing him cry. In hindsight, it was silly to insist this. Seongwoo could have easily just blamed the tears on the alcohol and no one would have given two shits about it.

When Baekho had asked for Seongwoo’s address so he could take him home, Seongwoo just gave him the card to the hotel room he had already paid for, meant for him and Minhyun.

And so Baekho got a cab, went to that hotel, helped him to his room, in which Seongwoo just collapsed onto the bed. When Baekho was done with the deed, he looked around and noted that hotel room was very nice. It was clean and spacious and comfortable, and it smelled leagues nicer than what Bumzu’s apartment smelled like.

Also, Baekho was _very_ sleepy– it had been like 3AM at that point; Jonghyun had sexiled them from the dorm; Bumzu’s home was another expensive taxi ride away and would need another half hour to get there; and Baekho was simply too drained to wait for a place to sleep.

Please, ot would have been a waste if two people did not sleep in an expensive room meant for two anyways, he had reasoned. And so, without further ado, Baekho had made himself comfortable on the other side of the hotel’s King-size bed.

As Baekho went to the bathroom to wash up, Seongwoo tossed and turned in the bedsheet from his hangover headache, groaning loudly. When he finally gathered the energy to get up, he checked his phone and found a message from Minhyun: _Seongwoo, I really need to talk to you. Can we meet tomorrow please?_

Seongwoo read that and felt his heart sink. Minhyun was going to break up with him, and he knew it.

Still, even though all the signs of an impending breakup were there, a part of him was still in denial. No, Minhyun wasn’t going to break up. Not after everything they’ve been through. Maybe Minhyun wanted to talk about something else? He won’t break up. He wouldn’t...

Baekho came back from the bathroom as Seongwoo was staring at that text message from Minhyun.

“I’m going to go back to the dorm now,” Baekho announced as he began to put on his socks.

“Wait,” Seongwoo turned to him, “I know you’ve done enough for me last night, but can I ask for another favor, please?”

“What?”

“Can you ask Minhyun if he’s going to break up with me?”

“I don’t want to get invol–”

“Please?” Seongwoo cut him off, pulling his pitiful facial expression again. Baekho didn’t know why it had any effect on him at all, but he complied and took out his phone to do what Seongwoo requested.

_Are you breaking up with Seongwoo?_

Shortly after, Minhyun replied with: _I will today._

Baekho read the message and lifted his head to catch Seongwoo’s gaze, who looked eager to hear the final verdict from him.

 _Stupid Minhyun,_ Baekho thought, feeling burdened. Suddenly, _he_ had to be the bearer of bad news and break the guy’s heart, when it was Minhyun’s responsibility. He didn’t want to be the one to disclose the bitter truth. He didn’t want to be the one to hurt him.

Baekho then reminded himself that he hated the guy.

“Sorry dude,” Baekho finally mustered the heart to tell him. “But yeah, Minhyun’s planning to break up with you today.”

Seongwoo sighed in bitter acceptance and closed his eyes. He looked like he was hurt and holding a lot inside him. If Baekho weren’t there, he would have probably burst into tears.

“Thank you. You can leave now,” Seongwoo managed to say under her breath, pointing towards the door with his chin.

“Can I put on my other sock first?” Baekho asked jokingly.

Seongwoo didn’t answer, and Baekho guessed he was too busy trying to keep his feelings in check.

“If you want to cry, then cry,” Baekho told him. “You already ruined your image in front of me yesterday,” he added flippantly with a laugh. He didn’t intend for it to be a mean laugh, but worried that was how it came out.

“I’m not gonna cry a single tear for that asshole,” Seongwoo muttered, but Baekho could hear his voice start to crack.

“Here’s some advice for you: dump him before he dumps you. It would be easier for you to confront him like that, because it looks like the thought of him unsettles you now.”

Seongwoo lifted his head; he looked surprised to hear Baekho give him well-meaning advice. “Thanks,” he said sincerely. “I’ll do that.”

At this point, Baekho was done putting on his socks and was now wearing his shoes.

“Also, thank you for helping last night,” Seongwoo added. “And I know I have no right to ask for any more favors, but please don’t tell Minhyun that I booked a hotel for him and was crying like a baby when he left last night. I’d like to end things with at least an ounce dignity.”

“Sure, as long as you don’t tell him you were my human teddy bear for the night,” Baekho joked, making Seongwoo smile a little despite his heavy heart.

Just as Baekho was standing up and heading for the door, his phone started ringing. It was Daniel.

Baekho answered him. “Hi Daniel.”

“ _DONGHO, WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?”_ Daniel nearly yelled. It was so loud that Baekho had to pull the phone away from his ear.

“A hotel­–”

“– _SO IT IS TRUE!”_ Baekho winced again at the loudness.

“God, lower your voice,” Baekho scolded. “I can hear you fine.”

“ _YOU SPENT THE NIGHT WITH SEONGWOO?”_

“Yes, but­–”

“ _WHAT THE HELL? I DON’T CARE IF YOU TWO WERE DRUNK, BUT YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM! DID YOU NOT THINK OF ME OR MINHYUN AT ALL?!”_

“Oh Daniel, for crying out loud, he can hear you!” Baekho replied. He turned to Seongwoo who was listening to the conversation with intent. He looked surprised by what Daniel had said, and he turned to Baekho as if seeking an explanation.

“ _W…what_?” Daniel’s voice went soft again, and Baekho had to put the phone back closer to his ear.

“Seongwoo’s here with me right now,” Baekho explained. “And also, I spent the night here because JR was spending the night with his girlfriend in the dorm, and I had nowhere else to sleep. Definitely _not_ what you were thinking.”

“ _Oh._ ”

“Idiot,” Baekho muttered to Daniel. Seongwoo was still looking over at Baekho with curious eyes, and Baekho felt mildly uncomfortable now. Suddenly, he was in the very awkward position of having to explain Daniel’s outburst to him. It didn’t help that Daniel just hung up on him, and Baekho wasn’t sure if Daniel expected him to tell Seongwoo the truth or not.

When Baekho put the phone back in his pocket, he decided to just try his luck and see if he could just leave, but of course, Seongwoo stopped him.

“What the hell was Daniel talking about?”

“Ask him,” Baekho shrugged. “None of my business.”

“No!” Seongwoo insisted, quickly standing in front of the door to block him from going. “You’re not leaving here until you tell me–”

Seongwoo’s phone suddenly started ringing. It was on the bedside counter, and so Seongwoo couldn’t reach it from his position in front of the door. Baekho thanked the heavens for the coincidence, planning to slip out as soon as Seongwoo answered, but Seongwoo didn’t get his phone and remained stationed in front of the door.

“Tell me what you know!” Seongwoo demanded.

“Go answer your phone,” Baekho responded, to which Seongwoo just crossed his arms indicating he wasn’t going to move willingly.

Baekho then heard his phone vibrate from new messages, and her decided to just check those messages until Seongwoo decides to move out of the way. But just as he was taking his phone out of his pocket, it also started ringing.

It was Jonghyun.

“ _Baekho, where are you?!”_ JR nearly yelled when Baekho picked up. That startled Baekho a bit, because JR did not yell very often.

“A hotel,” Baekho answered, “what’s wrong? I thought there was no schedule today…”

“ _Are you with Seongwoo?”_ JR asked more calmly, but Baekho sensed the trepidation in his voice.

“I am,” Baekho answered. “Wait… how did you know?”

“ _You’re on the tabloids now. A journalist just released pictures of you and Seongwoo going into a love suite together.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry the much-awaited break-up didn’t happen and im sorry there was zero 2hyun here but I will make it up and update relatively sooner!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a very bad author that doesn’t keep her promises well. I’m sorryyy... my excuse is writer’s block (and Ramadan!)

That morning, all DIA members huddled around Jooeun, eager to hear every little detail about her date with Jonghyun last night.

Jooeun told them about the date, watching their starry eyes light up with fascination as the story unfolded.

The DIA members absolutely loved hearing the inside scoop about Kim Jonghyun. According to what Jooeun had told them, Jonghyun was shy and nervous, but still put in so much effort to please her. For them, he was almost too good to be true.

Truly, Jonghyun was a very good person, and Jooeun felt lucky to have him. He was _almost_ perfect, but not quite there yet.

Jonghyun tried very hard to please her, but he was still awkward since the start, and that made the night less than perfect. She didn’t tell her members though, and instead she let them revel in their image of Jonghyun as the perfect mate who was sweet, sensitive _and_ wonderful in bed (which he wasn’t).

Jooeun honestly felt like Jonghyun only went through with that whole night because she initiated and he didn’t want to turn her down. He was still prude, still shy and unkempt with matters related to sexual pleasure. But he knew that she wanted this, and carried along for her. She appreciated that he was trying, but she wanted a person who was a lot most open about such things.

She didn’t tell her members that though. It would have made the story a lot less romantic.

She also didn’t tell them about how they found Jonghyun’s ex-boyfriend sleeping on the stairs outside…

Minhyun made her feel self-conscious sometimes. Jooeun was aware that Jonghyun still loved him; he had warned her of that since they started seeing each other again. He had promised her that they were keeping a distance though, which was the only reason that Jooeun decided to get back together with him in spite of it.

Still though, she hated feeling like she had to compete with Hwang Minhyun.

-

_Hello, this is Pledis Entertainment._

_Regarding the photos being spread online of Ong Seongwoo and Kang Dongho: the two are only friends. Dongho was only helping Seongwoo, who was under the influence of alcohol, into his room. He left shortly after._

Apparently, this had made things worse, because the reporters said insisted that Baekho absolutely did not leave the love suite. Netizens were wondering why Seongwoo was going into a _love suite_ to begin with, and demanded a statement from Fantagio.

Fantagio released the following statement:

_Hello, this is Fantagio._

_Seongwoo was under the influence of alcohol yesterday, and he had drunkenly requested a love suite. Kang Dongho was only helping him and left later that night._

But the problem was that Baekho never actually left, and that there were reporters by the dozens waiting outside the hotel waiting to catch a snapshot of Baekho in order to prove that he did indeed spend the night there. Which meant that Baekho was stuck in that room until the reporters cleared so that the companies aren’t outed as liars and the whole things blows over in their face.

It was a huge mess, and a huge blow on both Seongwoo and Dongho’s images. It seemed like no one believed the companies’ statements. To the public, the situation was clear as ice: Ong Seongwoo and Kang Dongho spent the night in a love suite together. There was nothing to mistake.

The hotel manager had called the room and apologized for all the of discontent that the media had caused them, and told them they could stay in the room, free of charge, for however long they desired until the press cleared. He also offered free room service.

But not even free food could cheer Baekho up.

Seongwoo didn’t seem to mind the whole scandal much, but Baekho did. Baekho had an image to uphold; he was the sexy noona-killer, the idol that older women flailed over and loved. The fact he spent the night with a pretty boy did not help that image _at all_ , and judging by the comments, his noona fans were not very happy.

If it were true what they were accusing him of, maybe it would have bothered him less. But it wasn’t true, and that’s what drove him crazy and made this entire scandal so unfortunate.

At this point, Seongwoo and Baekho were just two sad and stressed out idols caught in a scandal and stuck in a room together. As Seongwoo was still dealing with the heartbreak of a break-up that didn’t even happen yet, Baekho dealt with the stress of a scandal that was definitely going to be a blow on his career.

They didn’t talk much, spending most of the time on their phones reading comments and feeling worse and worse about themselves.

At one point, Seongwoo’s phone rang, and Baekho looked over Seongwoo’s shoulder and saw that it was Minhyun calling.

“Are you gonna answer that?” Baekho asked when Seongwoo didn’t look like he had the intention of picking up.

“No,” Seongwoo mumbled. “I don’t have the strength to face him now.”

“Just pick up and break up with him. Get it over with,” Baekho urged.

Seongwoo let out a heavy sigh, but he heeded Baekho’s advice and hesitantly picked up.

“ _Seongwoo… how are you?”_ Minhyun said when he picked up.

“Fine,” Seongwoo replied abruptly, not wanting to prolong this longer than it needed to be.

“ _I’m calling to check up on you,_ ” Minhyun continued, “ _and to apologize for ditching you last night. I didn’t know you got us a hotel room...”_

Seongwoo pouted; he hadn’t wanted Minhyun to find out about the hotel room, but now that the whole of Korea knew about it, Minhyun did too of course. Seongwoo felt so stupid paying so much for the room just to please someone who chose to break up with him that same night.

“Why did you ditch me?” Seongwoo asked, even though he knew the answer would hurt.

“ _Can we talk about that later? In person?”_

“I actually don’t want to talk to you anymore,” Seongwoo stated. He knew he was being harsh, but it was the only way he could go about this. “I want to break up with you, Minhyun. _Right now_.”

Minhyun fell quiet on the other end of the line.

“Thank you for the past year and a half we spent together,” Seongwoo managed to say despite his trembling lips, “but I really don’t want to be with you anymore.” He then hung up, because he felt like he wanted to cry, and he didn’t want Minhyun to know that.

The tears came out as soon as he hung up though, and so even though Minhyun didn’t see them, Dongho did. Seongwoo rushed into the bathroom before Dongho could see any more weakness from him.

-

When Seongwoo hung up, Minhyun felt like had lost something very precious.

He knew the end was coming, but he didn’t expect that it would come from Seongwoo. He didn’t expect that it would come so soon. He didn’t expect it would end on the phone, without a proper goodbye or closure.

Seongwoo had given him many unforgettable memories, and it was hard to come to terms with the fact it was all over. Overcome with a sense of loss, his heart felt heavy and he was tempted to text Seongwoo, to get something more from him. Because it couldn’t just end like that; it felt so wrong for things to end like that. At least he should have been given the opportunity to apologize properly.

But when he opened the chatroom with Seongwoo and read the last message from him, he felt like an absolute asshole that didn’t even deserve to apologize.

 _“I love you_ ,” Seongwoo had written just yesterday. “ _I can’t wait to spend time with you tonight.”_

Feeling even more awful, Minhyun couldn’t bring himself to apologize anymore. He just wished he could go back in time and change everything and spare Seongwoo and himself all of this. It was hard to think that he had caused so much heartache to someone he cared about.

He felt like he had failed Seongwoo the same way he had failed Jonghyun when he ended a three-year-long relationship with him. He was simply a failure at relationships; he always hurt the people who loved him.

It took a major toll on him that day, and he felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone. When Aron and Ren came to ask him about what happened, Minhyun said he didn’t want to talk about it and locked himself in his room.

Minhyun was not the kind of person who ever “didn’t want to talk.” He was not the kind of person who ran away from his problems; if something bothered him, Minhyun always voiced his concerns, but this time, his head was not in the right place.

“What is wrong with him?” asked Ren, narrowing his eyes at the door that Minhyun locked in their face.

Aron tried knocking on the door and calling out to Minhyun. After trying for about five minutes, he gave up, hoping that Minhyun would come out to talk when he was ready.

But hours passed, and Minhyun didn’t come out. He stayed locked in his room for a very, very long time, and Aron was getting concerned.

He figured that if no one else could get through to him, surely JR would.

JR had been afraid to try and talk to Minhyun and overstep the carefully-set boundaries between them. But he couldn’t just let Minhyun lock himself in the room like that. For that reason, he decided to step in, but not as Minhyun’s friend, rather as his leader who was concerned about the group.

“Minhyun, open the door,” he bade softly when he knocked.

Minhyun still didn’t answer.

“If you don’t open, I’ll break it,” he threatened with as much firmness as he could manage. “Open the door _now_.”

“Please JR,” Minhyun finally answered. “I just want to be alone today.”

“Open the door,” JR insisted firmly once again, until finally Minhyun unlocked the door.

When JR opened the door, he saw Minhyun with one earphone in his ear. He looked sad­– very different from the regular happy-go-lucky, bright Minhyun.

It was hard to see him look so sad.

JR closed the door behind him as Minhyun took a seat on the floor beside his dresser. From the looks of it, Minhyun had been reorganizing the clothes in his drawers while listening to music before JR came in.

“Tell me what’s bothering you,” JR said brusquely as he stood over him

Minhyun continued folding clothes, completely ignoring JR.

“Is this about Seongwoo and Baekho?” JR pushed. He knew it had something to do with them, but he couldn’t guess exactly what about them was bothering him so much. He couldn’t possibly believe that something happened between the two, right?

Minhyun closed his eyes and let go of the t-shirt he was in the middle of folding.

“What?” JR asked. “Talk to me, Minhyun,” he pressed.

“JR, please,” Minhyun said through heavy breaths, “I don’t want to talk. Just leave me alone, okay?”

JR was not a firm leader most of the time, but he was when he needed to be. When Ren would laze off during practice, or when Aron would drink too much, or when Baekho would let his tongue run loose… JR had it in him to set them straight with strict resolve. Thinking back, Minhyun was the only member with whom JR never felt the need to be firm. Minhyun was always well-mannered, always positive, always hardworking, and never had JR felt the need to scold him. Until now.

“You shunned Aron and Ren when they wanted to talk to you. You locked the door and ignored Aron when he tried to see what’s wrong with you. Right now, I’m speaking to you, and you’re barely even making eye contact with me,” he said with as much authority as he could. “As the leader of this group, I’m concerned right now.”

“As the leader? What about as my friend?” Minhyun muttered back. “Because I really don’t want to talk to you as my leader right now.”

“If you want to talk to a friend, I’m sure Aron-hyung is willing to be there for you.”

The implication of those words was much harsher than JR intended. It seemed to affect Minhyun a lot too; his face visibly dropped, and then he lowered his head and wouldn’t raise it again.

“Please leave,” Minhyun said, eyes still downcast. “If you insist, I’ll talk to Aron or Minki. I would rather talk to my friends than my co-worker after all.”

“I didn’t mean that…” JR trailed off.

“I know you mean well, JR,” Minhyun continued, “but talking with you will only make me feel worse.”

“Why don’t you just try me then?” JR asked as knelt on the ground and leveled with Minhyun. His voice was calmer and less authoritative. He dropped the plan to fix this as ‘a leader,’ and now all he wanted to do was be there for his Minhyun as a friend.

When Minhyun didn’t say anything, JR continued: “you know I love you, right? You know I care about you more than anything. If you want me to break all the walls I built between us for now to be here for you as your friend, I will.”

Finally, Minhyun lifted his head to look at JR. After a brief moment of eye contact, he said: “Seongwoo broke up with me.”

JR froze.

JR had always hated that Seongwoo and Minhyun were together. He had subconsciously always wanted them to break up, but for some reason, in spite of those longings, this break-up only made JR’s heart hurt.

Minhyun must be so heartbroken, and that made JR feel awful.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” JR said.

“Don’t say anything,” Minhyun replied. “Just you being here is enough.”

JR nodded. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Minhyun, who willingly leaned into JR’s embrace.

-

“Okay, I _really_ need to pee,” Baekho called through the bathroom door. Seongwoo had been in there recovering from his breakup for nearly an hour now, and Baekho had been holding it in all that time waiting for Seongwoo to finish. However, it now came to the point where he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“I’ll close my eyes,” Baekho promised jokingly. “I won’t see you cry, I swear. I just want to pee!”

Seongwoo opened the door and finally came out, nose pink and eyes bloated. Baekho thanked him and hurried inside do his business. When he came out, he found Seongwoo flipping through the television channels.

At this point, both of their phones were dead and neither had a charger, and so the television was the only thing they had to pass the time. Baekho thought it was good for both of them to not have their phones at the moment; it meant they would be disconnected from all the toxicity on the Internet for a while.

Baekho took a seat on the bed beside him, watching the comedy show that Seongwoo had chosen to watch.

The show wasn’t all that funny, but Baekho chose not to say anything because it seemed to entertain Seongwoo well enough, as he smiled occasionally while watching it.

When the commercial break rolled, there was an awkward silence that Seongwoo filled by asking him: “you won’t tell Minhyun I cried, right?”

“I won’t,” Baekho promised. “But if he asks and I lie, he’ll see right through me.”

“I don’t think he cares enough about me to ask,” Seongwoo muttered. “So that won’t be a problem.”

“Trust me, he cares _a lot_ ,” Baekho said. “For the past two years, I’ve been telling him how much of an ass you are, and he would always scold me and tell me to stop being so judgmental and get to know you first. To be honest, the only reason I ever tolerated you was because you obviously made Minhyun happy, whether you see it or not.”

Seongwoo’s eyes lit up when Baekho said that; he seemed glad to know that Minhyun cherished him, and it made Baekho feel even more sorry for the guy. He really loved that noisy big-head, didn’t he?

It wasn’t good to keep talking about Minhyun, because obviously thinking about Minhyun was only making the smitten ex-boyfriend even sadder, and so Baekho tried to change the subject and cheer him up. “Besides Minhyun, Daniel also praises you a lot…”

Seongwoo raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued. “What does Daniel say about me?”

“Ask him that,” Baekho shrugged. “Actually, before he travels away tonight, talk with him. I feel like you two need to have a long heart-heart conversation…”

Seongwoo eyed Baekho curiously, but nodded his head.

“I actually also need to talk to him,” Baekho suddenly remembered with a grin. “He owes me a date with Jisung’s sister.”

Seongwoo narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“We made a deal. He said he’d introduce me to Jisung’s sister if…” Baekho trailed off. _If you and Minhyun broke up within a year_.

“If what?” Seongwoo asked when Baekho didn’t say anything.

“If I lost 3kg,” Baekho lied. He was _not_ going to tell Seongwoo the truth and remind him of Minhyun _just_ when the guy was starting to think about something else.

Seongwoo could tell a liar when he saw one. Mostly from the way that Dongho said it, but also from the fact that he totally _did not_ lose 3kg. If anything, he gained weight. Not that Seongwoo was keeping tabs or anything, but Dongho’s biceps were definitely not that defined before, and so he _definitely_ gained some muscle weight.

“You’re telling me that you lost 3kg?” Seongwoo crossed his arms.

“I should have known not to lie to the infamously perceptive Ong Seongwoo,” Baekho grunted. “But is it really that obvious that I gained weight? Do I look fatter?” he asked with a pout on his lips as he recoiled self-consciously.

“Not _fatter_. Stronger. You seem to have _way_ more muscle now since you started working out with Daniel.”

Baekho was very pleased to hear that. “I can’t believe you noticed,” he said with a small smile.

“Of course I noticed,” Seongwoo scoffed. “My gay eyes always notice the attractive body parts of other men. Like the biceps that smothered me in my sleep last night…”

Baekho smiled, bit his lip, and shook his head, not knowing how to respond to something like that.

“Oh my God, are you blushing?” Seongwoo pointed his finger at Baekho’s flushed cheeks, smirking in triumph for being able to do that to the big old Kang Dongho.

“No,” Baekho claimed, but his flushed cheeks involuntarily failed him.

“You’re totally blushing!” Seongwoo sassed. “How I love making straight men blush!”

“I’m not blushing,” Baekho insisted. “I’m just glad someone noticed the result of my efforts, that’s all.”

“Trust me, Dongho. Your efforts show very well. Take it from a very perceptive gay man who has an eye for these things. You know, I noticed your biceps from day one. I’ve always thought you were the second most attractive member of NU’EST.”

“Only second? I’m offended,” Baekho bit back.

“Yeah, second. Sorry, but no one can beat NU’EST’s number one, top visual. I mean have you _seen_ Kwak Aaron?” Seongwoo joked, making Baekho burst out laughing.

Seongwoo smiled; he felt like it had been a long time since he made someone laugh like that.

When Baekho’s laughter died down a bit, he said: “you’re a funny guy, Seongwoo. If we didn’t have that brawl two years ago, I think we could have been good friends.”

Seongwoo knew exactly the brawl that Dongo was talking about; it was kind of like the elephant in the room that neither wanted to talk about because it went back to a very painful part of Dongho’s life. But now that Dongho brought it up, Seongwoo felt the need to acknowledge it: “I’m sorry, by the way,” he apologized, “for threatening you back then.”

“I accept this apology,” Baekho told him with a nod. “We’re good now.”

“The irony is that I was still the one who ended up ruining your image though,” Seongwoo noted flippantly. “Because of me, people no longer think of you as a lady’s man. Now, you’ve got whole forums of people online talking about how you’re into dudes.”

“I have experience dealing with untrue rumors,” Baekho replied with a shrug. “Also… it never mattered to me before, but now it does for some reason: I want you to know that the girl who accused me two years ago– she really was a liar.”

“I know,” Seongwoo said with a nod. “Minhyun told me, and he didn’t even have to. Contrary to what you think, I never hated you or thought you were an ass, Dongho. You were important to Minhyun, and I knew Minhyun would never be so close with a jerk.”

“Well, I’m not gonna lie, but I hated you,” Baekho responded, making an effort to veer the conversation away from Minhyun again.

“Past tense?” Seongwoo noted with a small grin.

“Yeah… past tense,” Baekho relented, smiling.

“It’s a shame that this heart-to-heart bonding didn’t happen when me and Minhyun were still together. Minhyun would have been really pleased to hear that me and you started to get along…” Seongwoo trailed off as he thought about Minhyun. That stupid big-head would never get out of his thoughts, would he?

“Let’s order ice cream,” Baekho suggested when he noticed Seongwoo’s expression dim at the mention of Minhyun. “It heals all broken hearts,” he added, grabbing the room service menu from the bedside counter.

Seongwoo nodded, inching closer to Baekho to have a look at the menu.

For the rest of that day, Seongwoo and Baekho just ate ice cream, watched television, and talked. With no phones to distract them and only one another to entertain them, the time actually went by relatively fast. They bonded over music, jokes, and making fun of Minhyun, and realized that they had a lot more in common than they originally thought (especially in the making-fun-of-Minhyun department).

Eventually the hotel management was able to sneak them both out of the hotel from the back garage where all the supply trucks were parked, and they were able to leave the hotel undetected by the paparazzi waiting outside for them. The manager himself drove them away and dropped them off at their respective companies, apologizing for all the trouble the hotel’s lack of security had caused them.

Generally, it was a very bad day for Seongwoo: Daniel was travelling away; his year-long relationship with a man he still loved ended; _and_ he was caught in a serious scandal that was sure to impact the rest of his career. But despite all of that, Seongwoo was okay– because even though he lost a lover that day, it felt like he also gained a friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not gonna make ANY promises but i will try to get the next chapter within a week ^^"


	25. Chapter 25

Ren had to scold Minhyun into getting up and getting dressed for Daniel’s final send-off that night. Afraid of confronting his now ex-boyfriend for the first time since the break-up, Minhyun was reluctant to go, and it took a while for him to gather the strength.

Baekho had wanted to go too, but the company decided to quarantine him in the dorm until the scandal died down. Minhyun kind of hoped that Seongwoo would be in the same situation. But, unfortunately for him, that was not the case. Seongwoo did come, and Minhyun couldn’t even lift his head and look him in the eye.

Seongwoo also ignored Minhyun’s presence to the best of his abilities, doing everything he could to distract himself from the tall, beautiful ex-boyfriend that just broke his heart. Most of the time that entailed talking to Woojin and Daehwi and playing games on his phone.

Eventually, Seongwoo got a call from Dongho, which he felt happy to answer because it was another distraction from the stupid big head that still made his broken heart swell.

“ _Did you talk to Daniel?_ ” Dongho asked him.

“I can’t. Everyone’s here.”

“ _Then get him alone.”_

“It’s not the right time…”

“ _Sorry to break it to you, but this is the only time.”_

And Dongho was right about that. Seongwoo sighed as he peered at Daniel’s pile of luggage; Daniel really was leaving for good, and now that there were unresolved questions between them, they needed to be addressed immediately or they will remain unresolved for a very long time.

When Seongwoo requested that they talk alone, Daniel’s eyes widened and his hands nervously fumbled around the straps of his duffle bag. Daniel definitely knew what they were going to talk about.

Telling everyone that they were going to buy coffee and discuss private matters, they finally managed to steer clear of everyone and talk in private in a far, empty corner of the airport.

“I heard what you told Dongho over the phone,” Seongwoo began the conversation. “But I just want to hear it from you directly, just to make sure I heard right...”

“Fine,” Daniel shrugged. “I’m in love with you. Been in love with you for a long time.”

Seongwoo just smiled when he heard it.

“What’s so funny?”

“My life is funny,” Seongwoo answered cynically. “I’ve been waiting to hear those words for a very long time, and I’m finally hearing them, but not from the person I expected.”

Daniel just narrowed his eyes.

“Never mind,” Seongwoo said, shaking his head. “I wish I had known about this earlier. Maybe I would have been smart enough to leave Minhyun and go to you if I had known…”

“ _Leave_ Minhyun? What are you saying?” Daniel asked, and Seongwoo remembered that they still hadn’t broken the news to the other Wanna One members about their separation.

“Me and Minhyun broke up this morning,” Seongwoo clarified, trying to keep a smile to conceal how hurt he still felt.

“What??? Why?”

“Long story. And not important. What’s important is that my heart is now in a bad place, and it’s not ready to open up just yet. But it might be in the future…”

Daniel was still processing that the ever-so-happy couple was broken up, and now that Seongwoo was bringing up the prospect of him “opening up his heart,” Daniel was staggered. He stared blankly at Seongwoo, not sure where exactly this conversation was taking them.

“I wish you weren’t leaving,” Seongwoo added regretfully. “I wish I fell for your dumb ass instead of Minhyun’s…” he trailed off.

“Well, I am leaving,” Daniel managed to say. “And you don’t have the same feelings for me. It’s clear where we stand now, Ong. I don’t think you can make any promises about us in the future.”

Daniel was right, and Seongwoo knew it. “It feels so wrong to say goodbye on this note though,” he muttered.

“I confessed to you literally an hour before I move away; I didn’t expect anything. I’m just glad you finally know. And that you don’t hate me for it.”

Seongwoo sighed. “I care about you deeply, Daniel. And I’m sorry that I can’t do anymore for you. But I will tell say this: if you ever decide to move back and both of us are single, maybe we can give it a shot…”

-

Baekho got the full overview of what happened during the conversation from both sides. Daniel sent him a long detailed text message, and Seongwoo called him. But to be honest, Baekho wasn’t really happy with the outcome.

“So that’s it? You guys just separated with a ‘possibility’ of getting together in the future? Come on dude, you could have done better than that!” Baekho groaned in disapproval.

“ _What else was I supposed to do? The guy is moving away!_ ” Seongwoo defended himself.

“I don’t know,” Baekho shrugged. “At least seal it with a kiss or something!”

Seongwoo laughed, “ _next you’ll tell me to follow him on the plane and beg him not to leave.”_

“That would have been cool too!”

“ _You watch too many dramas,”_ Seongwoo commented and laughed. “ _Anyways, I just broke up with someone else. I’m not quite ready for grand romantic gestures towards a different guy. I’m still recovering from the first guy.”_

“Fair enough. Oh well, I guess the timing was bad for both you and Daniel. It’s unfortunate though; I think you two are compatible.”

“ _I think both of us are happy with how it turned out, actually. There’s a hope for the future, and it’s kind of exciting. Like the beginning of another story...”_

“Speaking of story,” Baekho transitioned, “online forums are bursting with new ongbaek fanfiction. Apparently, fangirls are really into imagining two men in a hotel room doing things? CEO just told me my brand ranking exploded. And masses of people just joined the NU’EST fancafe too with usernames like ‘ongbaek4ever.’”

“ _You’re welcome,”_ Seongwoo joked. “ _I guess me and you will be a thing from now on. Watch, TV stations are now going to cast us on reality shows together to boost ratings!”_

Baekho laughed, but he could totally imagine that it would happen. And in a strange way, he looked forward to it.

-

JR had been listening into the conversation between Baekho and Seongwoo. He was actually very confused. Why was Baekho talking to someone he had hated just yesterday, someone that pulled him into a scandal, someone who had just _broke Minhyun’s heart_?

And what was worse was that Baekho was talking about Seongwoo getting together with Daniel or something. How could Baekho even tolerate something like that? For JR, it just felt like Seongwoo broke up with Minhyun and was already pursuing other interests, and Baekho was encouraging him? As if Minhyun wasn’t having a very difficult time right now…

When Baekho finally finished his conversation and hung up, JR decided to confront him. “What were you doing, Baekho?” JR asked him, trying to convey disapproval.

“Talking to Seongwoo,” Baekho answered truthfully. “Surprised?”

“Yes, I am actually.”

“Well, me and him are good now so...”

“Did you know that he broke up with Minhyun?”

“Of course I did,” Baekho answered, but JR expected more of an explanation than that.

“So why are you talking to him?” JR pressed. “He _hurt_ Minhyun…”

Baekho laughed at that and shook his head. The leader was naïve and clueless as always. Baekho felt it was time to set him straight once and for all. Maybe he was intruding and getting involved in something that Minhyun and JR have to sort for themselves, but at this point, he was over it. This issue had dragged on for far too long.

“Trust me, Jonghyun. The person who did the hurting was more Minhyun than Seongwoo.”

“What are you saying? Seongwoo was the one who broke up…”

“Yes, but only because Minhyun was planning to dump him first!”

“What?” JR narrowed his eyes. Minhyun had not told him that part of the story...

“You really don’t know anything, do you? Let me tell you then: when you sent that message yesterday about spending the night with your girlfriend, it bothered Minhyun so much, and he went after you. He’s still _crazy_ about you, and I guess he finally realized that yesterday.”

JR froze. He didn’t know any of this, and suddenly he felt stupid. It had completely slipped his mind to inquire or even think about why Minhyun was outside the dorm last night…

“I was always on you and Minhyun’s side,” Baekho continued. “I knew you two were right for each other since the start, and I let that affect what I thought of Seongwoo. I hated him for coming between you; but yesterday I realized that he also suffered because of this, and I felt bad for him. He really did care about and love Minhyun, but Minhyun never moved on from you.”

JR stayed quiet as he processed this, but Baekho wasn’t quite done lecturing him.

“I’m telling you this because you have a girlfriend right now, and you’re getting serious with her. But if she’s going to end up like Seongwoo, investing a futile relationship with a guy who loves someone else, then it’s your responsibility to end things sooner rather than later. I know you’re the last person who would ever want to hurt someone, especially someone like Jooeun, but be honest with yourself and think about whether you’re being fair to her right now. Because let me tell you: Minhyun was definitely not fair to Seongwoo at all.”

Baekho had said everything he wanted at this point, and JR seemed to be taking the information with a heavy heart. Baekho didn’t like to make the leader feel guilty, but for once, he felt like JR was indeed at fault. Both JR and Minhyun were at fault for all the miscommunication and arguments and distance and the angst that came with their separation.

Baekho just wanted it all to end already.

-

Breaking up with Jooeun had to be the hardest thing that JR had ever done.

Baekho had convinced him that it was the right thing to do. As much as he liked and was attracted to Jooeun, he knew he wasn’t being fair to her, and he didn’t want to tie her down anymore. She deserved someone who was on the same wavelength as her emotionally and sexually, and he was simply not that person.

She took the breakup with grace, but it was clear that she would have preferred if things had turned out differently. She wished him luck with Hwang Minhyun and hoped that the two work everything out soon.

He didn’t tell any of his members that he broke up with her, and he didn’t plan to. Knowing them, they would push him to get back together with Minhyun immediately, and he didn’t want to rush anything. He didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on Minhyun who had just got out of a long and happy relationship with someone else.

JR wanted Minhyun to take the time to recover from the break-up. He wanted to give Minhyun the space to reflect on it without the other members forcing him into something that was not even meant to be restored.

However, it would be a lie to say that JR had not imagined and longed to have Minhyun back. There was finally an opening, a chance for them embrace something that had been long lost between them. After years of angst and pain, he was eager for the moment they would naturally come together again.

But not yet. For now, he let the memories of another relationship sit and loiter in Minhyun’s heart. When the time was right, JR was determined to give his relationship with Minhyun another chance.


	26. Chapter 26

Seongwoo was right: suddenly everyone wanted to cast him with Baekho in reality shows. It would have been great if Baekho wasn’t in the same group as Seongwoo’s now ex-boyfriend whom he was having a hard time trying to forget. Now that NU’EST and Seongwoo had a lot of the same schedules, Seongwoo had to run into that handsome idiot who practically stood him up and broke his heart. And as much as Seongwoo wanted to ignore him, he just couldn’t.

He caught Minhyun staring at him many times when they were in waiting rooms together, and Seongwoo would openly stare back.

They never talked to one another though, even when they were on camera together. But once, it seemed like Minhyun had had enough giving one another the silent treatment, and he asked Seongwoo how he was.

“A bit sad,” Seongwoo answered. “You see, I was in love with this guy who broke my heart and I had to dump him but I’m still in love with him, and I still have to see him all the time. Not very fun!” he answered in the lighthearted, funny tone that Minhyun was all too familiar with.

Minhyun truly missed him.

It would be a lie to say that he hadn’t thought about calling Seongwoo in the past weeks since their break-up. A part of him wanted to apologize and ask if they could try again. He had grown so close and intimate with Seongwoo, and breaking up had left Minhyun feeling empty.

But every time his mind tried to convince him to make that move, he had to stop himself. It was selfish to drag Seongwoo back into this now, especially given how he could never return Seongwoo’s feelings no matter how hard he tried.

Minhyun recognized that Seongwoo didn’t want to associate with him anymore, which was understandable, but hard. Minhyun found that he was jealous of Ren, Aron, and especially Baekho for being on such good terms with him

Minhyun wished he could be on good terms with him too.

-

JR told his members about his break-up with Jooeun a few weeks later. They were eating fried chicken after a long day of practice, and Aron suddenly asked him why it had been so long since he went out with his girlfriend. After being put on the spot like that, JR couldn’t lie to them.

“Actually, it’s over between me and her,” JR answered, and all four of his members suddenly stopped chewing their chicken to peer at him.

“Since when?” Aron asked with narrowed eyes.

“Since a few days ago,” JR replied with a shrug, not wanting to go into any more details and make it too obvious that Minhyun’s break-up had to do with his own.

“Did she break up with you? Aron continued to interrogate him.

“We just weren’t compatible,” JR answered. “Can we not talk about this, please?” he requested.

“I think we should talk about this,” Ren interfered. “Are you okay? Why didn’t you tell anyone? What happened? Does it have to do with…” Ren turned to Minhyun without completing his sentence.

It was obviously on everyone’s minds, even if Ren didn’t say it out loud. As the members looked from JR to Minhyun, Minhyun spoke up: “I don’t know what happened between you and your girlfriend, JR, and I’m sorry about it. But I want to acknowledge the elephant in the room right now and say that it’s not the same between me and Jonghyunnie as it was before, so don’t expect anything.”

For JR, the words felt like a rejection even though there was nothing for Minhyun to reject. In one instant, the hope that JR had for them to have another go at their romance faded; JR got the hint. Minhyun was not interested, and it was stupid for him to assume that he was.

“But …” Ren seemed prepared to fight back.

“Ren, it’s okay,” JR cut him off. He then turned to Minhyun and said: “I understand, Minhyun. Thank you for making that clear. Now quickly finish eating so we can get back to practice,” he added.

He was obviously trying to change the subject. No matter how much JR tried to hide how he was feeling, everyone in the room knew that Minhyun’s rejection had hurt him.

“I think you two need a minute alone,” Aron professed. “Ren, Baekho, let’s head out for a bit.”

“There’s no need for that…” JR tried to stop them, but they wouldn’t have it. Without protest, the three members stood up and headed for the door, ignoring JR’s pleas for them come back and finish practice.

When they really did leave and JR prepared himself to go after them, Minhyun stopped him. “Can we actually talk?” Minhyun requested softly. “Please?”

Despite its simplicity, that was a loaded question with no easy answer. Since Minhyun broke up with his boyfriend, JR and Minhyun had for some reason still stuck with their agreement to keep a reasonable distance from one another. Perhaps it was just easier for them to do that because that was what they had become used to, and perhaps Minhyun still wanted JR to get over him. Whatever it was, it erected a wall between them that both of them have become accustomed to, a wall that would be shaken if they “talked” the way Minhyun seemed to want to talk to him right now.

But JR obliged and sat back on the practice room floor to give Minhyun his attention. It didn’t look like they would be practicing any time soon anyways. He might as well receive an official rejection from Minhyun and get it over with so he could just lose hope.

“I’m sorry if what I said upset you,” Minhyun began. “I just want to clarify why I said it...”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Minhyun,” JR replied before Minhyun could say anything else. “I know why you said it. You don’t feel the same way as before; I get it. Things are very different now, and it was stupid for me to ever expect that we could just get back together after everything that happened.”

“No, JR, it’s not about what I feel about you at all. I’m just not in the right place for another relationship, because I always end up hurting the people who love me, and I just don’t want to do it anymore–” Minhyun sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

No matter how much Minhyun changed since coming back from Wanna One, these little habits of his stayed the same: Minhyun ran his hand through his hair like that when he was frustrated, confused, and embarrassed.

But although Minhyun’s actions and habits remained the same, JR felt like he no longer understood Minhyun like before. From knowing exactly what was on Minhyun’s mind in any given time two years ago, to having trouble communicating the simplest things; so much had changed.

JR had just assumed Minhyun was simply _sad_ about breaking up with Seongwoo, but considering what Minhyun had just revealed, there was a lot more to it that JR didn’t understand or know about.

As JR came to the realization that so much had changed, he was overcome with a sense of bitter loss and longing for the past when he and Minhyun was always on the same wavelength. Being apart for so long had been a great blow on the connection they had before.

Small wonder Minhyun didn’t want them to try again.

JR tried to understand though. He tried to hear from Minhyun and see what it was that was driving him away. Minhyun did not hold back anything, and he explained to JR with detail about what he was feeling and why he didn’t want another relationship.

JR learned that, since his break-up, Minhyun was reveling in self-hatred for how he had hurt the person who gave him too much of his time and energy. This was making him feel like he had no right to any kind of happiness with another person.

It was their first wholesome conversation since that night when JR confessed again and they decided to stay away from one another. It was a conversation where Minhyun really laid himself bare and revealed very profound insecurities. At that, JR switched from feeling like a rejected loser, to feeling like a leader and a friend who had to give Minhyun a confidence boost.

“You shouldn’t let regret get in the way of your future happiness, Minhyun,” JR said.

“It just feels wrong,” Minhyun hummed softly, lifting his gaze onto JR. “It feels wicked to move on so quickly, you know?”

“And you don’t have to move on quickly,” JR replied. “The right person will wait for you, however long you need.”

“Don’t wait for me anymore, Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun replied. “You’ve been waiting for far too long.”

“This is not about me, Minhyun,” JR said. “Our relationship aside, you have to stop doubting yourself and your character, and stop saying that you don’t deserve good things. If you think like that, you’ll be miserable for a very long time; trust me, _I_ would know.”

Minhyun listened to JR’s words with intent and admiration. He really needed to hear that.

“You always know the right things to say, JRie,” Minhyun told him. “Thank you.”

-

Baekho, Ren and Aron were all just outside the door, listening in eagerly on the conversation.

Baekho especially felt very frustrated with this situation. It was like fate was trying to find an excuse to keep the two destined lovers from becoming lovers, and Baekho _hated_ it. Why did Minhyun have to develop this insecurity _now_. He’s been a big-headed idiot (literally and figuratively) for as long as Baekho knew him, but suddenly, this break-up made him doubt himself and therefore put an end to any potential closure. It was frustrating to say the least.

He suddenly came up with this wild plan to maybe influence Minhyun into opening up his heart a little? Or at least to consider the possibility of doing so? There was one person who had the power to do that.

After practice, Baekho texted Seongwoo: “ _You know you made minhyun very insecure.”_

_“Who’s that? I don’t know a minhyoon,”_ he joked. Typical Seongwoo.

_“Very funny.”_

“ _But for real… what’s wrong with Minhyun???”_ Seongwoo replied, and even though it was just a text message, Baekho sensed that Seongwoo was genuinely very worried.

“ _He thinks he doesn’t deserve love or something like that. Doesn’t wanna get back with JR,”_ Baekho told him.

“ _How does that even make sense to his dumb, big head?”_

_“Can YOU talk to him?”_

_“Me? And tell him what???”_

_“That he should just go after his heart and stop overthinking shit and get back together with jr”_

_“lol. NO.”_

_“Why nottttt???”_ Baekho added a pouting emoji for good measure.

“ _Umm… because he’s my ex? And I still kinda have feelings for him? Because who would want to encourage their ex to date again?”_

_“Because it would make said ex happy. You still care about him, right? He’s been really down since the break-up, and I just think getting validation from you will give him the confidence boost he needs…”_

_“No. Sorry. I don’t owe him anything. I won’t sacrifice myself for him anymore.”_

_“Fair point,”_ Baekho replied _. “If not for Minhyun, do it for Jonghyun. Everyone likes Jonghyun. You have to admit the guy also suffered a lot…”_

_“Are you kidding? He kissed Minhyun when I was still dating him, and I still haven’t forgiven him for it. Sorry.”_

_“Fine. Then do it for me?”_ Baekho tried. “ _There’s nothing I want more than to see my friends happy and close again, and if you do this for me, I will be forever and ever grateful to you_ _J_ _”_

It took a moment for Seongwoo to respond to that one unlike the previous ones. And when he did, Baekho was pleased.

“ _ONLY for you.”_

-

Seongwoo sighed. It was hard enough to just talk to Minhyun let alone encourage him to pursue another lover. As he picked up his phone and was ready to dial Minhyun’s number, he half-wished he hadn’t fallen for Baekho’s woos and stood his ground. But whatever. If it was _that_ important to him.

Minhyun answered almost immediately after Seongwoo dialed the number. “ _Seongwoo_??” He sounded surprised, but pleased.

“Hey bighead,” Seongwoo muttered. “Heard you’ve been causing trouble.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Dude, why are you still single? You’re in love with a guy who loves you back. What the hell are you doing building barriers for yourself?”

“ _Did Baekho tell you? I’m going to kill him_.”

“Doesn’t matter who told me. The point is you’re being ridiculous and stupid right now. As soon as you hang up this phone call, I want you to go up to Jonghyun and tell him that you love him and kiss and do all that fun stuff, capiche?”

“ _Seongwoo…”_

“I know you can’t stop thinking about me. I’m fabulous after all,” he joked, “but seriously, if me and you didn’t work out, the _least_ you can do is have the decency to go for the second-best thing. If you don’t date Jonghyun, I will, so go get him before _I_ seduce him with my many charms.”

Minhyun laughed from the other end of the line, and Seongwoo realized how much he missed making Minhyun laugh.

“ _Thank you for calling me, Seongwoo. And I really appreciate what you’re doing, but…”_

“No buts. The time for butts has passed, and we are now nothing but platonic friends!”

Minhyun laughed again, and this time the laughter lasted longer, making Seongwoo smile even wider. Whenever Minhyun had laughed at Seongwoo’s jokes back when they were dating, he used to take that as a sign of hope for them, because if Minhyun laughed, it meant he was enjoying himself, and if he was enjoying himself, that meant there was a chance that maybe that enjoyment of being with Seongwoo would translate into loving him.

It never turned out that way, and hearing Minhyun laugh again was a bitter reminder of that.

“ _Are you doing well?”_ Minhyun asked after his laughter died down.

“Oh I’m doing wonderfully,” Seongwoo lied. “Found a new guy I’m sort of into. Sadly, he’s straight, but I’m going to test the waters just a little bit with him. Which reminds me… what kind of food does Dongho like???” It was meant to be a joke, but it appeared like Minhyun didn’t get that.

“ _What? You like Baekho?”_

“Yeah… you have a problem with it?” Seongwoo asked, playing along just to see how Minhyun would react to this. A part of him kind of hoped that Minhyun would be jealous and get angry.

“ _Really?”_ Minhyun asked incredulously.

“Yes? And what about it?” Seongwoo pushed.

“ _I’m just surprised,”_ Minhyun answered.

“I move on quick,” Seongwoo replied; it was a lie of course, because Seongwoo was _certainly_ not over the stupid bighead.

“ _Dongho likes frozen yogurt and hot dogs,”_ Minhyun answered finally, sounding strangely appeased considering what they were talking about.

Well, there goes the hope that Minhyun would sound jealous. At this point, Seongwoo considered telling Minhyun that it was a joke, but held back when he realized that this “joke” may have actually influenced Minhyun into feeling like it was okay for him to also move on.

“I’ll make a note of that. Thanks,” Seongwoo responded, deciding to let Minhyun believe it was true.

Seongwoo hung up the line shortly after. It was very difficult to encourage the ex-boyfriend he still loved to pursue another love interest, but he was glad that he did it. He wished Minhyun well. Even if the guy hurt him and played with his heart. He wanted Minhyun to be happy, and he hoped that the phone call helped.

He texted Dongho and told him that the job was done.

“ _Oh and by the way,”_ he added. _“I accidentally made Minhyun believe that I’m interested in you romantically and now he thinks I’m going to take you out for frozen yogurt and hot dogs_. _I didn’t tell him the truth, because it felt like Minhyun wanted to believe it.”_

“ _As long as he gets back together with Jonghyun, I don’t care what he believes,”_ was Dongho’s response.

“ _Great. Then I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7?”_ Seongwoo tried.

“ _????”_

“ _Come on!! We have to keep up the act, don’t we? And if it makes your hetero ass feel better: it’s a ‘no homo’ kind of date. Plus, you owe me.”_

“ _In that case, fine. See you tomorrow at 7.”_


	27. Chapter 27

“Where are you going?” Minhyun asked when he saw Baekho putting on his coat.

“To hang out with a friend,” Baekho replied.

Minhyun eyed Baekho curiously. “With Seongwoo, by any chance?”

“Yeah,” Baekho answered with a shrug.

Minhyun was still in quite a bit of shock about the whole thing. He still hadn’t even gotten quite used to the fact that the two were even friends for him to even to even think about Seongwoo _liking_ Baekho. It was weird to even consider.

When Seongwoo had told him about his new fondness for Baekho, Minhyun hadn’t really believed that Seongwoo was serious. He thought that maybe Seongwoo just wanted to make Minhyun believe that he had moved on from him.

But Baekho was actually going to hang out with Seongwoo today. Sure, it didn’t look like it was a ‘date’ per se (at least not according to Baekho, who was dressing up the same he dressed when hanging out with any of his friends). But Seongwoo had different intentions though…

Shortly after, someone knocked on the door, and Baekho went to open it. Curious, Minhyun also drew closer to the door to see. Seongwoo was there, all dressed up and happy, like he would be when he and Minhyun had gone on dates before they broke up.

When Baekho left with him, Minhyun watched them from the window. It did not bother him or anything; on the contrary, Minhyun like seeing them get along so well, and he actually felt very happy to see Seongwoo… happy. That was more than what Minhyun could say for himself since the break-up.

“Did Baekho leave?” came JR’s voice, knocking Minhyun out of his daze.

“Yeah,” Minhyun answered, turning from the window to talk to him. Like the hermit that he was, JR had just come out of his room to get a snack from the kitchen. His iPad with his paused anime was still in his hand, an his headphones were around his neck.

They were the only two in the dorm right now. As they had the day off, Ren was spending time with his family and Aron was at a party with his friends. Minhyun remembered how often they ended up alone way back before their fortune changed with Produce 101; as they were the only two who didn’t like going out, it was often the case that they spent such nights together at home.

Minhyun remembered how they would spend those times together: ordering take-out and watching a movie and playing video games in the living room. Such nights had often ended with them falling asleep in one another’s arms on the sofa, and Minki coming back from wherever he was and waking them up by yelling at them to keep their romantic skinship _out_ of the living room.

Minhyun smiled as the memories flooded him. He missed those days. Although they were now richer, more popular, and had hope in a sustained idol career ahead of them, Minhyun still wished he could go back to the time when things were so much simpler. Before Produce 101, before Wanna One, before they broke out as idols, and before they grew apart.

“Jonghyunnie,” Minhyun called out softly to the leader, who was still standing in front of the empty fridge for food.

“Yes?” JR asked as he closed the fridge.

“Want to watch a movie and order take-out?” he offered hopefully.

JR smiled, and that smile made Minhyun’s heart skip a beat. They both knew this was an attempt at going back to a long-lost past, and JR seemed more than willing to comply.

-

Neither Baekho nor Seongwoo really expected to enjoy this one-to-one man “date” (although Baekho absolutely refused to refer to it as such). But much to both their surprise, it was quite fun. The food was good, _and_ they ran into almost no paparazzi.

There was nothing particularly date-y about it, except for the fact that Seongwoo had dressed up like it was. That made Baekho just a little uncomfortable, and so he made him stop at a random shop to switch clothes.

“Come on. You’re overreacting!!” Seongwoo groaned as Baekho pushed him into the changing room.

“Nah man. You’re not going around all dressed up like this is a date, when it’s _strictly_ just two friends hanging out.”

“You made that very clear. I’m just a guy that enjoys fashion,” Seongwoo chimed as Baekho threw him a random pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to wear. “And _this_ is fashion terrorism,” Seongwoo hummed as he peered at the clothing that Baekho had picked out for him. The sweatpants were an ugly shade of green, and the T-shirt was oversized, orange, and had blue stripes. It was awful to even look at.

“Just get your ass in there and wear them,” Baekho nudged him, and Seongwoo reluctantly agreed. He would have gone around the shop more and picked something more appealing, but he was afraid that Baekho would find it too “gay” that they were shopping together.

To be honest though, Baekho wasn’t helping his “this is not a date” assertion, because he insisted on paying for the clothes himself when they brought the price tags to the counter. That was totally something a boyfriend would do, thought Seongwoo, but he decided not to comment. He didn’t want to make Baekho uncomfortable.

Besides that, they learned more about one another and Baekho let him listen to some of the demo songs he was working on to ask for input. And when Seongwoo gave his feedback, Baekho took the feedback very seriously, going as far as making notes of it on his phone.

“You’re very perceptive,” Baekho complimented him. “Not many people unfamiliar with music production would pick on these sounds you pointed out. You should think about learning music production. I think you’d be good at it.”

“Would you teach me?” Seongwoo flirted a little, inching his face closer. That earned him a flick on the forehead.

All in all, it was actually a fun date. The funnest date Seongwoo had had in a long time, which said a lot about his previous relationship. And for once, Seongwoo felt _content_ about his life and his relationship status. For once, he felt liberated. For once, he didn’t feel this overwhelming urge to have Minhyun back.

Maybe this “date” was the first step in letting go. Although it was pretty clear that it would not amount to anything more than subtle bromance, it was a good start to something new.

-

When Ren came back to the dorm that night, he scoffed in amusement at what he saw before him.

It was just like old times: on the sofa tangled up in on another’s arms like the obnoxiously touchy couple they used to be. There was a half-eaten pizza on the counter and a movie playing on the screen.

If this had been two years ago, Ren would have woken them up and yelled about the no boyfriend-type skinship rules in the “public” dorm spaces, but this time, he decided to let them be; perhaps they deserved to indulge in one another just a little after all of that drama. He turned off the television, covered them with a blanket, and retreated to his own bed.

He didn’t know what exactly was going on between them, and if this was just an attempt at restoring a long-lost friendship or if it was actually a stepping stone to towards being lovers again, but at this point, he didn’t care. It was a step in the right direction, whatever it was.

He hoped that JR would move back in to Minhyun’s room soon. He missed having his own room.

-

When he and Minhyun were still together, Seongwoo had spent a lot of time in the NU’EST dorm. Now, Seongwoo was spending a whole lot of time in the Pledis studio with Baekho and Bumzu.

He didn’t do much beside watch and comment when Baekho asked for his opinions, but he still enjoyed it because he frankly really enjoyed watching Baekho be so intrigued by his music software.

Maybe Seongwoo had a _little_ crush on him. It was awful because Baekho friend-zoned him very explicitly. So Seongwoo just had to shoo his feelings away when they came to bug him.

He distracted himself from those feeling with Daniel, who he face-timed at least once a week. Daniel was doing very well in Mississippi; he was happy and was already making friends, loving his non-celebrity life to no end.

At that point, it had been well over five months since the break-up with Minhyun. Kang Daniel leaving the idol industry became nothing but a headline for the annals of the past, and people had gotten over and moved past it.

“Can you come back now,” Seongwoo asked him once through face-time. “I desperately need a boyfriend now, and you’re like the only stress-free candidate.”

“ _Why do you NEED a boyfriend?”_

Seongwoo decided it wasn’t smart to tell the guy who loved him about his hopelessly-growing crush on Kang Dongho. “For some undisclosed reason.”

“ _Tell me!!!”_ Daniel insisted.

After a bit of back and forth and some begging on Daniel’s part, Seongwoo finally gave in and said: “I have a stupid crush on a straight guy who friend-zoned the hell out of me.” He decided not to specify which straight guy he was talking about.

Daniel just laughed at that, then said: “ _come on, this is not the determined, goal-driven Seongwoo I know. You’re the guy who seduced a whole ass Hwang Minhyun. If you can make Minhyun swerve from THE Kim Jonghyun, then you can certainly make a straight dude question his entire life._ ”

“Why are you encouraging to go aft… wait a minute,” he trailed off as he suddenly he suddenly noticed that something was suspicious in what Daniel said. “How the hell did you know about Jonghyun and Minhyun?”

Minhyun had been _very_ explicit with Seongwoo about this matter: don’t tell any member of Wanna One about the kind of relationship between him and Jonghyun. Jonghyun was a secretive person, which is why, no matter how much Minhyun ached to tell the other members of the band, he couldn’t as to not go against Jonghyun’s wishes. And so, no other Wanna One member ever found out, and Daniel sure as hell wasn’t supposed to know about it.

Daniel was evidently very nervous about the fact he exposed himself, and stuttered on the other end of the line as he tried to come up with an answer to that. Seongwoo used his discursive reasoning to come up with his own: “Dongho told you, didn’t he?”

_“No… I mean… he didn’t TELL me. I figured it out, and he kinda… HELPED me figure it out.”_

“If I tell Minhyun or Jonghyun about this, Dongho’s going to get his ass whipped.”

“ _Well you’re not going to tell them, right? You don’t even like them.”_

“I’m good with them, actually. It’s hard to hate Jonghyun, and even though I hate Minhyun because he’s my ex, but I also still love him so it all evens out in the end.”

Daniel just burst out laughing at that cynical humor. It was _so_ Seongwoo and encompassed everything that Daniel loved about him: his honesty, his shrewd humor, his commitment to others.

“ _I really love you, Ong,”_ he said after his laughter died down.

“I love you too, Kang,” Seongwoo replied humorously, but suddenly his mind pictured another Kang. This particular Kang was starting to creep into his thoughts way too much these days.

-

Things became better a lot quicker than JR expected they would. Since they talked and Minhyun revealed his insecurities and his fears, they gradually began to communicate more and more until that wall between them was down and they were _friends_ again.

And it was not the forced kind of friendship that JR had been deathly afraid of since they started communicating and talking more. It was a natural and gradual fallback into old time habits of making fun of one another, Minhyun nagging JR to clean up after himself, and joking around until they were both out of breath laughing, just like old times.

JR was satisfied with the way things were. Even if they were not ‘lovers,’ just being in one another’s lives like this was enough for him. On the contrary, putting a label to their relationship seemed like such a stressful thing, and JR was okay not taking that extra step if Minhyun didn’t want to.

JR did not know the state of Minhyun’s heart for him, but whatever it was, Minhyun always kept the associations platonic. But even in that case, not much was different from when they were together, because they had been “platonic” lovers after all.

But it was false to say that _nothing_ had changed. Even though they started communicating again, even though they started hugging and cuddling again, even though they opened to one another again… even though they started doing all the things they used to do before; there was still a feeling of inadequacy that was not there before.

Because JR _really_ wanted to kiss Minhyun now, unlike before. JR wanted to embrace a physical relationship with his member. JR wanted to give him the same kind of memories that Minhyun probably had with Seongwoo.

But he didn’t push for it. He kept the feelings in his heart and was willing to keep them there forever if that’s what Minhyun wished.

-

It was the night in which they won their first big award as NU’EST and not NU’EST W.

None of them really expected to expected to get emotional about that win: they had already became used to the popularity and the awards, and the win was predictable at that point. However, all five of them were overcome with a sense of finality to their breakthrough story, and it made them emotional.

They cried as they felt like their seven years of dreaming had finally paid off in that one night. It was _the_ night in which the waiting was over, the night where they could finally say they achieved success as NU’EST.

They went out to celebrate that night with meat and soju. The manager asked JR to make a statement, and JR, a little drunk and flustered, stood up and said: “I feel so genuinely happy right now. like nothing in the world could possibly make me happier. Thank you all for not giving up on NU’EST.” He bowed to the staff and to the members and then sat down to continue eating.

“I would like to say something too,” Minhyun announced from beside him. “I’m eternally grateful that you waited for me to celebrate this moment as NU’EST,” he eyed JR. “And I love you. So much.” The words were meant to be directed to the staff and all of his members, but Minhyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from JR as he said them.

“I love you too,” JR said, intently holding Minhyun’s gaze.

Maybe it was an aftereffect of the soju, or maybe it was just the overload of feelings taking control of Minhyun’s reflexes at the moment, but he couldn’t overcome the urge to take hold of JR’s collar and close the distance between their lips, right in the middle of the restaurant.

And JR didn’t care. He returned the kiss immediately, indulging in long-held desires without thinking twice about all the strange looks they were getting from staff who were very shocked right now.

Ren, Baekho, and Aron exchanged awkward glances, trying to decide what to do. The lovebirds were breaking every rule in the book right now, but no other member had the heart to interrupt their moment.

And they didn’t need to, because when the kiss came to a natural end and Minhyun parted from JR just enough to look into his dazed but happy eyes, he realized what he had done and pulled away from JR immediately, clearing his throat and going back to eating his meat like nothing happened.

The staff also pretended like nothing happened and carried on eating, dismissing it as some drunken mistake that had no basis in any legitimate romantic feelings for one another.

JR tried to hide his smile throughout the rest of the night. He was aware that they had just done something quite risky and stupid, but despite it all, he was so relieved. He was relieved to feel Minhyun kiss him like that, relieved to know that Minhyun wanted to.

-

When they left the restaurant that night and prepared to get in the van, Aron made sure that Minhyun and JR took the backseat. They needed to talk, and Aron was determined to have them talk sooner rather than later.

He told Baekho and Ren to pretend to be asleep as soon as the van started to move so that Minhyun and JR could feel like they have their privacy, and they all agreed, wanting the two to finally get together after months of tiresome pining. (Ren looked forward to finally getting his own room again).

That was why Aron, Ren and Baekho, with their eyes closed and pretending to be asleep, overheard everything that Minhyun and JR said to one another that night.

“What was that for?” JR whispered softly to Minhyun when he saw that the other members seemed be to asleep in the front seat.

“I don’t know,” Minhyun answered. “I just really wanted kiss you.”

JR smiled a little, shyly looking away as he gathered the courage to do something he wasn’t sure he should do: “I guess now is the right time for me to ask you to… to be my… my _boyfriend_.”

JR had never really used that word to characterize Minhyun before. Even when they were together, Minhyun was always his _lover,_ not his “boyfriend.” The word boyfriend had always been painfully awkward and had not captured the state of their relationship _at all_.

Now, JR wanted the connotations of that label to apply. He wanted them to have a youthful relationship of kissing, sex, adventures, and fun. But apart from that, he also wanted the connotation of being _lovers_ to apply, in which they maintain a connection so deep that neither could really imagine life without the other. He wanted Minhyun to be his boyfriend and his lover.

In response to JR’s question, Minhyun reached out for his leader’s hand and squeezed it. “Jonghyunnie, I don’t want to make the same mistakes as before. We don’t have to be ‘boyfriends’ if that’s not what you want from us. I don’t want you to feel like I need physical affection from you, because I really don’t. Just being with you, exactly as we are now, is more than enough for me.”

“But… but it’s not enough _for me_ ,” JR replied, slightly choked up and feeling frustrated that Minhyun didn’t know that. “Minhyun, I want _you_. All of you. In every way.”

Minhyun only smiled, squeezing the JR’s hand tighter and nodding, not sure what he should say.

Reluctantly, JR inched closer towards Minhyun and closed the distance between their lips again. Minhyun yielded and returned the kiss, softly moving his lips against Jonghyun’s. JR pulled back from kiss shortly after and said: “I’m ready to try this if you are.”

“I would love that,” Minhyun replied, and before long, they were kissing again, exploring one another’s mouths in a passionate indulgence which finally felt like closure. After years of pining and hurting and waiting, they were finally where they wanted to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there will be one more chapter left! Maybe two. We’ll see :)
> 
> ANYWAYS NU'BLE COMEBACK SOON I'M SO EXCITED
> 
> i'll try to get this story done before the comeback lol


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took long to update. Writer’s block drove me crazy + nu’est’s comeback kept me busy. But I FINALLY was able to write something after so much rewriting and reorganizing and pages and pages of deleted scenes lol
> 
> enjoy :)

JR and Minhyun were cute for the first day or two, but later they just got annoyingly cheesy, and so Ren had to lay some important ground rules.

“One: kissing _only_ in your room, and no make-out sounds please; the walls are too thin and I don’t want to hear your slimy spit-sharing. Two: no cuddling in public dorm spaces. Three: I don’t know if this will be a problem, but absolutely _no sex stuff_ in the dorm _at all_. No talking about it either. You want to get it on, do it without our knowledge,” he said with a wince. Aron and Baekho had to agree with the last part.

JR laughed it off awkwardly and Minhyun just bit his lower lip and conceded to Ren’s overbearing glare by agreeing to his rules.

But busy schedules had made it hard for JR and Minhyun to break Ren’s rules anyways, even if they wanted to. They barely ever had time alone, and so at one point, Minhyun suggested that they become roommates again, which JR instantly agreed to. (“FINALLY!” the maknae had yelled when JR broke the news to him.)

This meant they only had the nights to one another. Days were hectic with busy schedules when they were with staff and other members almost 99% of the time, but when the night fell and they were back in the dorm in the private space of their room, they indulged in one another for as much as they could given how tired they usually were. Usually that amounted to a kiss or two before falling asleep in one another’s arms. And when Minhyun woke up the following morning for their early schedules, he would softly kiss JR awake before moving on to wake the others.

Most of the time, it really wasn’t enough though, especially for Minhyun, who longed to have JR in his arms for longer. There was so much he wanted to tell him, so much he wanted to express that he couldn’t in the fleeting moments they had alone. The simple ‘I love you’ that was dropped in passing between schedules was not enough.

If this were Seongwoo, Minhyun would satisfy his longing by renting a love suite or a hotel room, but for some reason, it didn’t feel right to do that with JR. Minhyun was afraid that renting a love suite for them would pressure JR into doing things he didn’t want to do. He didn’t want to be suggestive or overbearing, so he reveled in their small moments, however insufficient they were.

-

Minhyun eventually figured out that Daniel knew the truth about his relationship with JR: when the Wanna One friends were catching up on the phone, Daniel, out of nowhere, asked: “how things were going with Jonghyun.” Minhyun immediately reasoned that this meant Daniel knew a lot more than Minhyun ever told him.

Minhyun thought through all the possibilities as to how Daniel could have found out, more specifically, _from whom_ Daniel found out. He came to suspect one person: Seongwoo. There was no other possible candidate.

Minhyun was really disappointed in that. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Daniel to know, but he had trusted Seongwoo not to tell anyone. It made him uncomfortable that Seongwoo would freely share that information without telling or consulting him.

He wondered if Seongwoo had told anyone else…

Minhyun was mostly distressed because he knew that JR would not like it. JR was a private person who liked to keep his relationship a carefully guarded secret, so much so that he was unnerved when Seongwoo found out. For JR, Daniel finding out would probably be no different.

“Daniel knows, by the way,” Minhyun admitted to JR that night. “About us.”

“What?” JR was surprised. “How?”

“Probably Seongwoo,” Minhyun answered with a shrug. “I’m sorry.”

At that, JR just smiled and said: “this is actually a good segue into something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Minhyun narrowed his eyes. “What?”

“Before, I was afraid of letting others know about us, even the people we trust, because back then I wasn’t exactly sure what we were,” JR said. “But now I am, and so I want people to know. Starting with our families.”

In response to that, Minhyun lunged forward and hugged him: “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said.

For years, Minhyun had hid his relationship from everyone he trusted because of JR. Because of the secrecy, their relationship had always felt like a fantasy that never actually existed outside of them, outside of the very small number of people who knew about them.

Perhaps that was part of the reason it was so easy for Seongwoo to convince him that they were brothers and not lovers, and the reason Minhyun felt so compelled to end it in its premature stages.

JR’s current decision told Minhyun that a lot had changed since that time.

This wasn’t just their own personal fantasy anymore. They were really _together_.

-

When NU’EST was granted a full week of break from activities and schedules, JR and Minhyun were finally able to do what they had discussed: tell their families.

Sure, they could have face-timed or texted them to break the news, but both Minhyun and JR recognized that the importance of doing it in person. The needed their families to understand how serious they were.

JR didn’t realize how nervous he would be about telling his family until he was in the car and on his way to do so. It suddenly hit him that they could potentially be very unhappy about it.

Minhyun didn’t look nearly as nervous. On the contrary, he seemed blithe as he drove their rental car down to JR’s hometown.

“Aren’t you nervous about your parents’ reaction?” JR asked him as he was driving.

“Not really. I’m sure they’ll be happy,” Minhyun replied, seeming _too_ confident about that.

“What makes you so sure? Isn’t your family Christian? Aren’t your parents kind of traditional?”

“Yes, but…” Minhyun trailed off. “I already came out to them,” he admitted. “They were… aware of Seongwoo.”

That felt like a slap on the face for JR. Until then, he was not aware that Minhyun’s family knew about Seongwoo, and he hadn’t even expected that they did. It was a little hurtful, because JR had been Minhyun’s lover for _so_ much longer than Seongwoo had, but Minhyun’s family only knew about Seongwoo.

It reminded JR of the bitter reality that Minhyun’s relationship with Seongwoo was so much more real than it had ever been with him. JR felt his heart grow heavy, but he tried to hide how it made him feel by asking a question in as normal a voice he could manage: “when did you tell them?”

“About a year ago, when Wanna One had a concert in Busan. He had dinner with my family and we told them. I was very nervous back then, but they were surprisingly supportive. They said we suited one another and…” Minhyun stopped when he turned his head towards JR and realized that the words were hurting him. “Jonghyunnie…”

Minhyun always knew when something was disturbing JR. No matter how good JR was at hiding his true emotions, no matter how much time passed, no matter how much had changed, Minhyun could always tell when something was not right with him.

“You don’t like it when I talk about Seongwoo, do you?” Minhyun asked.

“Please don’t think like that. I don’t want you to feel like I’m preventing you from sharing your memories with him,” JR answered.

“I won’t talk about him anymore,” Minhyun decided. “Now smile please?”

JR offered a weak smile, but he was still not in a particularly good mood. In addition to the nervous jitters he had at the prospect of coming out to his family, he felt self-conscious of himself next to Seongwoo, and guilty for making Minhyun feel like he had to shut out all the pleasant memories with his ex.

-

JR made a conscious decision to suppress his sour mood and instead try to enjoy their holiday together. The first thing he did to help him feel better is just stare at Minhyun.

The thing about going on a road trip together was that Minhyun had to keep his eyes on the road and concentrate. Although they were finally alone after such a long time, there was only so much they could do with Minhyun’s mind and body focused on driving.

At one point, JR felt this overwhelming urge to kiss him. Staring at Minhyun’s perfect face and body for such a long time was bound to incite some need for intimacy that he couldn’t get with Minhyun driving.

He decided to do something he sometimes saw in the special animes he occasionally watched. He reached his hand and put it over Minhyun’s thigh.

The action startled Minhyun just a little, for he looked down on JR’s hand on his thigh and chuckled.

“What?” Minhyun asked, trying to stay engrossed by the road in front of him. JR could see the blush on Minhyun’s cheek, and it encouraged JR to rub his thighs just a little bit.

At this point, Minhyun had to remove one hand from the wheel to take JR’s hand and gently place it back at JR’s side.

Minhyun was still blushing when he explained: “I’m not the kind of person who can drive when he’s being touched like this. Trust me, for our safety you probably shouldn’t do that.”

Maybe if Minhyun had said it a little differently, JR would have found it funny and teased him about it. However, Minhyun had implied that he was touched while driving before, and it was easy to figure out _who_ had given Minhyun that experience.

The earlier sour mood from before was restored, and this time, it was worse than before, because he realized that Minhyun has had many intimate first-time experiences with someone other than him.

It felt like no matter what JR did, Minhyun would have probably already done the same thing with someone else, and that bothered him.

-

That night should have felt perfect.

Minhyun and JR arrived safely at JR’s parents’ home. When they revealed that they were dating, his parents were so supportive that it made JR cry out of relief.

But even though that was a happy occasion, JR still went to sleep with a glum feeling in his heart.

“Are you okay?” Minhyun whispered into JR’s ear after he climbed into the bed behind him.

“I am,” JR hummed, making space for Minhyun.

“You’re not,” Minhyun whispered as he kissed his boyfriend’s head. “I know you’re not.”

JR nestled against Minhyun, not denying it, but also not confirming it.

“I don’t want to talk and wake people up,” Minhyun whispered, “so we’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

“Okay,” JR promised.

-

When morning came, there was no time to talk. Whether it was JR’s mother asking Minhyun to help her set the table or JR’s father asking his son to go out and buy ingredients from the market, JR’s family had always kept them occupied.

JR and Minhyun did not complain. Even when more of JR’s extended family and family friends came to meet them, bringing daughters who were big fans of NU’EST or Wanna One, they held their polite smiles and did everything that JR’s expected of them.

And Minhyun hated it. He realized that they were only two days into their trip, and he hadn’t even kissed JR once. They barely even talked, and JR seemed to be upset by something that Minhyun did not have the opportunity to talk to him about.

As much as he enjoyed bonding with JR’s family, he needed alone time with his boyfriend.

Minhyun then realized with dread that, after they leave Gangwon and head to Busan to meet his own family, it would be the same; there would be no privacy.

Thankfully, after dinner, JR told his parents that he wanted to take Minhyun downtown to show him around. Even though his mother complained saying she wanted to spend every moment with him while she could, JR insisted and said it would only take a few hours.

“I’m sorry my family is so… overbearing,” JR said when they were out of the house and alone.

At this point, Minhyun could only feel was relieved that he finally had JR to himself and they could finally _talk_.

“Now tell me, what’s been bothering you since yesterday?” Minhyun asked as they strolled through the streets.

If this were two years ago, JR would have probably laughed it off and said it was nothing for fear of worrying his boyfriend; he was the kind of person who kept things inside his heart after all. However, he made a conscious decision to be different with Minhyun. Resolving to be completely transparent with him, JR wanted to avoid miscommunication with Minhyun, because it was miscommunication that made them drift apart in the first place.

And so, he opened up to Minhyun about his irrational jealousy of Seongwoo for stealing the experiences that should have belonged to him. Seongwoo was the person for whom Minhyun came out to his parents, but it should have been himself. Seongwoo was also the person who made Minhyun realize that he couldn’t drive while being touched, and that should have been JR too.

What other experiences further down the line would Seongwoo also have stolen from him?

Minhyun listened to JR’s concerns as they walked aimlessly through the residential streets of Gangwon. When JR finished spewing his heart out, Minhyun suddenly took both sides of JR’s head in his hands and kissed him straight on the lips, right in the middle of the street.

“Minhyun!” JR groaned, madly blushing and putting his hand over his flushed cheeks, “what if someone saw us?”

“This is the _first_ time I ever kiss someone in the streets,” Minhyun said with a shrug.

JR smiled and bit his lower lip, shyly looking toward the ground.

Minhyun then took JR’s hand. “And you should know that things feel very different when you do them with someone you love. They feel like first times, no matter how many times you’ve done them before,” Minhyun said. “And I _love_ you, Jonghyun.”

It was the perfect response, and JR’s mood was instantly lifted.

They spent the rest of that afternoon on their own little date, with JR showing him local cafes and shops, reminiscing childhood memories he had of the place.

It was during that date when JR felt like something needed to change. This was the kind of stuff he should be doing on his holiday, not meeting the teenage daughters of his parents’ friends.

“Let’s leave tomorrow morning. To Busan,” JR suggested as they were heading back home.

“What?” Minhyun asked, narrowing his eyes. They had planned at least two more days there before they headed to Busan, where they were to spend the remainder of their holiday with Minhyun’s family.

“If you’re okay with this: we can go to Busan, spend a day at your house, and then rent a room at a resort for the rest of the week,” JR offered as a meek suggestion. “What do you think?”

Needless to say, Minhyun was thrilled.

-

The days they spent at the resort had completely transformed their relationship. Everything that happened felt completely new to JR. Despite having dated for so long before, this was the first time he felt this kind of connection with his lover.

JR initially thought he knew everything there was to know about Minhyun, but in this trip, he was discovering something new every day. Like JR didn’t know that Minhyun’s ear were sensitive and that kissing and biting them made Minhyun squirm. JR didn’t know that Minhyun liked not being in control when he was in the arms of a lover. JR didn’t know that Minhyun liked being carried.

JR came realize that there were a lot of things that people hide from everyone around them. Even your closest friends can wear masks in front of you and hide important parts of themselves. Those true faces only show in the presence of a lover who decides to lay him or herself completely bare in front of you, as Minhyun and JR did toward one another.

There was still so much left to explore. And as JR gradually came to unlock the secrets of Minhyun’s body, it would sometimes occur to him that Seongwoo was probably the first to figure them out.

Seongwoo crept into JR’s thoughts quite often no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. JR didn’t understand why he was being so petty and ridiculous, but it was frustrating that he couldn’t control that toxic jealousy at all.

He wasn’t usually like that; only Minhyun could make him feel like that.

JR did not hide those thoughts from Minhyun. He was ashamed of them, but remained adamant in his decision to let Minhyun knows everything about him, even the worst of him.

“Did you ever cook for him?” JR asked one day when Minhyun decided he wanted to cook their dinner that night.

“I did,” Minhyun answered honestly. “But I burnt the food and ended up spending the night cleaning. And that date night ended up badly, to be honest.”

“Why?” JR asked.

“Because he saw my burnt chicken, laughed at me, and told me he loved me…”

“And that’s bad because… ?”

“Because I could never say it back,” Minhyun answered. “And it hurt him.”

“Oh.”

“That’s why Seongwoo and I never found fulfillment with each other. Even though we did a lot of fun and exciting things, Seongwoo wanted a part of me that always belonged to you,” Minhyun confessed.

JR blushed a little (which he felt bad about, because it felt like he was enjoying another person’s pain).

“To me, ot’s funny you’re always so self-conscious and worried about Seongwoo,” Minhyun said. “Because there’s absolutely nothing for you to worry about, JR. Because I love you. And I can honestly say that you’re the only person in the world for whom I’ve ever experienced that.”

JR felt peaceful and content when he heard those words from Minhyun’s mouth. He stood on his tip toes and kissed Minhyun’s cheeks to express his appreciation and delight in what Minhyun had just confesed.

Minhyun used that proximity to his advantage and took JR’s lips in his own.

It was in the middle of that kiss that they smelt something burning and frenziedly separated.

Minhyun turned off the oven, groaning when he opened it and saw the two burnt chicken breasts that he had been carefully preparing.

“ _Not again_ ,” Minhyun moaned as he waved away the smoke away and pouted.

“Cooking just isn’t for you,” JR laughed.

Minhyun looked so cute, JR thought as Minhyun immediately began to clean up the mess he made. Typical Minhyun to never let a mess stay a mess for too long.

Poor Minhyun looked genuinely upset as he cleaned. Minhyun was someone who rarely made mistakes, and when he did, he looked like a puppy who lost his sense of direction. With a pout on his lips and an unhappy twinkle in his eye, Minhyun always looked cute when he messed up.

Small wonder Seongwoo told Minhyun he loved him after Minhyun burned his food back then.

“I love you,” JR told Minhyun, overcome with a sense of wholehearted endearment for his lover.

Those words changed Minhyun’s pout into a smile. He looked up from the pan he was cleaning to catch JR’s eyes: “I love you too,” he replied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be ONE more chapter (which is almost done!), BUT this is the end of the 2hyun part of the story. The next chapter will focus on other characters, so if you’re only here for 2hyun, you can stop reading at this point ^^
> 
> If you won’t continue, I just want to say thank you for reading all the way until here <3


	29. Chapter 29

The next time Seongwoo came to observe Baekho’s music production sessions, Baekho decided to tell him.

“Minhyun and Jonghyun are back together,” he said. “I thought you should know.”

“Took them long enough,” Seongwoo scoffed, trying to conceal how the news really made him feel (namely jealous, frustrated, angry and resentful).

“Thanks for your help,” Baekho said. “I know you probably still have feelings for him, and it wasn’t easy for you to talk Minhyun into it. I’m very grateful.”

“Well yeah, you should be,” Seongwoo mumbled. “Because it’s hard to know Minhyun’s doing well with someone he really loves, meanwhile I’m on standby mode with Daniel.”

“If you don’t want to be on standby mode, then go find another dude,” Baekho told him. “Daniel doesn’t expect you to wait for him, you know.”

“Yeah? As if it’s that easy. Why don’t you go find me a nice, single gay man to date?”

“I know someone actually. A friend of mine. I could set you up, if you want.”

That intrigued Seongwoo: “Is he hot?”

Baekho took out his phone, scrolled through a bunch of pictures, and stopped at one and showed it to Seongwoo. “That’s him.”

It was a picture of Dongho with some other guy who was probably the candidate in question. Seongwoo didn’t really pay much attention to that guy, because it was Dongho who looked awfully attractive in that picture.

“He really is hot,” Seongwoo noted. “I would love to date him, but I don’t think he’d be interested.”

“What makes you say that?” Baekho said. “I’m sure he’d be thrilled.”

“Well, I can try, but I 100% think he’ll turn me down...”

“Try it. I’ll give you his phone numb–”

“Go out with me,” Seongwoo cut him off.

“What? No, I wasn’t talking about me…”

“Well, I am. Please go out with me,” Seongwoo asked again.

Baekho just laughed and shook his head, seemingly dismissing it as one of Seongwoo’s jokes, which sucked for Seongwoo because this was one of the very few times in which he wasn’t joking.

“Here’s the thing, I’ve had a massive crush on you for a while now,” he confessed just to show Dongho that he was being dead serious right now. “I like you a lot, Dongho, and I just wonder if we can like… try? Come on… I kind of single-handedly saved NU’EST from internal dissolution when I did you a favor and told Minhyun he could go after Jonghyun. Didn’t that soften your heart for me just a little bit?” He joked. If this was going to end in rejection, he hoped that Dongho would at least let him down on a lighthearted note.

“Look, I’m flattered, really, but you already know that it’s not my thing.”

“I get it,” Seongwoo said with a sigh, not wanting to push it anymore. Dongho had made himself all too clear at this point.

Embarrassed by the rejection, Seongwoo decided he didn’t want to stay any longer. He excused himself and left, feeling like such a fool for even thinking there was a chance.

As he left, he ran into Minhyun and Jonghyun. That made him feel even worse. Refusing to even meet Minhyun’s eye, he dashed out.

At this point, he felt like he just wanted to erase all of NU’EST from his life completely. He couldn’t even look at Minhyun, and he didn’t know how he was going to face Baekho anymore now that he humiliated himself in front of him.

Unfortunately, it seemed like his wish would not be granted, because one look at his schedule told him that he had a show recording with Baekho in two days and another in a week. Stupid fangirl shippers and their fantasies and their love of OngBaek that gave the two too many schedules together.

It was at that point that Seongwoo realized it wasn’t just the fangirls who had their fantasies– that he, too, was just as guilty of indulging in his own unrealistic hopes. He was guilty of reading all the fanfiction about him and Dongho and was guilty of being deluded into thinking that maybe Dongho would cave.

He realized that he had totally lost touch with reality when it came to both Minhyun and Dongho. He became uncharacteristically senseless and stupid.

From the very beginning, he had been setting himself up for disappointment with the people he chose to pursue. From Minhyun who was in love with another guy, to Dongho who was as straight as they come. Even Daniel wasn’t an option, because he was so far away.

He wanted to stop hurting himself. He wanted to stop going after silly fantasies of dating and romance. He wanted to go back to being the goal-driven, perceptive person that he was before NU’EST came into his life.

And so it was in the taxi back to his dorm that he came to the decision that he didn’t want to pursue a relationship anymore.

And it was also in the taxi back to his dorm that he received a text message from Dongho saying: “Okay, I’ll go on a date with you. Come over at eight on Wednesday. Dress nice.”

-

Seongwoo did come at eight on Wednesday, but only to make a statement. He had already decided to forget about Dongho, and all he needed was to set that straight with Dongho himself.

He did not dress like this was a date, because it wasn’t. To make that as clear as possible, Seongwoo chose to wear the green sweatpants and orange, oversized T-shirt with blue stripes, the clothes that Dongho bought him on their “first date” or outing or whatever that was.

When Seongwoo rung the doorbell of the NU’EST dorm, it was Minhyun who opened the door, much to Seongwoo’s discomfort. The truth was that Minhyun still made his heart skip a beat, and the fact that Seongwoo looked so damn embarrassing right now didn’t help.

When Minhyun saw him there, he offered a small smile to greet him. It was one of those smiles he offered as a form of courtesy and not because he was actually happy to see him. These days, Minhyun never seemed happy to see him.

Seongwoo had long accepted the fact that his relationship with Minhyun was spoiled forever. They were the typical “exes” who could never really stand to see one another for too long and could never be friends again. Their interactions would never amount to anything more than polite greetings and smiles in one another’s directions.

For Seongwoo, who still loved and cherished Minhyun immensely, it hurt to think that what they had was gone forever because of a love relationship gone bad.

“Is… uhh… Baekho here?” Seongwoo asked.

“Yeah, I think he’s getting ready. Come in,” Minhyun opened the door and beckoned him inside.

Seongwoo did come, and when he did, he realized that he hadn’t been inside the NU’EST dorm since the break-up. He used to come a lot to see Minhyun, even going as far as to spend nights there on the living room sofa. Ever since breaking up, he never had a reason to come inside. The nostalgia of his romance with Minhyun hit him hard and he felt heavy-hearted and sad.

“Seongwoo, there was something I was meaning to ask you actually,” Minhyun began, and Seongwoo looked up toward Minhyun hopefully. He didn’t know what he was expecting Minhyun to say, but just the fact that his Minhyun wanted to tell him something made him feel happy.

“Yeah?”

“Were you the one who… who told Daniel about me and JR?” Minhyun asked, and Seongwoo felt his heart break a little bit. Minhyun really didn’t trust him at all, did he? After everything, Minhyun really thought that Seongwoo would tell Daniel their secrets?

Seongwoo knew the person who actually did the telling; it was Dongho, but Minhyun didn’t seem to suspect that all. Perhaps it would be best, thought Seongwoo, to just take the blame and spare Dongho the confrontation and all the potential fights. It was not like Seongwoo needed to keep Minhyun’s trust anymore anyways.

“Yeah, it was me,” Seongwoo lied. “Sorry…”

Minhyun let out a sigh, the kind of sigh that he let out when he was disappointed. Seongwoo hated hearing that sigh, because he hated the thought of Minhyun being disappointed in him.

“Thank you for your honesty,” Minhyun said. “Did you tell anyone else?”

“I didn’t,” Seongwoo promised. “Just Daniel.”

“Why did you tell him?” Minhyun asked, which stumped Seongwoo.

“I just… felt like it,” he managed.

“It was important to me that you kept it a secret. I didn’t think you were the kind of person to break promises.”

Seongwoo didn’t want to respond, because if he did, he was afraid that he would burst into tears right in front of him. He hated being accused of something he didn’t do, especially by a person who took up such a big part of his heart. Screw you, Minhyun. Why don’t you trust me more?

Seongwoo was very thankful that the following silence between them didn’t drag out for too long, because Dongho came out of his room.

“Oh Seongwoo, you’re here,” he said cheerfully.

Seongwoo turned to look at Dongho and felt his heart stop again. God, why did he have to look so good? Why did he have to dress so nice?

He was in button up white shirt with the first two buttons undone. His sleeves were up just below his elbow, just enough to reveal the tiger tattoo on his forearm. His hair was slicked back and he even smelled of cologne.

“What are you wearing?” Baekho laughed when he saw Seongwoo’s disastrous outfit.

“I…” Seongwoo was at a loss for words, but Baekho kept laughing.

“Come on, let’s go. We’ll stop at store on our way and fix you up,” he said, and suddenly came closer to fix the strands of Seongwoo’s hair.

Minhyun looked between the two curiously. He didn’t quite understand what was going on, but he did know that Baekho was dressed up for a date, and Seongwoo was clearly surprised about that. Not to mention the unnecessary skinship.

Baekho took Seongwoo’s arm and dragged him out of the dorm, Minhyun just watching them. When Baekho and Seongwoo were out of Minhyun’s earshot, Baekho asked: “so… did I do well?”

“What?” Seongwoo asked, still quite dazed and confused.

“Did you see the look on Minhyun’s face?” Baekho laughed. “He was so confused!”

“I’m confused too, you know!” Seongwoo groaned.

“I was doing you a favor, making Minhyun think you’ve moved on. I could tell that talking to him was distressing you. You still have feelings for him, don’t you?”

Seongwoo really didn’t need Baekho to be all nice to him right now. And he most certainly did not want to talk about his stupid feelings for a man that was far out of reach. “Thank you for saving me from that conversation,” Seongwoo muttered. “And I want to make it clear that I don’t want you to go on a date with me. I’m sorry for ever suggesting it; I was stupid for going after a straight guy.”

“So I dressed up all nice for nothing?” Dongho groaned. “Nah man, let this be an actual date, and we can decide where we stand by the end of it.”

“I know you only agreed because you feel sorry for me…”

“Honestly, it was that, plus my own personal desire to have an adventure,” Baekho shrugged. “I like trying new things.”

If there’s one thing that Seongwoo learned while watching Dongho make music is that he was indeed a person that was unafraid of trying new things. He often ventures into unfamiliar musical territory and is open to experimenting with new sounds. It made sense that this experimental outlook could apply in his dating and relationships life…

No, Seongwoo told himself. He wasn’t going to give himself hope and set himself up for disappointment again.

“Please, Baekho. If this is just a game to you, I want to end this right now before it ends in regret and gives me false hope. Let’s just be friends and not risk ruining that. I already ruined everything with Minhyun…” his voice cracked at the mention of Minhyun, much to Seongwoo’s embarrassment. He hated how vulnerable he always appeared to Dongho.

“Fair enough,” Baekho nodded. “This isn’t a date, and our relationship won’t amount to anything,” he stated. “But I’m still dressed to go out and so I want to go out. You can join me if you want, or I can drop you at Fantagio and ask Hello Venus’s Lime to join me inst–”

“I’ll join you,” Seongwoo cut him off.

Now that Baekho had made it very clear where they stood, Seongwoo felt at peace spending time with his friend. To be honest, he did need to get his mind off of Minhyun, and he figured that this non-date with Dongho will help him a lot.

-

They were bound to run into fangirls who recognized them sooner or later, especially since Baekho’s partly exposed tattoo screamed ‘I AM KANG BAEKHO.’ Being out alone together didn’t really help the impression that they were “just friends” like both their companies wanted to maintain, and it appeared like Baekho was visibly uncomfortable with the people following them.

“Let’s get back in the car,” Baekho suggested when he saw a few girls taking photos of them in the place they decided to get down. Seongwoo agreed.

“What’s a place we can go where people won’t recognize us,” Baekho asked as he drove away. “I really don’t want another scandal.”

“If only you dressed better,” Seongwoo scoffed. “Did you really think that no one would recognize you when you have that tiger peeking through your sleeves?”

Baekho sighed and began to unroll his sleeves to cover his tattoo.

“Wait… don’t do that,” Seongwoo stopped him.

“What?” Baekho asked, narrowing his eyes at him. “Why not?”

“Because…” Seongwoo mumbled embarrassedly, “I like it better this way.”

Baekho smiled and nodded his head. He left his sleeves up, just like Seongwoo liked it.

“When did you get the tattoo, by the way?” Seongwoo asked in an attempt to make conversation.

“Late 2013,” Baekho answered. “I have a lot more by the way…”

Seongwoo laughed. It was funny to him that Dongho thought he didn’t know that. “I know,” he said.

“How?”

“Come on Dongho, you must have seen all the NSFW fanart of us online…”

Baekho burst out laughing and nodded, “of course. But none of the fanart showed tattoos on you though. Are the fans right about that?”

Seongwoo laughed and said, “they’re actually right. I don’t have any tattoo, but I’s always wanted one.”

“Really? Perfect, then I know where we’re going.”

“What? No. You’re not going to take me to a tattoo parlor,” he said with a scoff.

“I am. Where do you want your tattoo?”

“Dongho, I’m wild, but not that wild.”

“You see, that’s a problem,” Baekho said. “You aren’t wild enough, Seongwoo. You’re kind of like Minhyun, uptight and likes to stick to routines…”

“I am not like Minhyun,” Seongwoo replied, partially offended at the accusation that he is anything like that methodic, boring and uninspired stickler for rules and schedules.

“Prove it. Get a tattoo. Today.”

“My company would kill me.”

“They’ll get over it. Mine did eventually.”

“Still no. I don’t even know what I want!”

“It doesn’t have to be something big. It’s can just be a small icon or something that has a significant meaning to you. Think about it, what is something that means a lot to you? Something that you believe you’ll cherish permanently, no matter how much time passes?”

Seongwoo took a moment to think, and literally, only one thing came to his mind: that methodic, boring and uninspired stickler for rules and schedules. “Minhyun.”

“Come on!” Baekho groaned, clearly not happy with that answer.

“Maybe I can tattoo a fox on my shoulder or something. Or maybe that COMME DES GARCONS heart.”

“Think of something else,” he said with a frown. “We’ll be there in ten minutes.”

“You’re really going to make me do this?” Seongwoo asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yes,” Baekho said.

Seongwoo smiled. For some reason, he felt strangely gratified as Baekho drove his car. Baekho was pushing all of his boundaries with that whimsical spontaneity that Minhyun had lacked.

Stop falling so hard for Kang Dongho, he had to remind himself. He’s off limits.

In the ten minutes before Baekho parked his car at a tattoo parlor, Seongwoo really did try to think of something, a tattoo that he wanted that would have special significance to him in the long-run, but nothing came to mind. Literally, the only thing on his mind that he thought he loved enough to tattoo on his body was Minhyun.

“So, did you think of something?” Baekho asked after parking.

“Honestly, no. I need more time,” Seongwoo said, feeling bad for ruining the spontaneity of it all and proving Baekho right that he was indeed a boring person.

Dongho looked like he expected that. “I think I have an idea about what you can put–”

“Great, I want that,” Seongwoo said quickly. “Tattoo whatever it is on my back.”

“Don’t you want to hear the idea first?” Baekho asked with an amused laugh.

“Nope. Surprise me,” Seongwoo told him with a flirty wink that made Baekho laugh again.

“You’re giving me the power to permanently mark your body with whatever I want? Are you sure?” Baekho asked, smiling mischievously.

The look on his face made Seongwoo a little nervous, honestly, but he gulped it in. “Yes,” Seongwoo replied to Dongho, trying to appear confident. “Are you impressed by my bold spontaneity?”

“Honestly? I am,” Baekho replied, smiling.

That made Seongwoo stupidly happy, because he knew he was only going through with this because he wanted to prove to Dongho that he wasn’t boring. That he could be wild and spontaneous too. That he wasn’t like Minhyun.

And it worked, because Baekho was truly pleasantly surprised.

Baekho didn’t expect that Seongwoo would agree to get a tattoo in the first place let alone let someone else decide his tattoo for him. It was daring and adventurous, and Baekho really liked that. Maybe Seongwoo was more fun than Baekho thought after all. Maybe he wasn’t like Minhyun.

-

The experience was a bit strange for Seongwoo. For one, he hated exposing his body in front of people he didn’t know very well, and suddenly he was shirtless in front of the tattoo artist and Dongho. It was just weird.

Seongwoo had to sit down with his back bent forward, his front side leaning against the back of a chair as both Dongho and the artist hovered above him. He felt Dongho’s fingers ghost over his bare skin to indicate to the artist where he wanted the tattoo, and Seongwoo felt a little too excited about that touch. It was silly, really. He was going to tattoo his body permanently and all he could think about was Dongho’s fingers on his back.

Dongho’s finger only lasted a second through, as they were soon replaced with the tattoo artist’s hand who did the artwork quickly and quietly.

The tattoo only took about 20 minutes, and was a lot less painful than Seongwoo expected. It was only after it was done that he became nervous about what it actually was.

What if he didn’t like it? It was stuck on his body for life.

“I personally think it looks good,” Baekho commented, his eyes poring holes into his back. He then let a finger over Seongwoo’s back again, “It says ‘I love Baekho,’” he voiced, his finger stroking the small area on his back as if he were pointing at words that the tattoo had spelled.

“I’d literally kill you if that were true,” Seongwoo stood up, nudging Baekho’s finger off his back and rubbing the soar skin.

“Oh no, I better hide then,” Baekho joked as Seongwoo anxiously trudged toward the mirror to see what it was.

When he did, he froze.

It was an hourglass.

Baekho watched Seongwoo’s expression carefully as he examined the tattoo for the first time. Seongwoo looked surprised but that expression slowly faded into one of gratification and pride. He smiled and admired it for a good minute and said: “I love it.”

The image resonated with Seongwoo in ways that probably no other symbol would have. “Hourglass” was the title of the song he had promoted with Daehwi while he was still a member of Wanna One. It was a project that he was very proud of, and a song with lyrics that meant a lot to him. The hourglass was a symbol of time running out, and it reminded him of the importance of living in the moment and enjoying the now while he can, because nothing lasted forever.

And it was perfect. In every way.

How Dongho was able to think of this baffled Seongwoo. How did Dongho know how much the song meant to him? How did Dongho know that he needed to be reminded of its message now more than ever before?

Since the breakup with Minhyun, Seongwoo had been dwelling on the past too much. He’d been reading their past text messages, looking at their pictures and videos together, and never moving on. It had been way too long since he had done something fun and interesting, too long since he had lived in the moment.

“I’m relieved you like it,” Baekho said, letting out a small sigh of relief. “I was afraid you’d think I messed up your body or something...”

Seongwoo admired the tattoo, and the more he looked at it and reveled in how absolutely perfect it was, the harder he fell for the person who made it possible for him. The person who gave him the tattoo and the person who made him live the spontaneity that it promotes.

“I hate this,” Seongwoo mumbled.

“What? I thought you loved it?” Dongho replied, suddenly looking nervous.

“I do,” Seongwoo muttered. “But I hate what it’s making me feel. I don’t want to fall for you, but you’re making it very difficult, and I hate it.”

He didn’t know why he had to say it out loud and make things weird, but he did, and things got weird. Dongho just laughed it off awkwardly and left Seongwoo alone in the room to look at the tattoo, which Seongwoo couldn’t stop looking at anyway. When Seongwoo was done, he put on his oversized orange shirt and left the room, only to see Dongho paying at the cashier.

“What are you doing?” Seongwoo asked as Dongho put in his card’s pin number.

“Consider it a gift,” Baekho said as the payment was being processed.

This was totally something a boyfriend would do, Seongwoo thought and felt regretful. This was probably the best gift he had ever received on the best “date” he had ever been on in his entire life, and it was not even a date. Seongwoo vowed to never go on another one of these stupid “non-dates” with Dongho ever again. It was not good for his heart and only set him up for disappointment.

As Dongho went into the driver’s seat, Seongwoo debated with himself about whether he should ride with him again or take a taxi back home. He really wanted to cut this short before things got even more awkward. Or worse: before Seongwoo fell for him even more.

In the end, he begrudgingly decided to get in the passenger seat, because he wanted to properly express his gratitude before leaving. Just leaving seemed a bit ungrateful given everything that Baekho had done.

“Thank you so much for this,” Seongwoo told Dongho when they were in the car. “Really, truly, sincerely, actually, thank you,” Seongwoo said in a partly joking voice just to lighten the sudden tension that lingered between them since Seongwoo’s outburst. “But I think it’s best for me… for both of us…. if we separate now. I would appreciate if you could drop me off at my dorm. Hello Venus is like right next door. You can go eat with Lime or something.”

Dongho looked pensive. It appeared like he had a lot on his mind and didn’t quite process what Seongwoo had told him. He looked toward Seongwoo and said: “I feel a bit… inspired now. You did something new in the spur of the moment and ended up liking it. I think it’s my turn to do something like that too.”

And suddenly, without any warning, Baekho lunged forward from his seat and closed the distance between their lips.

For a moment, Seongwoo froze, and his brain did that thing where he tried to rationalize what was happening. Dongho probably had something to drink when his tattoo was being drawn, Seongwoo thought. This was nothing but an aftereffect of that, right?

But then another part of his brain yelled at him to just kiss him back, and Seongwoo listened to that voice instantly. Whether Dongho was under the influence of something or not, he was kissing him, and Seongwoo wanted that kiss to last.

Seongwoo brought his hand to the back of Dongho’s neck, bringing him closer and closer and deepening the kiss before Dongho had any chance to change his mind. Dongho accepted it from Seongwoo without holding back at all.

Seconds later, a few pedestrians walked by, causing both of them to abruptly pull back and sit upright in their chairs, both breathless and desperately wanting to kiss again.

When the pedestrians were out of sight, Seongwoo cleared his throat and Baekho took a deep breath, avoiding Seongwoo’s eyes.

“Drive,” Seongwoo managed to say. “And if you want to stop somewhere where no one can see us, I wouldn’t mind.”

Dongho smiled shyly and nodded his head, turning on the car and shifting the gear.

-

Baekho didn’t quite understand why he was making out with his best friend’s ex in the backseat of his car, but he knew that he liked it.

It had been way too long since he kissed anyone like this. The last time was probably over two years ago when NU’EST was struggling and Baekho tried to distract himself from his fragile career by dates that were rarely ever fulfilling,

Since Produce 101 and NU’EST’s reversal, however, Baekho had not had much time for girls or dating. Focused on making music and advancing his accelerating career, he had long missed how it felt to have someone’s lips against his own, their breaths mingling and the heat between their bodies growing. It was definitely satisfying, something that Baekho didn’t know he needed right now. The fact it was a guy against his lips didn’t matter at all.

It was only when things got too hot that Baekho felt that maybe this spontaneous adventure was way too wild, and that he had to restrain himself a little bit.

“I think we should stop now,” Baekho managed, parting from Seongwoo and making space between them. “This is…”

“A mistake?” Seongwoo speculated, the words coming through his heavy breaths.

“No,” Baekho said. “This is… too fast.”

“And I’m confused,” Seongwoo uttered. “Aren’t you… straight?”

“Not as straight as I thought, clearly,” Baekho said, and Seongwoo could have sworn he saw Baekho look at his lips even under the dim lamplight of the empty parking lot they were in.

“What does that even mean?” Seongwoo asked.

“Look… I…. I don’t know, Seongwoo,” Baekho managed to say.

“I don’t want to be another experiment. Please don’t give me hope if there is none. Just tell me to forget this ever happened, and I will, but don’t drag me into something that’s going to end like Minhyun did.”

Baekho was silent for a while, and in that silence, Seongwoo realized that the making out was just a “spur of the moment,” and there was no hope.

“I would suggest friends with benefits,” Seongwoo added to fill the silence, “but I think I like you too much for that to work.”

“And of course I don’t want that either,” Baekho said. “Plus I’m not the kind of guy who says sentimental things, so if you want me to tell you that I actually really like you, I won’t, even if I actually do. But I will say this: I care about my friends and would never do anything they would not approve. And this between us… it’s complicated. You’re still Minhyun’s ex and the person that Daniel has feelings for. I probably broke every rule in the book by kissing you right now.”

Seongwoo caught on to that peculiar confession, and smiled a bit. He was thankful it was dark and Baekho couldn’t see him blush.

“So what now?” Seongwoo asked.

Baekho sighed and said: “from my side, I would need a day or two to figure that out. How long would it take you?”

“Why are you even asking that? You already know I like you.”

“Yes but you’re also in love with one of my members. That’s pretty serious if you ask me, so it looks like you also have a few things to figure out as well.”

“So what? No matter what I feel, it’s long over between me and that person.”

“Need I remind you that Minhyun was also in love with JR when he started stuff with you? I don’t want to be your rebound guy, and you need to think about whether or not I will be.”

Seongwoo realized that Baekho was surprisingly wise. He had a sense for people that you wouldn’t really expect someone like that to have.

During Produce 101, Seongwoo had been startled at the amount of love the trainees had for Dongho. He wasn’t the most likeable person on the show: he was gruff, blunt, and not really very sociable. Still, anyone who ever ended up on his team somehow warmed up to him, and now Seongwoo was starting to understand why: Dongho just got people and understood what was going on in their minds and hearts and acted with them accordingly.

Seongwoo’s mind and heart were still brimming with Minhyun, and Dongho was right to say that he needed to re-evaluate a lot of things before going into anything.

It was a silent drive back to Seongwoo’s dorm. It was too awkward to say anything after all the kissing they did in the back seat. Plus, both of them had a lot to think about.

Baekho was thinking about how he was going to break it to Minhyun, and Seongwoo was thinking about whether he was actually ready to move on.

When they finally arrived at Seongwoo’s dorm, he took off his seatbelt, and contemplated what he should say to Baekho.

“Look,” he began, “whatever you decide, whatever both of us decide, whatever happens…. it wouldn’t change the fact that I had the greatest time tonight, and I am truly, really, very grateful to you for everything. So... yeah. Just… thank you.” Reluctantly he leaned forward to kiss his date’s cheek. He hurried out of the car embarrassedly before he could see Baekho’s reaction to it.

Seongwoo hoped that Baekho blushed.

If he had looked back, he would have seen that Baekho did.

-

“Can I date Seongwoo?”

Daniel narrowed his eyes at the message from Baekho. He had to double-check the name just to make sure he read it right. There was no mistake; Kang Dongho was asking him if he could date Seongwoo… ?

“Is this a joke?” Daniel asked.

“It’s not.”

“Dude…”

“Dude what?”

“Seriously???”

“Yes.”

“I NEED CONTEXT. YOU CAN’T JUST ASK ME THAT QUESTION WITHOUT CONTEXT.”

“Fine. Context is that he asked me on a date and I said yes because I felt sorry for him but then I actually had fun and we ended up making out in the backseat and now I just want to know if it’s ethical to continue to date him and I feel like I need your okay.”

That took Daniel off guard. He took a moment to read and reread that message, which exuded of Baekho’s typical blunt, bitter honesty that Daniel appreciated but now felt cornered by.

“So... ?” Baekho texted when Daniel took more than a minute to reply.

Daniel didn’t know what to feel. He knew that Seongwoo was having feelings for a straight guy, but he had failed to consider that Baekho was that straight guy. It felt… weird.

Baekho continued: “Look, I know you’re shocked. Trust me, I’m having trouble wrapping my head around it too. Right now, I’m a little bit confused, so if you tell me that you’re madly in love with him and that you’ll be upset if I date him, I probably won’t go for it.”

“How can I say that? Go ahead. If you like each other, you should. Who am I to stop you?” Daniel managed to type, only because it felt like the right thing to say. Whether his feelings aligned with “the right thing to say” was actually kind of difficult to gauge at this point, because he was still trying to process.

And Daniel tried to process. As he walked through his university campus and imagined his two friends in that kind of relationship, he felt so disconnected from the world he left behind. The world of celebrity; the world that had Seongwoo and Baekho and all of his friends from whom he’d been growing quite distant.

Memories of Seongwoo made him feel fondness beyond compare, but Seongwoo was now far away and had other passions to pursue, passions that existed within his own world. And it was unfair for Daniel to hope that he didn’t.

Daniel was the one who chose to leave that world, and with that, he had perhaps lost his chance to actually embrace something that now was presenting itself to Baekho.

It almost felt unfair: for years, Daniel had suffered with his feelings for Seongwoo, longing for something more between them that never amounted to anything. On the contrary, those passions drove a wedge between him and the person he loved. Meanwhile, Baekho, on a spontaneous date, was able to get something that Daniel had been craving for so long.

He had to let it go. Even though it made his insides churn and his heart feel like it was combusting, he needed to focus on the present. That present included making it to his Macro-Economics lecture on time. And studying for that mid-term he had tomorrow. And getting his friend Juan a birthday gift.

He had no time to worry about what his friends in Korea were doing.

With a heavy heart, he resolved to accept whatever happens. Even if it meant that he lost something very precious, it was a price that he had to pay for the simple life he was now living, a life which he found so much more fulfilling.

-

Now that Daniel had given his approval, Baekho now had to confront the real deal.

He didn’t know how exactly he was going to do that. He felt embarrassed just telling Minhyun that he kind of liked his ex-boyfriend and wanted his permission to ask him out, but he knew he had to do it. He couldn’t make the next move with Seongwoo without Minhyun’s approval first.

He didn’t know what to expect from Minhyun at all. He could see it going both ways: Minhyun could be supportive and encouraging, and he could also be disappointed. After all, wasn’t it like an unspoken rule between friends that they shouldn’t fraternize with the exes?

“Put away your phone and give me your full, undivided attention,” Baekho said to Minhyun.

Minhyun put his phone to the side and turned to Baekho curiously.

“What would you say if, hypothetically, I wanted to date your ex-boyfriend?” Baekho asked. He realized in that moment that he was hoping for a particular answer from Minhyun; he actually very badly wanted Minhyun to approve.

Minhyun narrowed his eyes. He was only slightly surprised, but he understood what was going on. “He charmed you, didn’t he?”

Baekho scoffed. He wasn’t going to admit that to Minhyun. (But yes, you could put it that way…)

“I’ve been charmed by him before,” Minhyun replied, surprisingly unfazed by the entire situation, which Baekho thought was a good sign. “But…”

Oh no.

And so, Hwang Minhyun went into a full-fledged report assessing Ong Seongwoo as a romantic partner. From all the good things to all the flaws, Minhyun left no stone unturned. To be honest, Baekho wasn’t interested in this: he didn’t want to know that Seongwoo preferred a different toilet paper orientation or that he didn’t take his vitamins or that he had way too much body hair. He just wanted Minhyun to say “okay, sure. Go ahead!” but no… Count on Minhyun to talk way too much.

One thing that Minhyun said was that Seongwoo was “mostly trustworthy, but if you separate, he could betray your trust. When we broke up, Seongwoo told Daniel about my relationship with Jonghyun and…”

“Wait… what? No he didn’t. I did!”

“What? You told Daniel?” Minhyun asked, confused.

“Yes! A long time ago…”

Minhyun narrowed his eyes. “But Seongwoo confessed himself…”

And so Baekho came clean himself, telling Minhyun about how Daniel came to find out from their many gym sessions together. This was, of course, proceeded by a lot of scolding on Minhyun’s part, which for once, Baekho thought was well-deserved. Not only did he kind of spill a secret he wasn’t supposed to spill, but he also implicated Seongwoo into this mess.

-

Seongwoo received a phone call from Dongho that night, which made him a little anxious yet happy.

Since their date, Dongho was all that Seongwoo could think about it. Every time he remembers their first kiss and the way they both took to the backseat to indulge in one another, he was reduced to a pile of mush and giggles. Dongho had really made him into a love-struck teenage girl, didn’t he?

He picked up the phone almost immediately, anxious about what Dongho would tell him, but also looking forward to hearing his voice.

“Ya! Why did you lie to Minhyun?”

“What???”

“According to him, YOU told Daniel about him and Jonghyun???”

“Oh… right. That.”

“What the hell was that about?”

“I wanted to spare you the confrontation, so I took the blame. Plus, I don’t need to keep Minhyun’s trust, but you do… so I thought it would be better if he thought I did it.”

“Stupid,” Baekho mumbled. “Anyways, I told him the truth, and he wants to apologize to you and say that he feels so bad for accusing you. Says he’ll call you later to apologize, and wants to make sure you’ll pick up.”

“Sure, I’ll pick up,” Seongwoo said.

“I’ll tell him that. And one more thing… I made my decision.”

Seongwoo felt his nerves rage and his body stiffen.

“Both Daniel and Minhyun gave me the green light, so there’s nothing holding me back. I’m ready if you are,” Baekho said.

Seongwoo froze. Baekho seemed to be waiting for a reply, but Seongwoo was tongue-tied.

“Anyways, we have a recording together tomorrow. We’ll talk more then, I guess. Bye.” And he hung up.

Seongwoo put his phone down, eyes still wide with disbelief. Was this actually happening? It felt too good to be true.

His head was in the clouds, and he only snapped out of it for a second when his phone rang again, and this time, it was Minhyun calling him to apologize.

And for the first time, Seongwoo’s heart didn’t skip a beat seeing Minhyun’s name as caller ID. For the first time, Seongwoo felt completely and utterly detached from his former lover’s voice. For the first time, Minhyun triggered absolutely nothing in him, thoughts of him drowned out by his how enchanted he felt by Kang Dongho.

Dongho had come to his decision, and now, so did Seongwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok its over now. PHEW...  
> thank you all for reading this far!
> 
> Honestly, this story was kind of a pain to write lol. Idk how it was to read, but for me, at one point, I was just trying really hard to squeeze the ideas from my head and it just felt dragged out and all-round frustrating. But I finished it,.yayy
> 
> Anyways, I might delete it later because I’m not that proud of it. But I am proud I pulled through and managed to finish it!
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me all these angsty and drawn-out chapters!
> 
> I might write another nu’est fic, 2hyun or otherwise, but for now im just gonna take a break and spend time reading other fanfics to help improve my own writing~
> 
> Anyways, BYE for now! And thank you again for reading this far ^^


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